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bubble-tea-desu · 8 years ago

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1) My translation is that of an amateur, therefore it might not be perfect.

2) I kindly ask that you don't share this translation without asking for my permission, even if you plan to do it with the proper credits

3) The translation is still a work in progress, and will be updated periodically. Keep in mind that the time elapsed to translate may be subject to change based on my school schedule

4) The author uses fictive names in the book.

Translation from Japanese into Italian by me {http://bubble-tea-desu.tumblr.com/}

Translation from Italian into English by Nemurin {http://poison-apple-lovers.tumblr.com/...}

Chapter 1

15 July 2011

It was a scorching summer afternoon and I was in the living room when my phone rang to notify that mai

l[ Object: Taiji

On the 11th of July Taiji got violent inside a plane and was arrested by the FBI.It seems like the reason was an argument with Tomomi following which he said he wanted to kill himself and lost all restraint. Afterwards during the legal procedures for the trial it seems like he planned to take his own life behind bars. Right now he is unconscious, I haven't even seen him yet. When I learn something new, later, I'll contact you.]

The sender was Kamiya Shigeo, who at the time acted as representative for YOU productions, where Taiji had transferred his management.

YOU production originally was Taiji's personal headquarters.

I'll explain it in more detail later on, but Taiji and I had been dating since the spring of 2009 and we had promised each other we'd be together for the rest of our lives, both for work and in our daily life.

The person in charge of the administrative office used to entrust Taiji's schedule to me, because by then he thought of me as someone who could support him. So once we had become professionals at YOU productions, we started sharing our workload with third parties to which we weren't directly linked.

Thinking about it now, this heavily influenced Taiji's destiny.In the mail the recurring themes were "Arrest", "Suicide", "Unconscious state".When you learn that something like this is happening to someone you love, how are you supposed to react?

There are those who fall to their knees, shocked, and those who find themselves breathless.Also those who think "This can't be!", and those who run by their side as fast as they can.Of course I too ended up losing my cool.

I just can't find the right words to describe what I felt when I read those e mails. This was because in the four days before his departure for Saipan I hadn't recieved anything that could come off as different from usual from Taiji, and the only "strange" thing, the day after, was that e mail.Regarding the credit card movements, I didn't know anything until I got a forceful e mail where I was asked my parents's address and my older sister's contact.

Then, when I tried calling Taiji, I recieved a message that said "I can't answer now.""What is happening? Taiji must've gotten in trouble..."I understood something had happened, but I didn't think it was anything that serious. Meanwhile, Taiji's contacts started asking me question as well:"What the hell is going on?""Why is something like this happening?" To the people who were worried and contacted me, I always answered "I didn't understand all that well, but based on the mail that person sent me it seems like he's in pretty bad shape... Anyway, tomorrow I'll head to Saipan." "I didn't understand all that well"... at the time, I think my head was completely full of these words. They were spoken with conviction, but I couldn't even begin to imagine that the Taiji of back then was planning to take his own life.

YOU production's representative let me know it had been an "unfortunate and sudden" occurrence, there was no reason for him to think that something had happened between Taiji and me, it was nothing more than a nonsensical statement.Then, around eleven in the evening of the same day, my confusion was incremented by a call coming from Saipan, as if to make fun of me" So you and Taiji had an argument?" "Taiji said some really horrible thing about your parents." The sender of the call was the person that acted as Taiji's manager at the time and went with him to Saipan, Hayakawa Satoko ( fictive name ). The tone of the call was impatient and aggressive.Taiji actually got along really well with my parents, and we had no arguments whatsoever as of late.

To be honest after Taiji left for Saipan I got a series of weird emails, things like " Do you remember the argument we had on my birthday?", but since they made no sense I didn't even bother answering. After all around that time Hayakawa was the one Taiji often argued with.From my point of view, the situation was like "What the heck is he talking about?????", I couldn't think otherwise since the whole thing made no sense at all."I didn't argue with Taiji; moreover, he is in good terms with my parents."I answered with candor, and it was then that Hayakawa suddendly ended the call, without adding anything more . Still, at the time I couldn't care less about her attitude."Anyway, I have to get to Saipan fast..."That night I couldn't manage to sleep, I don't even remember if I closed my eyes or not.

Confused and speechless, I just waited for morning to come visit me.I sent a mail to Mr.Kamiya to know which hospital Taiji was at, and he told me.In that situation he explained that no one but the family could visit him, and in any case I know nothing for sure concerning flying there.I left my house early in the morning the next day, the 16th, ma due to the turmoil I took a wrong turn. Instead of going to Narita airport, I went towards Ota airport. I knew that the planes for Saipan took off from Narita airport. Still, flying to Saipan takes more or less three and a half hours. Since getting to Naha airport in Okinawa takes three hours, I was convinced there was a line for Saipan even from Ota.Since I just wanted to get there as fast as I could my head was flooded by these thoughts, but a staff member told me there were none, I panicked and took a limo to get to Narita airport.It was summer vacation, but one way or another I succeded in securing plane tickets.While I sat in the boarding area, waitig for my plane, I called Dynamite Tommy to ask him for advice on how to handle the matter.

Dynamite Tommy was the only colleague who Taiji trusted completely. When I didn't know how to deal with Taiji's outbreaks, since he had many chronic illnesses, I called Dynamite Tommy, who always managed to calm him down with his peaceful attitude.

Because I was going to Saipan, Dynamite Tommy urged me to take along a recorder. I followed his advice, I bought a recorder at the airport and I got on the plane.At the time I didn't know what Taiji's conditions were, but thinking back on it now, that recorder was the first step towards the pursuit of truth concerning Taiji's destiny.

At that point, in Japan sport magazines had started publishing snippets of Saipan newspapers in which information concerning Taiji's "incident" was divulged. For example the "Sport Nippon" on the 16th of July mentioned the following article:

<< Taiji ( 45 y/o ), one of the founding members of the band X decided to take his own life on the isle of Saipan, under the jurisdiction of the United States, and according to the local papers he's now unconscious. According to the news it seems that on the 11th, inside a plane heading for Saipan, Taiji started punching the window and kicking the seat in front of his, and that he was acting violently towards a flight attendant who was trying to get him to calm down; once he got to the international airport of Saipan he was apprehended by the local authorities.Then, on the following day of detention he refrained from taking part in the interrogation and on the evening of the 14th he tried to commit suicide. As of now he's supposedly in the ICU of the local hospital, but his conditions are serious and he's unconscious.The chief of Taiji's administrative office told our correspondent the following<< I spoke with the person concerned on the phone. His conditions were good.>>

According to local sources there's a possibility that he isn't in bad condition.I'll try and explain whether Taiji actually behaved violently towards an hostess. After all I still have my doubts on such a thing really happening. First and foremost, having examined the first batch of news, what went down inside the plane is unclear.Later on I gained permission to peruse FBI's report on the incident, and I could read things concerning the ruckus that Taiji had caused.To quote the main points:

<< According to Delta flight flight attendant's deposition, she heard someone screaming furiously in business class, and the noise of things being hit. The flight attendant then entered business class, where passenger Taiji Sawada was having an animated discussion with passenger B.Passenger B had their arms around Sawada's body, and Sawada was screaming while kicking the seat in front of him.Sawada threw his body against the window. The plane had aldready started its descent in order to land.(...)According to the deposition of another flight attendant ( we'll call her flight attendant B ) since Taiji had lost all control, she had to stop him. Around thirty minutes before landing he had started angrily confronting passenger B, punching the window, kicking the seat in front of him.Flight attendant B approached Sawada, and tried to make him stop. Passenger B had supposedly tried to get him to stop punching the window, but said that he didn't stop punching and kicking.Flight attendant B informed the pilot, forcefully stopped Taiji, dragged him away from the window and made him sit.Flight attendant B had a light collision with Sawada, and it seems she was hit multiple times by Sawada's kicks. Even after his body was restrained, Sawada continued kicking and headbutting the seat.Flight attendant B then unbuckled her safety bet and hastily approached Taiji, buckled his seat belt and then went back to her place.>>

If we suppose all of this is true, moreso than Taiji "hurting an flight attendant", it looks like he was venting his frustration against the objects around him, and in the middle of his raging fit he ended up hitting the flight attendant with his foot.Moreover, in the same report, the ones involved weren't in the know regarding the circumstances, and were able to only partially see what transpired.As a matter of fact the "passenger B" mentioned above, who'd seem a stranger based on the description, was none other than Taiji's manager, Hayakawa.If the two were having a "violent discussion", then it stands to reason that the source of the whole event was a "internal argument" , but I'll go over the relationship Hayakawa and Taiji had during that time later and in more detail. I'll talk about it more in the second chapter, but Taiji regularly went to the Department of Psychosomatic Medicine, and his diagnosis showed an impulsive tendency to self-destruction, borderline personality disorder, loss of self-perception, total forgetfulness of something that happened at a certain moment [ dissociative disorder ], and also panic attacks, epilepsy and other such illnesses. It's therefore likely that some sort of occurrence on the plane triggered the symptoms for one of these illnesses. Realistically after the incident Taiji could've gone on saying that he didn't remember anything at all about what happened on the plane, but Hayakawa still remains (mentioned ) in the mail sent by the concerned person.

Anyway, when I was contacted by Kamiya and headed to Saipan, even the mass media could not get a grasp on Taiji's actual conditions. According to the article in the sports magazine, there had been "a call with the subject in question and he seemed to be fine"; I gave myself an explanation akin to theirs: "I got a message from the subject in question, that means he must be alright", even if the phrasing was different, the gist of it was the same. Shocked and afraid, my words were roughly based on the article, but the news concerning Taiji were starting to get tangled.I got to Saipan in the middle of the night, considering the timezone change it must've already been the 17th of July.

Paying no mind to the time I got on a taxi that took me from the airport to the hospital were Taiji was admitted.The hospital was a building called Commonwealth Health Center ( CHC ). It's the sole public hospital complex in all of Saipan, and it seems as if this is the only place where patients can be examined 24/7.For that reason, it's possible to feel quite lost on arrival. The taxi driver was so kind as to guide me inside the hospital, and I went straight to the intensive care ward. I knew only members of the family were allowed to visit, but when a woman from the staff heard I was Taiji's fiancee she firmly explained the situation to the security guard and I was authorized to visit him. Taiji's family got to Saipan a little later than I did and they still hadn't gone to the hospital, so Taiji was there all alone until I came.

No one was allowed to visit Taiji... He was lying on his back, and on his chest left bare by the white gown there were several round devices. He had a transparent tube going throught his nose to help him breathe. The area near the stomach was illuminated by a lamp. He also had one ankle cuffed. << It's going to be ok!>> <<Wake up!!!!>> I kept shouting. His face was swollen, around his mouth there were several bits of something black, resembling duct tape, and he gave off an awful stench.I got a damp towel from a nurse and I cleaned Taiji's face. The foreign bodies near his mouth looked like they had seeped into the pores, thoroughly stuck, and I had issued peeling them off. It was like a rash similar to a beard, so I took them one by one and threw them away in the small trash can under the bed. Time passed. I think the ones that were stubbornly stuck disappeared. The ironic thing was that I heard he had hung himself, but I couldn't find anything that pointed towards that. There were, however, red bruises, long and thin all across his chest. Since his parents also said they saw something similar, it wasn't a blunder on my part. At the time it was impossible for me to keep a cool head and reflect on the meaning of it, on what was happening. I could only keep talking. Even though, to be honest, when I first saw Taiji through the glass of the ICU I had guessed he still hadn't woken up.Taiji's sleeping face, drenched in sweat, was completely different from usual, he looked like something cold. The hospital staff told me to wait until the following morning in a hotel, since the doctor was expected to come by then, and he would've given me an explaination concerning his health status. I did as I was told.The kind taxi driver from before, seeing how shaken I was through the glass of the ICU, had decided to wait for me.

On the 17th I came back to the ICU as soon as the sun was up, and I waited for the doctor to arrive.After ten, accompanied by the administrative office employees and the interpreter given to Taiji by the local authorities, came running Taiji's parents. Since Taiji had stopped seeing them several years prior, I didn't even have their address.Still, since Taiji had gotten to Saipan, shortly before YOU production spread the news that he had commited suicide, I had recieved lots of mails that asked for his parents's address.Furthermore, the exchange was completely different from normal, the mails were strict, they felt like orders. Even though I wa suspicious I tried my best to find their address; if Taiji was indeed unconscious in a foreign country, it was unavoidable to contact his family.Concerning the mails I got from Taiji, it looked like they were sent with perfect timing."Those mails, could Taiji really have been the one to send them?"After all, was it possible that the FBI would let someone who was arrested and held in detention send emails? However this series of unexplainable events intertwined inside my head and only after a long time I managed to organize them, like pieces of a complicated riddle. ("I'll meet Taiji's parents in this state...")

When Taiji's parents saw him, unconscious, we were brought to a small room and the doctor gave us an explanation concerning Taiji's health.We were told once again that it was "suicide by hanging", but as I said before those alleged traces were not on Taiji's neck at all.- I'm not convinced.- Reiterated his parents, who asked for an explanation. I was just standing beside them, dumbfounded, incapable of getting even a single word out.- When they brought him to the hospital, his brain was already dead. We did all we could to extend his lifespan while we waited for the family to arrive.-No matter how we asked, the doctor's explanation remained the same. Since the we couldn't get any information on the incident in prison from the doctor, we were told to ask the one in charge.- Spend this last moments with him peacefully.-As he said that, the doctor left the room.It looked like there was no choice other than discontinuing life support.

As soon as the life support machine was removed from Taiji's body, I immediately talked to YOU production's representative Kamiya. I'll explain in more detail later on, but he basically said - Tomo, your eyes are really puffy. It's better if you get some rest, I'll contact you soon.- I got on a white car whose driver was a local interpreter and went back to the hotel.

Nevertheless from that point forward I wasn't able to get close to the body anymore, as well as speak to his parents.

After that there was paperwork to be filled to transfer the body to Japan and I decided to go meet an employee of the administrative office. - I want to travel with the body, and I want to arrange a meeting so I can talk to everyone.- But my requests were denied, and without being able to meet anyone I had no other choice but to board a plane in the early morning of July 19th and return to Japan.

If I tried looking back on the past now, I think I d' go back to the hospital and search for the body despite being being prohibited to, I'd ask the japanese minister of foreign affairs to personally go to the Saipan consulate or the autorities in charge for the details about the incident, and I'd do anything I could to stay by Taiji's side.

Even so, the me from back then wasn't rational enough to reflect on what was best. I stayed at the hotel by myself, broken in both body and mind, and I had a feeling I would've been in danger if I lingered there any longer. Despite the condition of the me from back then being as such, there's no reason to think my words are uncertain: this is because I continued to firmly press the button on the recorder I had just gotten in Narita. Afterwards I tried to grasp the meaning behind the aforementioned conversation with Kamiya, reading it again and again. From that conversation, I extrapolated the most crucial points.

Firstly - It was possibile for Taiji to be sentenced to twenty years of prison for the crime he had committed, but they had run themselves to the ground through a judicial compromise to shorten it.

Secondly - Until Taiji's parents published an announcement regarding his condition, they fought with the media so they wouldn't let anything out. If something were to be written in contrast with the parents's statement, I was warned no one would stick up for me if I were to be called a liar.

Thirdly - Taiji lost his temper inside the plane because he was drunk. This was no one's fault.Fourthly - Taiji was delirious and killed himself because he had a fight with me.None of this arguments is convincing.

Even if what happened on the plane posed in fact a problem, the commotion only involved Taiji and his manager, and there's no reason to think anyone else was injured.Despite this he was sentenced to twenty years of imprisonment, something reserved to people who are accused of murder, but could this really be words coming straight from the american judicial authorities after just two days had passed since the incident? In America there are varying degrees of guilt depending on the state you're in, but the standard procedure from the arrest to the sentence is something like this:First of all the investigative body ( In Taiji's case, the FBI ) writes a report, then in court with the first trial the judge examines the circumstances and decides whether to accuse the defendant or discharge him. Afterwards it's decided whether to allow probation after paying to be bailed out.In this case the defendant admits to his crime and, if the law court believes there is no risk of him getting away, it allows them to be go on probation.Taiji was in a federal state with administrative autonomy, and since his passport had been taken by an independent court, normally wouldn't they have been able to give him the "guarantee he wouldn't escape" without issue? Nevertheless, Taiji was kept in prison the whole time.In case the defendant denies his guilt, I don't know if the independent law court even looks at the report or not.In the independent federal states of America, you're given an office attorney right after you've been arrested. And until the severity of the crime is made clear, most of it is settled after the arrest thorugh a quick bargaining process.But if you look at Taiji's documents, you'll come to understand the the preliminary trial was scheduled for the 27th of July.

Regarding the preliminary trial, in order for it to become a full on trial a judge must examine the circumstances and, if there were no violations of the law, despite the accusation a judgement is established according to a ten minute testimony.In other words, this means that Taiji was already a step ahead. What could've been the reason for such a thing?From the few law court documents it seems like there was a great effort made by an employee of the administrative office in order to not request probation or anything of the sort. It appears the only ones that had any clue about what was happening to Taiji were the employees of the administrative office. Despite this, untile Taiji fell unconscious they didn't tell anyone anything at all. Before telling the parents what sort of announcement they should've made, it should've been their responsability to explain the situation. The bit about the alcohol also doesn't sound convincing to me.At the time Taiji was undergoing medical care to recover from his alcohol addiction and was abstaining from drinking. With effort, he had succedeed in his quest to stop consuming alcohol.I don't think the Taiji from back then would've easily given in to alcohol.The conversation with Kamiya went something like this:

Kamiya: So, well, you see, about what I said before, how do I say this... I don't want to slander Taiji... Basically, well, uhm... He drank, yeah, he... before waking up, you know, he had a dream. Even if this is the reason why he got mad, I'm thinking about how to announce it...

Akatsuka: About him drinking, is it really true?

Kamiya : I'm afraid it is.Akatsuka : I see, well, the thing is that him being drunk was something that Satoko ( the manager ) said...

Kamiya : Well, that doesn't mean that the issue with the alcohol isn't true, so, honestly..uhm.. there's no way to say this other than him having a nightmare and losing his mind.To be frank, well... I mean, I haven't told you this, but to tell you the truth about what happened, he took a sleeping pill together with some alcohol, yeah, so this it the reason he freaked out, and in America it was confirmed he had taken drugs.

Nevertheless, after the arrest Taiji had to take a urinalysis and it showed that there was no trace of alcohol nor drugs. Furthermore, on the topic of the "argument" Taiji and I supposedly had. This is something that left me speechless, and I have every intention of refuting it once and for all.The morning of his departure to Saipan, Taiji sent me the following e mail when he was at Narita airport: "Tomu, I'm leaving soon. Thank you for the gift. I don't want to go there. We've been arguing since this morning, I don't get this woman! According to A it'd be better to haggle over the payment. They're a bunch of goddamned assholes. I want to have an adult discussion with dad. I'm sure it'll be a success. I'll work on it as soon as I'm back! The rest is trash." { July 11th, 7:13 AM } I'll clear some things up: "Tomu" is my nickname and "dad" is my father. Also the associate with whom Taiji was arguing since that morning was his manager Hayakawa Satoko.The truth is that the day Taiji ended up flying to Saipan, 11 July 2011, Taiji repeated over and over until 3 AM "I'll stop going to Saipan."The reason was that his relationship with Hayakawa Satoko had become disturbing. I'll talk about it in greater detail in the second chapter, but both Taiji's body and mind were plagued by illnesses. When we met he couldn't focus on work due to therapy and rehab, and he was also struggling to sustain himself. That's why I left ballet, which I did in the metropolitan area of Tokyo, when we got engaged. I wanted to dedicate myself solely to supporting Taiji.Me and Taiji first met Hayakawa in 2009 in such circumstances.From that moment on theirs was a connection made of emails and occasional contact. The turning point was a visit in December 2010.At the time Taiji was looking for an attorney to consult with due to some issues that were threatening to get even bigger. The one who introduced him to Tokyo's legal office was one of Hayakawa's acquaintances, Kamiya. On that occasion they talked not only about legal problems, but also about work and his illnesses.

Every now and then they'd ask something we were uncomfortable with, but both me and Taiji then thought that Hayakawa's proposals would make our current life easier.In such a situation, since Hayakawa's husband had a resort and a music venue in Saipan, she suggested we merge Taiji's management to the administration of the venue. This is something that dates back to March 2011.On January of the same year Taiji had been hospitalized for a pleurisy, and while he continously kept up with therapy and rehab someone needed to help him with his work.Later based on a suggestion from Kamiya, who was introduced to us by Hayakawa, they took the first character from my name and started a new project called "Tomo Production", which later became "YOU Production".

Meanwhile, Taiji was rapidly starting to lose the trust he had in Hayakawa.Taiji was an artist and a man with a strong personality, but Hayakawa harbors an equally strong, yet different type of ambition.Depending on the circumstances, the more she tried to shove Taiji to the side the more appeal she exuded. Of that there are still traces to this day in the official blog that was updated up until the month that Taiji died.The update written in collaboration on the 24th of July 2011 stated "Starting with the 27th of May 2011 the contents, the text and the pictures are not Taiji's work anymore, but we want to make clear that they are redacted by YOU Production." The meaning of all this is "It was said they were written by Taiji, but the truth is that Hayakawa was behind them" and it was also her who used to diligently upload his pictures.In May of 2011, despite the shock caused by the great heartquake that hit eastern Japan, Hayakawa wrote, pretending to be Taiji and incurring in the reader's disapproval:

"On the deckchair at the SPA, looking over at the sea.Moreover, I ask that you take care of me when I update this blog. I'll wait for you in my dear Saipan! LOVE Taiji"

According to Hayakawa what Taiji felt towards the sadness of people struck by that disaster and towards the tragedy derived from the heartquake was complete indifference, and that the only thing that mattered to him was his business in Saipan. The ones who started realizing what kind of attitude Hayakawa had were the ones closer to Taii. YOU Production had a project called "Saipan tour with Taiji Sawada", but there were people who thought it was just a way to exploit Taiji's name and style to gain maximum profit.

Afterl all, neither Hayakawa nor Kamiya were business professionals. Since two characters were mixed up while drafting the contract, they were never bound by a contract until the very end, thank goodness.I remember that Taiji was upset with Hayakawa, she was getting more and more on his nervers, I think it was a hopeless situation.Then when July 2011 came around, since Taiji and Hayakawa were arguing non stop, based on Kamiya's suggestion they were going to change the administration of Taiji's management in August, to a team composed solely of men. On the day Taiji went to Saipan as well, he changed his mind about not wanting to go because of Kamiya's persuasion, but he then ended up arguing with Hayakawa again while at the airport.Also concerning the chain of events that occurred since the start of the incident inside the Delta flight to Saipan, I believe there is enough proof that clarifies why Taiji's aversion towards Hayakawa wasn't unreasonable.

As I've said more than once, since Taiji left for Saipan I got a series of strange emails from his cellphone, one after another. I got 28 in total.To be exact, the first mail I got on 12 July at 9:23 AM. Then, the 28th I got on 15 July at 3:50 PM.More or less 22 minutes later, I recieved Kamiya's notice that Taiji was unconscious.It's clear that the sender of these emails couldn't have been Taiji himself. That's because Taiji was arrested by the FBI and kept in detention. And of course the FBI wouldn't let the inmates use their cellphone to their discretion.

#taiji #taiji sawada #taijisawada #沢田泰司 #xjapan #x #jrock

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