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That feeling you get when you tell multiple of your friend groups something and every single time they start up a new conversation and the message is still there showing they read it but nobody even bothers to ask if your okay or how you did, they just ignore it and move on. Then you continue talking about it and it happens over and over and over again. And the worst thing is? They’re supposed to be the ones that care, but they don’t even bother to type 4 fucking letters at least to say “r u ok?”.

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Here’s something I love, when you tell someone something in confidence that they’ll keep it a secret and respect your privacy and then they come back and use it against you IN FRONT of people. And not like a small group that you don’t know or a big group that would barely here it, YOUR FRIENDS. Then everyone goes to there side because you’re the “bad guy” in the situation and nobody believes you and everything just falls apart in a second. Anyone else?

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I’m like 90% it’s my heart from all the damage it’s taken.

something inside me is breaking

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Sounds about right. Today I got a message from the person that literally told me that she was happy the friendship was ending so she would never have to hear from me again. Like, can’t you just leave me alone? You said you were happy to never hear from me again, it seems like you want to hear from me again, either that or torment me for your own entertainment.

People will traumatize you and be like "you are still not over that?"

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One thing that happened is someone asked me what my biggest regret in life is and thinking about it, I have a lot of them. Then here I am, and I figured, well why not make a list?

I wish I hadn’t reached out to the “lonely” girl at my school, wouldn’t saved me from so much pain.

Wish I hadn’t begged to go to the park the day I met the biggest liar and most horrible person I would ever know.

That I stopped caring about her after she ghosted me the second time through

I didn’t know what waking up with dread that I was still here felt like

Saw the red flags even when nobody else did (or if they did they never bothered to tell me)

Trusted the amount of people I did which just left me with trust issues for the rest of my life

That I never tried to talk to you that day at practice 3 years ago

Should’ve ignored you when you started talking to me or just left it at the end of the conversation

I wish I never became friends with all the people that hurt me

That I let myself trust people even when I had already had that broken beforehand

There are definitely more, these are just probably the main ones idk.

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So something that I can’t get off my mind is bothering me again. So, the main ppl in this are me, my ex-best friend K and then M. Basically, me and K were at a camp right? M was our roommate, and while she was nice to K, she was really rude towards me. Especially after she saw my phone case which is Taylor Swift related. Then M said, in probably the most bitchy tone I have ever heard, “You like Taylor Swift? How typical. I like Ice Spice, she’s much better than Taylor Swift.” Which of course caught me off guard, but I was thinking, I have to spend a week with her in here constantly so I might as well try to be nice, right? So I responded with “I like Ice Spice too!” Ignoring the other thing she said and she quite literally scoffed and was like “What’s your favorite song by her? I’m sure it’s Karma ft Ice Spice.” So I gave up on trying to be her friend, but here’s what I’m trying to understand.

If you hate Taylor Swift and are mad at someone for being a Swiftie why do you know the name of one of her songs? Also like, Ice Spice and Taylor Swift are friends, and most people didn’t really know about Ice Spice until she met Taylor. And I mean honestly, the majority of her listens are Swifties, you can’t deny that.

Of course now I know she wasn’t just being a bitch in general, she was childhood friends with K and “disapproved” of me for K so she wanted to make my life hell for as long as she could in whatever ways she could think of. Here’s my thing though, did you really think you judging the artist I like would make me break down crying? I couldn’t care less about your opinion bitch.

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There’s that moment when you realize you’ve been hurt so many times that when someone doesn’t talk to you even though they have a good reason for it, you start overthinking everything and thinking that they just don’t want to talk to you.

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I love going through this is entire page and realizing that nobody fucking cares and this is just me ranting.

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I don’t think anyone understands how much I want to hurt the person that caused me so much pain. How much I want them to feel the pain that they caused me. But at the same time, idk if I could do that because somewhere apart of me still probably cares.

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For that person that only cared about themself and made me feel like shit.

I found some people that are hunting you down rn for hurting me.

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To the person that told me this… 💔

I found some people that actually care ❤️‍🩹

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Literally.

Friends? Again? Nah.

And If i could go back to the day we met, i'm sorry, but i would turn around and walk the other way.

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While I’m positive nobody will see this, I’m so done with everything rn. You remember the situation from Question…? When the song starts off, well I’m not kidding when I say something similar happened today. All my friends literally went from laughing at A (K’s friend and my old friend) to clapping for her when she was attempting to make fun of me and it was so fucking annoying.

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So I have a headache and a lot of shit on my mind and I really need some place to rant all of this to.

Okay so I have/had a best friend, K, she’s just turned over a completely new fucked up ways though. It started when she got really close with a mutual friend, M after they hadn’t been friends for all that long. At first I was happy bc K and M where getting along, and then I started to get left out of just about everything. Turns out they did all this stuff without me and I couldn’t even go to get milkshakes with one of them without being an inconvenience.

Continuing on me and K had signed up for a camp and we were gonna room together. That turned out to be with 4 others, MP, L, E, and S. Everything was fine until the second day with MP lost something so everyone started looking for it. We couldn’t find it after we went through all our stuff, retraced every step and everything. We thought it was fine, we would find it, it was only Monday and the camp ended on Friday. It was fine, she found it on Thursday (what she told me) and we watched a movie that night too. Then came Friday, we packed everything up and I was about to leave when MP said to me “Next don’t steal my stuff.” Come to find out, she had looked through my bag without asking me and taken a video of it because she “suspected” me. What hurt more was K believed her, K was “supplying” the other girls with “similar situations” and told them all how I would do something like that. They based this all off what I did, my body language with it being gone and everything. MP supposedly found it on Wednesday and didn’t tell me about it till Friday when she told everyone else on Wednesday.

Some later information that I found, MP had someone videoing it, when E told me nobody else was in the room. They led me on for 2 days thinking it really was missing. According to what I was later told, she was suspicious of me so she went through my stuff even after we had showed everyone together our stuff and looked under all the beds with our bags out, there would’ve been no place for me to hide it at all.

On top of this, when I told K that I didn’t do it, she didn’t believe me. She trusted someone she had known for less than a week over her best friend. And I guess it makes sense, she had distanced herself from the beginning of camp, pushing me away from everything, not talking to me, etc. Then she just wanted to get it over with, she said she believed me and then tried to go back to normal before she told all of our mutual friends I stole something. All of them believed K, not me. I was a thief in their eyes, like they didn’t even know me at all. K later told me that she didn’t tell them, that they just must’ve found out or oversaw something about the situation.

Life continued, I was still being left out by K, M, and all of our other friends. Soon enough we made new friends, and things got better, they actually did for a second. Our new friends, S and C knew nothing about this and K didn’t seem to want to tell them anything at all. She was even talking to me again. Then everything turned to shit, I went on vacation and found out that she had lied to me and told everyone else to lie to me too about her being in a certain group, this type of thing would effect our friendship too. But the main thing was she moved to get away from me. Slowly I started loosing the little friends I had left anyways, K had been telling them all the secrets that I once told her, twisting them into lies so nobody would talk to me.

I was told that I was crazy, she was my best friend why would she do that to me? Then when I was moved to her group, everything got worse. She started bullying me, the people that I’m friend with, and even starting rumors about me at her school. Then online she acted like my best friend. She told everyone everything about me, lied to me multiple times and spread rumors about me. K was my best friend and for some reason she still thinks I don’t know all that she does.

That’s not even the end of it though. K has been spreading hate about me online, she even has a tumblr just for hating on me, from what I could find she has a tiktok and a insta as well. Besides that, from inside reports, she has a hate gc about me in messages with all her lovely friends that I apparently “wronged”. I’m just tired of all of this, I’m tired of having to deal with someone that hates me but acts like she’s still my best friend whenever she’s online. She acts like I don’t know, like I’m too naive to see what she’s doing and I’m so tired of it all. What I’ve told you here isn’t even half of what she’s done so I’ll tell you guys something. I’m gonna continue to be her friend, hell I’ll be her best friend and when she really needs me? I won’t be there, I’ll turn a switch, I’ll be a bitch because that’s what she was to me. I don’t care how long it takes but I am so fucking done with her.

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What I’ve been listening too lately… Taylor Swift is good for everything, especially crying and revenge tbh.

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You know what’s depressing? Having that one date that you shared with a childhood best friend and then it rolls around for the first time since all that fell apart and you have nothing to do but curl up into a ball and cry.