call-me-myszko - Tumblr blog

[call-me-myszko]

[call-me-myszko]

This has definitely happened at some point. You can't change my mind

Vesemir: I'm not gonna scream. I just want to know what happened.

Eskel: Lambert threw a hunting knife at Geralt's forehead.

Lambert: SNITCH!!

Vesemir: WHAT!!

Geralt: *Rubbing the bruise on his forehead* You said you weren't going to yell.

Vesemir: That was before... How are you not bleeding??

Geralt: He fucked up his throw and got me with the handle of the knife.

Lambert: Wrong! That was a warning throw! Next time you get the blade.

Vesemir: Sweet Melitele! I can't tell if I'm going to die from the stress of raising you three or you're just gonna take each other out before my time comes!

[call-me-myszko]

fuck it up buttercup 

[call-me-myszko]

Uh... Ok? No, wait, I LIKE IT!

Writer friends, I discovered a fun website today. It’s called “I Write Like” and here’s the description: Check which famous writer you write like with this statistical analysis tool, which analyzes your word choice and writing style and compares them with those of the famous writers.  Let me know which autor you got! 

[call-me-myszko]

jaskier is the bloody mary of the continent, if you insult a witcher 3 times he appears to stab you

he just straight up appears, takes one look and stabs a bitch, then buys the witcher some ale and makes a song. though you only need to insult geralt once for him to appear

[call-me-myszko]

These hands are growing old They’re running out of things to hold Give me two damn minutes and I’ll be fine

[call-me-myszko]

The Witcher + Name Meanings

[call-me-myszko]

Just a little feral!jaskier and his tired witcher bf

.

.

.

Jaskier:I swear I did not burn down that tavern geralt!

Geralt:so it was some other bard with an elven lute who yelled at the innkeep for calling me monster, calling the bard a monster fucker and spitting in mine and the other bards food?

Jaskier:.....

Geralt:.....

Jaskier:......they had it coming!

Geralt:*sighs* that doesn’t mean you burn down an entire tavern jask

[call-me-myszko]

favorite part of the witcher is seeing all these self-identified heterosexual men on twitter thirsting over henry cavill.  put henry cavill in tight leather pants and suddenly a lot of men are learning something about themselves

[call-me-myszko]

Sometimes I’m tired of being nice. One day your femur will be mine

[call-me-myszko]

You say this is all life is to you...

[call-me-myszko]

"Remind me how this happened again?"

Jaskier hissed in pain, as Geralt pressed the wet cloth to his right calf. The pain was bearable, but still quite unpleasant. And the Witcher seemed to be taking his time treating the wound.

Jaskier was propped on a rock outside their inn for the night, Geralt kneeling on the grass in front of him. Geralt looked up at the bard with raised eyebrows, waiting for an answer.

Jaskier sighed. "Told you already. I saw a puppy running around here, it looked adorable, but awfully thin-"

"You mean the wolf cub?"

"It looked like a puppy".

"It was a wolf cub".

"Still a puppy. Anyway, I wanted to feed it, so I brought some meat from the tavern. It approached me and-"

"You brought food to a wild animal?" Geralt was staring at him with shock and amusement.

"I wouldn't call it a wild animal, Geralt. I petted him!"

"Of course you did. Okay, but how did-" Geralt nodded at Jaskier's bleeding calf "this happen?"

Jaskier pouted. "Well, you see... The wolf and I had a great time, till a couple of drunken morons stumbled out of the tavern screaming and scared the poor thing away. It was so confused, it bit my leg and took off into the trees".

"You're sitting here with your leg looking like this and he's the poor thing?"

"You should've seen it up close, Geralt. It was a magnificent creature. Snow white fur and those eyes-"

"It could've bitten you in the face, Jaskier".

"No, because I didn't lean in. I'm not an idiot".

"You have like, zero sense of self preservation".

"Oh, shut up. It's not the first time I got bitten by a wolf. Although, you usually don't draw blood, dear". Jaskier added with a wink. "Are you done yet?"

Geralt finished tying the bandage around Jaskier's calf, standing up and taking a step backwards, admiring his work.

"Yes".

"Thank you, dear. Let's go to bed?"

"Sure".

"Splendid. Gods, I could really use a good night's sleep right no- AHhh-"

Jaskier yelped in surprise, when the Witcher picked him up in his arms, bridal style. Geralt took them to their room for the night.

Jaskier pressed his nose against Geralt's neck, laughing softly. "This is totally unnecessary".

"This is very necessary". The Witcher answered with a soft chuckle.

They fell asleep quickly, warm and soft in each other's arms.

***

The next morning, Geralt woke up first. He went to the stables to check up on Roach, when he noticed the wolf from yesterday staring at him from afar.

Geralt huffed to himself, when he noticed that the wolf had white fur and bright-golden eyes.

Geralt gave the wolf some food from his bag. The wolf approached the Witcher with caution, sniffing at the food on the grass. It ate the food quickly, moving on to playfully nibble at the Witcher's hand. Geralt smiled as he scratched the wolf behind its ear.

"And I'm the one with zero sense of self preservation".

Geralt turned his head and saw Jaskier, who was leaning against the doorframe. The bard had a big smile plastered on his face. "By the way, he looks a lot like you".

"Looks nothing like me". The Witcher mumbled, turning back to the beast. Geralt gave him the rest of the food in his bag, the wolf grabbed it and took off into the woods.

Geralt stood up, brushing his pants. He turned to Jaskier, who was still staring at him with a soft smile. The Witcher sighed. "We're going to have a long talk about the trust and illogical amount of love you give to all living creatures in general".

Jaskier tilted his head. "As if you hate that about me".

"I don't. But I'm tired of treating wounds and worrying about them healing".

"Understood. Guess from now on, I'll just concentrate all my illogical amount of love towards you, my dear Witcher". Jaskier winked at him and slipped back into the inn, getting ready for the day.

Geralt rolled his eyes fondly, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

[call-me-myszko]

A normal day with me and Jarek goes like:

Jarek: Hey, hey Myszko.

Rysia: What?

Jarek: do you think I can learn how to wield a sword? You can teach me.

Rysia: No, I won't let you touch a sword.

Jarek: but why?

Rysia: ... Really? Are you asking me why?

Jarek: well, yes...

Rysia: ...

Jarek: ...

Rysia: ...

Jarek: so?

Rysia: tell me, what happened last time? with the dagger?

Jarek: well, it was an accident...

Rysia: Jarek... you stabbed yourself... in the leg, when all I asked you was to make a simple movement with your arm.

Jarek: but the sword...

Rysia: the sword is heavier, you will cut your arm off.

Jarek: but-

Rysia: stick to the bow, I'm begging you.

--Bonus--

Jarek: what about a-

Rysia: NO!

[call-me-myszko]

if i could swing a really big sword it wouldnt even matter if anyone loved me or not

[call-me-myszko]

Jaskier: Maybe we could go to the coast. Get away for a while?

Netflix!Geralt: *sustained silence, leaves him alone on the cliff*

Game!Geralt: Or... hear me out... we could retire to a picturesque Toussaint vineyard where we spend our days drinking fine wine?

Book!Geralt: You're my friend, and I love you, but we've got shit to do. Maybe later.

Hexer!Geralt: Sure. Also; you seem sad. Would you like a hug? I love you.

[call-me-myszko]

source: https://darkverrmin.tumblr.com/post/620226192437592064/literally-every-other-human-being-stay-back-its

because apparently i don’t know how coding works because I couldn’t put the link nicely, oh well

[call-me-myszko]

Lambert: C'mon! We need to do this!

Geralt: No.

Eskel: Are you crazy?

Lambert: Why?

Geralt: Have you been yelled at by Vesemir yet?

Lambert: I'm not scared of him.

Eskel: So that's a "no".