badpunning

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ppl who celebrate fictional character birthdays are annoying pass it on

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i really do fucking love the train. i sit it goes we arrive etc

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i love the mental image of the nova au btw. necromancer gideon getting into an argument with you and doing her boisterous annoying shit talking about how she could explode your spine out of your back with a snap of her fingers (doubtful), and you're just about to call her bluff when you notice that her little yappy dog of a cavalier is standing just behind her giving you the most intimidating look you have ever seen in your life. this five-foot-nothing coil of lean muscle with a sword is looking at you like she's trained her entire life to kill you specifically. she is looking at you like she's wondering what your jugular tastes like. she is looking at you like she's already bested the devil in single combat so just imagine how completely unconcerned she is about her ability to put so many new holes in you your soul is going to sink to the bottom of the river in minutes. her necromancer appears completely unaware that she's even in the room.

you politely end the conversation.

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jessies girl is obviously about sublimated homosexual desire but stacys mom is sincere in its heterosexuality

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palamedes sextus deserves to have a tequila cocktail and get a little fruity at the club, but what does he get? exploded. among other things.

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divorce themed restaurant menu

dessert: CUSTARDy Battle

yeah that's all i've got so far sorry

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i was at an event last night in california and i went to the bar to order wine bc wine was like, a thing, and i looked at the menu and saw i was completely out of my depth bc idk any wine names, so i turned to my right and there was a man in a gorgeous suit standing at the bar beside me and i said “do you know anything about wine?” and he said “a little, yes!” i told him i liked white and dry wines and asked if he’d order for me. he asked the server for two glasses and had one poured for each of us and then he clinked his glass on mine but he didn’t take a sip, he just watched me taste mine and then he asked what i thought and i said “it’s pretty good, but like i said, i wouldn’t know.” he laughed and told me to have a good time & i walked away. fifteen minutes later i found out he’s the winemaker.

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8 years later and that coming of age film with a killer demon clown still has some kick to it

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Mutual to mutual communication

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(talking to my buddy about some weaving we just saw) the warp was decent. but can we talk about the weft?

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show me another funny picture im not driving tonight

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guillermo del toro’s pinocchio is a beautiful film but my god no one has adapted that story like neverafter. you can never look at it the same way again after listening to lou wilson, a black man, explaining that he chose to play as pinocchio because it’s a story about a little boy who isn’t allowed to make mistakes. that in pinocchio's story, he is fundamentally barred from childhood at once upon a time. he must earn something that everyone else is granted from birth. the other boys get to tell lies and play and get into trouble, but when pinocchio does the same thing there are grave and violent consequences. his pinocchio is trying to understand why the world is so unfair, why the rules are so different for him, why everyone else gets to be a real boy.

and I think about it every day.

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might seem like a harmless quirk but once you start typing in exclusively lowercase you can never capitalize anything again outside the designated midsentence Gay Emphasis Zones or anyone following you for longer than a week will think you’re about to commit murder

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but your honour thats my emotional support word i overuse