beforethestrange-blog

[beforethestrange-blog]

Loneliness at Uni

Confidence is something that I have always struggled with since my childhood. My school years had been filled with teachers telling me to have more faith in myself. The reality is that it's a lot easier said than done. It's taken me almost twenty years to be comfortable and confident with who I am and even six months ago I wasn't the person I am right now. 

The days and weeks that were supposed to be the best of my life so far, were not. The people around me seemed to be living up to the stigma of fresher's week being amazing, making new friends was quick and easy and everyone was happy. So why did I feel so out of place? Why did I feel like I was doing this all wrong? I can’t say I found any of the above true, and maybe that’s just me. The partying became monotonous, people I met during freshers and those I tried hard to be friends with stopped interacting with me, I spoke to the same three people on my course every day, never could bring myself to walk into the lecture theatre and make eye contact with someone I didn’t know - that was out of the question. So I ended up thinking, 'maybe it's your own fault you feel like this.' I was never able to just walk up to someone and start chatting, my brain just isn't programmed like that, it still isn't and I doubt it ever will be. I ended up heading back to my room every evening feeling like I shouldn't have even went into uni in the first place and the worst part was that I didn't tell anyone how I felt which in turn, made it worse. All I did was go to class, come back to my flat, watch Netflix and sleep. Sort of crazy looking back at it now that I ever felt the way I did, but when you're in the middle of it you don't realise how detrimental it is for your own mental health to not be outside, not eating full meals and no it's not just 'part of uni culture'.

Unless I'm honest nobody reading this is going to take anything away from this post. 

1. Please give yourself time to settle in, some people will do it in a week, it took me four whole months before the anxiety of walking into uni finally went away and the fear of interacting with people I didn't previously know felt like a lifetime ago. 

2.  It does not matter if another student your age seems like they have it all together; because chances are, they don’t. No one does. We are all struggling to get stuff done. We all have our own journeys. We are all worried. It is not a competition. 

3. You. Will. Make. Friends. I promise you. I thought I'd have to do my whole university journey on my own and I had just come to terms with that when suddenly I started making friends, it just took time. 

4. EAT. Three meals a day. Do not skip breakfast. Oh and drink lots of water.

5. Be nice to yourself. Don't give yourself a hard time or blame yourself for not thriving at uni, it's a completely different atmosphere with so many different people and you can't be expected to grow and adapt at the same rate as everyone else.

6. If you're struggling. Talk to someone. Whether it's with your course, your halls or just in general. Talk to your lecturer, your student union, your friends, your family.  You will feel so much better.