Mal 💭 19 💭 they/them 💭 aroace agender, call me a triple threat 💭 icon: @spooky-jims-roundup 💭 I follow from @spaceisours
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UPDATE: so it did! And I am very upset :)
So anyway my college is probably going to close because of the c*ronav*rus so what's up with yall
#im happy to be home cuz i missed all my friends that are here#but i cant go back to living how i did before college#i cant go back to using the wrong name and pronouns#i cant live with my father#i cant be stuck in this much clutter 24/7#i cant be away from the people who know me as well as the people on campus do#im actually able to ve myself on campus#im sick of hiding everythkng from my family in order tl not be kicked out#i keel crying about it#like i feel dumb for crying and i feel bad because i do love and miss my friends here#but its about so much more than that#i hace a different life back on campus that im able to live freely without the limitations my parents and preconceptions have placed on me#i just#im finally happy#for the first time in my life#and its being taken away from me#anyway#im fine#i promise#personal
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So anyway my college is probably going to close because of the c*ronav*rus so what's up with yall
#i wont know for sure til Thursday but like#its probably gonna happen#this feels surreal#mal: *disappears for months at a time only to reappear with news of plague and danger*#personal
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there's nothing like listening to slowtown and going through the five stages of grief in the span of five minutes
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It really is one of those sleepless nights huh
#:/#is it because im overthinking everything today?#is it because i had caffeine this morning for the first time in awhile?#is it because im excited for tomorrow?#is it because ive had to pee twice in the last hour?#its probably#all of those#me: tries to sleep cuz its midnight and i have to wake up at 6:30#my brain: ohoho would you care for some self-doubt?#what about a large portion of overanalyzing your recent thought patterns#and newly developed behaviors?#we also have a side of the lingering fear that you dont truly know yourself#more than the context of youre trying to discover your passions in life#but that you truly dont know what traits define your personality#because you change yourself so flippantly depending on who youre around#and what traits best merge with theirs#so you have no idea who you really organically are#and even worse youre afraid that the traits youve always been sure#are definitely parts of your personality -#- youre loyal n kind n analytical n dumb sure but thats ok because you mean well -#arent actually how you are but how youve tricked to yourself into believing you are#when really youre selfish and mean and rude and hypocritical and bitchy and a dick#it's#a time#personal
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brush yer teeth, joshua
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The eternal struggle is: am I actually not qualified for this or do I just believe I'm not because I think so lowly of myself
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these two 🥺
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I have a really bad ear infection in my left ear and my brain is dissociating the left half of my body ONLY and this is uhhhh a wild experience I never thought I'd live through
#dissociation is wild#i have chronic pain due to my skeletal disorder#so im used to pain-related dissociation#but its usually full body#this is just left side#and its#boy howdy#personal
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Soooo are we ever gonna talk about how tyler made his fictional mind battlefield a theocracy or am I just gonna have to do it myself
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happy birthday to vessel (january 8, 2013)
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