bilesproblems

[bilesproblems]

I am literally fucking BEGGING you all to also acknowledge the racism behind the terms "non-man" and "non-woman" and how they're used in queer definitions.

Black and Indigenous queer people have literally been talking about this since the definition was COINED but there's literally NO acknowledgement of this when pointing out why "non-men loving non-men" and "non-women loving non-women" are shitty fucking definitions to force on a whole community.

"Nonman" and "nonwoman" are terms that have been historically used to describe the degendering of black people in society. And words can obviously be used to mean different things- we don't have to stop using these terms altogether. But forcing these terms on a whole community of queer people is really fucking antiblack.

Not to mention that it blatantly degenders a lot of 2S lesbians and gays as well. It basically tells them that they can't be 2S and as a lesbian or gay at the same time, because then they would be "contradictory." I seriously hope I don't have to explain how racist it is to exclude a large portion of Two-Spirit people from your queer label because they don't fit into your neat little white gender binary.

Like these definitions aren't bad to use for yourself personally- but stop forcing them on all lesbians/gays. And if you're advocating for why these shouldn't be used as the most prominent definition, PLEASE acknowledge the racism aspect of it.

[bilesproblems]

It's Juneteenth, so I'd like to once again remind everyone that the enforcement of "nonmen loving nonmen" onto the entirety of the lesbian community and conversely the enforcement of "nonwomen loving nonwomen" on the veldian community is antiblack.

Those terms had been used to describe the degendering of Black people. And while personally defining yourself with those terms is fine, enforcing it on an entire community was so racist. Black lesbians & gays opposed this initially for that very reason. So, while exclusionists love to throw in the word "white" and assume everyone's race, Black mspec lesbians and Black lesboys exist and you can't force them to conform to a definition that's enforcement is racist

[bilesproblems]

you gotta be so okay with lesbians you meet offline not understanding or validating your identity. lesbians don’t like men and if you tell an old butch you meet at the coffee shop that “actually they can” you gotta be okay with LARGE groups of people feeling unsafe around you.

If you feel unsafe because I said people who liked men could identify as lesbians then that's your problem and not mine. I, as a lesbian who has never been attracted to a man and never will be, do not feel unsafe letting people who like men into the same community. Because they are no more dangerous than people who don't like men. This is biphobia in the most literal meaning of the word. You're so scared of being around bisexual people that you totally missed the part where my bisexuality excludes attraction to men. And that's entirely your fault and not mine.

[bilesproblems]

I feel like unfortunately what causes misunderstanding is when affirmative phrases are technically backwards. "Lesbians can like men" really means "people who like men can be lesbians" and not that anyone who's a lesbian is capable of liking men. "Asexuals can have sex" actually means "people who have sex can be asexual" and not that every asexual person can tolerate sex or will have sex. "Trans people don't have to transition" means people who haven't transitioned yet or won't transition ever can identify as trans not that all trans people don't have to transition (since for many trans people it's absolutely a need."

This is in response to this anon who's been going around saying mspec lesbians make other lesbians feel unsafe because we "insist [they] can be attracted to men" cheryl no one said you could. I can't myself. Sorry the statement is backwards, it just sounds better that way. We all believe you about your lack of attraction and there isn't anyone who simultaneously doesn't believe you AND knows what a bi lesbian is

[bilesproblems]

I think it is important to say that "I'm bisexual but I'd never date a woman" is valid, the "eww" is added on as a straw man. Some bisexual people would never date a woman and they are not less bisexual. They could be attracted to men and nonbinary people but not women, they could be bisexual and heteromantic or homoromantic. That's a valid way to be mspec and mono and the invalidation of bisexual people who aren't biromantic is still biphobia

Hi! Genuine person trying to understand here! Can you explain how mono mspecs identify? I know it's probably not the same as those people who are like "I'm bisexual but id never date a woman eww" but thats what my brain is defaulting to and I'd like to understand it more so it stops doing that ToT I assume its similar to mspec monos but I'd really like to hear more about this pls :)

Well I wrote mono mspec as the same as mspec mono..is there a difference? Probably not I think. But fluid sexuality with mspsc monos is one way, and I think preference is also a way, I've had a ask that was someone who dated a woman after identifying as gay for a while and still used it as well as bisexuality (or omni, I can't remember) or being attracted to multigender people that they count as mspec but still identity with that mono label, like a bi lesbian attracted to mostly women but also multigender men, who could be like a man and woman.

[bilesproblems]

I'm gonna start creating proper demographic surveys for this blog and re-run them yearly

[bilesproblems]

It’s so hard to see the perpetuation of harmful and violent transphobia, lesbophobia, and biphobia repackaged as a valid identity. The roots of bi lesbian as a term come from terfs trying to declare lesbians who sleep with trans women “actually bisexual.” Even people who think Allison Bechdel came up with the term grossly misinterpret her comic to think she supported it when she didn’t. Trans men cannot be lesbians, and to imply that some can is to invalidate all of their identities as men. People who identify as lesbians are not attracted to people who identify as men, and it’s harmful to lesbians to imply “they can actually have relationships with men too.” How often are lesbians told they’re just confused or will “find the right man?” Bisexual is not a dirty word, and people who experience multi-gender attraction have terms like sapphic to describe their identity and preference without stepping all over lesbians. I’m begging people to do a little critical thinking and ask themselves why they feel the need to force a community that doesn’t describe their experiences to conform to their own sense of individuality.

I don't feel like doing blackout poetry so lets deconstruct this utter horseshit.

As I have previously stated, TERFs cannot have coined "bi lesbian." Bi lesbian is not a unique combination of words. It has no roots as a term. It's existed for as long as the words bi and lesbian have existed. No one has claimed Bechdel invented it either - rather, it is just proof that the term existed when Bechdel did. And if TERFs had been the first to use them in combination, it literally doesn't matter because it's not a unique combination of words. I have already run this poll (link) about trans people in the mspec lesbian community, so it's by far been reclaimed a thousand times over by trans and genderqueer people from the TERFs. If that's even true at all that any TERF ever has used "bi lesbian" to refer to people who are attracted to cis and trans women.

But if you want to bring up fucking TERFs? Lesbian never meant exclusive attraction to women until TERFs started the lesbian separatism movement. Exclusion of men was never a required part of lesbian identity before TERFs. TERFs now HATE mspec lesbians. Most of the hate I've received is from TERFs. If you do not support mspec lesbians, you are siding with TERFs whether you like it or not.

Trans men can define their experiences however they want to. It is only transphobic and invalidating to their identity if you call a trans man a lesbian when he has described himself as straight or with another identity other than lesbian. If a trans man himself says "I view myself as a lesbian, I identify as a lesbian, please call me a lesbian," that's not transphobia to respect his identity. Trans people have a right to conceptualize their orientation however feels right, and sometimes that means a trans man is gonna feel like a lesbian. That doesn't invalidate their identity as men when you accept that men can be lesbians. And they can. You can't include genderqueer people in lesbian if you don't include men, because some men are women, some men are nonbinary, some men are genderqueer. Some men are questioning if they're men at all. And aptobinary trans men have had a significantly different experience with manhood and how their attraction to women is treated vs aptobinary cis men, so if they identify as lesbians, it is because of that experience. They have a right to. It isn't going to kill you to acknowledge that someone is simultaneously a man and a lesbian, and that maybe a definition of lesbian exclusively centered on excluding men is a flawed definition.

Anyways, you can't just say "lesbians are not attracted to people who identify as men" because there isn't one way of being attracted to people. I am platonically and aesthetically attracted to men. Am I not allowed to call myself a lesbian, despite being romantically interested exclusively in women and nonbinary people who do not identify as men? I have already gone over why (link) arbitrarily making lesbian apply to both romantic and sexual attraction (link) is aphobic rhetoric (link) many, (link) many times (link). You can simultaneously be attracted to men and lack attraction to men. So you can either have lesbian apply to every form of attraction, making it so nobody is ever a lesbian, or you can have lesbian capable of describing a single form of attraction regardless of other orientations in other forms of attraction. Making it apply only to romantic and sexual attraction is allonormativity, amatonormativity, and invalidating to aroace lesbians.

You can also be simultaneously attracted to men and not attracted to men when you're abrosexual. Abrosexual people who experience bisexuality and lesbianism have every right to claim their identities and identify with both of those things - them being temporary states doesn't make them less real than a static lesbian or static bisexual's orientation.

It is only as harmful to exclusive lesbians to say that some lesbians can have sex and relationships with men as it is harmful to sex repulsed aces to say that some asexuals have sex. Some people will use the inclusion of sex favorable asexuals to be aphobic towards sex aversed asexuals, but the ace community largely agrees that people who lack sexual attraction are still asexual and it is not our fault that aphobes decided to take a statement that meant "people who have sex can identify as asexual" and twist it around as if it meant "people who identify as asexual will still bang you no matter what." I, as an exclusive lesbian, know that if mspec lesbian identities were more popular, there would be dumbass straight men doing the same thing, but it would not be the fault of other mspec lesbians. The statement "lesbians can have relationships with men" has always and will forever mean "people who are attracted to women have had historical connections to this community and were forced out by TERFs have a right to reclaim their identity," "people who have split attraction have a right to use the terms that describe both of their orientations" and "sometimes men are women," and it isn't our responsibility when lesbophobes decide to pretend it means "all lesbians have sexual and romantic relationships with men." I have, in fact, already posted about this.

I don't see how being told you'll find the right man is relevant when people say that anyways. Even if there were no mspec people, and no split attraction - if EVERYONE was gay/lesbian or straight or aroace - people would still say this. This has never been the fault of mspec people reclaiming their lesbian identity. I don't think anyone who's ever said that phrase has even heard of bi lesbians before.

I've already addressed "bisexual is not a dirty word." Pretty silly to say "it's okay to call yourself bisexual" to a community of people who identify as BISEXUAL lesbians.

Anyways, at the end of this, how about *I* beg *you* to do a little critical thinking and ask yourself why you have throughout all of this assumed that the only way someone could be a bi lesbian is if they experience attraction to men? Especially since you claim that it's a bad label because of TERFs, why are you so exorsexist to believe that "bisexual" means "men and women"? I'm biromantic. I'm not romantically attracted to men. That's not even a little bit confusing to people who know there are more than two genders. You've spent this whole ask talking about men, men, men, and then say people with multi-gendered attraction have other terms. So... Do you think lesbians only like women, or do you just think nonbinary genders aren't real? Have you yet to deconstruct the gender binary in your mind? Is attraction to nonbinary people "not real" or something to you?

The lesbian community either DOES describe their experience perfectly, you just don't accept things like multigender people, split attraction, and fluid sexuality, OR in the case of lesbian men and mspec lesbians reclaiming a historical definition of lesbian, it typically describes an experience different to their own, but for a variety of reasons, they have felt like it is the most accurate anyways. Your community isn't being forced to conform to anything - never has it ever been suggested that other lesbians need to like or be men. There's only ever been criticism of the definition because it's been used to invalidate people. No one gives a shit if a lesbian definition includes "this attraction is (usually) exclusive" in it.

How about you actually read thru the blog and see some of the resources before you vomit up a bullshit mini essay? How about you stop being transphobic before you accuse other people of being transphobic?

[bilesproblems]

Are you okay with people sending asks that aren't necessarily mspec lesbian related? The blog I usually go to to talk about gender stuff has its asks closed atm and I kinda want to talk about this--

I'm in a women + nonbinary chorus and for the most part it's nice, but, as far as I'm aware, I'm the only transmasc genderqueer/fluid/fuck person who is 1. On Testosterone and 2. Kind of a man/boy, lesboy to be specific, (there's other nonbinary folks, or well I'm not sure specifically how they would consider their genders, if they would say nonbinary or something else or whether they consider themselves to be t-masc, but I digress). While it doesn't happen too often, there are times where the conductor will say like, "oh this is a lovely song, even if it was written by a man" or something and it's like 🫠🥲 can we maybe... idk... not do that... ??? Just sometimes feels a tad isolating because I am still in fact a bit of a man.

Hey, thanks for asking! I let this sit because I didn't know how to answer at first and have been a little bit busy. Then I wrote a sentence and a half, forgot to finish, and just found it again. While I try to stay mspec lesbian specific 7 times out of 10, I am okay with asks about adjacent communities and I sometimes do make posts about intersecting queer stuff. Plus I got a bit of a content drought going so go ahead! So sorry for leaving this

[bilesproblems]

Returning to my roots of comedy! Today I will present you with...

The Top 5 Ways to Defeat an Exclusionist

[plain text: The Top 5 Ways to Defeat an Exclusionist. End pt.]

These are the absolute best things you can use to destroy exclus. Trust me chat. Works 120% of the time.

Number 5: A cannon

If "bisexual lesbian" is a historical label, then I think we require a historical solution. Honestly you don't even have to shoot the cannon, just rolling up with one will instantly make exclus stop saying their usual rhetoric and start saying things like "oh my god is that a fucking cannon?" "Okay let's not get violent!! Please don't shoot" and "help! Help! They have a cannon!" If they run away, you win by default!

Number 4: Putting a curse on them

A popular choice for mspec lesbian witches. You can put a curse on an exclusionist and they will probably leave you alone to avoid getting cursed worse. You can even make it really funny by cursing them so that all of their female partners to realize they're trans men or multigender men 6 months into the relationship.

Number 3: Trapping them in a time loop

You can just move on with your life and be happy while exclusionists spend the rest of eternity doing the one thing they seem to love doing the most - making pointless arguments against people's identities that don't actually change anybody's mind. Honestly kinda a win win for everyone. This would be number one, but trapping them in a time loop is kinda difficult, making it only number 3.

Number 2: Shoving them in the exclus to lesboy pipeline

Based on a phenomenon me and a friend noticed, they and a lot of its formerly exclus friends ended up identifying as lesboys. Shoving an exclusionist on this pipeline guaruntees they will come out of it a lesboy. A perfect choice for those who like redemption arcs.

Number 1: Lesbian laser vision

This one comes with a visual from @ruffeng which they made when I said "obliterates you with my lesbian laser vision" to someone on yourfavsalesbian.

[ID: A crude drawing of a small character with a large head blasting another character with laser vision. The other character has normal proportions and is lying face down. The laser beams are the colors of the aurora lesbian flag. End ID.]

Exclusionists cannot survive the lesbian laser vision. Nobody can survive the lesbian laser vision. This is guaranteed to work if all else fails, and is the quickest solution. A bit extreme on the violence scale, but sometimes it's necessary. Use with caution!

And now you know how you, too, can defeat an exclusionist in an argument.

[bilesproblems]

I need to do more comedy again. We deserve it

[bilesproblems]

Thank you so much for existing I keep getting into fights with strangers on the internet and reading the blog is like *deep breaths*

Never saw this but thank you!! I'm always glad to hear about people finding comfort or joy in my blog :) it gives me a sense of importance. Keep enjoying it, keep using it to calm down after arguing with dumbassery, keep using it to feel validation. We will persist in the face of discrimination. We will not go away or cease being who we are because it doesn't make sense to people who never truly deconstructed the gender binary OR amatonormativity in their minds.

[bilesproblems]

What a surprise, I go to the profile of the exclusionist in my comment section and she thinks all lesbians don't like dicks. Sorry babe but just because you personally don't like penis doesn't mean ALL other lesbians don't. Whether those lesbians like men or not, since anyone of any gender can have a dick.

Anyways shout out to lesbians who have penises, like penises, and/or want to have a penis. Shoutout to transfems without bottom surgery who are lesbians, transmascs with bottom surgery (or who plan to get it) who are lesbians, intersex lesbians with penises, and their lesbian partners who love them. Genitalia doesn't have to define your lesbianism and you're inherently better than any exclusionist <3

[bilesproblems]

Reminder that 92.59% of mspec lesbians in my aspec poll reported being some form of aspec, with the highest majority being people on more than one anattractional spectrum. The people reportedly "stealing" the SAM from aspecs are majority aspec anyways.

aspec contradictory label culture is seeing allos scream about "the eeeevil bi lesbians STEALING the SAM from poor aroaces" when in reality many aspec people don't give a fuck if others use it and ARE ALSO even using these labels themselves as being aspec can complicate how ur orientation even more (speaking from experience!!)

💗

[bilesproblems]

if any of u like surveys!!

Contradictory Identity Survey 2025

The contradictory identity survey is a new yearly survey surrounding contradictory identities, including those considered contradictory by their users. If you identify with at least one at least one identity that is considered contradictory by either yourself or others, and are 13 or over, you can participate. You absolutely do not have to do this if you do not want.

link under cut

[bilesproblems]

also exclusionists stop acting like people criticizing "nonmen loving nonmen" as a DEFINITION for "lesbian" means criticizing not being a man and not being attracted to men. All criticisms of it are based on it being the enforced definition of lesbian. The actual experience is not what is being attacked.

[bilesproblems]

Exclusionists: You're bisexual and only romantically attracted to women? You're not a lesbian!! You're just bisexual! You can't call yourself a bisexual lesbian that's just impossible you're just bisexual. You're bi!!

Also exclusionists: You're bisexual and only romantically attracted to men? You're not bisexual!! You're just straight! You're playing into biphobic stereotypes by only dating men. Having sex with women DOESN'T MAKE YOU BISEXUAL!! You're straight!!

Exclusionists are not consistent. Whether you're just your sexual orientation or just your romantic orientation depends on which makes it easier to kick you out. They just hate people for having split attraction. You are both of your orientations. You can be a bisexual lesbian or a bisexual straight, or frankly any mspec sexuality and also lesbian or straight. Neither one is less real. You don't have to pick. You're not biphobic or lesbophobic for using the words that actually describe your experience

[bilesproblems]

So… I just came out as a butch lesbian as a transmasc enby… and after reading your posts I think I’m a bi lesbian? Are bi butch lesbians a thing? I’m not attracted to men but I am attracted to women and elsegender people, and my partner is agender so I like these labels. Can I call myself that?

*taps the sign* (link)

Of course you can call yourself a bi butch lesbian or a butch bi lesbian. There is nothing about butchness or about mspec lesbianism that would exclude the other experience, and besides, this is the community where you can label yourself in ways that most people dictate as "not allowed" so, even if it weren't, none of us would be grabbing our pitchforks and telling you "no no you can't call yourself that!!" And since your reason for identifying with the label is my reason too, not only are you welcome in the community, but you would be really cool for it. If the label feels right to you, and feels like it's validating to your partner's identity, that's not only a valid reason, but it's a really compassionate one too.

We support you here! But also like I said in the post I linked, you do not need MY permission to call yourself something that makes you happy. I get you're gonna be starting a journey I've already been on, your views of self identification are going to be shaped in a more "fuck the rules" way, whether you say fuck the rules yourself or you just go "hell yeah" when someone else does. So you still feel the need to be checked at the door and approved of. But you are allowed to decide who you are without permission from anyone else. I don't want to decide who's allowed in or not. I just want to be allowed to make posts for my community to enjoy and be a safe space for everyone.

Welcome to the mspec lesbian community, we are so happy to have you.