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I Was Made To Love You (BTVS 5.15)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

Ah, remember filler episodes? What a throwback. I do admit Buffy does them better than most. They usually fit a cohesive season theme and relate to some larger arc in the show, at least.

Buffy begins the episode having a little freak out over Spike's crush. Riley leaving her felt like a rejection and she still blames herself for letting a good one get away (I don't think they were right for each other, but this is Buffy's POV) and now Spike crushing on her says only the worst guys like her. Buffy says she'll run off good guys with her alarming strength and self-centeredness. Ugh. Buffy is one of the most selfless characters but everyone around her comes down so hard when she has One Single Moment that she thinks she's self-involved.

Xander: Or maybe you could just be Buffy and he'll see your amazing heart and fall in love with you.

Buffy is still feeling the blues when Joyce gets ready for her first date with Brian. She tells her mom she isn't qualified to giving dating advice because the two guys she dated ran out of town. Poor Buffster. Her intuition isn't doing her any favors as she then approaches Ben. Ben ends up giving her his phone number as Spike watches. He tries to get a reaction from Buffy by approaching April, who throws him through a window.

Xander: She's a sex bot. I mean, what guy doesn't dream about that? Beautiful girl with no other thought but to please you, willing to do anything...Too many girls. I miss Oz. He'd get it. He wouldn't say anything, but he'd get it.

The only girl who seems to get it is Willow. I'm interested in the parallels between Warren and Willow. She understands the idea of avoiding the emotional fallout of your problems through use of your brain. Using magic to control Tara's emotions is pretty similar to creating a robot.

Spike shows up at The Magic Shop attempting to do damage control over what happened between Drusilla and Buffy. None of them are having it.

Buffy confronts Warren, who says he created April to be the perfect girlfriend. Then he got bored and "fell in love" (got intrigued by) Katrina. He also mentions that he designed April to feel pain if she ignores him when he's calling her.

April: Crying is blackmail. Good girlfriends don't cry.

Good lord. Katrina is disgusted by Warren and runs off.

Buffy feels sympathy for April and her obsession with Warren.

Buffy: Nah -- people are the strangest people. I mean, I'm not that different from her. I've got so much more than her -- I've got this great life, all this power, all these friends, my family, but still, every time I don't have a boyfriend, I feel like someone took away my arms.

It's interesting that this is where we leave her in season seven...still not feeling ready for a relationship and like she needs to find her center. I'll have to comment more on that then. Buffy decides not to go out with Ben, which offends Glory.

We end on Spike commissioning the Buffy bot. Just...so gross.

That's the end of the script, but of course in the actual episode we get next episode's teaser. The cruelty of flowers from Brian sitting right by the door while Joyce lies dead on the couch...

Character Notes:

Anya Jenkins: She's gotten into investing online and has tripled her money from Giles. Dang, Anya!

Katrina Silber: She met Warren at an engineering seminar. She creates model trains that run with magnets.

Xander Harris: His little construction passion is pretty adorable.

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The Thin Dead Line (ATS 5.14)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

At this point in the season I'm struggling. Some episodes had an interesting premise but I missed the chemistry and fun of the main crew. Angel's dark character desperately needs to play off the lighter attitudes of the main cast. It felt like Angel's breakdown lasted a season rather than a few episodes. And we still have two more episodes before we come back together...

Angel Investigations is still struggling to find a new name, symbolizing their struggle to create structure in their new ranks. Angel and Buffy's specialness gives them clear rank as lead warrior, Wesley and Giles' book smarts puts them on research, Willow and Cordelia provide magical assistance, and Xander and Gunn go wherever they're needed. Things start to fall apart once "assist Buffy/Angel with their mission" is gone as a goal. The team has to reinvent themselves solely as a business now. I am a little curious how it all would have shaken out...I think Wesley would have taken the lead role, but I'm not sure if that would've worked. Giles and Wesley too easily fall into a military-style leadership and expect absolute authority. Remnants of Watcher training.

Not that Wesley doesn't add a value all his own. The relationship with informant Merl has completely fallen apart since he stopped being the go-between. Merl is leaving town.

We have this major subplot all season where Gunn is getting heat for abandoning his old post and his people since joining Angel. He feels constant guilt for it, but I can't remember if this ever resolves itself or comes to a head in any way. I've seen this conversation in a couple different pieces of media--the last I remember being O.J. Simpson and their attempts to make him appeal to the Black members of the jury--this idea that the Black community you're from feels a sense of betrayal and like you're trying to be white when you leave. Especially if there's money involved, which is what they accuse Gunn of doing this episode. He's a sell out.

On to the episode premise. Demonic police in L.A. makes an excellent allegory in the 90s. Turns out they're more zombie police, but still. Anne hears about the trouble at her teen center and goes to Gunn for help. I do see the need for him here...he understands the troubled teens he's trying to help and isn't naive or coddling enough to let them pull any shit.

Gunn: Plan's simple. We roll the camcorder, wait for the cops to hassle us. Anne: How do you know they will? Gunn: 'Cause we'll be the ones walking while black.

Gunn's plan is highly risky, but risky is about the only option they have now they're no longer working with supernatural forces. Wesley runs to assist using his Looks Rich and White powers, but zombie cop shoots him. They're forced to take shelter at the teen center, where zombie police attack.

Angel decides to go to Kate Lockley as he does his own investigating on the issue. He discovers a bunch of dead cops have been dug up. Kate's meltdown over her father is lacking some emotional resonance. The guy was an asshole. I'm over it already.

Anyway, Angel and Kate track down the Captain ordering all of this. His side of the argument is that the streets are safe now and that people used to be afraid to come to work. He defends his brutal policing as a necessary reaction to an out-of-control public. Kate seems to agree as she reads the rising crime stats to Angel once they've removed the zombie cops. It seems like a feedback loop, with aggressive cops making the public (even those not committing crimes) distrustful and hostile to police, which in turn makes police more hostile to the public.

Angel's victory over the Captain was interesting because he had so much knowledge of how something like this would be done. Not from books...but from experience. He actually manages well on his own (in a fight that is). The rest of the crew would be dead without him.

He doesn't tell them that when he goes to visit Wesley in the hospital. Cordelia tells him to stay away. He walks.

Character Notes:

Cordelia Chase: She sees a girl wearing her shirt that Angel donated to the teen center.

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*sees a post bullying angel* i'll reblog that *sees a post appreciating angel* i'll reblog that *sees a post calling angel a dramatic socially inept gay old man* i'll reblog that twice

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I think I’ve officially been apart of tumblr so long I’m no longer keeping up with the kids. When I joined posts had tons of replies, some just a funny gif, not even organized into sections for each user. Dialogue was the culture. So much so that if you made a post at all controversial you buckled up and prepared for the storm.

Now the culture seems to have shifted and I think replies are…rude? Apparently unacceptable unless you have something truly valuable to add (no funny monkey gifs!). Opposing opinions should be a separate post wink wink nudge nudging at OP. I see posts with tons of notes and no reblog additions! Anyway you die young or you live long enough to see yourself become a boomer I guess.

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Happy Anniversary (ATS 2.13)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

Angel: The guy's a disaster at love and it nearly destroyed the world. I can relate.

A filler episode! Maybe it's the current cultural climate, but the main guy gave me major ick. And it seemed like we weren't supposed to think he was that bad.

The Host approaches Angel about a future he read that had not only the guy dying but the rest of the world with him. Lorne's energy carried the episode and made it fun. He teams up with Angel to find Gene Rainy, a genius physicist who is going to stop time.

Side note: In the scene when we met Gene, am I the only one who interpreted all the weirdness from his girlfriend and thought she was secretly dating her best friend? Idk it was a vibe.

Cordelia, Wesley, and Gunn are still begrudgingly attempting to move on from Angel. They pooled together to get a new office but circumstances aren't great. They get their first break from Virginia, who is apparently still dating Wesley. Not much work going in to giving their relationship any kind of storyline so it's clearly not meant to last. Wesley solves the case in a dramatic Agatha Christie-style reveal and they finally feel like celebrating and moving on. They tell someone that Angel is just a name.

The Host tries to get through to Angel. He says he gets darker and darker but his aura is beige, which apparently means he's melancholy. His hearts not in it anymore.

Angel: You wanna know what my problem is? I'm screwed. That's my problem. I can't win. I'm trying to atone for a hundred years of unthinkable evil and - newsflash - I never can. Never gonna be enough. Now I got Wolfram and Hart dogging me, it's too much! Two hundred highly intelligent law school graduates working full time to drive me crazy why the Hell is everyone so surprised it's working? But no, it's "Angel you're so cranky, Angel should lighten up, you should smile, Angel you should wear a nice plaid." Host: Oh, not this season, Honey - Angel: Redemption. Darla had a shot at redemption and they took it from her. Now I have to hunt her down and kill her. And I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna kill her and then I'm gonna burn that lawfirm to the ground. My crew can't handle that. Good. It means they're still human. Means they're better off being fired.

I wonder if the root of Angel's upset right now is having hope taken away. Maybe he was doing ok until the human prophecy was dangled like a carrot and then he came crashing down when Wolfram & Hart showed him how miserably far he was from that dream.

They get to Gene as he's attempting to freeze his girlfriend and him in time while they're having sex. He says he "just didn't want her to leave". As if that's an excuse. The Host seems really good for Angel because he doesn't take him personally.

The Host: It's like a song. Now I can hold a note for a long time - actually I can hold a note forever, but eventually, that's just noise. It's the change you're listening for, the note comin' after, and the one after that. That's what makes it music.

Character Notes:

The Host: He likes cappuccinos and hot cinnamon rolls. He drives for the first time this episode. Badly.

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Yes to all of this. I’d go further and say the group needed Spike. Their central fault is they don’t know how to talk to each other about difficult things and that leads to a lack of emotional support. Spike knows how to connect to people. He would’ve been a great addition.

I wish we had more scenes with Spike and the Scoobies, because he was a love interest that had the potential to really integrate with the group. Give me Spike and Giles reminiscing about English stuff and the good music from the 70s and 80s. Give me Spike and Anya swapping demon stories and adventures over their long lives and stupid human things. Give me Spike and Dawn playing silly games and teasing each other and grossing each other out with what they like to eat. Give me Spike and Tara connecting after Tara lost her mind and he knew how to interact with her because he knows how to handle madness with kindness. Give me Spike and Willow absolutely calling each other out for their screwups but having respect for the other's capabilities and dedication to help. Give me Spike and Joyce watching “Passions” together and catching up. Give me Spike and Xander snark that doesn’t always end with Xander claiming he’s an evil soulless hellbeast. Give me more than the inconsistency that we had of such minor moments.

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Crush (BTVS 5.14)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

In popular culture we have a shorthand term to describe a particular cocktail of male energy; the one that includes a mixture of low self-esteem, entitlement, and sexual frustration: incel. Of course, Spike isn't literally an incel (although I think it's fair to say William might have been) but he struggles with the same things we commonly see in that "community". It's even more poignant that the episode is titled Crush. Because that's all it should be--a crush. Crushes are harmless. Crushes happen all the time. But Spike, having realized Buffy will never go for him, isn't able to let it go. Instead he channels his frustration and rejection into entitlement and convinces himself he's a victim because she doesn't like him back.

I'm a little annoyed I attempted to start this series in season six. I think I will have different opinions going forward and can comment on things more fully, so I will likely reblog my old posts with edits. After watching this season and this beginning of Spike's crush, I think I want to discuss their relationship differently.

Look, Spike is likable. He's one of my favorite characters. He's funny, he always adds to a scene, and the way he sticks by Buffy makes you root for him. But there's an underlying darkness there that I think I excused before. I'm interested to see if I think he has truly changed and been redeemed by season seven. I hope so.

Crush opens with Buffy sitting alone at The Bronze, watching her friends enjoy time with their significant others. Spike drops down next to her, perfectly casual. He tries being friendly but she isn't buying it. Already he hints at his worldview: he fought Glory with her, meaning he deserves better treatment. He needs to believe he is in control: if he takes certain steps, he will win her. All he has to do is take them. When she breaks from the plan it enrages him.

Buffy heads home and accuses Dawn of stealing her cashmere sweater, which we then pan to Spike holding. He has Harmony dress in it as a sex game.

Tara: No, see, it can't end like that, 'cuz all of Quasimodo's actions were selfishly motivated. He had no moral compass, no understanding of what was right. Everything he did, he did out of love for a woman who'd never be able to love him back. Also, you can tell it's not gonna have a happy ending, when the main guys all bumpy.

The writers are pretty clear about Spike here. He doesn't deserve Buffy.

Dawn uses her wiles to worm her way closer to Spike. She's picked up on his feelings for Buffy and uses it to her advantage. When Buffy arrives and hauls her out of there she drops the bomb: Spike is in love with her.

Spike continues his attempts to win her: he apologizes to Joyce for scaring her about Dawn, then pretends he has information to trick Buffy into a date. He attempts to be nice and even seems sweet at times. But it's dependent on an expectation he will get what he wants.

Spike: I damn well do. I lie awake every night. Buffy: You sleep during the day.

We learn the mysterious newcomer in town is none other than Drusilla. She's come from L.A. looking to add Spike to their little evil reunion. And she believes she can help him override his chip.

Buffy goes home to talk to her friends and family about this knowledge of Spike's crush, where she almost immediately gets accused of leading him on. No wonder she didn't feel safe talking to them in season six about the toxicity of their relationship.

She's told to go make it clear there's nothing between them. Buffy finds a shrine in Spike's crypt. Photos taken from a distance, bloody gauze from her stab wound, and the creepy mannequin.

Spike ties both her and Drusilla up in an attempt to "prove" he truly loves Buffy.

Spike: This is the face of my salvation. Before Dru, I was nothing. A speck. But when she bit me, she delivered me from mediocrity. For over a century - we cut a swath through the continents, shared a bed, drank from the same vein...A hundred years, and she never stopped surprising me... Never stopped taking me to new depths. I was a lucky bloke, to touch such a black beauty. Lucky just to stand in her light...

Then he reveals the twist: if she doesn't admit there's something between them, he'll untie Dru and let her kill Buffy instead. He always maintains control, he always calls the shots. Buffy must do what he wants or he'll kill her. And he calls it love.

Spike: What the bleeding hell is wrong with you bloody women? What the hell does it take? Why do you bitches torture me?

Harmony joins the fray to threaten him for treating her so poorly. In the chaos Drusilla nearly kills Buffy before Spike saves her. Dru finally gives up on him and leaves.

When Spike follows Buffy home she reveals she had Willow ban him from the house. He's crossed the line and she's clear: leave her alone.

Character Notes:

Dawn Summers: Dawn is still crushing on Spike and noting little details about him.

Harmony Kendall: She doesn't do threesomes unless its boy-boy-girl (unless it's Charlize Theron). She has lots of cutesy nicknames for Spike.

Spike: He likes The Ramones.

Willow Rosenberg: She's suffering from headaches and nosebleeds because of the increased power of her spells.

Xander Harris: He's able to buy drinks for everyone due to his steady job.

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BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER | 5.12

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Blood Ties (BTVS 5.13)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

It's Buffy's birthday! Prepare the sympathy cards.

This is a situation where I can understand Buffy's procrastination. Not telling Dawn she's The Key put her at risk. She doesn't know it's a horrible idea to be doing teenage things like sneaking out or trying to get in the middle of Glory-business. On the other hand...how do you tell a teenager they aren't real and are basically adopted? As if Dawn's emotions aren't unstable enough already.

We get some information on Glorificus. She ruled a hell dimension with her fellow hellgods but was cast out. The human body she's in seriously limits her powers and she's constantly on the brink of insanity. Tara in particular is disturbed by Glory's brain-sucking powers and implies she'd rather be dead. The rest of the gang is finally told the truth about Dawn.

It kind of seems like telling everyone else made telling Dawn inevitable because she picks up on the weirdness immediately. .

At Buffy's party, Dawn's present is a photo of the two of them surrounded by shells they picked on the beach when they visited Hank in San Diego. Except that never happened. Which...can we talk about how disturbing this is? Weaving memories like that has to be intense magic. Dawn seems so real to them it implies she must have influenced events (as opposed to a scenario where they just put her in the background of scenes like a ghost) so were their real memories taken away? Did Buffy persuade her dad to go shopping at the mall in the real timeline, but in the Dawn one she insisted they get ice cream so all the mall memories are gone? How has Buffy been changed from these memories? Idk, my mind is running away with me here.

Anyway, Dawn decides to sneak out and figure out what's going on. She runs into Spike, who's holding some birthday chocolates for Buffy and decides to take action on the one thing Buffy has approved of in the past: taking care of Joyce or Dawn. It blows up in his face anyway when Dawn learns she's The Key while they're out. Spike is totally unimpressed by this reveal.

Dawn is traumatized. She cuts herself and asks if she's real. She also tells Joyce she's not even her mother, which has gotta sting later.

Spike: You didn't think you could hide the truth from her forever, did you? Maybe if you had been honest with her in the first place, you wouldn't be trying to make yourself feel better with a round of Kick the Spike.

Buffy takes out her rage on Spike, a habit that grows pretty toxic.

Buffy: She probably feels like she can say or do anything now. It won't matter because she's not real. We're not her family. We don't even know what she it. Joyce: How can you talk about Dawn like she's a thing? Buffy: I'm not. I'm saying that's how she feels. Joyce: Then we need to show her it's not true. She needs to know that she's still a part of this family and we love her. Buffy: It's not that simple. We're not going to fix this with a hug and a kiss and a bowl of soup. Dawn needs to know what she is. She needs real answers. Joyce: What she needs is her sister, Buffy. Not the slayer.

I found this exchange really interesting. Joyce really helped Buffy hold on to her humanity and prioritize relationships over the mission. Buffy tends to disassociate and go into action mode, but Joyce was right here. Dawn does initially look for answers but she feels like shit until Buffy reassurers her that she's a Summers.

Unfortunately after only hearing the mean things Buffy said Dawn leaves again. This time she goes to the hospital to try and get some info from the mental patients. Orlando is there after Glory got to him, but he just freaks her out. Ben gives her hot chocolate and she confesses to him.

We see him turn into Glory. Big oh shit moment. Buffy comes in to kick ass before she learns anything but ends up tossed around herself. It looks hopeless until Willow does a teleportation spell that transports her above the city in midair. We learn no one is able to remember the Ben-Glory transformation.

I'm enjoying the brilliancy of Willow's magic usage and power increasing in a time of such desperation that no one thinks to be anything but grateful. Glory is nearly unstoppable and Willow is all that slows her down. Giles mentions the teleportation spell is dangerous, but everyone is too desperate to see the red flags.

Buffy tells Dawn that she is her sister and it seems like the moment cements it for Buffy as much as Dawn.

Character Notes:

Dawn Summers: She started keeping diaries at 7. She loves the mall like Buffy. She loves schnauzers in particular. She doesn't like marshmallows because Buffy told her their were monkey brains when she was little.

Spike: It takes him awhile to pick the lock at The Magic Shop because he's so used to just breaking the door.

Tara Maclay: The "if you felt lost where would you go?" "to you" line was adorable.

Willow Rosenberg: The birthday candles that don't go out scared her as a child.

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Blood Money (ATS 2.13)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

Anne running the East Hills Teen Center gives me anxiety. I feel like she needs a security guard or at least someone with muscle to hang around and help her run things. She seems to run things mostly on goodwill but what happens when someone doesn't respect her? As we see in a future episode...

Our regular gang is mostly lost. They're playing games at Cordy's, just waiting on a vision. I really like the character development that occurred during Angel's breakdown. We used to see Angel and Gunn as the muscle and they'd go fight the evil while Wesley researched. Now Wesley is getting his hands dirty and he comes out a much more confident leader, which will have consequences down the road. Also, bonding.

Angel uses his attractiveness to his advantage and sets up a meet-cute with Anne. He wants the dirt on why she's involved with Wolfram & Hart. She says they've been like saints helping out the shelter and now they're organizing a charity ball. Angel discovers it's a money-laundering scheme.

Enter Boone. Angel's apparent nemesis who wants to bring him down. They met in Juarez in the 20s and got into a fight over a girl. After fighting for three hours without a winner Boone let Angel go when the sun came up. Haven't we learned this lesson already? Come on, W&H. Angel's way more likely to bring someone on side than end up dead. When you gonna get that?

I did enjoy Angel surprising Lilah in her car. He's furious at them sitting in their ivory tower pulling the strings and he wants to shake up their control. After what he did to Holland and company it shakes her up pretty bad. Lindsey is sick of following company rules and wants Boone to kill Angel.

Lindsey comes in when Angel is talking to Anne and plays the concerned puppy perfectly. Anne's been around awhile, though. I'm not sure she fell for it. I think she's pretty fiercely protective of her "kids" and willing to look the other way at the bad vibes she's getting.

Angel's plan works decently well. Lilah and Lindsey are at each other's throats, each thinking the other screwed up and gave Angel proof of their scheme. They act frantic when they think he has dirt on them, humiliating them in front of their bosses. Angel allows Boone to steal the charity money and then fights him for it. He gives the money to Anne when he wins.

Wolfram & Hart are pissed. It's against company policy to kill Angel as all prophecies say he has a key role in the apocalypse. At this point, the firm is just hoping Lilah and Lindsey will provoke Angel to murder them and he'll finally be on their side. Great employee protection here.

Honestly, this period of the season lagged for me. It picks up again towards the end but I really don't enjoy the group separated. They play off each other so well.

Character Notes:

Angel: His "Bean bag chairs?" -disappointed head shake- "Merl." line cracked me UP.

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Checkpoint (BTVS 5.12)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

This episode is when sick-of-this-shit Buffy really takes shape. We'll be with her for awhile. Anyone else want to punch anyone who's mean to her?

To start, Joyce's illness is taking a toll. Buffy's still in this-is-temporary mode, barely holding it together but not too worried because her mom will be back soon.

Then The Watcher's Council and Quentin Travers return, demanding she be tested to see if she's "worthy" of the information on Glory. They want to exert their power over the situation and threaten to deport Giles if she doesn't comply. I hate the way they come in and begin criticizing Giles' shop as a way to gain control. Ugh.

We learn that Glory's brain-sucking habit is necessary to her sanity and survival. The minions leave her for too long and we find her shaky and out of it. They tell her she needs to use The Key soon. Glory tries to get Ben to help, but he seems to be in denial about the situation and just pretends she doesn't exist. Glory decides to pay Buffy a visit and warn her that she better hand it over. The moment when Dawn comes downstairs and Buffy is desperately trying to get her out of there was so tense.

More Spuffy development this season. I hate the toxicity in Spike cutting Buffy down in an attempt to pull her closer (especially when it works next season). He makes some nasty comments about her losing boyfriends.

It was a very interesting move to trust Joyce and Dawn with him. Eight episodes ago he was trying to get his chip out and you were ready to kill him. I can't decide if she instinctively trusts him or if she's just so beaten down and desperate that she takes the risk. She still promises to pay if he succeeds and stake him if he doesn't, which he says is getting old.

A new threat emerges with The Knights of Byzantium, an ancient order sworn to stop The Beast. They'll do anything to destroy The Key. They represent a new foil for Buffy as they are humans choosing to kill the one for the many, a move she is too idealistic to make.

All this boils over and we get sick-of-this-shit Buffy. I love when she sticks it to the Council.

Buffy: Power. I have it. They don't. This bothers them.

Buffy demands she receive the information and that Giles gets retroactive pay (hello, Buffy? Pay yourself!). She points out that without her they're irrelevant sitting ducks waiting for Glory to end the world.

The gang cheers. We learn Glory is a god. I feel like this was a gasp moment back in the day.

Character Notes:

Anya Jenkins: She has a story ready for the Watchers. Anya Christina Emmanuella Jenkins. Born on the fourth of July.

Buffy Summers: His sweater is still under the couch. Talk about an abrupt departure. We get some interesting grief after he leaves. Not much heartbreak, but grief from everyone over losing someone that was part of the team.

Joyce Summers: She likes Passions. She finds it easy to get along with pretty much anyone.

Spike: One of the council seems attracted to him and says she wrote her thesis on him. He likes Passions.

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Redefinition (ATS 2.11)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

Cordelia: One thing you can say about Angel, at least he's consistent. It's always some little blonde driving him over the edge.

Anyone else find Angel's "getting ready" montage...off? It happens in between the regular gang nursing their wounds and leaves the impression that this big training session takes place in a single day. Super dramatic and strange.

Cordelia, Wesley, and Gunn end up heading to Caritas for some advice about next steps. I have to agree it was cruel of Angel to abandon Cordelia when the visions she has are meant for him. She can't just quit the fight. But he just views her as in the way right now. The gang goes through all the motions of a drunken evening: commiserating, yelling at each other, and singing Karaoke together. They eventually decide they're going to continue working.

Angel continues portraying the underworld as much greyer and complex than we ever see on Buffy. There are even Wizard unions!

Now that Darla has made the point she won't just be a pawn she is interested in working with Wolfram & Hart. She left Lindsey and Lilah alive to be a liaison she liked better than Holland. I don't think she's very impressed by Lindsey's supposed love for her...at the end of the day, he still wanted to use her. I did enjoy his not falling for Lilah's "steal files" entrapment, though. It was pretty convincing. He's good. I guess that's why he made it so far in the company.

Darla seems to still feel some of the pain she felt before turning. She's upset when Drusilla says she'll never be alone again...that's what she was supposed to get from Angel. Reunited at last. But now she's lost him again.

Darla: Why is everyone trying to make this about Angel? For God's sake, can't a woman wreak a little havoc without there being a man involved? Drusilla: You miss him. Like a heartbeat.

I think Drusilla senses that Darla isn't as content with vampirism as she used to be. She also sees that Angel is going to light them on fire. Angel succeeds in hurting them but they survive, which I guess he planned on because that was the perfect opportunity to stake. What's the plan here?

Wesley: Someone has to fight the good fight. Angel: And someone has to fight the war.

With this, we get a peek at Angel's current mindset. Similar to the start of the season, he's become impatient for the finish line. He wants it over. Instead of doing a little good, every day, he wants to cut Wolfram & Hart off at the knees and destroy the bad guys for good. He knows this obsessive attitude would never work for his friends. He seems a bit suicidal in a very similar way to where Buffy ends up at the end of season five.

Character Notes:

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: He says he quit a fish 'n chips shop on principal because they never changed the oil. I'm surprised Daddy allowed him to have such a job.

Merl: Merl becomes Angel's go-to spy.

[buffster]

Triangle (BTVS 5.11)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

So, I think Willow is a resentful people-pleaser.

We've seen a few hints this season of some Anya/Willow tension, and this episode is when it finally boils over. I sat and thought about why they're having problems, and though this episode concludes they're both overprotective of Xander, I don't think that's the issue on Willow's side. She makes several comments to Anya about the way she presents in the world. Anya is bold, unbothered about people's opinions, largely unfiltered. Willow also disliked Faith--though some of that was bff jealousy--and I think it's because they aren't worried about people-pleasing.

With Tara, we see a contrast of someone who genuinely believes the kindest, most forgiving thoughts in given scenarios. We see someone who hates to hurt others and gets something out of making them happy. With Willow I think her nature is a survival mechanism from an overbearing mother and a lifetime of being bullied. We get several pieces of evidence that Willow isn't being honest when she gives her friends the most supportive, loving opinions. She masks as sweet, innocent, and naive but there's more beneath the surface. I think she becomes triggered by someone like Anya because she has the audacity to voice the cruel/unforgiving/just plain rude thoughts aloud.

Anya: I don't do magic now. You're the one with that kind of power. In fact, D'Hoffryn offered you my old job! You're closer to being a vengeance demon that I am! Maybe Xander should be afraid of you!

Willow and Anya's fighting causes Willow's spell to go awry and a troll to be released. This is where we get the infamous hammer.

I didn't really get the sense that Anya had many personal issues with Willow other than a little fear she was trying to turn Xander against her. Anya would have complained about stealing spell ingredients with anyone, not just Willow. She's proven as the one who loves Xander the most when he refuses to choose between Anya and Willow and Anya says to kill her.

We also find out the troll is a man Anya dated as a human. He cheated on her and she turned him into a troll, earning her spot as a Vengeance Demon. He says he didn't cheat "in his heart". What a line.

Anya: Xander? If you ever decide to go, I want a warning. Big flashing red lights and one of those clocks that counts down like on a bomb in a movie. And there's this whole bunch of colored wires and I'm not sure which is the right one to cut, but I guess the green one and then at the last second... no... the red one and click, it stops with three tenths of a second left. Then you don't leave. Like that, okay? Xander: Check. Big bomb clock....By the way, I'm not going to want to go. Anya: Good. Because that would hurt. I can't think about how much that would hurt.

Hmm. They're really presenting their relationship as solid this season. I still think the demise was a little weird. I'm going to have to write more about it after I finish the show.

Of course, our other big focus this episode is the fallout from Riley leaving. Again...something is missing from me in Buffy's grieving. It just feels a little...hollow. Anyone else getting this? Like she's more hurt that she messed things up/got abandoned than actually really missing him. We learn later that Riley is absolutely devastated at this point. Even with the random crying she doesn't really feel devastated. More scorned by love in general and worried about being alone. And also just...even if you weren't in love with someone, when someone is there every day for a long time and they're suddenly gone it's going to be upsetting. It feels more like that.

Olaf: YOU THERE! DO YOU KNOW WHERE THERE ARE BABIES? Spike: (to Xander) What do you think? The hospital, maybe? Xander: What? Shut up!

Spike is a hot mess this episode as he screams at mannequin Buffy about not being grateful he showed her what Riley was up to. He's enraged she doesn't love him back and showing some ugly entitlement. His "affection" is really gross here. He won't help fight the troll until Buffy shows up to watch and then he tries to get credit for not feeding off victims.

The whole episode I was just thinking...how the hell is Giles going to pay for these damages? This is bankruptcy territory. And in the original script Giles comes back and acts insanely chipper and calm about it. I would have liked to see that.

Giles is going to contact The Watcher's Council to get some info about Glory. Buffy expresses anxiety about what they'd do if they find out Dawn is the key. Giles assures her he isn't telling them that part...but it got me thinking he's probably already considered killing Dawn might be the best option. Just like they would.

Character Notes:

Dawn Summers: A boy named Rusty Keeler didn't sit with her at lunch and she cried for two days and spat in his milk. She's confused about Buffy's calm over Riley.

Rupert Giles: He gets drooly over the Watcher's library.

Spike: He loves chicken wings and blooming onions.

Tara Maclay: She's allergic to shrimp.

Willow Rosenberg: She accidentally hurt her pet fish and was banned for five years before she got them back. She tried using hellebore to de-rat Amy and she thinks it increased her intelligence. Interesting she's still working on it.

[buffster]

yes riley was a dickhead for cheating on buffy but it's also canon that she felt something was missing with him and imo her abandonment issues wouldn't let her cut him loose unless something was "wrong" with him even tho she really should have.

[buffster]

Reunion (ATS 2.10)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

I needed a little more explanation for Angel's weariness.

Over on Buffy, Buffy's build-up to her end-of-season comatose state is very clear. The weight Slaying puts on her is constantly mentioned and referenced, and when her mother dies and leaves her with all the real-world responsibility on top of it she's totally defeated. Angel's collapse seems a little more out of nowhere.

Angel implies that he pretty much gave up and let Drusilla turn Darla. I know Darla was supposed to be wearing him down with her dream-visits, but I'm not entirely clear on why that made him so emotionally exhausted. I thought it was just supposed to mess with his head/physical stamina. I guess maybe she just...reminded him of the toll of two hundred and forty seven years?

Angel manages to pull himself together and prepares to kill Darla before she can rise again. As he's investigating, trying to figure out where Dru is, I can't help but think...Spike would totally know. Probably won't rat her out at this point, though. Especially for Angel.

Drusilla: Grandmother is very pleased with it. - I can tell. - Aren't you, Grandmother? My daughter. Lindsey: Can she hear you? Drusilla: She's dead. Lindsey: Oh - of course.

I love that, to Drusilla, everyone else is crazy.

Holland is concerned about Lindsey. His unhealthy attachment to Darla, for one, but also his lack of any other attachments and apathetic attitude. Wolfram & Hart operate in a really strange way...they actually seem to encourage and forgive bits of humanity and rebelliousness. Wouldn't it make more sense to seek people who didn't care about anything but the job? Holland has a wife he seems to have genuine affection for. Lindsey is not praised for his laser-focus.

Angel is determined to stop the reunion of Darla and Drusilla before it leads to a massacre, but the PtB send Cordelia a vision and seem to want him away from the situation. Cordelia persuades him to follow her vision, eventually, but he saves the guy and runs out as quickly as possible to get back to Darla. He's not focused on anything but the law firm.

Holland: You don't kill humans. Angel: You don't qualify. You set things in motion, play your little games up here in your glass and chrome tower, and people die - innocent people. Holland: And yet I just can't seem to care.

Holland calls Darla and "offers" the girls a massacre that Wolfram & Hart will back. But Darla hates being used and has plenty of experience with it. She turns on Holland and decides to the massacre should be at his house work party. Lindsey and Lilah are in attendance. Angel shows up in time to stop things.

Holland: Angel - please. - People are going to die. Angel: And yet, somehow, I just can't seem to care.

Okay. That was epic. I really don't get the Buffyverse black and white morality, we-don't-kill-humans things. Wolfram & Hart are doing just as much evil as demons and there's no way you're gonna get them put in jail. I loved this moment. Not enough to turn me against Angel. Cornering Cordelia and being super rude in a couple episodes? Now you got me.

Angel realizes that the gang is holding him back from the road he wants to take. He fires them all.

Character Notes:

Darla: Fashion seems to be important to her. She's always dressed up in flashbacks and shopping is what she wants to do as soon as she wakes up.

[buffster]

The Trial (ATS 2.09)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

Angel's inexplicable obsession with Darla is no less potent when he has a soul. Their relationship really takes shape on Angel, making the early interactions in Buffy feel off and his decision to kill her glossed over. Cordelia and Wesley can't make any sense of him.

We're shown a flashback of Angel and Darla running from Holtz, giving us our first introduction to that character. Their relationship was every bit as strange back then. When it's clear they can't escape together, Angelus is ready to fight to the death as long as he's by her side. But Darla knocks him out and leaves him for dead, saying she hopes he makes it. It seems like the lack of depth in their relationship was largely the result of her being unable to love in that way.

Angel:I was with her for one hundred and fifty years. Lindsey: But you never loved her.

Darla is scouring bars for vampires that might turn her. She finds that she doesn't fit in with the modern vampire. She attempts to appeal to a sense of loneliness, the mythic concept of a mate to walk the lonely night with...none of it seems appealing to them. We find out Darla is dying of a syphilitic heart condition (same thing she was dying of as a human). It made me curious exactly how they brought her back. Why would the spell have her still dying from that? Are we saying Darla had syphilis for one hundred and fifty years? Best get checked, Buffy.

I also struggled to grasp why exactly it's so important he save Darla. She's not interested in being a human and seems barely less evil now. Their relationship was basically a trauma bond from him. Does he feel like he corrupted her in some way and needs to atone? Does saving her give him hope that he can save himself?

The Host sends Angel to be tested. If he passes all three, Darla lives. If he fails, she dies. No one has ever passed. Angel goes through the specially-designed trials to end up at test three, which is that he dies in place of Darla. He agrees. I had to kind of agree with The Valet here...Angel, you can do so much good. Darla was literally trying to become an evil creature of the night a few hours ago. But he agrees and--plot twist--that was the final test. He just had to be willing. But The Valet then realizes Darla has been brought back before. Apparently three times is not the charm. He can't help.

The test has a profound impact on Darla. The Valet allowed her to experience it with him, and she's moved by how much he was willing to do to save her. Safe to say she's never experienced love like that before. It even emphasizes in the script that they're not lovers, but two close friends. But being cared about is new for her and she feels ready to die in peace.

But duh duh duuuuhh...in walks Drusilla. It's amusing to me how she has this effect where everyone just sort of stops fighting and goes we're fucked when she's in the zone. Other times she's totally spaced out. She forces Darla to turn as Angel watches. Not only did he not save Darla--he couldn't save her soul, and the connection he shared with his closest companion has been shattered. All because of Wolfram & Hart.

Character Notes:

Darla: She beautifully sings Frank Sinatra's "Ill Wind" for The Host.