bittermelodies-aftg

[bittermelodies-aftg]

Neil, internally:

Neil twisted his fingers through the metal links and wished he could break the fence down.

"Let me in."

-Book 1, The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic

[bittermelodies-aftg]

Neil twisted his fingers through the metal links and wished he could break the fence down.

"Let me in."

-Book 1, The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic

[bittermelodies-aftg]

The foxes are maybe the most interesting iteration of the found family trope I've ever seen. They love each other. They hate each other. They spend half their time fighting. They literally hide behind each other when threatened. They call each other slurs. They're all gay and date each other. They're mentally ill and traumatised. They're so problematic it's ridiculous. Canonically three of them are murderers. They have a massive sleepover where they all snuggle together .Some of them have about two lines of dialogue together. What the fuck

[bittermelodies-aftg]

Head cannon time: Neil is smart.

I know what you're thinking, Neil is a math major, he's a polyglot, of course he's smart. But that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm saying that Neil is smart.

There is a reason why Mary had to force to do average at school and not draw attention to himself, because that kid was bringing home straight A's and getting awards for damn near everything. Something he was very proud of because it was the only time both of his parents would be nice to him. They might even give him a treat.

Mary forces him to become paranoid to the extent of making average grades to go unnoticed, but do you know how hard it is to make a certain grade? You have to know every answer on the test to calculate how much you can get right to hit that perfect C.

I think Neil sat there through every lesson and test running calculations in his head about how many mistakes he needed to make to go under the radar. To never win an award. To never get asked to join any clubs. Because he KNOWS that Nathan and his people are scouring any news about up and coming kids.

They're looking at all the finalist in the state and nationals spelling bee's. The decathlons. The sporting teams. Just waiting for Nathaniel to grow egotistical enough to get the spotlight again.

But Mary doesn't celebrate his achievements anymore. At best he'll get a pat on the back if his report card is filled with the most mundane, 'I have no clue who this kid is' language from his teachers.

And Neil is desperate for that crumb of affection.

So he only goes back to Exy after she dies, and he plays down his talents until Kevin comes along. And when Andrew calls him out for knowing more than he lets on... Well, Neil is a real boy now, He doesn't need to hide anymore.

[bittermelodies-aftg]

I read AFTG with like, zero knowledge of the plot and the synopsis. Imagine my combined shock and glee when I realized out how wild things were escalating while I was reading the books. I literally thought it was just a normal series about a weird traumatized guy who likes to play a fictional sport called exy, but then the mafia thing comes out of nowhere and suddenly Neil is literally fighting not just to win in the sport but for his life too. And then omg, here comes Andrew. So now it's not just a sports and mafia thing but there's also gay in it because now, Neil, who doesn't swing, has found the only person he'd swing for. Said person also has an incredibly traumatic past and suddenly it becomes a love story.

It's so chaotic and we're all here for it.

Most sports books are like “I need to win championships so I can prove myself!!!” and then there’s The Foxhole Court where the main character is like “yeah so if I don’t win championships I will literally be executed because when I was 10 my serial killer father tried to sell me to a cult so my assassin mother stole $5 million from the yakuza and ran away with me, but it turned out that my dad was friends with the leader of the mafia, so now we also had a bunch of hit men after us, and almost a decade later my dad caught up with us and killed my mom and I faked my death, so I decided to join a college sports team to start my new life, but then I found out one of my teammates is a runaway from the cult my dad tried to sell me to, and not only that but the cult’s leader is the brother of the head of the Japanese mafia, so now both of them are after me too, and also the FBI keeps trying to convince me to testify against my father, but if I do I’ll have to go into witness protection because my dad’s friends will try to kill me and I can’t be a professional athlete while under witness protection, but luckily my uncle (who is the leader of the British mob) brokered a deal that will assure my safety if I win championships as long as I hand over 80% of my salary to the mafia for the rest of my life.” And that’s only the main character, I haven’t even mentioned how insane some of the side characters’ backstories are!

Basically this is the most unhinged book I have ever read and I love it so much

[bittermelodies-aftg]

Ok but Neil's obsession with exy is literally also just me with my favorite books/mangas/anime/movies/shows. Likeeeee...

Neil:

Me:

"Fiction is not an option here, okay? You can love fictional characters all you want but they're never gonna love you back."

You should've let it go, but the challenge was out before you could stop it. "So?"

"Oh my god." They looked torn between horror and pity. "Seriously? That might be the saddest thing I've ever heard."

You should have just kept your mouth shut. "I need to finish this book before the series comes out."

"Don't you dare." They snatched the paperback from your hands and dropped it on the ground. "Listen up. There's obsession and there's dysfunction. You can't make fiction your end-all be-all. This won't last forever, okay? You'll graduate, work, age, then you'll retire, and then what? You're gonna spend the rest of your life at home, binge-watching movies and anime shows, with all your favorite books and mangas in a shelf?"

"Leave it," you said.

Maybe they heard the quiet warning in your voice, because they gentled their tone. "You can't be just this. This isn't enough to live for."

[bittermelodies-aftg]

Seriously, every aftg related post I see makes me want to reread aftg and it's taking me every inch of what little self control I have to stop myself from doing that because I still have a book I have not yet finished reading, tons of school work to do, and an upcoming exam next week. I'm stressed as hell which makes it even harder because aftg is like, my comfort read. I don't know what to do anymore.

[bittermelodies-aftg]

Book 1: The Foxhole Court, Chapter 1:

Book 3: The King's Men, Chapter 14:

The way he was so quick to say no to a pen when he was offered a chance with the Foxes back in Book 1 because he thought that exy and being part of the Foxes was not for him and that Neil Josten was not a name he could keep and will only add up to the long list of names he has used on the run.

But then by Book 3, when he has already learned to stop running and knew he could keep Neil Josten, be with the Foxes and play exy, he was the one who demanded for a pen himself.

Something about this makes me wanna squeeze him in a hug while sobbing uncontrollably.

Neil, darling, please, you deserve all of it. Here, take this box of pens and sign that thing right away.

[bittermelodies-aftg]

LISTEN. Andreil is so fucking important to me and NOTHING, nothing gives me more comfort than the idea of them having found each other after all the sht that they had to go through in the past.

I love them so much. They are literally the embodiment of comfort for me. Not a day goes by that I do not think about them.

They deserve the world.

Neil deserves home and family. He deserves an entire lifetime of being able to freely play the sport he loves. He deserves everything he needs and everything he has ever wanted and will ever want or yearn for. Above all, he deserves Andrew. He deserves someone to hold him up after miles and miles of running. Someone to keep him safe and grounded when he's falling apart. He deserves the keys, the trust, the honesty, the kisses. He deserves the unmovable force that Andrew is and everything that comes with the "nothing" that they have.

And Andrew. Andrew deserves all the good things in the world no matter how much he denies ever wanting or deserving anything. He deserves someone who acknowledges all his no's and truly sees him for who he is and how much he cares behind the mask of apathy that's too much for others to comprehend. He deserves someone to look after him and remind him that he matters too. He deserves someone to let him know that even if the world were ending, someone would care enough to put his safety above theirs and come back for him because his life and survival means something to them.

The honesty, the trust, the respect for boundaries, and the understanding that comes on top of anything else between them is everything to me.

It literally helps me sleep at night and I'm not even exaggerating.

AFTG might not be the kind of book series that everyone knows or talks about enough but I still love it with every inch of my pathetic existence. I don't care what anyone else thinks. It's trash but it is the best thing that has ever happened to me and you can all judge me if you want but I do not care.