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my partner might be onto something when she says you can disguise your pickiness and food sensitivity as an adult by calling yourself a “purist.” so instead of saying “the taste and texture of cooked raisins make me want to hmork,” you say “i’m actually kind of a cinnamon roll purist, i prefer just a classic cinnamon filling and a really good dough instead of something with a ton of random mix ins,” which takes you from who gave this four year old a bachelor degree to oh wow this guy is a pretentious asshole about more things than i even thought was possible

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The people who go "well who's going to look after you when you're old?" when you say you're not having kids are breathtakingly naive. Our next-door neighbour, somewhere in her mid-80s, has a son, grandkids, and a grear-granddaughter, and who's the one she calls when she needs help, and checks that she's not spending christmas alone? Me and my boyfriend.

Having kids is irrelevant if the answer to that question is still going to be "the mentally ill faggots next door."

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THIS HAS ABSOLUTELY MADE MY FUCKING DAY

BRO WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE HES ABOUT TO BURST INTO TEARS 😭😭😭

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god forbid a woman is boring and a low achiever and likes to drink

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[through tears] yeah i remain whimsical

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kids these days are like “i need chat gpt to write an essay that would normally take 12 hours in 2” but back in my day i did that all the time by using a little technique called “writing some absolute bullshit.” and yet i still walked away with a better essay and more critical thinking skills than i would get if i used chatgpt. write a bad essay that you started on the day it was due, but write it yourself.

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"live every day like it's your last": scary. weirdly foreboding. not a good thought process if you get anxious easily. stressful. so much pressure that it loops back around to making you do nothing. "live every day like it's your FIRST": everything becomes fascinating. renews the excitement of discovering things for the first time again. makes you feel like exploring stuff. #mywisdom

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it actually completely unironically pisses me off that there was times when i wasn't alive and there will be times when i'm not alive. i should have been there for everything

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The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes only to turn around and to your horror: the pot.

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pepsi for grandpa

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Livre de la Vigne nostre Seigneur; France, 15th century; Bodleian Library, MS. Douce 134, f. 49v

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Hey boss man can't come in to work today. I'm just not feeling the love. You know how it is. Not feeling the love. At all