brewingconfession-blog

[brewingconfession-blog]

Oh honey no. . .

I’m not aware if other baristas have been experiencing the same rift in the balance of the coffee universe as I have. If not, prepare to be educated. If yes, then I’m sorry for your sacrifice of brain cells. 

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new sweetened substitute for sugar: honey. Technically, honey is sugar (we’ve known this), BUT, the general public has just gotten wind of it and they are obsessed. I will admit that honey is more aesthetically pleasing to the eye in comparison to the block of sugar that collect at the bottom of your cup,

*sigh*

but SON! WHEN I SAY THAT HONEY IS THE MOST, the most, STICKY SUBSTANCE KNOWN TO MANKIND; IT AIN’T COMING OUT OF ITS PACKET FOR THE LIFE OF ME. 

SO when customers ask for seven packets for honey in their small ass tea (basically filling up half the cup with Satan spit) you better know that I am praying that you, the customer, are damn happy seeing me struggle to neatly open your honey behind the counter. Be aware that your seven packets of honey have sucked a portion of my soul and the last three brain cells out of my body. Everything is now sticky and I’m in a mood because I won’t have time to thoroughly wash my hands because, you know, life won’t stop for my sticky hands. AND NOW everything I touch will become sticky-sticky-sticky. 

It’s a slow and frustrating form of torture. 

Honey is the glitter of the coffee world. Someone pass the soap. 

[brewingconfession-blog]

The Pumpkin Invasion

Ah yes. Fall. The season of UGG boots and piles of wet, smelly leaves. It’s a beautiful season that turns the world orange for a few months before it hibernates in the icy blue realities of winter, leaving you shivering and wanting warmth. We experience the excitement of Halloween and the joys of Saturday Night Football. But, what is most anticipated, especially by those of the coffee community, is pumpkin spice. 

Dun. Dun. Dun. 

Passionate follows of the movement flock to baristas across the country craving demanding the seasonal flavor. Why this happens, I have yet to uncover, but in commemoration of festive season, I would like to share the most interesting and extreme requests/orders I have had the pleasure of making for the passionate pumpkin posse (this includes both drinks and food items). 

Let the invasion begin:

Pumpkin iced black/green tea

Pumpkin lemonade

Pumpkin water (Yes . . . pumpkin water)

Pumpkin cream cheese on an everything bagel 

Pumpkin cream cheese on a chocolate doughnut 

Pumpkin oatmeal 

Pumpkin milk

Pumpkin syrup on a chocolate chip muffin

Pumpkin syrup on a breakfast sandwich (egg and all)

And finally, my personal favorite: serving it straight up. In a cup. Nothing else. Just pumpkin spice syrup. 

The pumpkin posse is not to be messed with. 

[brewingconfession-blog]

“That will be $4.25″

The Twilight Zone is real and no one can convince me otherwise. 

Back in May, I was working my usual evening shift; doing my barista duties: taking orders, making small-talk, and explaining for the fiftieth time the difference between a latte and a macchiato. As we were nearing closing time, my co-worker and I were finishing up taking inventory when a man walks up to the counter. He lifts his head to look at the menu and stares for what I can only estimate to be a solid 5 minutes. During that time, I was able to really get a better look at him. Nothing seemed too unusual until he diverts his eyes to focus om the display behind me: he was high. On what? I don’t know, but the gauze bandage around his wrist suggested that he had just been released from the hospital, still heavily induced by whatever anesthetics distributed to him. 

This is where it gets interesting. 

He begins his order by asking for two cold drinks, not knowing what they were called. So I start to list off the options we had and he confidently chose the first drink I said. 

Perfect. 

My co-worker and I make the drinks, the man pays in cash, and the transaction is deemed a success. 

*sigh*

The mystery man looks at the drinks and then back at us, repeating the action several times. He then exclaims, in his best John Mulaney voice, “hmmmmmmmm.........no! I did not want two. Just once for my wife, but I want a different drink”. 

Okay. 

So we take the unwanted beverage back and we initiate another interrogation session (more of a game of charades) in order to understand what this guy wants. We inform him, as any employee would, that we will refund him for the drink he did not want. He says okay. We give him the money back. Charge him fro the new drink. I leave to make it. As I’m pouring coffee into the cup, I hear my co-worker tell the man “You’re new total is $4.25″. 

Silence.

“ hmmmmmmmm.........no. That’s not it”

“Sir, you owe $4.25″

“..........”

“That will be $$4.25″

“..........”

His confused expressions said it all, so we walk the man through the process of what had happened 2 minutes prior when we refunded him the money for the first drink. 

Step. By. Step.

Another customer who was witnessing this roller coaster ride himself even offered to pay the new balance. But, of course, the older man refused. More Silence and satring ensued. I decided then was a good time to hold out the drink for the man to take. He takes it. Looks at it. 

. . . 

“This isn’t the drink I wanted. I only wanted one”. 

That was it. My co-worker looked him dead in the eyes, turned around, and walked to the back room, knowing he was about the lose his mind if he stayed a moment longer. 

Being the last man standing, I decided to take whatever money was left in the man’s hand (it was the same money we gave him as a result of the initial refund) paid for the new drink, gave him his change, and told him to have a good night. 

He seemed content and left without saying another word. He took no straws for his drinks. He left no tip for the empty jar. He only left us bewildered and stranded with unanswered questions. 

Damn you Twilight Zone.