callmethirtysomething-blog - Tumblr blog

callmethirtysomething-blog · 10 months ago

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13 years ago I joined Tumblr because I was searching for happiness. 13 years ago this blog was "Justkok" and "Call Me Thirty" was my username; A call back to the days of yore when TRL, AOL Instant Messenger, and Xanga took up the most real estate in my mind. Laughable now. You should know why this fact tickles me so: I can see it now; a little fuzzy around the edges but the sounds are clear. Listening to Lady Gaga, twisting open a bottle of "wine" in a dimly lit Chicago apartment, and the slice of scissors cutting too close to my ears. The fact is I can barely drink wine, I am a born-again Swiftie, live in Portland, Oregon, and resist any urge to get bangs. To put it plainly getting bangs is a cry for help.

Besides the above changes, there are age-related developments afoot. For example last week my heel randomly started hurting when I got up off the couch; yesterday my back started to spasm while wiping my ass; and a few months ago I found my first gray hair. Let's see, what else? Call Me Thirty has evolved into Call Me Thirty Something. Isn't that a scream? Yes, these past few years have been oozing along; the face of time is wincing from relentless winds of change. As we age one comes to expect that, thankfully.

Does change excite you? I've always wondered about you people, if so. While doing a stint in the wonderfully horrifying world of Human Resources this question came up often during interviews. In this vein I must reveal to you a shocking revelation: everyone most people lie in these scenarios. No one Most people don't love change—particularly when it occurs in the workplace. Even the most positive changes require periods of adjustment and leaders equipped with emotional intelligence, a penchant for organized chaos, and a sense of humor.

I have met a few people whom I believed when they said change is exhilarating. Characteristically speaking these people weren't necessarily pie-in-the-sky folks. Rather, their ability to emotionally detach provided security and flexibility in the chaos: their routines don't have feelings so you can't hurt them. As I explore this thought I have come to a riveting realization in real time: I don't have routines, I have feelings. Please pause while I telepath my therapist with this bombshell. I would tell her through traditional channels but I just stopped going last month. Later: more on that. Maybe. ADHD and all that.

Is the expectation of change the same as anticipating it? I guess I had an idea of what change meant. But anticipating the changes? No one prepares you for coincidentally meeting your life partner, unexpected deaths, or sudden job offers that take you 2,000 miles away from the place you were born.

From my first post on Tumblr where I talked about happiness and change, here is a response to my younger self:

You will start to cultivate a sense of happiness from doing more fun stuff, especially after your Dad passes away. The first person to die other than a grandparent is truly awful. As a result you will make the transition to relying less on the promise of "bigger and better" things because there is nothing bigger or better than life and death. Once you realize you don't belong in an office you'll boycott all things timestamps and cubicles; you'll start asking people what they do for fun instead of what makes them happy. As a Thirty-Something you'll still struggle adjusting to most changes but you'll put on a better face; a more hopeful one content with watching the paint dry while life settles from the most recent dust up. Pausing will become second nature and asking questions will come from a place of curiosity. You'll feel shame over your discomfort with change but will no longer feel obligated to defend that which you are working on.

And please, for the love of God, stretch! You have the time and the means to do so. Most days you work in your pajamas. The last thing you want is to die from a back spasm while wiping your butt, in your pajamas, at 3pm.

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