bruhisawiseword - Tumblr blog

[bruhisawiseword]

FUNNY WAYS TO RESPOND TO WYD

》gardening my water

》thinking bout you *lip bite*

》mowing my carpet hbu

》snorting birth control

》shaving my toe hair

》sitting on the tv & watching my couch

》baking cookies with my grandad’s ashes

》watering the pacific ocean

》no, what YOU doing??

》chilling in your closet

》walking my closet

》about to get hit by a car

》waiting for my dog to feed me

》putting the dishes in alphabetical order

》taking a bath with my toaster

》hot girl sh*t

》walking my eggs

》cleaning my belly button

》teaching my fish how to swim

》nothing, just thinking about *insert long shakespeare quote*

[bruhisawiseword]

most creative graduation captions

》i usually wear a crown, but today this cap will do

》eh, not worth the hype, i give it a 20/21🎓

》if there is a will, there is a way. If there is a quizlet, there is an A

》is this due at 11:59PM too?

》inmate *school id* has been released

》high school is like zayn malik from 1D, pretend you are having fun for 4 years then leave

》let’s see where y=mx+b takes me

》i want to thank google, safari and desmos...and whoever created copy and paste

》so they just be letting anyone graduate nowadays

》special thanks to ctrl c and ctrl v for making this possible

》ive been busy getting “A, B and Cs” while half of you have been getting “S, T, Ds”

》i did it, no🎓

》remember its better to cheat than to repeat

》survived a rona and got a diploma

》released from my 4 year sentence today

》i wanted this year to go by in a flash, not a zoom

》long story short...the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

》my assignments may not be done but i am

》class of 9+10

》first time graduating...kinda nervous

》dear math, solve your own problems

》i finally only have 12 reasons

》i started out highschool with straight As now im not even straight

》*school username* logging off

》stay positive test negative

》this was nothing like high school musical

[bruhisawiseword]

MOOD KILLERS AT SCHOOL

—— someone sitting in the chair YOU usually sit on in class

—— when your friend doesn’t let you you see their answers in a test that isn’t even important

—— when a teacher decides to ask you for an answer to a question when you didn’t even raise your hand to answer it in the first place

—— realising you’ve left your phone at home so you will actually have to socialise when it’s awkward

—— when you realise the lunch line is super long

—— when you have actually done your homework really well for once, only to realise it’s become soaked with water in your bag when you bring it out

—— when the teacher hasn’t even mentioned homework but one person decides to bring this up and they set up some

—— when you are moved away from your friends in class for talking and having to watch them have fun w/o you

[bruhisawiseword]

kids logic that make you go “uhhh”?

Almost 2yr old for sale. Been crying for 10 mins cuz he cant get in the oven with the cornbread. Entertaining all offers.

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My 5 year old son just asked “what if we put a slice of turkey in the DVD player and it played a movie about the turkey’s whole life” and none of the patenting books I’ve read have prepared me for this question.

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my niece asked me one day why i always wear the same tattoos like LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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Quotes from real kids 🧠

“I thought dogs and cats were the same animal. Cats were girls and dogs were boys.”

“If we got a bigger TV, I could see more of the picture/scene.”

“If it is raining by me, it must be raining EVERYWHERE.”

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My son keeps grabbing fists of air and screaming ‘mine’. My daughter is crying saying Tj is stealing my air....They are in my bedroom, on a Saturday morning....😪😪😪

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“I used to think chocolate milk came from brown furred cows.”

“I used to always look for pink cows to see where strawberry milk came from.”

“I believed once we lost blood we didn’t get it back. So basically you have 8 pints to last your entire life.”

[bruhisawiseword]

facts that don’t sound true

queen elizabeth once hid in a bush with her corgis in order to avoid talking to  romanian dictator nicole ceausescu and his wife

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gorillas hum happy songs when they eat and when it’s their fave food they hum/sing louder

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in australia an abandoned wildlife park left a d3ad shark in one of the tanks (her name was rosie and she was d3ad whilst the park was still open)

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pluto would fit into russia

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thomas edison proposed to his future wife in morse code and she accepted in the same way

[bruhisawiseword]

Things you didn’t know are illegal

- profiting from photographs of the eiffel tower taken at night

- it’s illegal to die in the houses of parliament

- insulting the king of thailand

- washing oil paint down the sink as it can contaminate drinking water

- tickling someone without their consent it is seen as a form of assault

- riding a bike while drunk is as illegal as drink driving

- stepping into a public fountain

- gambling in a library

- wearing armour in the houses of parliament

[bruhisawiseword]

things i wish teachers understood

teling a quiet student to “speak up” doesn’t help, most of the time it just embarrasses us and makes us even more nervous

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if i haven’t raised my hand to answer the question, i probably don’t know the answer or i am too nervous to answer. don’t make me feel even more anxious by forcing me to answer

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you’re not the only teacher assigning homework - as surprising as it may sound we have other teachers to constantly please too!!

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we don’t always understand things that you have explained directly to us, sometimes you make us even more confused and we just want to leave - you haven’t failed as a teacher but we just need it explained in a different way

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making us sit next to people we are the complete opposite to and won’t talk to doesn’t help us learn. you don’t even have to let us sit next to our friends - having a slightly familiar person beside us is fine

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telling us “you should remember this for last year” or “we’ve learnt this before” won’t magically make us remember whatever was taught - we are human, we forget things

[bruhisawiseword]

Just girly things...

Most girls: “I hangout with guys, there’s less drama.”

Me: “I hangout by myself. There’s no drama & I don’t have to wear pants.”

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When I say I won’t tell anyone,

my best friend doesn’t count

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Do you guys turn on your laptop for literally no reason and just sit there the whole time using your phone or are you normal?

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Do ur friends ever comment on ur insta as if they’ve never seen it before even though they just spent 40 mins helping u pick what photo to post

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Why is getting yourself to workout so much harder than the actual workout

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Girls cut their hair just to say “i miss my long hair” for the next 8 months

[bruhisawiseword]

things to realise in high school

1. that zit on your cheek does not matter (literally. it’ll be covered by a mask 💀)

2. skipping classes will just make it harder to catch up

3. the boy you’re trying so hard to impress will mean nothing to you in a year

4. being popular won’t matter after highschool, but your grades will

5. appreciate the good teachers

6. doing drugs doesn’t make you cooler than anyone else

7. neither does drinking

8. talk to the kid sitting alone; even thought it may not change your life it could drastically change theirs

9. participate in school events if you have them

10. nobody will laugh at you if you sit alone at the lunch table for 5 minutes

11. wear sweatpants everyday

12. or wear a dress everyday

13. wear whatever makes you comfortable

14. utilize the library

15. don’t wait 20 minutes to text someone back to seem ‘cool’

16. don’t hold grudges against anyone

17. cherish your free textbooks

18. it’s okay to cry

[bruhisawiseword]

CUTE FACTS YOU DIDN’T KNOW

-baby elephants suck their trunks just like human babies suck their thumbs

-people that get goosebumps while listening to music have a special mental condition that makes them extremely emotional to certain kind of stemuli

-sharks have survived four of the “big five” mass extinctions. this makes them older than humanity, mount everest, dinosaurs and trees

-in Denmark, starting pay at McDonalds is roughly $21 an hour. workers get life insurance, maternity leave, a pension, and 6 weeks of paid vacation each year

-alpacas can die of loneliness. when purchased, they should always be bought in pairs

-the oldest cat ever was names Creme Puff and lived to be 38 years old, or the equivalent of 168 cat years

[bruhisawiseword]

mental disorders u didn’t know about

1. erotomania

a condition where a person believes that someone, a celebrity or someone they know, is madly in love with them. they hold onto their belief even when there’s no evidence. they may sometimes demonstrate violent & obsessive behaviour towards them

2. alien hand syndrome

where your hand acts as if it has a mind of its own. your hand becomes uncontrollable unlike the rest of your body. it may act out in opposition

3. folie a deux (shared psychotic disorder)

when it’s possible for 2+ people in a close relationship to share the same delusions. it’s a psychotic delusion that develops in one person and gets passed to a person close to them. most commonly occurs in families

4. hemispatial neglect

strokes come with many complications, including hemispatial neglect. it’s a rare disorder where a person ignores half of a certain space, eg. they may only eat food from one half of a plate, or draw half of an object. these actions are not intentional

6. synesthesthia

a condition that involves seeing and hearing sounds. it can come in many forms, eg. seeing colours with sound, numbers or days of the week (wednesday is blue and is a triangle)

5. aphantasia

an unusual condition where suffers are unable to make a mental image of anything. while it’s not considered  a ‘disorder’, they may struggle with composing images in their heads, and they have different dreaming experiences

7. dancing mania

it involves breaking out into spontaneous and uncontrollable dancing; people who dance until they collapse of exhaustion only to begin after resting. it killed approx 15 people per day during the dancing plague in 1518

[bruhisawiseword]

EMOTIONS WE FEEL BUT CAN’T EXPLAIN

- Chrysalism                                                                                                            The amniotic tranquility of being indoors during a thunderstorm

- Sonder                                                                                                                    The realization that each passerby has a life as vivid and complex as your own

- Rükkehrunruhe                                                                                                        the feeling of returning home after an immersive trip only to find it fading              rapidly from your awareness

- Onism                                                                                                                      the awareness of how little of the world you’ll experience

- Ambedo                                                                                                                    a kind of melancholic trance in which you become completely absorbed in vivid    sensory details

- Kenospsia                                                                                                                the eerie, forlorn atmosphere of a place that’s usually bustling with people but      is now abandoned and quiet

[bruhisawiseword]

crazy questions that keep me up at night

1. If a pregnant woman goes swimming, does that make her a human submarine?

2. Do bald people shampoo or soap?

3. Why don’t Jedi’s turn off their lightsabers by force pressing the button?

4. Do all dogs bark the same language?

5. Apple has “air”, Amazon has “fire”, Google has “earth”, why doesn’t Microsoft has “water”?

6. If you are a security guard at Samsung, does that make you a guardian of the galaxies?

[bruhisawiseword]

Funny toddler complaints

-my daughter had a complete existential breakdown one day when she found out that she was going to have to pee every day of her life

-my son demanded to know how to say “hola” in spanish even though he would not accept that “hola” was already in spanish. he cried for hours

-after a couple of slices of pizza, my 3 year old bursts into tears and says             “my mouth wants more but my tummy doesn’t”                                                      i’ve never related to anything more

-my toddler got mad that her poop came out in two pieces instead of one. she accuse my husband of cutting it while she wasn’t looking

-when my daughter was three, i told her to stop trying to draw on the dog with crayons. she threw the crayon on the floor, looked me dead in the eye and yelled, “daddy, you’re ruining my life!”

-overheard this at a grocery store: mum let her kid pick out some ice cream. kid chooses some kind of chocolate banana popsicle and mum says no. kid starts crying. mum says “i thought you didn’t like bananas.” kid immediately stops crying, says “oh yeah”, and picks something else

-my kid hates it when i dance                                                                                   he was about 2, i was holding him, dancing along to something he looks me in the eye and goes,                                                                                                    “daddy no singing!”                                                                                                “i’m not singing, i’m dancing!”                                                                                him, in tears: “don’t sing with your feet!”

[bruhisawiseword]

signs you’re losing your mind

- you don’t even look forward to talking to your favorite person anymore

- you struggle about what to eat & settle for junk most of the time

- you’ve thought that getting an injury would be nice because you could take a break

- you suddenly have a heavy need for guidance (a mentor, a friend, a guru...)

- you desperately want to take naps

- every little thing irritates you in your daily life

- you have gaps in your memory and don’t remember what happened on certain days

if you’re struggling (or if you know someone struggling) don’t be afraid to reach out for help. you deserve to get better. and it will get better. we all have ups and downs, there is nothing to be ashamed of.

[bruhisawiseword]

THE MOST PAINFULLY AWKWARD TWEETS

-I broke up with my girlfriend at a restaurant and she started crying, everyone thought i had proposed so they started clapping...

-my lab partner said “hi i’m christian” and i said “hi i’m muslim”                              christian is his NAME

-I saw a girl carrying a hamster so I asked if I could pet it but it was actually a muffin so I’m on my way to jump off a cliff now

-Meant to say “hold on for a second” and “give me a minute” to a customer and  it came out as “hold me for a second” what a monday

-I surprised my Girlfriend at work this morning.                                                       Came up behind her and kissed her on the neck                                                   She Laughed and said “Mike stop you know we’re at work”                                   My name is Brandon

[bruhisawiseword]

you never noticed

1. all children deserve parents but not all parents deserve children

2. if you mouthed the word colorful it’ll look like you’re saying “i love you”

3. they say time heals everything but yet it slowly kills you

4. knocking on someone’s door is just beating their house until they pay attention to you

5. yawning is like the body’s 20% battery warning

6. you don’t realize how hard you chew your food until you bite your tongue