but-master
but-master
Merlin's Apprentice At Your Service!
597 posts
Ask/rp blog for past Douxie (strictly past Doux) // "Merlin please interact" // Sideblog to nrth-wind
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but-master · 4 years ago
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For each “⭐️” I get, I’ll write a headcanon about our muses.
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but-master · 4 years ago
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Send a 🎧 and I will put my music on shuffle, then write a starter based on a lyric from the first song that plays
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but-master · 4 years ago
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[ PROTECT ] - Charlemagne the Devourer and Hisirdoux Casperan
Hug Asks II Accepting II PROTECT - sender wraps receiver in a hug in order to protect them from a potential or present danger
Hisirdoux hadn’t even seen the tree until it was far, far too near to avoid it completely. Had he had a mind beyond the initial panic and blood-freezing fear that accompanies the knowledge that one is about to be harmed substantially, he likely could have moved enough to minimize the damage he was about to take. 
But he didn’t have that mind; rather he had the singular, petrifying thought that he was about to be crushed. And he was too frozen to stop it. 
Later, when the great oak was on the ground, and he was left unharmed, he would realize belatedly that he could have used magic-- any magic, any spell, any runes at all, so long as he was fast enough to string the right combination of threads together-- to move the tree, stop it, even destroy it. He could have moved himself, shielded himself, protected himself. 
But he did none of those things, and the tree fell, screaming an ear-shattering creak into the howling storm winds that swept the forest, nearly bowling it over entirely. 
As he dropped to one knee, he squeezed his eyes shut and huddled, making himself small, throwing his arms over his neck and head, acting on a vain instinct to protect himself in any way that he could, even if it was futile. 
Since his eyes were closed, he didn’t see, at first, who would come to save him. 
But when the impact of... something hitting the ground shook him out of his crouch, sending him sprawling to the cold, wet dirt, he was startled to find that the most pain he felt was simply that of his jaw slapping the sopping leaves. He pushed himself up onto his hands, eyes now open and wide, and looked over his shoulder, surprised to see that not only was the tree not near him anymore, but the rain was not drenching him, either. 
His mouth fell open. 
The great and powerful dragon that he’d met only once before, who had been kind and careful, and had not brought him harm-- who had offered him tea, and showed him nothing but gentleness-- had appeared over him at a speed Hisirdoux couldn’t fathom for someone so large. 
And he had saved him.
Hisirdoux gasped, rolling over to lean on his elbows-- and it was then that he noticed the curl of the dragon’s arms on either side of him. So, so close to him, they may as well have been holding him in an embrace. The dragon’s scaly chest was within an arm’s reach to Hisirdoux with the way he loomed protectively over top of him... and the scales were warm against his palm. 
Hisirdoux felt relief flood him, then, replacing the adrenaline and pure terror that had previously been pounding through his veins, and in a flash, he stood to press himself against the dragon’s chest and underbelly-- wherever he could reach on his tiptoes, with his arms spread as wide as they could go, in an attempt to return the hug. He was tiny to the enormous creature, but he was warm, and he had saved him, and Hisirdoux was shaking, and the hug felt reassuring.
“Thank you...” He whispered against the dragon’s skin, eyes slipping shut again, as he tried not to allow tears to well. “Thank you, thank you, thank you...” 
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but-master · 4 years ago
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Rogue AU
Warning: Contains Wizards Spoilers
Tag: i (uh) must go on standing. you can’t break that which isn’t yours: rogue au
Basic Idea:
Hisirdoux has found out that the day that Merlin finally says he is proud of him, is also a day of tragedy. He wants to find out why, and, more importantly: how to prevent it.
Other Important Posts for Context:
Moppet’s Reaction to the Above Linked Post
The First Hints of Rogue!Moppet
Moppet Apologizes to Future Doux
A Poem Which I May Use As Inspiration or Reference (due to it being referenced in the song which inspired the tag)
Bulleted List of Fixed Events:
Wizards has already happened (it has to predicate the conversation that Future Doux and Moppet had, which spurred Moppet into action)
He’s been mulling over what he’s been told for a few days, when he and Merlin are working on something together in the workshop
Merlin is in profile to him, speaking about something, when Moppet just… stares at him, and realizes that whatever does happen between himself and Merlin in the future… he’s going to stop it.
It should be noted that at this point in the timeline, he believes The Event, he’s calling it, to be a severe falling out between himself and Merlin; one that perhaps seems unfixable
Well, he’s going to fix it. He’s going to figure out what really happened, and fix it
He sneaks out that night, leaving no note, and no potential leads as to where he went. He took Archie, some of Merlin’s spellbooks, a week’s worth of rations from the kitchens, a dagger from the knights’ armory, and vanished
Where he goes from here is where certain deviations in the AU could occur, based on who threads this with me, however one more fixed point is:
He gets someone to teach him a spell for seeing the future (or he does it himself) and he does indeed find out that Merlin is killed
Potential Plot Points (in no particular order):
When, in the timeline, he finds out that Merlin dies varies; there are two options
One, he finds out anywhere from one to three centuries in advance
Two, he finds out… a week in advance
Then, each of these options has two more options: He succeeds, or he fails
He goes to the Order, or another powerful magic-user way at any point during this timeline, for help 
OR he learns things on his own, but it takes much, much longer
His future self perhaps tries to stop him?
He gains future sight as a permanent feature of his meddling with that kind of magic without being ready to (this is more of a curse than a good thing)
He turns full villain because of the above idea, and believes that he can fix everything bad that’s ever happened, as soon as he figures out how to time travel
Instead of future-sight, he finds out what happens by accidentally time travelling to the day; he then has to reverse time for himself again, and stop it; creating a huge paradox in the timeline
(Actually, I feel like no matter which way this AU goes, he’s going to cause time trouble, so either way: lots and lots of time paradoxes)
Merlin, upon waking up in the 21st century, discovers some weird time things; not yet enough to change the timeline, but certainly looking like it could head in that direction (does he suspect his own apprentice? does he believe that apprentice dead?)
(oh god a Bucky-gets-his-mask-ripped-off moment but its modern Merlin and this Douxie) (because I think that if this Douxie notices Merlin coming, he’s immediately throwing on a scarf and his hood to hide his face)
(which, his outfit will depend on the time period he’s in, but in the modern day, I don’t think he dyes his hair, or takes the liberties with his fashion; it’s all practicality and tactical, for ease of movement and blending into shadow; no fun or creativity) (he knows that what he’s doing could get him in trouble with  a lot of people, so he’s specifically ready at any point to completely disappear)
More will be added as I think of it, or as new questions or ideas come up!
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but-master · 4 years ago
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Lost ask: moth, dagger, blood, and statue from this meme II Accepting II Anon
Moth- What do you find attractive in a person?
“Um... Confidence, I think? To be honest, I’m not really sure. Maybe that they don’t ignore me? It’s difficult to say... attraction is odd.”
Dagger- Tell one secret you have.
“I... I have a certain knight I cheer for... sometimes... He doesn’t know I do it, and honestly, I don’t even think he knows I exist. That’s... probably a good thing, though.” He laughs sheepishly. 
Blood- What is the worst injury you’ve gotten?
“The one on my left hand, which scarred over. It’s certainly the worst, I’d say, since it left a... lasting impression.” 
Statue- Who is your favorite artist?
“Taliesin! Only the greatest bard who ever lived!” His eyes turned wistful, as he sighed softly. “What I wouldn’t give to have met him somehow...” 
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but-master · 4 years ago
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(    *    & .    —    BILLIE  EILISH  LYRICS .
‘  don’t  you  know  i’m  no  good  for  you ?  ’
‘  nothing  ever  stops  you  leaving .  ’
‘  i  could  lie ,  say  i  like  it  like  that .  ’
‘  don’t  you  know  too  much  already ?  ’
‘  i’ll  only  hurt  you  if  you  let  me .  ’
‘  call  me  friend ,  but  keep  me  closer .  ’
‘  nothing  is  better  sometimes .  ’
‘  let  me  let  you  go .  ’
‘  i  just  wish  you  could  feel  what  you  say .  ’
‘  i  know  you  too  well .  ’
‘  if  ‘ i  love  you ’  was  a  promise ,  would  you  break  it  if  you’re  honest ?  ’
‘  i  don’t  wanna  be  you  anymore .  ’
‘  losing  feeling  is  getting  old .  ’
‘  only  you  know  the  way  that  i  break .  ’
‘  if  we  were  meant  to  be ,  we  would’ve  been  by  now .  ’
‘  all  i  see  is  him  right  now .  ’
‘  go  ahead  and  watch  my  heart  burn  with  the  fire  that  you  started  in  me ,  but  i’ll  never  let  you  back  to  put  it  out .  ’
‘  your  love  feels  so  fake .  ’
‘  if  i  could  get  to  sleep ,  i  would  have  slept  by  now .  ’
‘  when  you  call  my  name ,  do  you  think  i’ll  come  running ?  ’
‘  so  good  at  giving  me  nothing .  ’
‘  when  you  close  your  eyes ,  do  you  picture  me ?  ’
‘  you  should  see  me  in  a  crown .  ’
‘  your  silence  is  my  favorite  sound .  ’
‘  i  like  the  way  they  all  scream .  ’
‘  i  think  you’re  pretty .  ’
‘  i’m  not  your  baby .  ’
‘  where’s  my  mind ?  ’
‘  what  an  expensive  fate .  ’
‘  my  v  is  for  vendetta .  ’
‘  thought  that  i’d  feel  better ,  but  now  i  got  a  bellyache .  ’
‘  i  wear  my  noose  like  a  necklace .  ’
‘  i  wanna  make  ‘em  scared .  ’
‘  don’t  be  cautious ,  don’t  be  kind .  ’
‘  i  don’t  belong  to  anyone .  ’
‘  by  the  way ,  you’ve  been  uninvited .  ’
‘  why  so  sad ,  bunny ?  ’
‘  call  me  calloused ,  call  me  cold .  ’
‘  you  better  love  me .  ’
‘  i  would  hate  to  see  you  go .  ’
‘  i  hate  to  be  the  one  that  told  you  so .  ’
‘  you  just  crossed  the  line ,  you’ve  run  out  of  time .  ’
‘  sorry ,  sorry ,  i’m  sorry ,  sorry …  sike .  ’
‘  wake  up  and  smell  the  coffee .  ’
‘  is  your  cup  half  full  or  empty ?  ’
‘  i  love  it  when  you’re  awfully  quiet .  ’
‘  you  don’t  have  to  keep  it  quiet .  ’
‘  i  know  it  makes  you  nervous ,  but  i  promise  you  it’s  worth  it .  ’
‘  i  promise  you  it’s  worth  it  to  show  ‘em  everything  you  kept  inside .  ’
‘  too  shy  to  say ,  but  i  hope  you  stay .  ’
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but-master · 4 years ago
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are there any fears you have from learning magic? as someone without any knowledge of the subject, it seems...wonderful, but also a bit frightening!
Answering Old Asks II Accepting New Ones, As Well
Hisirdoux frowns, something small and thoughtful. “There is one fear I have, but... with a teacher like Merlin,” he forces a hopeful smile, one that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, “I don’t think I have anything to worry about. It’s just a trivial matter, really. Not even worth mentioning...” 
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but-master · 4 years ago
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[nose?]
Parts of the Body Meme II Accepting
Nose:
What's your favorite smell? 
“Oh! I rather like the smell of oranges-- fresh ones, rare as they are to come by.” 
Least favorite? 
“Easy! Slorr milk.” 
What scent do you find comforting? 
“Lavender, though I’m not entirely sure why...” 
Is there an outdoorsy smell that appeals to you? (beaches, pine trees, sand, ect.) 
“The smell of the evergreens in the forest is quite nice, and certainly a welcome change to mud.” He grins. “The smell of rain is enjoyable, as well.” 
Boop? Y/N
“I’d prefer others didn’t, especially if I don’t know them very well...” 
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but-master · 4 years ago
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➶ and ☿ for Douxie :) (from skraelofthenorthwind)
Opinion Asks II Accepting II @skraelofthenorthwind
➶ : Opinion on killing
“Everyone deserves a chance to live if it can be helped! Merlin says it can’t always be, but he never said that I couldn’t disagree with him!”
His brow furrows. “Er, well... he did...” He gives a nervous laugh. “But he doesn’t have to know that I don’t agree!” 
☿: Opinion on gender
“Um... what d’you mean by that? Isn’t it just... a thing about us? That happens to be there? What more is there to say?” 
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but-master · 4 years ago
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Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
80 Days of Douxie: A Countdown to ‘Rise of the Titans’ ⇝ [Day 14]
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but-master · 4 years ago
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Totes not gonna break the space time continuum by giving his younger self birthday fruit when he knows it'll be found before it gets nabbed or goes weird. Nope someone else put it there. Obviously.
The boy gives a soft gasp when he notes the fruit, surprised by such a luxurious gift. He has no clue who could have left it, but he appreciates it nonetheless.
Hiding it away in his chambers, he smiles about his birthday for the first time this year.
"Thank you." He whispers, even if the gift giver cannot hear him. "Thank you so much."
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but-master · 4 years ago
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Considering the previous day’s significance, the boy is keeping a low profile, especially as he’d sequestered himself for the actual event. Perhaps he should have been more excited to be another year older, but these days, it feels a touch fraught. To be one year older means that he is one year closer to things he doesn’t entirely understand, but suspects cannot be easy, given his elder self’s general disposition. Every year that passes has begun to feel increasingly ominous. 
Stretching his arms over his head as he walks toward Merlin’s workshop, he sighs to a trotting Archie, “Back to the normal routine, hm? I hope...” 
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but-master · 4 years ago
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‘  are  you  an  orphan  ?  it’s  just  that  they’re  always  finding  themselves  in  magical  predicaments.  ’ // moppet at the library? it's more likely than u think
Folklore Prompts II Accepting
Hisirdoux's heart quickened, from where he was currently standing amongst shelves he did not recognize. "Y'know, I was always taught not to answer such personal questions to strangers I’ve only just met..."
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but-master · 4 years ago
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‘  everything  here  is  and  isn’t,  and  things  are  and  aren’t.  ’
Folklore Prompts II Accepting
Douxie blinked, golden eyes wide and disconcerted. "And, um... where... where exactly is 'here'?"
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but-master · 4 years ago
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‘  aren’t  dragons  supposed  to  breathe  fire  and  make  a  fuss  about  having  their  treasure  found ?  ’ (they know what dragons are like, but—it's been a while since they've been around one this long, this close.)
Folklore Prompts II Accepting
Douxie shoots them a confused look from where he's elbow deep in a soapy bathtub, holding a squirming cat-dragon in both hands. There are suds on his shoulder and in his hair and on his back somehow, and there's a wet mark on his face which just narrowly misses his eyes-- evidence of a pointed attack. He's trying to calculate just how to let go of Archie with one hand in order to reach for the cat shampoo to his left, when they ask their question, and he's left to try not to snicker at his already humiliated familiar.
"Ah, well... this one does like shiny things, and he does breathe fire sometimes, but he's also..." He dodges another splash of water. "Very stubborn!"
Douxie grins. "He likes to do things his own way."
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but-master · 4 years ago
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𝑺𝑪𝑬𝑵𝑨𝑹𝑰𝑶  𝑷𝑹𝑶𝑴𝑷𝑻𝑺.
↬   OF  FAIRYTALES,  FOLKLORE  AND  FAEKIND.
scenarios  inspired  by  various  settings,  encounters  &  magic  tucked  between  pages,  fashioned  by  the  author.
+   feel  free  to  change  pronouns  /  roles  !
FAIRYTALES.
‘  let  me  guess,  you  thought  a  true  love’s  kiss  would  help  you.  ’
‘  you  will  always  follow  the  trail  in  the  wood,  and  it  will  guide  you  on  the  same  path,  to  the  same  cottage,  the  same  witch.  it  will  always  be  your  undoing.  ’
‘  i  have  never  seen  a  more  tragic  creature.  how  might  i  help  you  ?  ’
‘  you  must  take  this  knife  and  plunge  it  into  his  /  her  /  their  heart.  ’
‘  forget  yourself.  that  is  how  you  break  your  curse.  ’
‘  remove  this  thorn  from  my  hand,  and  you  will  be  rewarded.  ’
‘  i’m  tired  of  being  a  prince.  i  think  i  would  actually  enjoy  being  a  frog.  ’
‘  tell  me  of  the  beast,  and  i  will  hunt  it  for  you.  ’
‘  mice  are  never  just  mice,  and  pumpkins  are  rarely  just  pumpkins.  ’
‘  i  don’t  think  breaking  a  spell  should  be  this  simple.  ’
‘  i  never  thought  i’d  return  here,  to  the  site  where  it  all  began.  ’
‘  are  you  an  orphan  ?  it’s  just  that  they’re  always  finding  themselves  in  magical  predicaments.  ’
‘  the  mirror  speaks  falsely  in  your  ear.  it  is  your  true  curse.  ’
‘  my  heart  feels  uneasy,  although  i  am  free.  is  it  supposed  to  ?  ’
‘  i’m  sorry,  it’s  just  that  i  thought  this  is  the  part  of  the  quest  where  the  animals  ought  to  start  talking  to  me.  ’
‘  of  course  i  plan  on  going  to  the  ball.  why  wouldn’t  i  ?  ’
‘  jealousy  has  made  more  witches  out  of  women  than  adam’s  rib.  ’
‘  where  has  choosing  goodheartedness  and  having  golden  hair  ever  gotten  you  ?  ’
 ‘  are  you  a  helpful  wizard,  or  the  kind  that  sits  in  a  tower  reading  moldy  books  ?  ’
‘  i’m  dreadfully  bored.  who  knew  waiting  for  a  prince  was  so  strenuous  ?  ’
‘  we  all  have  towers  we  must  leave,  and  magic  that  will  try  to  thwart  us.  ’
‘  i’m  afraid  for  the  clock  to  strike.  the  hour  will  ring  in  the  place  of  my  heartbeat  when  we  must  be  parted.  ’
‘  i  had  no  idea  carpets  could  fly.  or  pigs  for  that  matter.  ’  
‘  what  would  happen  if  the  knight  did  not  arrive  to  the  castle,  and  the  dragon  made  a  den  of  it  and  a  hoard  of  its  people  and  prize  of  its  princess  ?  ’
‘  i  sometimes  think  i  was  switched  out  at  birth,  like  a  lizard  in  a  bird’s  nest.  i  belong  somewhere  else.  ’
‘   in  another  kingdom  exists  a  throne  and  a  crown  that  is  mine  by  right.  ’
‘  if  i  did  not  wake  up  one  day,  i  would  still  be  waiting  on  a spinning  wheel,  dutifully  bored.  ’  
‘  something  in  me  knows  you  are  here  for  my  heart.  ’
FOLKLORE.
‘  in  all  the  myths  i’ve  heard,  it’s  never  been  worthwhile  to  approach  strange  sights.  it’s  best  to  turn  around  and  pretend  you  never  saw  them.  ’
‘  nothing  is  folklore  until  it  exists  longer  than  consciousness  remembers,  and  lives  in  spite  of  it.  ’
‘  i’ve  heard  your  name  before,  in  songs  and  lengthy  ballads.  ’
‘  whatever  has  led  you  here  to  me,  there  is  destiny  in  its  making.  ’
‘  the  beast  returns  every  century  or  so,  and  tries  to  devour  us.  it  will  come  again  before  long.  ’
‘  a  pretty  face  is  not  nothing.  it  earns  you  a  hearth  and  a  kind  hand,  after  all.  ’
‘  their  lips  are  red  as  blood,  and  their  teeth  carve  ruin  into  throats.  ’
‘  aren’t  dragons  supposed  to  breathe  fire  and  make  a  fuss  about  having  their  treasure  found  ?  ’
‘  someday  you  will  become  a  pilgrim,  a  saint,  or  a  favored  story,  while  i  will  be  a  voice  on  the  wind.  ’
‘  the  stories  say  brides  don’t  live  to  the  light  before  demons  devour  them.  why  should  i  become  one  ?  ’
‘  there  was  another  girl  like  you  once,  in  a  small  town  like  this  one.  i  can’t  remember  if  she  became  the  monster  or  died  trying  to  escape  it.  ’
‘  remember  to  festoon  the  hearth  with  garlic,  or  rosemary,  or  one  of  those  mundane  herbs  that  keep  evil  out.  ’
‘  that  sounds  like  nothing  but  a  tall  tale,  but  i’m  certain  smaller  minds  would  eat  it  up.  ’
‘  to  cross  this  bridge,  you’ll  have  to  pay  a  heavy  toll.  ’
‘  don’t  stray  too  far  from  the  path  set  before  you,  or  something  interesting  might  happen.  ’
‘  i’ve  passed  that  yard  of  crops  a  million  times,  but  the  crow  never  moved  from  its  post  until  this  morning.  ’
‘   it  is  as  though  ancient  fears  are  still  in  us  like  scars  or  stitches.  ’
‘  graveyards  aren’t  where  you  find  ghosts.  look  for  them  in  places  that  feel  like  memories  you  shouldn’t  have.  ’
‘  stories  reap  princes  from  peasants  as  if  their  skins  were  crops  in  the  ground.  ’
‘  what  form  does  your  fear  take  ?  surely  not  that  of  a  bear  or  a  lion.  such  things  are  too  assuring.  ’
‘  i  found  myself  where  everything  was  too  familiar  to  be  real.  ’
‘  in  safe  beds  on  cold  dark  nights,  we  learn  to  face  the  monsters  in  our  own  minds.  ’
FAEKIND.
‘  you’re  not  to  partake  in  a  fairy  feast.  don’t  you  know  it’s  the  food  that  will  devour  you  ?  ’
‘  i’m  sorry  you  did  not  read  the  eyes  of  the  trees  before  finding  yourself  here.  ’
‘  i  wish  to  go  back.  i  want  to  forget  everything.  ’
‘  you  think  that  believing  in  us  is  enough  to  protect  you  ?  that  it  will  kill  us  if  you  forget,  and  we  prey  upon  your  unknowing  ?  ’
‘  step  around  the  ring  three  times,  like  a  backwards  clock.  that’s  how  you  get  to  fairyland.  ’  
‘  i’ve  never  heard  such  sweet  music  before.  ’
‘  where  the  trees  begin  to  twist  and  groan  in  their  roots,  remember  you  must  not  make  a  right  turn.  ’
‘  i  didn’t  feel  like  i’d  stepped  into  another  world,  but  like  it  stepped  into  me.  i  knew  i  was  there  and  forgot  i’d  left  anything  behind.  ’
‘  how  amusing.  a  human  !  ’
‘  would  you  be  my  bride  if  i  were  to  take  you  into  the  ground  ?  ’
‘  i  know  of  tunnels  you  might  take,  the  burrows  of  trolls  and  rabbits.  ’
‘  don’t  take  anything  from  this  realm,  none  of  it  is  worth  the  price  of  keeping.  ’
‘  there  are  courts  by  many  titles  in  the  lands  beyond  the  veil,  all  of  them  other.  ’
‘  names  are  not  like  currency  here;  they  are  more  precious  than  diamonds  and  legacies.  ’
‘  did  you  think  all  of  us  looked  like  goblins  ?  ’
‘  getting  here  is  easy,  but  getting  home  is  quite  the  trick.  ’
‘  i  shall  give  you  a  riddle,  and  it  will  puzzle  you  until  you  know  the  answer  but  forget  your  own  soul.  ’
‘  a  bloodline  is  nothing  when  you’ve  outlived  civilizations.  ’
‘  refusing  my  hospitality  is  like  human  sin,  and  it  will  bring  worse  upon  you.  ’
‘  everything  here  is  and  isn’t,  and  things  are  and  aren’t.  ’
‘  on  lonely  nights  i  stare  into  the  trees,  and  a  strange  face  leers  back.  ’
‘  the  thrones  here  are  made  of  bones  and  blood,  and  built  upon  decay.  ’
‘  a  third  time  is  not  a  charm,  but  a  bargain.  it  says  that  you  want  something  enough  to  wager  your  sense.  ’
‘  it  is  dangerous  to  think  that  magical  beings  do  not  have  human  intensities.  ’
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but-master · 4 years ago
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cont. II @skraelofthenorthwind
Hisirdoux does his best not to flinch at Skrael’s touch. This is the real one; it’s okay... This Skrael wouldn’t do a thing to hurt him... 
Nevertheless, he allows himself to be guided in, and then takes back his hands, busying them with an Archie who flies up to be held. It’s a comforting feeling, having his familiar in his arms, and though he’d fretted a little about asking Archie to be present for the conversation, he’s immeasurably grateful that he’d agreed to stay, regardless of the outcome. He isn’t sure he could have done this without him. 
Eyes boring into Skrael’s floor, Hisirdoux mumbles softly, all hesitation and guilt, and prays that his master does not immediately condemn him to his fate. 
“What...” he swallows. “What would you say, Master, if I told you that I--... I had gotten involved with something I knew I shouldn’t have? It.... I thought it was-- ...I just wanted--” 
His shoulders are a line. “I suppose I’d rather it be me than all of Camelot, but she-- it’s-- it’s getting bad, and--...” 
He is making little sense, he knows, but his fright of Skrael’s reaction is overwhelming. It’s all too easy to picture the way he’d rebuff him, claim that it isn’t his problem. That it’s what he deserves, for being so foolish. 
His eyes squeeze shut. “I can’t do it alone anymore... I’ve tried everything.”
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