bellapooks

[bellapooks]

Sometimes I wish I was white.

And it has nothing to do with privileges (well kinda).

To me white girls are just like sometimes the thing i want to be, some of them are naturally pretty and even if they are skinny or tall like me they are still liked.

So why is it such a problem that I'm tall and skinny. I feel so uncomfortable in my skin and sometimes I hate being black In general.

I compare Myself because everyday there's always a person to tell me how bad I look and I don't have anyone there for me I tried to tell my bestfriend of like 4 years but ever since he got a girlfriend he just doesn't give a fuck.

No I'm not jealous I just need someone to talk to and then when I do talk to him he's dry. It hurts because I feel like I got no one and I always want to be someone else I'm not because they look so much better and happier.

I wish I was white sometimes and not black

Also not to mention i get called white washed because of the things I wear

I hate all the kids of this generation especially boys.

[bellapooks]

Virginia? Wonder if you're in the sticks like Manassas Park or something. I'm Latino but it might be that your area has a lot of illegals that have mixed in with your school because well at the end of the day the kids need to go to school. Did you mean 14? I'm not looking to talk to minors but 24 in 9th grade didn't make sense to me. Best of luck & be careful if it's Vennies your dealing with lots of them carry knives

Its like sterling area and yea i did mean 14 im not saying that kids don't need to go to school but why go if your just there to be racists and not even show up to class😭

[bellapooks]

Being black In America sucks. Well in my area.

Especially in my area where there's so much Hispanics its just straight up racists and i get sexualied slot by grown ass men.

Over the summer I would walk to my local community center and I would be cat called all the time and honked by cars and it would always be grown ass men and I'm not bring racist but they were always hispanics. ALWAYS.

Now i don't wanna come on here and vent and people say I was "asking for it" because I wasn't I had to walk because it was like a 3 minute walk and there was no sense waking my mom up at 7am to drop me off and pick me up until 5pm. I usually had my headphones in and i walked pretty fast so I wasn't looking for any attention I also have a baggy type of style that i wear so I wasn't asking for anything. But these men would still do it everyday and that's what i don't like about being in my area because Hispanic men sexualize black women because we develop faster and we just look grown and it's disgusting really.

For school my school is literally 95% Hispanics and a really small percentage of any other race, the Hispanic boys sag and cuss and say the n word and call me other slurs also commenting about my body and how dark I am. I've learned to ignore it but it happens everyday and I've just come to the conclusion Hispanics don't like black people. And I'm not saying this from my experience only it happens all the time. I was at the park with my little sister and my friend and my little sister was just minding her buisness on a swing and this child sat next to the swing beside her and her mom told her something in Spanish. My friend turned to me and said "that woman just told her daughter to get away from that black girl and they can't be trusted" which i find crazy because my little sister was 9 at the time. The Hispanic girls do it too they always body shame and are always bragging about vaping wnd doing drugs and drinking and they call me ugly and make fun of me just cause of how I am.

And im not trying to come on here and say all Hispanics are bad because I am friends with a good majority of them but that doesn't block out the racism that happens to me and the amount of sexist and things that's happend to me AS a 14 year old. I just started 9th grade and I've been dealing with these problems since the sixth grade.

I don't feel safe in my community at all and not to mention I have locs so people automatically assume that I'm aome part of a gang or something.

Being black In America isn't positive at all especially in Virginia.

[bellapooks]

Merry christmas

I know it's christmas and I'm supposed to be happy la la la.

But i literally cannot be happy around my family at all, my little sister is a brat who can't pick up after herself and wants to have a additude whenever I just tell her to do one thing.

My mom says can we atleast lighten up because it's christmas and we're being ungreatful...

How are we being ungreatful i asked? We're just mad at eachother what makes us ungreatful? She obviously had no response and just said go into your aunts house.

And now we're in the house I'm being ignored like I did something wrong.

She always assumes we're being ungreatful for some dumbass reason even if it's just fighting, maybe next time she should just make us stay home.

I never wanted to go to new jersey anyway.

[bellapooks]

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Its crazy how whenever we go out somewhere I'm always the one that gets looked down upon.

Tell me why my mom compliments everyone but me on what we're wearing and is looking at me like I did something wrong.

She was all happy a minute ago but now she's looking at me like I did something and I just killed her children or something.

And now i have to be in the same car with her for a drive up to new jersey with my annoying ass family.

Good thing I just got noise canceling headphones.

Because I don't have time to hear her yap about how unsatisfied she is sometimes.

[bellapooks]

Family is weird

They come over and sit and its all happy till they get to the topic of the children and the accomplishment.

Everything is always about my big sister and how she got into the top high-school and she only brains and body.

She does no sports whatsoever and no clubs she's basically a walking brain and she's useless she can't even run.

But when it comes to me it's just that I'm doing good. Nothing ever gets mentioned how I'm a track star that makes states and nationals.

Its nice to have family around, but you can obviously see who the people like the most

[bellapooks]

12.22.24

I hate that,

1. I'm tall

2. I'm skinny

3. I'm too loud

4. My legs are too long

5. I'm black

6. I bite my nails

7.my legs are too skinny

8. I share too much

9. I get hurt when I'm ignored

10.i put to much into people that don't put into me