beowulfxgrendel

[beowulfxgrendel]

Drinking Song for the Socially Anxious

Lying on a bed full of coats trying desperately to cope?

This one is a little busier than my last one, not a nice or as clean but still fun. I think I need to back up on the lyrics. Do less, be more purposeful with my little drawings but either way a fun little exercise in line art and blocking.

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re my posts about wesley/fisk

we need to think about this again

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Happy Pride!

Here are my headcanons about my beloved trio

Its a little rushed but I like how it turned out, I might not be able to post something more polished up for a while (exams are killing me)

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Anyone else here immediately thinking of Wesley when Toby Leonard Moore talked about how overwhelming New York can be (or is it just me that sees the parallels to Wesley talking about how dirty and loud new York is)?

(Oh and I'm also quite happy that he's taking part in that event thingy to make New York more accessible for neurodivergent people. Haven't heard of KultureCity before though, so I just hope they're good and not something like autism speaks)

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House drugged that coffee btw

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have i mentioned i love the amazing devil. if you haven't listened to the amazing devil this is your sign to go listen to the amazing devil right now.

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every single gay interaction between Wilson Fisk and James Wesley in season 1 of Daredevil

not enough people talk about how obviously in love these two are, so i rewatched the entire first season and took extensive notes regarding their homosexuality <3

episode 4:

Wesley’s eye literally twitching when Vladimir says Fisk’s name

Wesley taking his glasses off to speak to Fisk

“If the brothers can’t handle him, I’ll find another solution” *Wesley giggling*

the WAY Fisk stops Wesley from getting out of the car before meeting Vanessa

*whispering* “thank you, Wesley.” and then that little nod???

Wesley getting the blood of Wilson’s enemies on his face 🥰🥰🥰

Wesley handing Fisk his handkerchief to clean the blood off his face, not even thinking to clean the blood off his own face first

episode 5:

“He practically kissed me when we came to terms. He have a girl—or a boy—who he could be celebrating with?” (James Wesley, gay icon, appreciating the Russian queers)

Wesley framed so he’s always off Fisk’s shoulder and almost never out of the picture

Wesley calming Fisk’s nerves about the police killing the Russians

Wesley giving Fisk the name of his favorite wine and smiling when Fisk thanks him, but his smile dropping immediately when Fisk gets out of the car for his date (he wants to drink that wine with Fisk so fucking bad 😪)

Fisk tells Vanessa that Wesley picked the wine

“Wesley is more than my assistant… he’s my friend.” 🤨🤨🤨 (certainly not how I would have presented that information)

“Vlady did offer a cool mil to give up your boy.” (YOUR boy???? why is he Wesley’s???)

episode 6:

Wesley taking his glasses off AGAIN to speak to Fisk

“Problems are just opportunities that haven’t presented themselves.” and then Wesley’s little giggle? i’m gonna need the story behind that little line because Fisk has definitely used it on him before

the way the only time Fisk looks Wesley dead in the eye is when he’s most desperate?

I also just wanna point out that there are always three cars for safety purposes (much like they separate the president and first lady and vice president in vehicle processions to prevent all of them dying) but Fisk and Wesley ALWAYS ride in the same car. which one of them is protecting the other? how can either of them be sure that, if they’re attacked, they’ll both be okay? why does Fisk insist on having Wesley in the same car as him?

episode 7:

where tf are the gay people at ⁉️

Stick, i hate u so much

episode 8:

Wesley editing everything Nobu says to avoid offending Fisk

Wesley clenching his jaw when Fisk apologizes to Nobu and then glaring at Nobu for the rest of the conversation

AGAIN!!! Wesley takes his glasses off the second he’s alone with Fisk and relaxing against the table (only letting his guard down and relaxing around him)

Fisk allowing Wesley to disagree and argue and genuinely taking his opinion into account

“I just… I don’t like the way he speaks to you that’s all.” (and then Fisk steps closer to him)

Fisk hangs up on Vanessa to talk to Wesley (i know it’s a business call but we all know Fisk hates to be interrupted when it comes to her yet he allows Wesley to)

why tf is Wesley posing behind Hoffman while Fisk talks to him 🤨

Wesley just likes to watch Fisk work 🤞

Fisk stands up when Wesley walks in a room like he’s a beautiful lady

I’m really curious about the conversation that led to Wesley translating for Fisk despite knowing Fisk can understand Gao

Wesley’s annoyance at not being useful anymore when Gao makes Fisk speak Mandarin he’s so silly

Gao tells Wesley to leave but he doesn’t move a muscle until Fisk tells him it’s okay

Wesley comes running SO quick when Fisk flips the table and hesitates to leave Fisk alone

“I didn’t call you.” “No, I just thought you might need something.”

“If I needed something, I would have asked.” “I don’t think that’s always true, sir.”

AND THEN VANESSA WALKS IN????

and Wesley looks between Vanessa and Fisk and lets Vanessa send him away???? like he is willing to do literally anything, at the expense of his happiness and pride in his ability to fix things for Fisk, to make sure Wilson is happy and taken care of i’m SICK

“He’s worried about you.” Vanessa read their tea

Wesley being on TV w Fisk. very married. very domestic

episode 9:

gay little ipad

Fisk moving to stand behind Wesley when Nobu approaches and Wesley (all 45 pounds of him) automatically guards him with his body

Wesley watches Fisk’s face while Nobu talks to guess what Fisk wants done

“Possessed of determination and unusual talents.” (while looking dead at Wesley like what was that)

“Emotion can turn the most circumspect of men careless.” (let’s go ahead and think about what exactly leads to Wesley’s death)

episode 10:

this episode makes me actually violent but i’m gonna sit thru it anyway

Wesley doing up Wilson’s bow tie even tho we all know he can do it himself

looking up at Wilson while tying it 🙄🙄

bullying Leland so bad Wilson basically yanks on his leash and asks him to leave 🙏

it’s the WAY Wesley watches Fisk while he gives his speech and the fact that they chose to show him last and not Vanessa

Fisk looking back at Wesley after Leland says “it’s taken care of” and Wesley nodding reassuringly

when people start collapsing Fisk moves straight for Wesley and Vanessa and he speaks to Wesley FIRST

episode 11:

Wesley speaking for Fisk when they enter the hospital

placing a hand on Fisk’s back to talk to him and let him know the doctor is on his way

Wesley getting super defensive when Leland insinuates Fisk can’t run things anymore

Wesley turning and just staring at Fisk after learning the other people poisoned died

“She’ll make it. Because she has to.” (he wants Fisk to be happy soooo bad it’s humiliating)

also his ability to maintain the hierarchy and run the business when Wilson isn’t able to??? that’s his WIFE bro i love him

Wesley comes in with one coffee in his hand, offers it to Fisk, and then just drinks it himself. what’s the goal??? were you gonna share???

once again, Wesley going out of his way to reassure Wilson that everything is going to be okay

“Until we know for certain, I suspect everyone.” (Wesley determined to get Fisk his revenge and essentially telling Fisk he can only trust him.)

“This wasn’t your fault.” (that reassurance that he’s so good at)

“I doubt she would want that.” (Wesley saying this in response to Fisk deciding to send Vanessa away. he is 100% speaking for himself and not for her. he is putting himself in Vanessa’s shoes every chance he gets (see: wine in episode 5), and he knows he would never leave Wilson’s side)

“We seldom get everything we want…not in this world.” “But… some of us deserve to.” (i am pulling my hair out)

Fisk making Wesley handle the funds himself because he also knows he can only trust Wesley

JESUS CHRSIT Fisk looks at Wesley for the first time in the convo and goes “I…” and then LOOKS HIM UP AND DOWN before just thanking him

Wesley’s face during that pause, so obviously expecting Wilson to say what he wants to hear

the smile and nod when he gets thanked and then his FACE when Wilson walks away from him to see the doctor

the way he just watches Wilson, only relaxing when Wilson relaxes, sighing to himself as he accepts that Vanessa is the one who will make Fisk happy. not him.

Wesley hangs up the phone immediately to check on Wilson when he comes out of Vanessa’s room

i am going to go ahead and point out that Wesley is the only person Wilson ever introduced to his mother 😪 and she is actually able to remember who he is which implies he’s been around her multiple times

in lieu of bothering Wilson with his mother’s situation, he decides to just kill someone for him which we have NEVER seen him do and it’s never even implied to be something he’s done before

also leaving behind any security at the hospital to make sure Wilson is safe when he’s about to risk his life improving Wilson’s situation

“Growing to love something is just simply forgetting what you dislike about it.” (hello???)

“I’m not here because I want to be. I’m here because I’m needed.” (oh my god we get it)

“He loves this city.” (and Wesley loves him)

Fisk immediately asking where Wesley is when he leaves Vanessa’s room

Wesley’s downfall being his instinct to immediately answer Fisk’s call 😕

(go karen go!!)

(no wesley no!!)

rip James literally not a single person will ever fill your shoes

Fisk becoming immediately concerned that Wesley doesn’t pick up the phone

episode 12:

Karen did absolutely nothing wrong i just wish it wasn’t Wesley

Fisk’s FACE when Francis says “they’ve located him”

not being able to approach the body

“Look what they did to him.”

“And you let him leave? Alone?”

Francis’ explanation for no one leaving with Wilson just simply not being good enough for Wilson

Wilson beats the shit out of Francis just out of anger that no one was there for Wesley when he needed it

Wilson sitting next to Wesley and looking at him longer than he ever looked at him while he was alive

holding Wesley’s hand on his lap and stroking his hand and staring at his hand

STROKING WESLEY’S HAIR (genuinely the most gentle we’ve ever seen him with anyone)

KISSING HIM????????????????

somehow knowing exactly where on his person Wesley keeps his phone

letting Wesley’s hand rest on his lap while he checks the phone

“Have you thought anymore about my… friend. Wesley?” (where’s the pause coming from my guy?)

“James! Such a handsome boy.” (and Wilson smiling and nodding at the description????????)

Wilson deciding to continue to trust Francis because Wesley trusted him and “that’s all that matters.”

rip james i miss u so bad 💔💔

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Oh how I hate academic/school testing that's completely based on being able to remember things.

(My teacher literally told us that it's impossible to get perfect score without photographic memory and then said in the same sentence that none of us have that and that thats bad luck)

(She then proceeded to tell us that it will be easy if we understood the topic, even though we'll get points taken away for not using the exact correct words (and also for spelling errors except for a few people) and the task won't have to do a lot with understanding the topic but rather remembering all the tables and writing them down)

(I understood the topic perfectly and participated in every lesson but there won't be any verbal grading, so i decided last time that i won't participate in her lessons anymore. And I'm really really bad at remembering. So I already told her that I don't expect a good grade and now she's kinda angry with me)

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Exactly

(And tbh Bullseye would have deserved it so much more than Wesley did)

Miss I killed Kingpins boyfriend and I only stopped shooting because the clip ran out absolutely would not have hesitated in shooting Bullseye after Foggy dropped

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i know these people are villains but for some weird moral reason i have become the n1 james wesley defender and its so funny alkdkakfkkqx

i see these characters trying to take his place and immediately go: these bitches think they can be him

"pffff, you, dex??? the new james wesley?? please honey" (i don't really remember most things about how wesley's character was)

"excuse me mr. new guy from ddba, you don't have the Juice wesley had" (it has been years since i watched the 1st season, idk what im talking about)

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Fucking Wesley with his stupid crooked smile and his stupid ugly ties and his stupid curls in his stupid neat hair fucking Wesley dying such a dumb fucking death what a dumbass stupid fucking Wesley

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Since quite a few of you liked my sketches to that one line from "That Unwanted Animal" (by The Amazing Devil) here now too a school project I did with it

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Ok so i could use some tips or something like that from some of you neurodivergent people on here. So it would be nice if you could read all this and maybe give me your opinions.

I'm once again being extremely stressed because I'm once again not able to keep up with deadlines I set for myself and feeling like I'm letting people down cause I'm just not able to do stuff. Like I know I should be able to just write that one letter and bring that one painting to the mail and I should also be able to continue that one painting I wanted to gift an online friend for Christmas and I also should be able to continue that one painting I wanted to gift my boyfriend for Christmas. And I also should be able to continue writing the (up to now) 5 fanfictions that are mostly waiting for an end and also should be able to quickly reply to the comments that were left under some of them. And I also should be able to continue the other few stories I promised some people so that I can finally upload them.

But no. Why should my brain work normally. Instead it decides to be illogical. But well. Since some of you already read this far I'll try to explain the "logic" my brain uses.

I can't ship the painting cause first I want to write a letter to go with it but before I can write the letter I have to make the stickers I wanted to make for them. And that takes much time and I'd also have to work with a scalpel wich is already difficult for me cause of intrusive thoughts (because of wich I just don't trust myself at all to work with a scalpel, especially not when I can't concentrate 100%). And also there are no permanent boxes for the format of the painting so I first had to craft it. And once I have the stickers and the letter I have to wrap it together with the painting in bubble wrap to make sure it won't break during shipping. And then I have to make sure the box doesn't open. And then I have to write the label and then I have to bring the box to the post office where I'd have to interact with the people there and also need to be there on a specific tike (which is not exact the time that's in the Internet but I forgot how much it was different, so the walk there might potentially be useless). And then once I've finally sent it I'd have to explain to the person I'm sending it to that I only was able to send it then and not earlier without much of an excuse although I said last week that I'll probably have sent it by yesterday.

And I just somehow can't currently paint anything for anyone else without feeling like I'm just messing up really much. And that's just so frustrating cause I really wanna continue that painting and finish it finally. But each day I just see it and think that I'm nowhere finished and how bad that is considering it was supposed to be a Christmas gift. So I don't even get the motivation to paint cause it just makes me feel bad but at the same time the more time passed the worse i feel.

And also painting in general is so difficult right now. Cause my hyperfixation wants that I paint TM. And then I start a painting somehow being related to him but then it's not immediately perfect and I'm just reminded of the comment he made to one of the first paintings I made of him and I just stop that painting. And then (maybe a day or a week later) I want to paint again but when I look at the unfinished painting I just immediately have the negative feelings again. So I start another Painting but because my hyperfixation still controls quite much what I paint I start another painting more or less related to him. And then the whole process just starts anew. So now i have around seven started paintings that I don't feel like I can really continue but also really want to finish.

And I actually really want to write but my brain currently once more relates everything that's to do with tm with that one comment (of which I theoretically still can't be entirely sure was his but practically he manages their social media the most and it's just write his wording so yeah). So I look at all my fics and immediately get frustrated. And also my brain doesn't prioritise the one that went the longest without an update but rather prioritises the one I started because of a not really related comment in a podcast. And the problem is that I can't continue writing the other ones before I finished that one but I can't finish that one anymore because it kinda had a limit of a week to write (essentially it had to be finished before the newest podcast episode. But it wasn't. It's nowhere near being finished.). So I'm kinds stuck. Cause I need to finish that one so my brain sees it as finished but my brain doesn't allow me to continue working on it cause its already categorised as a failure that I won't post anymore cause it would be weird from the timing and clearly too late.

And I can't reply to the comments cause before I always did it so that I made a new chapter ready for upload and then answered the comments before uploading. But as I explained I don't have nothing to upload so I can't answer. So I feel bad because I'm not answering but if I answered I would feel bad for not also uploading a new chapter.

And I think I'm just once again bordering on burnout or a big meltdown and I want neither of that (and that my graphic design school is also quite stressful right now cause some grades are done soon is less than ideal).

So yeah. If any of you actually read all that and has some tips on how to deal with any of the problems or how to trick my brain into doing these things that I want to do again that would be very appreciated and helpful.

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When Fisk retrieved Wesley’s cell phone from his pocket after he died, you saw his missed calls list.

Fisk called Wesley almost every thirty minutes to find out where he was…

Ouch.

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A few drawings etc I made to that one line of "that unwanted animal" by "the amazing devil" that I'm totally normal about

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Ah yes time for my favorite night time hobby

*opens the tad tag to scroll through what dear hearts have posted since i was on the tag, 5 hours ago*