bird-goofle

[bird-goofle]

They stole you from your world when you were but a young girl, and they forged you into a magical weapon that has been feared across the cosmos. Now that the war is over and you’ve won, they send you back to the moment before they captured you. The skills, PTSD, and memories? Those never fade.

[bird-goofle]

Tired of getting overstimulated to the point where I just want to bite people

[bird-goofle]

I could never own a parrot. They are splendid and delightful joyful creatures but I could not match their fucking whimsy. If I woke up at 4:45 am on a tuesday to the sound of some gleeful feather-cloaked varmint doing aerial somersaults all over the house while singing the world's most high-pitched whistle nightcore one-man a capella cover of Funkytown, I'd eat it.

[bird-goofle]

I can’t figure out how to phrase it especially eloquently right now, but I recently realized that the reason I (decidedly some brand of autism/adhd) don’t have anything easily recognizable as a safe food is because I have a list of dishes that I like one of three specific ways instead of something easy to prepare that comes out the same every time it’s made

[bird-goofle]

I have got to stop coming up with jokes that are incomprehensible to everybody except for at most 3 people

[bird-goofle]

"you can use ai to improve spelling and grammar"

[bird-goofle]

hello tumblr user sparkbirdmusic! i am rather late to the party i fear (due to other hyperfixations taking over my brain) however i have finally listened to the light that comes through and wowowowow i love it a lot!!!!! scratches my brain very nice and it's yummy. as someone who plays the flute i was very excited by the flute lines and was wondering if perhaps you had the sheet music for it? would love to try playing it sometime if you do :]

You’re not alone in wanting the flute sheet music! I just now wrote to Josh Plotner to ask for it, stay tuned

[bird-goofle]

Ways to Improve Online (White-People) Recipes

If it asks for garlic, add that much ginger, and twice that much garlic.

If it asks for cinnamon, add 1 1/2 times as much cinnamon, and a small amount of nutmeg. If the MAIN flavour is cinnamon, also add a small amount of cloves and allspice.

If it asks for vanilla, also add a SMALL amount of almond extract. (Usually up to a few drops.)

If it asks for onions, also add some garlic, but add it 1 minute before you're either done cooking, or you add liquid

If the spices are pretty much only oregano or parsley, add both, as well as a small to medium amount of basil, thyme, summer savory, tarragon, and/or marjoram (the earlier two are great in beef, chicken and tomato dishes, while the others are good with pork, chicken, most vegetables, and pretty much anything else you can think of with a 'lighter' flavour)

if it asks for cheddar or mozzarella cheese, also add a bit of feta and parmesan

Don't be afraid of flavour!

(EDIT: I'm Canadian, and white)

[bird-goofle]

Waking up from your decade long enchanted sleep to learn that, not only is sharing your True Name with the fae okay now, but there's actually a rule against using a false name when entering the faerie market.

Your friends admit that this causes some problems— it's way easier to fall victim to a false deal, or get stolen away now— but everyone goes to the fae market to buy their goods so what are you gonna do? Not see your friends? Go out of your way to buy more expensive stuff from the human market? Yeah right.

Also yes they still perform their light-footed fluttering dances under the silvery light of the full moon, but in order to get in you have to first watch the dancers perform two short plays about why you should shop at certain local businesses. Also if you want to talk about the performance afterwards then you need to trade them your True Name, your home address, your date of birth and your personal interests.

You do this so that the fae can this information on a scroll and give it to local business owners.

Another part of the deal they broke is that nobody may talk negatively about those businesses within the market walls. In fact, your friends say, the enchantment is so effective that it's very difficult to talk negatively about anything at all.

“I know it sounds un-good,” your friend admits. “But there are loopholes.”

“In retrospect,” another friend says, “I wish the town had voted un-yes to teaching the fae about money.”

“On the plus side,” the first friend says, “I hear the market is investing in one of those enchanted statues that responds to questions with deliberately ambiguous riddles, so long as you trade it your memories of secondary school.”

“Oh, cool. Is that why they're burning down the library?”

You wonder if it's too late to go back to sleep.

[bird-goofle]

lately been on a real powdered substance kick

[bird-goofle]

Me, having just used the Merlin app to decipher the morning chorus: we love citizen science in this house :) …by house I mean my brain

[bird-goofle]

There was this one time someone yelled 'what should we talk about' just before the 'ooo let's talk about chemistry' I think about that alot now

[bird-goofle]

More cousin visit chronicles:

- One of the kiddos figured out that I don’t care too much about getting pool chlorine in my eyes, proceeded to continue splashing me in the face

-everybody here is some flavor of adhd and/or autistic, so any mention of sensory issues is met with nods of agreement and the occasional “I’m the opposite, but I get it because I can’t do [other sensory issue]”

-the “everybody” previously mentioned is a total of uhhh 13 people including myself, and only a small handful of us are more than happy to remove ourselves from situations, so it gets Loud

My cousin: …not to be that 💅 bitch, but

Me, having forgotten since I last saw him that this man is a little fruity and a lot gender non-conforming: *absolutely losing it*

[bird-goofle]

My cousin: …not to be that 💅 bitch, but

Me, having forgotten since I last saw him that this man is a little fruity and a lot gender non-conforming: *absolutely losing it*

[bird-goofle]

Out of curiosity…

[bird-goofle]

Everything reminds me of them.

[bird-goofle]

before you murder everyone in the room because you had a bad day. haveyou done your sudoku yet