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I remind the people I love of their hardest times. Not because I caused their pain. On the contrary, I never took part in what hurt them. But it’s because I was there when they were suffering, standing beside them, helping put out the fire that was burning their insides. And it doesn’t matter whether I succeeded in helping or not; all that matters is that I was a witness, and people often don’t want a witness to their pain lingering around when they have stepped into a new, happier chapter of their lives. I know pushing me away isn’t a conscious decision, and you might think this would hurt less but it’s what hurts the most. That deep down inside of them, I have become no different from the reason of their pain. The reminder of their hurt. I am now the inferior one. They’ve outgrown the version of themselves that I helped soothe. And the lighter, happier version is not the one that needs me. Not anymore. And I am not holding it over them. I am not seeking recognition or anything in return. I’m simply letting it out, because at the end of the day that’s who I am… a reminder, to the people I love, of their hardest times.

31st February 2025

9:17 PM

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trimming my nails but she's not here.

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starting a collection of my favourite AO3 author’s notes

honourable mentions

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[oc] album cover i did for yet another oc playlist! i'm addicted to drawing these

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"are you normal about-" no I'm an insane pervert

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I burn out emotionally in the upper atmosphere

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A quick sketch of Vi from Arcane. No pencil prep, directly on ink! I'll post process later. :)

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let me hear the sound of your heart!!

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gosh im loving this pfp 😭

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MBTI x Pali 🍉 Part 1 ❤️ Feel free to use them as pfp ! Which one are you ? Which one do you like most ? 👀

(I made these stickers for charity and I'm still trying to find a way to make them useful and accessible ! If you wanna use them to collect funds for charity send me a message ! )

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I love my mom. I don’t think I could live without her. Just the thought of something bad happening to her sends me into a horrible spiral. But sometimes… I can’t help feeling like I’d be better off stepping away from her, for how long, I don’t even know. Maybe it’s the angry part of me talking. Maybe I shouldn’t even be saying this.

I know my mom didn’t get to live the life we’re living now. I know she watches us achieve things she once dreamed of, things she never had the chance to pursue. I know she gave up her own life for ours. She had so much potential. But marrying my dad and having us meant letting go of that.

And I hate myself for that. I wish I never existed if it meant my mom could have lived the life she deserved. I never would have chosen to be born at the cost of her dreams. And I know maybe she didn’t have much of a choice either. But still, I didn’t choose this either.

Oh, mom… I love you so much. But I can’t help noticing that spark in your eyes dimming, bit by bit, each time we accomplish something. I know you’re proud. I know you’re happy for us. But sometimes I catch a glimpse of the younger you, the child, the teen, longing for what we have now, wishing it had been yours.

I sense the jealousy, even if you try to hide it. The intense fights over nothing, they feel like something deeper. Maybe you’re asking yourself why it is so easy for us when it was so hard for you.

Forgive me, mom. Forgive me for yelling at you. I never mean to raise my voice or be harsh. But the guilt, the guilt of existing at the cost of your dreams, eats away at me. And sometimes it comes out as anger, and I hate that about myself.

Sometimes I question why you thought having me, having this life, was worth giving up your own. I can barely imagine who you were before dad. Maybe a glimpse, from the stories of the good old days. But the version of you I know now feels so much like him. Like his edges have become yours.

I used to think he dimmed your light. But now I think time did. Years of living with him slowly shaped you into someone more like him, a hard shell over a soft soul. Maybe that’s how you survived.

I love you because you are my mom. But I don’t know if I love who you are as a person.

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kristen stewart as norah price

underwater (2020)