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Finally finished season 3 and I have many many thoughts but for now…so did they just allude to possible OCD Max with that light switch compulsion??? Cause like it would be very plausible for her character in my opinion idk. The MANG group dynamic shift and seeing Max get isolated is interesting to watch play out and I have a lot to say there too but like did no one else catch that?

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I'M SORRY did they give Maxine ocd?? (not angry, more like just really surprised) like the light switch and then the "Wrong. Everyone I love will die" and having to flip the light switch again, like that's intrusive thought + compulsion. Was this intentional? Are the writers aware that this is an ocd thing???

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No one gives a shit how I feel as long as I'm being quiet about it and aren't annoying them with my feelings.

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the worst part about ocd and ocd-like tendencies is that you think hyper-analyzing your thoughts and constantly psychoanalyzing yourself will fix you but that's actually part of the disorder. it's the disorder. disordering.

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Being this suicidal should be a crime.

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Collect shitty knives and used lighters. Carry one of each in your pocket, they’ll come in handy. Straight up who’s gonna stop you now? Pick up a balisong and learn some tricks, it’ll be so sick when you can show them to someone you really like later. Same with zippos, play around and see if you can flick it in a unique way, and make it muscle memory. Throw your keys and some useful shit on a carabiner and put it on your belt. Wallet chains too, you can’t deny how sick they are. Fuck, hop on a skateboard, the impact of the ground becomes cathartic when you remember what it’s all for. Listen to lots of music and develop lots of opinions on it, before you know it you’ll have a back catalogue of shit to talk to people about, and then you’ll suddenly be someone who has sick recommendations. You can also just be a bit of a hooligan, climb shit, jump on it, have so much visible, mischievous fun that it’s contagious. Wear really shitty smudgy makeup and OWN it, it’s so hot. Shoulder check your pals and smile at them cheekily, make special handshakes with them, doesn’t matter if you have “your boys”, play with whoever is near, don’t wait til it’s perfect and the time is right

You can just start doing stuff whenever you want

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sh recov / harm reduction tips for those of us who are in the trenches and may be considering recov or trying to get there one day

⭐️ some people can't just throw away their sh tools and that's okay, but what i suggest is if you don't already to keep them in a hard to get to place so that you can reduce how often you may try to sh

⭐️ try to limit how often you relapse but dont put too much pressure on yourself because it may stress you out worse, id suggest slowly relapsing less by spacing them out more over time.

example: every day -> every other day -> twice a week -> once a week.. etc you get the point, if you cant stop cold turkey then try to reduce how frequently you sh because its just like any other addiction out there.

⭐️ keep in mind it takes about 3 weeks to make a habit, when going fully clean its really rough for those first few weeks but it wont stay that way, that isnt to say you wont have some bad days but it wont be every second.

⭐️ avoid buying new sh tools and new blades, if you plan to reduce or recover then stick with what you have so that you wont automatically have a new tool to hurt yourself with.

⭐️ if you burn yourself or you sh for pain specifically i suggest using (skin safe!) hot wax because it still hurts like hell when it hits the skin. usually these are used for like kink purposes but that also makes it easier to find in a way.

⭐️ for people who cut or need to see blood, some alternatives that work are using red food dye and applying it to something thats pointed but cant actually cut you and dragging it across your skin. another thing thats out there that provides both pain and blood without injury are sh pens! its hard to find these due to the internet censoring things however on platforms like tiktok using slight censorship in search like "self hrm recovery pen" will likely bring you to some results that could help.

⭐️ if you're broke like me or a minor etc and cant purchase tools online to help, id suggest using household items like thumbtacks for harm reduction. something that personally helps me is actually making fake wounds that are like.. actually fake and not real. to do this without any professional products use thin layers of liquid glue as your base and shape it like a wound, and use paint / makeup / whatever you've got. if you have sensitive skin this will probably make you itchy or poses a risk for a skin reaction so do be wary of that. when removing it should just peel right off as long as its fully dry, just be sure to wash the area afterwards.

⭐️ other reduction tips are the typical things people will say to do, surround yourself with friends and safe people if you can. surround yourself with safe items and things that make you feel comfortable and avoid triggers to your best ability. if you seriously are trying to recover please delete tumblr as consuming sh content will trigger you back into it fast.

if anyone has questions about specific circumstances or situations my ask box is open <3

recovery isnt easy but i really hope this helps somebody out there who may be considering getting better.

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i’m so fucking done lying to people like i just want to tell them that they’re all fucking annoying and yeah i hate myself but at least i’m not as pathetic as they are fuck off

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ok i’m curious, for folks with bpd (traits) who have read the new TBDATE book, what did you think of the bpd rep

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backshots this, backshots that, i would like to be taken out back and shot

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Dear younger self,

you stupid fucking cunt.

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me: huh, i have this problem, i wonder if i can find any resources to help support me!

google: 7 ways to KILL a person with this evil manipulative abuser trait! how to know if someone you know has this trait and is LEECHING off of you and SECRETLY ABUSING you! remember that people with this trait are EVIL and SUBHUMAN and UNWORTHY OF ANYTHING GOOD!!!

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consider: intrusive thoughts described like shitty Buzzfeed articles

“Top 10 Reasons Why You’re Actually a Pedophile”

“People Are Sharing the Best Slurs to Scream at the Top of Your Lungs and Honestly I Am So Here For It”

“Tell Me Your Favorite Color and I’ll Tell You You Can Jump In Front of A Moving Train Right Now”

“You’ve Heard of [Normal Activity], But Have You Heard of All the Horrible Ways You Can Die While Doing It???!!”

“This Quiz Will RevealWhich Hand You Could Hypothetically Stick in a Blender!”

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One of the main problems around people with personality disorders (particularly cluster B), psychotic disorders, OSDD/DID/other CDDs or other stigmatised mental conditions is, well... Everything we do gets put back onto our disorder. Every fault, every misstep, every mistake is used as proof to say that the stigma of us all being horrible people is right.

We can say "not everyone with x disorder harms people, and in fact we're more likely to BE harmed and abused than we are to hurt others" as much as we like--and of course, that's a true statement. But the moment someone with a stigmatised mental illness does something wrong, it's "of course you'd do xyz, you're a narcissist" or "checks out with the psychosis".

Someone with ASPD could cut someone off for any valid reason, but anyone else could spin it into "yeah, that's sociopaths for you". Someone with psychosis could wrongfully accuse someone of something and without being given a chance to apologise, suddenly it's "this is why we don't trust delusional people like you" and you're discredited from here on out. Someone with DID could genuinely forget that their alter had an argument with someone and be trying to sort it out, but no one wants to hear that something was forgotten in the amnesia, so and all they get is "see, people with DID just blame everything on their alters".

People with stigmatised disorders are just like anyone else. They're not evil or uniquely capable of harm, but that also means they're not incapable of making mistakes. Everyone is entitled to their own limits but I think people need to be more aware that disabled people can make genuine mistakes and one slip up or argument doesn't mean that pwNPD is secretly manipulating you. Sometimes people are manipulative and you need to be able to tell the difference--just like neurotypicals, disabled people can be abusive. But blaming mistakes or even genuine malice on someone's disorder does nothing but harm a marginalised group of people. If you wouldn't say "of course you would, you're neurotypical" to someone abusing someone else or if that wouldn't make sense to you, why would you do it to disabled people?

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one of my least favorite internet psychologist appropriations is the concept of intrusive thoughts.

intrusive thoughts are on the OCD spectrum. they are pervasive and harmful, and extremely tiring to deal with. it’s actively fighting your subconscious, your brain against itself.

I have no other way to describe it, other than verbal tics that I’ve developed, as unconscious reactions to negative intrusive thoughts. Sometimes I’ll break out into a whistle. I say “don’t” or “why” out loud, literally chastising myself. It makes me feel out of control of both my body and mind, and it’s exhausting. there is no “letting the intrusive thoughts win”, because they’re always winning, all of the time.

Having the random idea to like, pull a school fire alarm, is not an intrusive thought.

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the worst part about ocd and ocd-like tendencies is that you think hyper-analyzing your thoughts and constantly psychoanalyzing yourself will fix you but that's actually part of the disorder. it's the disorder. disordering.

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The thought of death brings me so much peace.