callme-fern-weh

[callme-fern-weh]

Every now and then I come across a song which serves to emphasize to me how much of life I am missing because I do not speak the language. I can look up translations and ask my fluent friends, but I need more. I feel that I need to feel this song in my blood. I am told this song is about the complications of love; that it is about loving one'e enemy. Or that perhaps the one someone loves is their enemy by the nature of suffering. I think I agree; someone I love will always on some level be at odds with who I am. Giving up a degree of freedom is the price of love. The English language needs more single-word words for "love". Of course I can say "the sickening part of love is that if I forgot my own name I would still know yours", but thats too much. I need to just be able to look at my friend and say "I love you". It's not out of the question to do so, but I want new words. What's that phrase; love to the point of invention? I hate that I scrambled, looking for new words once I met you. Enemigo.

[callme-fern-weh]

Nunca seré tu amigo, soy el amante de mi enemigo

[callme-fern-weh]

[callme-fern-weh]

I absolutely love Laurindo Almeida's Classical Current Album. Did you know each of the song's on the track are based on a classical piece? The way the artist changes and arranges the music for a different medium while maintaining the feel of the original piece is so magnificent. This is likely my favorite album.

[callme-fern-weh]

I never know to what extent my thoughts have already been mulled over especially in a filed so examined as this, but in re-reading Kierkegaard's Fear and Trembling; the thing I find the most personally impactful is the examination of action and intention. I think the binary states of being Kierkegaard discusses are important to how we define our actions “Abraham is therefore at no instant the tragic hero, but something quite different, either a murderer or a man of faith” (85). Intention is no doubt a factor in the outcome of action, but does intention really matter? If the explanation will not suffice to justify the action or it's outcome to an external party, one not privy to a true intention, then does it not make sense to remain silent? Remaining silent and simply having faith in the 'doing' part of an action because though the outcome is important, it cannot be relied upon as a justification “If anyone on the verge of action should judge himself according to the outcome, he would never begin” (91). Having never started would mean no outcome, no matter the intention, right? We must have faith that the actions we take need not be explained to be, for lack of better words, valid. We need not always justify actions to external parties simply for fear of being misunderstood.

[callme-fern-weh]

Do you think it will alway be this way? For better or worse, for rich or poor?

[callme-fern-weh]

Make me a crown of flowers

As we sit beneath the clouded sky

Your soul so pure, and mine tainting it

What did I do, sweet lover, to deserve your affection;

Me, a creature of the dirt, who learned to speak and walk

Fell for a nymph with golden hair

I pray Aphrodite will spare me from the fate of a broken heart

For once it shatters I fear the rest of me will follow

[callme-fern-weh]

At the bottom of the pool are

Drains that can be obscured

By fogginess in the panels

Of energy, coursing thorough

The four sided hole, the smell

That you associate with cold

That burns your lips and spills

Blood into your sinuses, and

The inexplicable heat beating

Itself into the lines around your

Mouth, all of it a reminder,

Like the ding of a gas station

Door or the sensation of

Sickness after coffee, that

You can’t be here, not for much

[callme-fern-weh]

I spent hours

and hours in the Nether

mining the flesh of this hot pot

falling endlessly though

red fountains and

passing pot of gold

seeing things only from below

the ratio of nether block to brick is 4:1

I've been trying to build a pagoda

but I can't

decide what the materials

should be because

I feel like Sisyphus pushing this boulder

up the hill that is needing more

brick for the walls

stone for the brick

wood for the stone

I wish I could spend my whole life building

things with my friends

instead of driving 20 minutes for a bowl of fried rice

[callme-fern-weh]

"I love you so much I tell you about it I love you so much I have already picked out my grave and written your name on it when you laugh in the dark it fills up the corners of the room with a thousand upside-down cartoon bats" -Hera Lindsay Bird

[callme-fern-weh]

I heard this in my friend’s car. It’s not really about the song, I guess it’s more about the exact temperature that day and the hornet on the window and the smell of Reese’s.

[callme-fern-weh]

The camera I have is set to a timezone I do not live in. It’s more complicated than that, really. I set it when I was living on the east coast, and though I still am, it’s a different place. I feel like I’m across the country from where I find home these days. When I was 18, the drive was so long; I used to dread the hum of acceleration in that beetle of a car, the one with an artificial, red carapace. I thought the only fun part was the grind of rubber into pavement as I took a corner that would have startled my mom and teased myself about a world where I spun out, but now I drive to live. I drive because there are people sharing a timezone with the camera who I owe things to. Not in a, capitalism way; more in a “I love you” way. Sometimes it’s ok to be selfish. Sometimes it’s ok to be selfless. Selfish is what keeps me making soup at 2 a.m. while smiling to a song that makes me feel 71 degrees. Selfless is what keeps both hands on the wheel when I’m alone on the tree-lined road.

[callme-fern-weh]

"Even though the result may gladden in the whole world, that cannot help the hero; for he knows the result only when the whole thing is over, and that is not how he becomes a hero, but by virtue of the fact that he began” -Søren Kierkegaard

[callme-fern-weh]

I've been thinking a lot about my identity this past year. I wonder about my future self. I hope she knows someone is thinking about her. I hope my past self knows too. They're always on my mind, and that's all they wanted; I should know. To be someone who occupied space in the mind of another, is that not the loudest declaration of love? I love my friends. I love myself. I used to think that thinking about myself was the most selfish thing that could be done, but now I think it's... selfless. I think caring about others means caring about myself; I am no less deserving of the love than anyone else is. I think... it's quite heartless to think so cruelly of myself, I think it is cruel to those who love me. I think that's part of accepting love.

[callme-fern-weh]

“The only reason for poetry is to have a meadow in which to burn yourself alive in”

— Hera Lindsay Bird, Pamper Me to Hell & Back

[callme-fern-weh]

Heyo, I'm Fernweh (a German word often described as a longing for distant, unfamiliar places). I like poetry and music just like everyone else :)

I'd love for anyone to send me cool new stuff to experience (music, writing, movies, TV, games, wiki articles, JSTOR articles, etc)!

My favorite poet is Hera Lindsay Bird

My favorite musical artist is The Strokes (this changes somewhat often)

My favorite song is Beaches by beabadoobee (this also changes somewhat often)

My favorite painting is Woman at a Window by Caspar David Friedrich

My favorite movie is Clue

My favorite book is Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro

[callme-fern-weh]

I don’t think it was shocking;

learning that you didn’t believe in guilt, 

but I would have never expected you 

to not believe in free will. 

I wish I hadn't 

asked for an explanation. 

Maybe it’s because it made me wonder 

what you did or 

what was done to you. 

Maybe it’s because it made me think that 

all our time was suddenly taken for granted.