bigboyproblems993

[bigboyproblems993]

Hey me, I know you’re typing this but I want you to be able to read it. You weren’t there for her when she needed you most. You can’t be the person she is going to marry anymore. You will probably be alone the rest of your life. Accept it. Accept that you could have made a better effort to bring her back but you didn’t. Accept the fact that she has found solace in someone else’s arms. Accept that even though you love her more than anyone else you have lost her. Accept it. Yeah, you tried to make up for the distance and yeah, you tried to show love as much as possible over video calls. What did that get you though? You are a person with feelings and attachments and you need to get over these things. Why feel? So you can be heartbroken seeing her jump into someone else’s arms? Why? You are a human with thoughts and feelings that deserve to be heard but who is here to hear them? You’re alone and you strive being that way. Does it suck? Yeah. Does it hurt? More than anything.  So why do you put yourself through it? Love? Give up on it. The only way you’ll find true love is if it comes to you. You won’t find it. You don’t want to. The last time you thought you did, you got heartbroken. You’re future is not set in stone and future me I hope it goes well. So why is it I’m writing this? Well because the last two days for you have been very eye opening. You don’t want to live without her but you can’t seem to have her in your life without something more binding you two together. She’s the most important person you have ever had in your life and you’re seeing her go through something that you can’t help with. No one should have to see the person they love be hurt and not be able to help them. Future me I hope you got your act together. I hope you finally started getting rid of that fat or have lost it. I hope your business is doing well. I hope that grandma is still there and that your new house is finally done. I hope you found happiness. Because you don’t want to find love I hope love finds you.

To her, If you read this which I don’t know if you will or not because I won’t tell you I wrote it. You mean everything to me right now. You were the best thing to ever happen to me. You are the love of my life and always will be. I’d give anything to be with you right now. Did I have my issues? Yeah I did. Were you the one keeping the darkness and unhappiness away from me? Yeah you were. I want the best for you. I want you to find that one person that not only loves your cute little smile and keeps holding your hand when you’re scared. I want you to find someone who will push you mentally and physically so that you both can become the people you want to be. I want you to understand I will always love you there’s no doubt about that. You were my world and it may not have seemed that way when I was trying to buy my business but I was thinking about you the whole time. I wanted a future for us. I wanted to be able to have the money in 5-10 years to say let’s go on vacation and leave for two weeks. I wanted that freedom for us. Looking back at it I should have thought more about the present instead of the future. I hope for you the best. I truly mean that. Love, Logan Andrew Selmon

[bigboyproblems993]

So how’s everyone been doing I’ve been slacking on the posts and I know I have been. I wanted to make this post because it seems to help me when I get things off my chest. I’ve been thinking for the last 2 days about what the last decade for me has been like. I thought about this because of a question a former acquaintance of mine asked my brother while at church on Sunday for Mother’s Day. He said to my brother, “Wow, a decade since graduation, that’s crazy. Do you still talk to anyone?” Of course my brother talked about his experience over the last decade with him but while doing that I heard the exact same question and I though wow that’s wild how has my decade really been? Well let me show you.

This one is from 2013, it’s blurry because I had a flip phone back then and this is the best photo I could take at the time I guess. I remember that year very well though. That year is the year after my grandpa left us and I was going through so much and my grandma and brother were working so much they didn’t see any of the pain I was going through. I had not only lost my grandpa the last year but I also had bullying issues at school I was dealing with. I also had a girlfriend break up with me because of a stupid thing I said over a text.

This is 2015, I took graduation pictures that year because I was finally graduating high-school. I should be happy that year but again I wasn’t. I was upset at my self because I knew I was one of the smartest kids in the class but I got the bottom of the class because I didn’t want to actually exert myself at all. So I didn’t do my homework and I almost didn’t graduate.

This is the year after graduation 2016. I don’t remember too much about 2016 to be honest. I started college and only went for a month if that. I wasn’t a fan of the environment and I was never big on people telling me what to do. I also got hooked on taking drugs back then but never told anyone. I was in a bad spot and didn’t know how to get out of it.

This was 2017, I had just gotten to the peak of down. My brother and I weren’t talking and my grandma and I were on the outs a lot because I didn’t want to work or do anything around my home. I was at peak of I’m going to kill myself. I more than once had a gun in my mouth ready to pull the trigger and die. The main catalyst of that year that really fucked me up emotionally was I had gotten my short term girlfriend at that time pregnant and she had a miscarriage. I didn’t want a child to be honest at that time but it still messed me up because I had a chance to be one and it went away at the snap of a finger.

This was a few months ago, I know I slipped a few years but during those years I got off the drugs and started to talk to someone that would change my life forever. I started talking to my now fiancé. She and I met actually way back in 2013. She and I didn’t know it yet but we would have a bond like no other. She stopped me on multiple occasion during the time I was talking to her about to put myself in the eternal sleep and she didn’t even know it. She occupied my heart and my mind just getting me to do simple little things like picking her up or bringing her a vape. I love her more than anything else on this earth.

Reigna Marie Johns (future Selmon) I love you to infinity and beyond.

[bigboyproblems993]

So I have been thinking all day what to write about. What is it that I want to say? What is something that y’all would want to read? It’s a conundrum that I am still thinking about in this very moment. While I’m thinking about that I’m also running things through my mind like, who am I? What am I doing? Am I good enough? Do you deserve happiness? Why does she love you so much? Well I have an answer or two for a few of those I’d like to share with you. Number one, who am I? Well my name is Logan, I am 24 years old and I work on whole home generators. Not only that but I am the person that will do anything for the one he loves. Number two, what am I doing? You see, I am making a blog to document my life and my journey through weight and through a relationship that will stand through the rest of time. Number three, am I good enough? I believe yes and no would be the best answer. I have been blessed in this life more than once and the more I get blessed the more I fear that God is blessing the wrong person. I have had so many good things happen to me and being able to marry the person that I cherish more than anything will be another good thing or blessing if you want to call it that. I’m scared that sooner than later someone will try to take that away from me. Number four, do you deserve happiness? I think everyone in this world should feel happiness but does everyone deserve it? I think in some cases people believe that a person should never be able to feel happiness but In any standard life I feel like yes everyone deserves to be happy at-least once in their lifetime. So in my case I may have my doubts but I feel like I deserve to be happy. Lastly number five, why does she love you so much? Well I hadn’t figured that out till yesterday. She loves me because I will do anything to help her. She loves me because I try to understand everything going on in her life without any biases. She loves me because no matter what I would drop anything to be able to see her just one more time. Why does she love me? Honestly it’s up to her why and when I have asked she always says because I am one of the only people that has supported her no matter what. I will stay supporting her and showing full love to her no matter what the situation. She is my one true friend and person I can talk to and just be together not doing anything but just being there for each other. My life has never been so good, so of course I’m scared but she’s right there to catch my fall. I as well will always be there for her. To my life, fiancé, girl, princess, or whatever you want me to call you my love; I am truly in love with you. You are my whole world and I don’t want to spend it one more day without you being able to see me. Forever and always my love. ♾

[bigboyproblems993]

Hey everyone another late post here, I’m back another week another life blog. Well, this week has been eventful I went through my first whole week at the new job and I absolutely loved it. I was scared at first but now I’m just so excited every morning when I wake up. The only thing that could make me any happier right now is my fiancé being back here with me and just enjoying life with her. I have also decided I am going to move out of my house and get my own place which is super exciting and scary at the same time. I’ve been on my own once or twice and it always seemed boring but I want my fiancé to be able to move in with me when she comes back to Florida and I feel like having my own place will help that. I didn’t lose any weight this week around, which sucks but I’m still working on it one day at a time and I’ll get to my goal I know it and I’ll show my fiancé what I could look like at my best weight. I have been just so much happier in my life this last week and I know it started with the new job. Then my girl got her WiFi finally at home so I’ve been able to FaceTime her more which makes me even happier and the only thing that would make it better is her in my arms which will happen soon enough. So life has been on the up and I’m so excited to share it on here and just keep growing and getting better every day. I love you babygirl and I am so glad that whoever reads these may see there are brighter lights down the tunnel of darkness.

[bigboyproblems993]

Hey everyone late night Wednesday post here. So how’s it been going well everything is up! I started my new job and I love it so damn much. My girl and I are in a spot where we just can communicate and grow. And my weight loss journey is going in a positive way as I lost 3 lbs last week. So I’m going to tell y’all a story from my life in the past because I really don’t want to dive into the personal stuff. When I turned 13 I started gaining weight exponentially and I knew why and I didn’t care. I honestly wanted to die and didn’t have anything to live for. Well I didn’t think I did at least. In all honesty I did have something to live for, I had my future girlfriend that year and she was the cutest little thing ever. I didn’t know it yet but she would be my whole future. Craziest part of it is that I met her while dating someone else. I had no idea how much she would change my life and be better for me. Later that year some stuff had happened and my then girlfriend and I broke it off and I was in the biggest slump. I had put a gun in my mouth around thanksgiving that year because I couldn’t handle not being enough for someone to love but that same day someone saved my life and they didn’t even know. That day my now girlfriend texted me for the first time on Snapchat and started to annoy the hell out of me, but that was a good thing. Little did she know she aggravated the hell out of me but I just wanted to help her learn stuff. So, I put the gun down and texted her all afternoon. She saved my life more than one time too. The next time I was way down and was out in my truck just going to drive into a tree she randomly texted me and asked me for a ride. I told her no at first but then she complained and got me to come get her because she didn’t have anyone else. I picked her up and she made me smile on the way to her house that night. That’s the night I decided I was in love with her and she’s the holder of my future. I know she’s probably going to cry about this and that I love her forever.

[bigboyproblems993]

So what can I say? I’m making this blog late on a Wednesday but guess what? It’s still Wednesday so I’m not late for the post. So what has been happening everyone? Lemme tell you about what’s happened to me first though. First off I got a new job! Woohoo!! Right? I’m super excited to start my new job and just get out there and make money. It something I have looked forward to doing and I’m so glad I can say goodbye to the guy that was doing so many horrible things to not only us employees but also the customers. I have waited so long to just say man fuck you and walk out and I finally got that chance. I didn’t say it that way of course I’m not that kind of person and I would be closer to his level at that point and he doesn’t deserve to see me at his level. Second is I’m excited to say I am helping my beautiful girlfriend plan our wedding and I’ve done what she has asked me to do plus a little bit more. I’m super excited for our wedding and just to be able to start our lives together as one unit makes me the happiest man on earth. I feel like our relationship has grown to a slower pace now that we are long distance and it sucks because I know that when we are with each other and together we aren’t this boring. I feel like there is a lot that could happen where she is and it scares me and I just want her to be able to come home. Every fiber of my being wants to just go and steal her away and never let her go back but I know if I do that it would hurt us in the long run. I honestly don’t know what to do though. I want our relationship to keep growing but over the phone relationship has been difficult and challenging I know we both feel that. That all being said, I’m not giving up. I love her with every part of my body and I want her to be the future mother of my children no matter what and I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for us. Lastly, I just want to say thank you to everyone that has always been here for me. Thank you for the long nights, long drives, and just everything. I’ll see y’all next week.

[bigboyproblems993]

Hey everyone welcome back to my life one more week has gone by and I have my good days and my bad ones. I got blamed for something at work at the end of the week last week and because of that I got told not to come in to work two days this week which makes my paycheck so small coming up. I knew after getting such a decent check last paycheck that this next one would be rough and here we are. I have been sticking to my water only no carbonated drinks. I did slip up and have a sweet tea tho and I was so mad at myself for it. My girlfriend and I are so far away from each other and I just miss her so damn much. I have days where maybe I just need a hug or want to just see her, I have days where I know she needs me and I can’t be there for me and it hurts. Parts of me know that I can make it until I get to see her sometime in august but other parts of me say to just pack up my stuff quit my job and go to where she is and tell her I am here forever. It’s a lot to think about but it takes everything in me not to just do that even tho I have family here and friends and my job and just my life is here. I want my life to be her and her forever so it takes a lot for me not to just say fuck it and move to her. Other than that she and I have been talking our wedding and I can’t wait it makes me so happy that she’s happy and can’t wait either. So to my beautiful girlfriend I love you with everything I have and can’t wait to see you and be with you. You mean the world to me and want to live the rest of my life by your side. I love you Reigna Marie Johns.

[bigboyproblems993]

Hey peeps, I’m back again another Wednesday another blog. So everything has been looking up, my girlfriend and I are discussing different things about our future wedding when we have one. I am getting really good hours at work and I’ve been doing very well at not drinking any kind of soda which is making me feel a lot better. Let’s divulge into those a little bit, about the wedding we have planned a date and I have talked to my girl about what she wants at the wedding and what’s her dream venue and things of that nature so that I can give her the best wedding she has imagined. She is super excited and even started reading up on how to do wedding planning. I’m also super thrilled, we have talked on and off about getting married and I’m excited to get the next chapter of my life started. For it to be with her makes me even more happy because the two of us have talked about it so much. Now about the more hours at work, I have been trying to learn new things at work so I can get more hours which has actually been working very well. It’s only Wednesday I almost have 30 hours for this week. That would normally mean overtime but my boss is being his usual self and told us that we are getting too many hours and we can have Friday off. That’s nice and all but I need the money. So we shall see what I can do about that. I may need to talk to him in a respectful manner and just tell him “you know I have bills to pay and I know you do as well but cutting my hours during the week is not cool man” or something similar to that. About the weight loss, I still haven’t weighed myself on the scale which I should do but I do feel a lot better and I’m feeling differences in my clothing which means something must be working, right? I hope so, I want to be the best looking man when I go and see my girl in August and again when I get to bring her back in February. Other than that everything is doing well. I will end todays blog with this I weigh roughly 325/330 pounds but I keep my back straight and I try to keep my stomach in and not relaxed to give myself a slimmer look. I was talking to one of my coworkers and he said it makes me look like I weigh 250 or so which made me feel a hell of a lot better about myself. So the goal of this week is keep your head guy and your posture good so that people thing you’re thinner than you are. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with holding your weight better and making people assume that you weigh less than you say. I’ll see y’all next week

[bigboyproblems993]

So I’m back, last week I got so busy that I forgot it was even Wednesday. So here I am updating y’all on what’s goin on. So I got an almost full work period of 80 hours for two weeks (I got 74). Thats the first time in over a year I have gotten that close to a full pay period. I also have been trying to communicate with my future wife about things that are important for our future and discussing what we are going to do with certain aspects of our lives. We discussed some housing arrangements as I am looking into building a home for our little family and working on figuring out what we want in that home so that we can stay in it for quite a while. We discussed me getting a new truck, I drive one from 1997 right now so I need to be looking into getting one less than 10 years old at this point, it’ll help me out with a/c and things like that. We discussed in length about vampire diaries, we both are watching the series right now and we are super excited about what’s happening on there now. About this week, our pay period started over and I’m not getting as many hours this time around which was expected to be honest. My girls internet has been pushed to its max so we couldn’t FaceTime at all last night so I hope that gets reset real soon because I miss her face. I have also been working on getting my health on track, I have been eating more at home instead of eating out and I have also been laying off any soda or soda type drinks. I have had a Gatorade or two in the last two weeks but only when I need to be rehydrated to the max. I have also started going on daily walks even though the last couple days my laziness has gotten a hold of me and I haven’t gone so I’m going to start those back up today. It’s going to be super hot again soon and I need to get my stamina up before that so I can last through the summer walking. I just can’t wait to lose some weight and be happy about myself again, I haven’t been there in a long time and I’m happy with my relationship, my family, and even my work. I just haven’t been that happy about my appearance in a long long time. So I will be getting my weight here in the next day or so and next week I’ll make it known and once a month I’ll give y’all an update on how the weight is goin. As always I’ll see y’all next week

[bigboyproblems993]

So here we are week 2 of blogging or journaling for me so I can keep track of everything in my life and really tell my story to other people. I named this blog big boy problems because I am in the end a big boy. There are definitely problems that come with being a bigger man. Like I get out of breathe easily, I struggle with getting in tight spaces, and I’m very insecure about every part of my body. So being as I am all these things I struggle with every day life. I spend more money on food then I want to, I can’t bend over correctly to tie my shoes or get socks on, and I have to buy much larger clothing which is more expensive. So my only choice to solve these problems is lose weight so that’s what I’m going to do. I have never been able to push myself enough to lose the weight because I’ve never thought of myself “good enough” to lose the weight. I am now in the spot to where I found a girl that loves me for who I am but is scared for my health because I’m a bigger man and she gives me a reason to become a better person. I want to grow older and not have health issues as much because of my weight. I want to be able to have a home and grow older with my future wife and kids. It’s something I have to think about and grow for my future. Other than that my girlfriend just started moving to Arizona and I miss her so dearly and can’t wait till the day I can go and get her and bring her back home. To my girlfriend I love you and can’t wait to see you. You mean the world to me and you will come back I promise.

[bigboyproblems993]

So like I’m a big dude and I now have the best girlfriend in the whole world and sadly enough she’s moving this coming week and I don’t know how to feel. She means the world to me and I want to just move with her but I feel like I can’t because I have a full time job and my family all lives here. She is moving 2000 miles away and she’s scared and I’m also scared because I feel like she’ll find someone better than me even though we are going to continue our relationship long distance. She’s honestly the only girl I could ever see myself with and never want to lose her. I would propose to her and have her by my side forever but we have only been together officially for 6 months (non officially 8months). Her mom doesn’t seem to like me and tries to keep us apart even though her and I have shared every detail of our lives for the last 8 months. I think that this relationship is a forever type of relationship and that this move will be a great experience for her to grow and see new things. Later on down the road maybe around our year or a little after I will definitely propose and either I move or she moves back depending on which one is better for the both of us. I have already planned on using the extra time that I will have after she leaves to get a second job, go back to the gym, and save as much money as possible to make our future lives better. My goals for 2022 are pretty simple but things I want to be able to get done for the both of us. They are: save $10,000, get my truck painted and refinished, and make a trip out to her and see her new home and hat spend a whole week with her. My life is simple and also complicated but I can’t wait to share my life with whomever may read this