bpdstevenuniverse

[bpdstevenuniverse]

Healing for me wasn't about erasing my past, or forgetting it. It was about reclaiming my future, and making a good life for myself.

[bpdstevenuniverse]

someday, life will feel like more than just surviving the day

[bpdstevenuniverse]

Just a reminder:

People don’t need to justify their triggers for them to be valid.

They don’t owe you an explanation.

Even if it seems “weird” or doesn’t make sense to you, it’s still real for them.

You don’t have to get it to respect it.

Just be kind.

[bpdstevenuniverse]

spoiler alert: you remain beautiful as your body changes

(p.s. your body will naturally change. it’s meant to.)

[bpdstevenuniverse]

When I say “last year,” I’m talking about 2019

[bpdstevenuniverse]

don’t forget to take your meds if you need to!! also, do not feel like taking meds is a weakness. it isn’t. it just gives you what you need to function better, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

[bpdstevenuniverse]

“you look happier”

thanks, i’m not

[bpdstevenuniverse]

things you deserve:

to be treasured

hand-picked flowers

cat nuzzles

a big, long hug (if you like those)

fresh fruit

a big, cool glass of water

an “i’m proud of you”

[bpdstevenuniverse]

[bpdstevenuniverse]

HANDWRITTEN NOTES AND LETTERS ARE THE WAY TO MY F-ED UP HEART

[bpdstevenuniverse]

so unfair that i can't kill myself for 3 years as a cathartic coping mechanism and then come back when i feel better

[bpdstevenuniverse]

even if you love your own company, if you’re okay in solitude, being alone can still suck. it’s okay to be discontent with and experience loneliness. it doesn’t automatically mean “you need to love your own company more”.

[bpdstevenuniverse]

if you see this, someone is thinking fondly about you right now

[bpdstevenuniverse]

one of my reasons to live:

visit the van gogh museum in amsterdam

[bpdstevenuniverse]

on one hand, i don't want to demand people's attention or manipulate them because of my fears of being abandoned/alone. but on the other hand, i wish i could open up to my friends about it - without pointing fingers at them or anything. because unfortunately, i've had this fear since i was a child, and i was shamed for even wanting deeper emotional connections. some people did, in fact, abandon me in some way, and no one else knows how that deeply messed me up.

and i feel like in this modern capitalism era, you're expected to not depend on anyone at all, and so you're shamed if you have fears of being alone, or if you need any form of reassurance at all. because of that, i'm scared my friends are going to find me "too clingy" (when really, i'm the opposite! i never show that fear to anyone) and so they're going to leave me.

how do i deal with that? i can't take hiding this all inside of me anymore, i feel like i'm going crazy.

[bpdstevenuniverse]

I know it’s easier said than done, but you don’t deserve to feel ashamed or angry at yourself because you were too afraid to speak up when you were being abused.

It’s normal. It doesn’t mean you deserved it or wanted it.

I encourage you to think about what you’d think of someone else in your position. Would you blame them? I think that’s unlikely. You’re just as deserving of compassion. I promise. Please be compassionate with yourself.