beet1031

[beet1031]

I know that some British people take umbrage at Americans calling the Great British Bake Off relaxing, but it's just because GBBO is such a different kind of stressful from American baking shows.

American baking shows will be called something like "Cupcake Knife Fight", there's horror movie lighting everywhere and dramatic stings every 5 seconds. All of the contestants are shit talking each other and fist fighting over the one single deep fryer provided by production. It will show the judges all whispering to each other at their super villain table overlooking the whole kitchen, and one will be like, "Oh my god. Everyone look at Brenda right now. She's straight tanking it." And it will cut to Brenda, who is running around covered in flour and crying and also bleeding for some reason. Then you get a clip from an interview with one of the contestants, and they're like, "I really need to win this. Without this award money, I'm gonna need to close my restaurant, sell my dad, and live out of my car. AGAIN." Then the giant digital doomsday clock overhead lets out a horrid klaxon, the judges tell half of them that their cupcakes taste disgusting, and one of them gets eliminated and sent to walk down the dramatically-lit shame hallway never to be seen again.

Meanwhile GBBO is in a lovely, brightly colored tent, there are delightful and friendly hosts/jesters there to keep everyone entertained, and all of the B Roll is of like... a bumblebee going into a flower, or a lamb running in a field. And yes, there will be moments where someone will mess up their timing or something, and they'll be looking at their bake through the oven door like, "oh gosh I don't think this will rise in time!" Then they stand up to find Paul Hollywood directly behind them ominously. His creepy whitewalker eyes will glow white, and he'll say something like "the 12th of June. 2035. Drowning." And his eyes will go back to normal and he'll walk away. Then the baker gives a playful grimace to the camera and says "that didnt sound great, did it?". Cut to a sweet looking older woman sipping tea on a stool and she says "oo I do hope that Prue enjoys the taste of my sugary, sticky baps!". Then, at the end, someone gets a gold star for doing good, and the loser of the episode gets in the middle of a giant group hug. You see all of them at the end of the series at a giant carnival with their families and the post credits informs you that all of the contestants have become a Partridge Family-style traveling band and stayed friends forever.

[beet1031]

Okay you guys.

IF YOU PRIMARILY DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH reply with what you mentally call it, if you have a nickname for it or something

[beet1031]

today on "weird shit i've had to google for a story i'm writing":

How to tell if a goat is remorseful

(btw i never got an answer so if there are any goat experts out there I'd love to know)

[beet1031]

heyo, if people are looking for a fun original story to read/follow i just posted the first 2 chapters of my original work on ao3!! The story is called Tokudo Maj Ja'Tara, i'll copy/paste the summary here for anyone interested:

"A young mother decides it's time she finally tells her daughter the history of their people- a once isolated village of satyrs who had no concept of death. That is until one day, when a married couple suddenly went to sleep and never woke up. Their daughter Bakhya, unwilling to accept the death of her parents, stuffed both their skeletons into a leather sack and began wandering the forest in search of a way to revive them. Her exploits would go on to change not only the history of her little village, but the entire world."

if you'd like to read it, here's the link

ok thanks for y'all's attention!

[beet1031]

if you tried out transitioning and it wasn't for you, i think it's great you explored that and discovered something important about yourself. i think you have a unique and valuable experience with gender that should be taken into account and is worthy of discussion. But you cannot be going around calling yourself "detrans"

[beet1031]

Iceland is fucking bizarre my name change made the news

[beet1031]

Here’s the first half of the highly unfinished comic xD

I’ll post the second one in a bit (check reblogs)

[beet1031]

🦇Service Mindset🦇

Don’t be rude to whoever has the midnight shift at McDonalds

[beet1031]

[beet1031]

Ray bans just released a new line of sunglasses that can take photos and videos and am I crazy or is that the last thing that should be going in sunglasses? When people imagine sci-fi futuristic glasses like Tony stark’s, they usually think about effects that only affect the user. With these new Ray bans, if they catch on everyone will constantly have to be worried about being secretly recorded without any sort of knowledge since you can’t see a camera or phone pointed towards you. Idk about anyone else but this is kind of worrying to me

[beet1031]

nothing better than the wrong capitalization of Sie

[beet1031]

maybe the single funniest twitter comment I've ever seen

[beet1031]

i useth thou/thee/thine pronouns

[beet1031]

🎹🎹

RUN AWAY

sometimes i feel ive got to

[beet1031]

✝️✝️✝️

[beet1031]

The Demisexual Gauntlet is comprised of sick and twisted trials such as “entertain my bad taste in media” “bitch about the same things as me” and lastly, but not the least important, “buy me takeout”

[beet1031]