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How can one even put it into words.

I have never been so weak for anyone or anything. I didn't think it was possible for me to love you even more. To be curious about you even more. I really meant it when I said our love can do anything we want it to. It feels like with each day passing I resonate with those words even more. It feels like our love has no limit. It brings us higher and higher, as if I could reach up and touch the moon with my finger tips.

[bbadtripp]

Czeslaw Milosz, New and Collected Poems: 1931-2001

[bbadtripp]

My Love,

We've seen each other through different chapters of our lives and have always had this spark between us. As time passes by, we've come to experience and explore this spark together. Sharing many moments together, dancing to music together, doing nothing together, and talking about anything and everything till we pass out as the sun comes out.

I feel like we're pretty lucky that despite all the time between these different chapters in our lives, we still managed to hold onto our connection. Something tells me that we both knew something was there between us. Just not quite sure if it was necessary to have us try to define it.

You have always been one of the most interesting people I know. I can allow myself to be a child when I'm with you. Yet at times feel a sophisticated understanding of one another. You make me laugh to no end, and you are so uniquely and perfectly you. You have been a safe place to me for so long and I feel like I've had a piece of you in me ever since. I can't help but naturally lean in and completely immerse myself in a life with you in it.

and trust me when I say, it feels so damn good.

These days it's easy to fall into a daydream with the way you have fueled so much love in me, for you and for myself. You have always charmed me with the little ways you made feel loved and important. It's been such a pleasure getting closer to you and seeing and feeling you in ways I never have before. All the while, you still have me craving for more.

My sweet love, there is a fire in my heart that illuminates my world and burns just for you.

[bbadtripp]

That 40 min walk to nowhere particular Will save your life

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It's fun to talk to him.

It's like he sees

me more when im me.

It almost puts pressure on me to not switch up on him. But most of all not switch up on me.

I have this different sense of security knowing he loves me as a friend.

This I knew before, when we were, "friends".

But knowing the taste of eachother kiss was the saliva, that sealed our fate.

Feelings grow deeper.

He keeps my mind busy. Replaying the glimpses of him as I look up from his pillow.

His eyes change, they're gentle. They're sweet.

Who did I just uncover? I know him. But he feels different.

I roll over onto his chest and press my lips against his and then gently against his closed eye lids.

And he always likes it when I do that.

I can tell because after, there is an iridescence in the look of his gaze when he opens them again.

I think of this. All the time when I want to be close.

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Best Friend Turned Lover

I really never even thought that I could, or that I would end up with my best friend. But its not in the way I would typically be "with someone". He knows me, in certain ways. Ways that it takes years to know. His presence is so familiar so comforting. His arms around me, in these moments, feels so right, yet i'm afraid.

How could I let my best friend have the ability to hurt me for the first time in 8 years. Do I love him? I've allowed him a power over me, I've outrightly handed it over to him. Why? How? Has he always been there in my mind? Had this idea been laying asleep only my subconscious mind knew about? Maybe I thought about love in the moments where we listened to music till 4:00 AM. He always had the best taste in music and I always respected that. We would connect over music all the time and always liked what he put on. Of course I would always tell him that, in case he forgot. Or maybe I thought about loving him when he talked to me down about problems I had in my life with my dad, or my ex that I was secretly not over. He always made things so simple. He always made me feel so protected and cared for.

He was always so different. Could it all be an illusions? I'm projecting beauty onto him. I honestl7y can't be so sure. He's been there for me without asking for anything in return. But now, I can't even manage to handle the idea... What if I lose my best friend. What If I lose him to the tragedy of "better to have love and lost than to not love at all" My love for Cameron should be farrrrr from the mess of what I think "Love" is. Please not him.

He's like one of the purest and simplest forms of love I have. The thought of possibly (probably) tarnishing it... scares me from me. What do I do? Because I just can't keep myself away from him. The more that I try, the more I think about him. The more I try to please him...

How can I love cam the way we deserve to share our love. I've let myself fall into an obsessive infatuation all while loving him for him. The duality of this has a thin line and It's hard not to spill over. How can I be stable? How can I handle this love, this fear, this vulnerability. It makes me crazy.

To myself from myself. Don't destroy what you have selflessly built with someone you love. Let love be love. Love does not own. Love does not boast. Love just is, and it, IS, just so beautiful. Our love that we make, I can feel it without words. By the way you look at me. Inside your heart is my friend. I fall into your gaze, and we meet in this special place where we only have the keys to wonder inside. Inside this place we make magic happen and hearts heal. Things seem possible and futures can be made. Tomorrow doesn't have to be far because look how far we've already come. No need to rush and we can feel safe to allow time to slow down.

Our kiss can last for hours. It feels good to feel you gently. parts of you I never knew. I feel like I knowing you is an adventure. An adventure that I can explore for hours.

I want to know you, I want to feel you How you feel today, how you feel tomorrow. I want to see you grow, in different ways, in different directions. I want to feel you dance and immerse yourself in the world when you don't know I'm looking. Sometimes I'm scared from what I might find, as there might be some things I might not understand. But somehow, wherever you end up always seems to be someplace I wanna visit. Many lives have been lived and I am here now stating that I want to take a step closer and find out how it would be if I was a part of it.

Its a risk, because your not like other people. All the more reason why I'm just so curious to be part of your life. Do you think I could change your life? Would you want to?

[bbadtripp]

one seemingly normal moment lived fully, can take you to from where you were yesterday.

unbeknownst to yourself, you've now step foot into your new world.

Everything so new, your senses interact with the world for what feels like the first time.

things seem so possible and you have a sense of all the things can be.

and it's not a dream, or a hope, or a wish, it's a moment of clarity.

and you start to remember, all your worlds you've lived through before, it wasn't always easy,

it's so wonderful that you've made it so far with safe passage

and i'm so glad your here

[bbadtripp]

Knowing and Loving Herself.

life has always been like a movie to me. Maybe that’s because I always narrate my thoughts through a lense, always focusing on the drama of it all. I mean if you think about it life is pretty romantic. The good and the bad always can equate to some type of beauty if you take matters into your own hands and decide to see things that way. Its just that, I get so lost in my fears sometimes and act as if my world is about to end. Its really that way sometimes. That’s really all I’ve known to help me get through things. On the outside it seems like I got it covered but in the inside I’m constantly anxious. Its hard to exist in this love story. I know there's beauty and at points It all feels clear. I know it takes work to be able to work through things without panicking to protect myself. I try to delve deeper. But thoughts can be so deceiving through the lense. What's up and what’s down. A girls love story to knowing and loving herself, truly. 

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When I think about you.

I sometimes think about what the world looks like through your eyes. I think about the things you love. The music you listen to. The art you connect with. Your disciplines. Your laxness. Looking through your eyes makes me fall in love with the world in a different angle over and over again.

[bbadtripp]

feather

I can’t stop wanting you,

This feeling makes me weak

I can feel it all the time,

The feeling of you and me,

I close my eyes

And fall back

Into a pool of feathers

My stomach fills with butterflies

and just like that

You effortlessly lift me up,

Everyday with you feels like I’m flying,

I can’t deny,

what I feel when I’m with you

When I look up at you,

and our lips touch with a gentle embrace,

suddenly time stands still

and theres only us. 

[bbadtripp]

The Freedom of Consistency

It humbles me and I look out the window with rosy cheeks. The thought that the universe has brought to me someone so sweet, so charming, so grounding, and so absolutely hilarious. It overwhelms my heart in the most gentlest way. Somehow, you’ve been there this whole time and it was my turn to take a step back to open my eyes. My heart was beating for you. Your life, it warmed me...every time. 

[bbadtripp]

Late night thoughts of you

somehow I still miss you. I miss holding you, and you holding me. Where our bodies would sway to the silent music of our love. Once upon a time we were a harmonious chord. Our relationship was an explosion that happened, and ended so fast.

I’m sorry.

 For who i let myself become when I was scared and anxious. I didn’t know myself then and still have much to learn about myself now. But I am better now than what I was. I make conscious efforts to be transparent.  Nothing hurts more than the regret of things left unsaid or the regret of words you can’t take back

You hurt me, but mostly I hurt myself. I tried my best to survive my life back then, with what I knew. Somehow I had the strength to walk away from it all and still feel like I lost so much. I lost myself in pretending that It was all for love. But I realize now that much of it was in hate for myself.

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