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Tetsuo the Iron Man (1989)

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Grindhouse Quickie 1/31/18

Tetsuo the Iron Man (1989) Shinya Tsukamoto

Where to begin? Well, maybe a quick synopsis will help. 

This surreally unsettling film by Shinya Tsukamoto and produced by Japan Home Video no less, opens with a man shoving a metal tube into his leg. This man, listed as the “metal fetishist” in the english credits, runs out into the road in agony and is promptly hit by Tetsuo and his girlfriend(?) who after briefly checking if he’s ok, do the sensible thing and throw him into a river, after which they do the obviously sensible, not strange or wrong in any way whatsoever thing, and proceed to celebrate this tragedy with madly making love to eachother.

The “metal fetishist”, in his last moments, lays a curse on Tetsuo that will see him slowly turn into conjoined scrap metal and mechanical parts from the inside out, which serves as the main plotpoint of this cult horror.

I wasn’t able to discern the plot on first viewing. I admit that I had to consult the wikipedia page just to make any sense of the plot. However, it is worth noting that this movie has very little in the way of dialogue. For the most part, the story is told through the uncouth, moving camera angles, dramatic acting, and disturbingly realistic practical effects all captured in glorious black and white.

Without spoiling too much, this film includes such memorable scenes as Tetsuo being chased through a subway station by a woman with a metal slag-heap for a hand; him and his girlfriend erotically eating food steamed in a skillet, and the Piece de Resistance, the part where Tetsuo attacks his girlfriend with a newly sprouted drill head of a penis. I tell you, no movie I’ve ever seen has come as close to the somewhat unnerving but intensely engaging substitute for male genitalia. 

I have to point out that this movie is disturbing, even to someone like me who adores these kinds of films. Everything will be summed up in my pointers below:

+Convincing acting adds to the overall tension of the movie

+Realistic practical effects

+Moody black and white capture

+Never drags, almost always has some disturbing thing going on

-/+Shakey cinematography can either aid the thematic grimness, or just leave you a little motion sick.

-You may have to consult outside sources just to discern the plot

Final Verdict : 9/10

I absolutely loved this film, and I would probably watch it again just to pick up what I missed the first time. Remember that first and foremost this is an art film, so don’t expect to come away with a clear sense of what just fried your brain like an egg. The shakey cinematography was a small turnoff at times, but also did alot to propel the story, which was great when actaully done appropriately. I will definitely keep this film in mind for when I want to gross out friends on Halloween. 

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GRINDHOUSE OF THE WEEK REVIEW

The Return of the Living Dead (1985)

Synopsis: This cult horror by Don O’Bannon features eight ne’er do well teenagers among other colorful characters. With lovable names like “Trash”, “Suicide”, and the oh-so-charming “Scuzz”(Seen driving in the poster) one can’t help but come to adore these misguided youths as they trash the local graveyard in a killer party. The eighth member of the group, Billy, (Thor Lan Vingen) works at a mortuary storage facility, and his boss takes him to the basement to see a mysterious shipment left by the military. In a comical mishap I won’t spoil for you, the two unwittingly manage to release a gas that transforms the dead into- you guessed it- Zombies! Chaos ensues as the cemetery is infested by partying college kids and brain hungry corpses alike.

I was lucky enough to enjoy this masterpiece with four friends. One thing I have to give it right off the bat; this is a fantastic movie to watch with a group. We enjoyed the practical effects used, especially the admittedly cheesy- though still slightly unsettling- “special” zombie, (Douglas Benson).  I’ve included a Gif of the defining moment when he gives us that classic line, “More Brains!”. We  derived the most pleasure from the moments where we had to pause just to reflect on the slightly confusing plot, and making jabs at some of the hilariously 2D characters. Though in my opinion, things like the way “Scuzz” (fitting name) acts as the stereotypical “hard nosed punk dude” add to the campy memorability of the movie. 

All in all, I came away extremely satisfied with this film. I’ll list my pointers and final verdict below this.

+Campy

+Hilarious practical effects and acting

+Convincing set

+Great to watch alone or with friends

+Unforgettable scenes such as the “It takes the pain away” one, you’ll know what I’m talking about if you watch it.

+Did I mention Campy?

+One hell of a cliffhanger

+/- Cheesy (I personally prefer cheesiness, but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea)

-A few plot cliches and criminally underdeveloped characters

Total Verdict 8.5/10

Return of the Living Dead falls into some of the plot cliches that plenty of other films have and will continue to. (Good girl with nerd boy, punk girl hangs out with a total douche of a boyfriend, etc.) But the overall feel of the film is an undoubtedly unforgettable experience that will leave you hooked on the genre of 1980′s body horror films. I’d even go so far as to place it up there with Evil Dead in terms of B-Movie excellence. If you’re looking for an entertaining way to kill a Friday night, then this could be the thing for you.

WARNING: CONTAINS NUDITY, GORE, AND THE LIKE

That warning for the fainter of heart and sensibility, I  recommend this cult horror classic for movie buffs everywhere.

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Hey y’all, never run a blog before so this is an entirely new experience for me. I will most likely use this as a platform to shamelessly advertise the best grindhouse movies ever made, and maybe some art stuff thrown in. Idk, but I made this gif :D