badlybruisedandused

[badlybruisedandused]

Hey guys, if I end up Dead I am Letting you know that this crackhead has been stalking and harassing me ever since she decided to vandalize my Lexus Ls460 over a fucking parking spot, and she has been relentlessly harassing us…. The police told me I had enough for a protection order but the judge said I did not so she denied it. She escalates day by day and also has had no repercussions for the malicious vandalism. She keeps laughing because she knows she got away with it. We’re still waiting for the court date on that but there is a docket number now. However;

She chose not to listen to the police when they told her to leave me alone. Since the judge denied the protection order the cops can’t “force her” to stop harassing us, if she doesn’t want to listen she’s an adult who doesn’t have to listen without the protection order I guess. I’m really scared. Please pray for my protection because I can’t do anything to protect myself and I don’t have a gun. When I was going to get my LTC after I moved to this town the detective that taught the course decided to blow his head off in front of his wife with his own gun and then we didn’t even have a class after that for like 2-3 years or some shit like that. Now with all of this going on I’m pretty sure it’s too late for me to even bother trying to get my ltc or ccp. Also my taser is dead and I can’t find the charger. So every single day I live in fear and my chest tightens up every time she sends me a text

[badlybruisedandused]

This is my third time in my life I am going through pill withdrawal. Let me tell you, it is awful.

My skin is ice fucking cold, but clammy and drenched. My armpits are drenched. My butt crack is sweating. I’m shaking,,,,, 

I’m so restless, cant’ even get the strength to take a shower. Already toook two naps today. 

Shitting, which definitely is not like me as I am always constipated.

It’s been like 60 hours since I’ve had a pain pill, maybe more. 

current pain level = 8

[badlybruisedandused]

Very thankful that my boyfriend is so kind to me when I have mental breakdowns. I've been having a tough time lately and my anxiety has been through the roof and he's still so loving and respectful to me and can calm me down. I don't know how he puts up with me, but I appreciate it.

[badlybruisedandused]

This fucking sucks. This is pathetic . I am done

[badlybruisedandused]

Birthday

I spent most of my birthday alone. Somebody did offer to take me out to lunch, so I wouldn’t have to be alone the entire day, and I went. I also charged a very expensive hair appointment to my VISA card and went and got treated at the salon. Then I worked. Nobody could give two shits that it was my birthday. I tried not to cry to much. The night before my birthday at like 1 AM the owner of my club gave me a bottle of champagne for free because i wasn't making any money. Then I worked on Friday (my 22nd’ birthday) 

Made about 200 dollars after tip out. 8 hours of work......for 200 dollars. I am so tired of this all.

Then after work I came home and went to bed alone.

I cried and cried and cried because we weren’t spending our birthdays together. 

[badlybruisedandused]

Recovery

Recovery is the hardest thing next to being lonely. Trying to recover from the things that destroyed me is an accomplishment in itself, yet still devastating. How is one supposed to recover from things that any normal person can not even start to imagine? I ask myself this question a lot. How? How am I supposed to move on from this? My recovery has been long and gruesome and i’m tired of it. I’m tired of it all. I don’t want to be here anymore. I can’t do it. At what point does recovery start to become worth it? IS any of this worth anything?

No.