cactusmaractus

[cactusmaractus]

sorry for the lack of posts lol i halfway forgot im supposed to be, you know, figuring out systemhood

maybe i can post some alter intros to fill the space? if any1 wants that ask lol cause im sure some of us would be willing to

[cactusmaractus]

"wdym you dont remember?" Im in a constant state of disassociation and forget everything the second after it happens

[cactusmaractus]

i hate how covert i am because when im not focused on system stuff 24/7 it gets really covert and idk who i am and the voices in my head are too confusing and most of the time im too lazy to figure out myself UGH...

[cactusmaractus]

i turned asks on just because i got bored do whatever with those

[cactusmaractus]

i hate how just as i figure out headspace ish i get confused again and now i have different questions abt it...

fuck it we ball ill deal with headspace LATER i have a hot chocolate to drink

[cactusmaractus]

im autistic and am very disconnected from humanity / being a human, so obviously that means all my alters r gonna be nonhuman in someway...

(not even kidding. every1 I've recorded so far is nonhuman exept for one, who is a fictive thats heavily autism coded / maybe even canon...)

[cactusmaractus]

[cactusmaractus]

hi guys

im bored and have like no updates

after 2 days of it being clear to figure myself out it just gets foggy 💔 as always 💔 very annoying

but im doing it!!! i have an entire summer to do this!!! hooray

[cactusmaractus]

to systems,

how to subsystems work? i know theyre like, a system within a system, but what else is there to them? how do you know if you have one?

i dont think i have one (probably) but it would be good 2 know the term a bit better :)

oh yay i didnt even rant in this post im getting better

[cactusmaractus]

yesterday was noisy. i was trying to go to sleep but then suddenly everyone decided to talk and then the macarena stsrted playing? i feel like somr of these people abuse the fact that we aren't talking, we're thinking, and that you can make literally any noise you want.

[cactusmaractus]

sorry that this was worded HORRIBLY it was like 2 am </3

also, quick question before i sleep,

do headspace appearances just- appear? or do you fabricate them yourself?

my headspace (?) is just kinda a white void i visualize whoevers fronting looks like (no cofront / cocon people yet though). its usually just them 'appearing' but i really only check it when im sure i know what i vaguely look like, for example fictives. but, we've had 1 alter who just checked without knowing what theyd look like and,,, the appearance just happened.

i think im just being paranoid about being wrong unfortunately, and i have no idea what ill see there ... and im pretty sure you dont fabricate them but i asked anyways because of paranoia ... oops

but anyways, better question - can you change how you appear in headspace? one of my friends mentioned the ability to change clothes and stuff but what about everything else?

sorry about the rant. i tend to do that on this blog

[cactusmaractus]

also, quick question before i sleep,

do headspace appearances just- appear? or do you fabricate them yourself?

my headspace (?) is just kinda a white void i visualize whoevers fronting looks like (no cofront / cocon people yet though). its usually just them 'appearing' but i really only check it when im sure i know what i vaguely look like, for example fictives. but, we've had 1 alter who just checked without knowing what theyd look like and,,, the appearance just happened.

i think im just being paranoid about being wrong unfortunately, and i have no idea what ill see there ... and im pretty sure you dont fabricate them but i asked anyways because of paranoia ... oops

but anyways, better question - can you change how you appear in headspace? one of my friends mentioned the ability to change clothes and stuff but what about everything else?

sorry about the rant. i tend to do that on this blog

[cactusmaractus]

intro!

hello!! i'll go by sunny on this account :) i am autistic, and i use he/they! i refer to myself with singular & plural pronouns interchangeably

i plan on using this blog for asking questions, journalling stuff, reblogging things, and really anything system related lol

i am a minor (don't personally dm me if you are 18+, but otherwise interacting and answering my many questions is okay)

the reason im not listing any alters is because i just simply don't know enough. ive discovered some alters, but no frequent fronters or alters even worth mentioning (this may change!)

if i ever end up finding out i am in fact NOT a system... this blog is either being deleted or just abandoned (incase some others need the advice others gave on my posts? or something?)

othr stuff about me: therian, furry, artist / animator

please do not interact / give advice if you are an endo / non-traumagenic system! i dont really wanna argue on this, but i personally just want advice from people who are traumagenic (and im unsure how much i believe in endo systems existing)

also dni if racist, homophobic, ableist, fakeclaimer, bigoted in any way, blablabla

thank you for reading!!!!!!!11

dividers

[cactusmaractus]

systems help me </3

does any1 know easier ways to find out alters? or like communicating better with them because im struggling

so firstly switching for me feels less like possession & more like me magically transforming into someone else,, felt like this would be important to mention

also, i do get multiple opinions / voices in my head but.... my mind is so used to them existing that i tune them out / treat them as myself if that makes sense? nevertheless its unhelpful for communication and all of this in general

my current strategy is just... writing stuff about me down and seeing how it changes everytime i do it (ex: colors, interests, blablabla) which works sometimes but also not really since some weeks i just loose interest and or forget to do it

bleh

[cactusmaractus]

Common things in DID that no one likes to talk about

- switches that feel like you’re turning into someone else rather than them taking control (non-possessive switching)

- being unable to recognize amnesia until something requires you to remember something you forgot

- staying in the front for weeks at a time

- being unable to communicate with alters internally (this is so common why does everyone act like this is weird?)

- feeling like you don’t have any problems because you feel disconnected from them

- constant denial

- rapid identity, label, and appearance changes

- comorbidities, particularly personality disorders, anxiety disorders, and the schizophrenia spectrum

- autism (there is science pointing towards autistic people being more susceptible to trauma)

- disliking your system

- wanting final fusion

[cactusmaractus]

ok so... i have a question for all u systems

how does headspace work?!?!?!?!

lhow are ppl who arent fronting there. how do you. um

do the alters just come to co-con when you go into headspace and talk to them??

but like i tried making one and just forgot it after a couple weeks... whoops

i know the basics, like that its a visualization tool and how to make it but im unsure like how alters interact with other ones within it

and also i know that i don't have to have one but i kinda want one,,, but id like to know how it works first because its just kinda empty when im 'in it' (its just a white void where i can see my appearance basically lol)

pls help thx, apologies if this is unclear