camerongonewyld - Tumblr blog

camerongonewyld · 2 years

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Why I Named Myself After Cameron Frye

As most of you have already guessed, taking one look at my Tumblr account definitely would render this as stating the obvious, but Cameron Frye is a character that means a lot to me, and I consider him to be one of the deepest on-screen characters to come out of cinema. His story is such a behemoth to dissect because of how much it resonates with people, with me being one of those people. As I grow older, I realize just how much I reconcile with this character, and how much his story means to me. This is my analysis.

This post will dive into heavy topics, such as depression, anxiety, suicide/suicidal thoughts, mental illness/mental disorder, self diagnosed mental disorder, parental issues/parental abuse, among other things of that likeness. If these are topics that disturb you in any way, I suggest skipping this post for your own sake. I must also note that I am in no way a mental health expert. This post does not intend to diagnose anybody who might experience similar behaviors to that of those mentioned in this post. If you are experiencing symptoms of anxiety, depression, paranoia etc, please talk to someone who can help you seek a proper diagnosis. Your life matters, and your feelings are valid, and you are not alone, but I strongly advise that you please do not take this post as advice to improve your mental health. This is a character breakdown/close analysis and a comparison of a character’s experiences to that of my own experiences in my own life. That being said, you have been warned.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is nothing short of an iconic movie, and that’s not just an opinion. Released in 1986, by a slow rising studio at the time, Paramount Pictures, it was the tenth highest grossing film in 1986, pulling in over $70 million in the box office worldwide, on just a budget of $5 million. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off was a financial miracle for the company, and was definitely a novelty for the time period. Teen high school buddy movies were a popular trope in teen movies, and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is a prime example of one of these movies.

But before I go on, here is a quick film synopsis, for those who haven’t seen it or have seen it and need a refresher. As always, I recommend watching the film to anybody who hasn’t seen it before reading this post. At the time of me writing this, the film is available to watch on Netflix until October 31st.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is a film about professional high school slacker, Ferris Bueller, who can get away with just about anything by his cleverness and wit. A master manipulator, who elaborately schemes different ways he could ditch school without consequences. After duping his parents into believing he was sick for the 9th time in his senior high school year, he calls upon his friend Cameron, who was skipping school due to an alleged genuine sickness, who helps Ferris to bail his girlfriend Sloane out of class by faking the death of her grandmother via a fake phone call performed by Cameron to the principle of the school. Before dishing Sloane out of a boring history lecture, Ferris manipulates Cameron into letting him drive his fathers beloved 1961 Ferrari 250 GT California to go pick up Sloane from school. Once the three of them are united and officially ditching school, Ferris Bueller treats the two of them to a day in the city, showing them everything he can as means of showing them the joy of living, before he and Cameron would have to graduate in June. From there, shenanigans ensue, as they spend the day doing as much as they can with each other before Ferris would have to scheme his way back home before his parents arrive.

Naturally, a spoiler warning is now in effect for the rest of this post. You have been warned.

Despite the title of the movie having Ferris’s name front and center, my interpretation of the film puts Cameron Frye in the role of the main character, as he is the character who experiences the most development over the course of the film.

The message of the film is apparent within the first scene of the film, with Ferris opening the movie with a monologue about how he schemes his way out of school, a commentary on high school and how it wastes away the lives of teenagers. Ferris repeats the iconic phrase in this scene, “life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” The rest of the film's messages are implied through the events that unfold after.

Ferris, while shown to be manipulative, and selfish, his end goal was not to just skip school and get away with it. His intentions are directed solely at his friend Cameron. Through his interactions with him and his narration to the audience, Ferris makes it clear that he acts this way towards Cameron to loosen him up.

As we are introduced to Cameron, it is abundantly clear that he is a polar opposite to Ferris. He’s an extreme pessimist, with a bleak outlook on life. He doesn’t believe in the beauty of living life to the fullest the way Ferris does. Unlike Ferris, who is sitting outside sunbathing next to the pool, happily sipping pineapple juice without a care in the world, Cameron is lying sickly in bed, medication and tissues scattered around the bed and side tables. Immediately, Ferris invalidates Cameron’s perceived sickness, telling him to get off his ass and to pick him up from home. The next scene, Cameron is sitting in his car, debating whether or not to do what Ferris says, ultimately giving in and going to Ferris’s house anyways, going against his own will to do so.

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Cameron is explicitly shown to be susceptible to Ferris’s manipulation tactics, aware of what Ferris is doing, he still does what he wants anyways, whether that be out of fear of losing Ferris (Ferris makes numerous empty threats towards Cameron about their relationship. I.e: “If you don’t come over here, you can find yourself a new best friend.” “You’ve been saying that since the 4th grade, pal.”) or because in his mind, he knows he needs to get out of the rut he’s found himself in since the day he was born. While Ferris is on the phone with Cameron in this scene, Ferris tells him his sickness is “just in your head.” It’s a line that goes deeper than the surface level of just Ferris being an asshole towards his friend. Expectations are ultimately just in your head. While it certainly isn’t easy to shake them, and it takes a lot more than just lying to yourself to let go of your anxieties, it’s a commentary on how those who are depressed, such as myself, let the weight of expectations stop them from doing what they truly want to do.

Cameron can be characterized as paranoid, neurotic, cynical, pessimistic, worrisome, depressed, protective and reasonable, among other things. As Ferris continues to test his patience, Cameron continuously tries to protest against Ferris’s antics. Let’s go back to the Ferrari I had mentioned previously. This Ferrari is an important symbol in Cameron’s story. The Ferrari symbolizes everything Cameron is. It’s the reason why he’s neurotic, scared, paranoid, and why he acts the way he does. In a way, you could say the Ferrari represents all of Cameron’s deep anxieties.

The Ferrari is also important to the story because of Cameron’s father. Cameron’s father is never present in the film, and neither is Cameron’s mother. Through the progression of the film, we are filled in about Cameron’s home life through narration from Ferris, and dialogue from Cameron himself.

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Cameron’s father is, to put it bluntly, abusive towards Cameron, and it’s implied he’s abusive towards his mother as well. The Ferrari is his fathers most prized possession, which can be tied into the symbolism of the Ferrari representing all of Cameron’s anxieties and fears. Cameron’s father is proud of Cameron’s anxiety. This is because with these fears, he can control Cameron, and keep him in line. This is why Cameron is depressed, and spends most of the movie freaking out over the possibility of his father finding out about him skipping school, and worse, doing so with Ferris, letting him drive the oh-so-precious vehicle. He is scared of his father knowing about him defying his own fears.

I intended this blog to get personal, because after all, I named myself Cameron for a reason. The implications of Cameron’s home life definitely struck chords with me. As Cameron continues to go along with Ferris, his anxieties build up and up and up. Like Cameron, I constantly subject myself to putting up with my own personal Ferris Buellers. In a way, Ferris can represent who Cameron longs to be.

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(Take note of what Cameron says at the timestamp 1:30-2:15)

Ferris, while being his own character, can also symbolize a side of Cameron that he wished he could embrace, if he had just let go of his anxieties. There is a duality between the two of them that I find in myself. I deal with the weight of my parents expectations, constantly subjecting myself to burn out so intensely to the point of me getting physically sick.

Ferris is aware of Cameron’s situation. In the scene where Ferris, Sloane and Cameron are eating at a fancy restaurant, we get a cut of Ferris in the bathroom, at the sink, as he fills the audience in on the details of Cameron’s home life.

“I used to worry that my family was the only one that had weirdness in it. That used to worry me. Then I saw how Cameron’s family functioned. His home life is really twisted. That's why he's sick all the time. It really bothers him. He’s the only guy I know who feels better when he’s sick. If I had to live in that house, I’d probably pray for a disease too. The place is like a museum. It’s very beautiful and very cold, and you’re not allowed to touch anything. Can you imagine what it must have been like for Cameron to be in that joint as a baby? I’m actually amazed that I got the car out of the garage. I caught Cameron digging the ride once or twice. It's good for him. It teaches him to deal with his fear.”

Ferris is a part of Cameron. Without Ferris, Cameron would’ve never realized his own anxieties and how much they really controlled his life. Ferris was raised wildly different from Cameron, Cameron’s illness being born from his demanding home life, where he learns that any kind of disorder is bad. Everything must be perfect, and in life, everything has an order. Cameron goes about life with this attitude, insisting that everything be done in a way that causes as little chaos as possible. This brings me to the art museum scene.

This scene is perhaps one of the most impactful scenes in the entire movie, and one that resonates with me so deeply. Up until this point, Cameron has spent the entire time worrying himself sick, hardly enjoying himself the way Ferris wants him to. In the museum, Cameron is stuck looking at pointillist painting, “A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte”, a well-known piece painted by George Seruat.

As a former art student, my class had a unit on pointillist paintings. To put it simply, pointillism is a style of painting where the artist, instead of using lines or strokes to create a picture, the artist will poke dots onto a canvas using various different primary colors that when viewed from far away, appear to blend together to achieve the desired effect of our eyes seeing secondary colors. These dots are very compact and close together, and when placed accordingly, the colors take shape and come together as a whole, and so we see all of the little dots at once take the form of the painting are eyes are seeing.

As Cameron stares at this painting, he focuses on the little girl in the picture in front of him. Each shot alternates between Cameron and the little girl, with every shot shown of the little girl, zooming in closer and closer to the canvas.

This is where we, the audience, begin to notice the dots on the canvas, as the more Cameron looks at this painting, the more he begins to realize that there is nothing there. The little girl isn’t real, the entire painting isn’t real, as they are nothing but small dots on a canvas. This scene has many different interpretations to it, as many people have debated the meaning of this scene. Personally, this scene to me means that Cameron is realizing how futile it is to worry about everything. The more he stares, the more he realizes that nothing is there. The more he worries, the more minuscule the meaning of life becomes. The more he worries, the more he loses his grip on reality, and he realizes how much of a nothingness he has become, just like the little girl in the painting, he is nothing. He projects his existentialism onto each of the little dots on the canvas, this represents the realization that the more he spends his time worrying, the more meaningless his life becomes.

I’ve spent years of my life dealing with anxiety and paranoia, and like Cameron, it has taken a toll on me and my attitude towards living. Cameron spends his life feeling sorry for himself, wishing he had a way out, being consumed by his fears so much so to the point that he causes himself physical stress. I have had episodes where I’ve grown so grim and stricken from stress that my hair would fall out in clumps and I’d develop sore throats despite hardly using my voice.

Growing up in a household similar to Cameron’s, all my life I’ve been burdened with the expectation to be perfect like my mother. I’d go out of my way for people that hardly cared about me, and I’d cut down my own self esteem for the smallest mistakes. There’s a reason why Cameron speaks to me in this way, because he of all people would understand how I felt. Backtracking to the conversation Cameron has with Sloane, she suggests Cameron should go to college, to which Cameron replies “for what?” She asks him what his interests are, and Cameron responds with a simple “nothing.”

Being burdened with only being able to do one thing your whole life, and that being adhering to authority, Cameron becomes self aware of his lack of thinking for himself. He doesn’t have any interests because nobody allowed him to be his own person in the first place.

This brings me to the last few scenes I want to mention. We’ve established the Ferrari as being a symbol for Cameron’s deepest anxieties. The Ferrari is all that remains of the Cameron that’s been established at the beginning of the story by the climax of the film. As the evening creeps up on Ferris, Sloane and Cameron, it comes time for the three of them to pick up the Ferrari from the public garage they have left the Ferrari in at the beginning of their frolic through the city. By this point, Cameron has loosened up, finally feeling able to relax and praise the day for being good. As Ferris is driving, he takes a look at the dashboard, noticing the car’s mileage.

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Unbeknownst to them, while they believed the car was safely being looked after in the garage, a pair of garage valets had taken the Ferrari out for a joyride, adding a significant amount of miles onto the car. The mileage on the car is important because Cameron’s father has the mileage number on the car memorized, as a means of keeping Cameron from driving it. Once Cameron realizes this, his hope of possibly getting away with having one good day is shattered and he goes into shock.

Despite the car still being in perfect physical condition, Cameron breaks down because he knows his father will notice the change in the mileage. All and any attempts to bring Cameron back are futile, as Ferris and Sloane take him back to Sloane’s house to sit in the pool while Cameron collects himself.

The events that take place after this scene is the final climax and breaking point for Cameron’s character. Cameron eventually regains himself after jumping into the pool and laying at the bottom, not coming to the surface until Ferris dives in after him to save him. We cut to the three of them in Cameron’s garage with the Ferrari, the Ferrari being propped up by the backside. With a cinder block on the reverse pedal, the car’s engine runs continuously, attempting to take the miles off the car.

This is where Cameron finally explains his breakdown to Ferris and Sloane.

“You know, that whole time I was just thinking things over. I was like, I was like meditating. Then I sort of watched myself from inside. I realized it was ridiculous being afraid. Worrying about everything; wishing I was dead. All that shit. I’m tired of it. It was the best day of my life. I’m going to miss you guys next year.”

Cameron has finally reached a point in his development where he realizes the futility of his paranoia and anxiety. He has come to his senses and he looks back on his journey of discovering himself. His self realization is put to the test when he goes to check on the Ferrari, noticing the mileage hasn’t changed at all since putting the car in reverse.

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This is where Cameron’s arc is completed. He totals the car and he does so with a smile. Cameron realizes that living in fear is no life at all. He finally starts thinking for himself, pushing himself to stand up for himself. The Ferrari has been totaled, but this is far from a loss for Cameron. This scene symbolizes Cameron diminishing the last of his fear of his father and himself. It’s a moment in cinema history that stands out among other critically acclaimed films from the 80′s. Cameron no longer sees himself as nothing, after having been treated like nothing his entire life. The painting, the car, Ferris himself all stand as important symbols in Cameron’s development over the course of the film. Ferris is the one symbol that remains with Cameron by the end of the movie, because while Ferris is his own person and character, he has solidified himself as a part of Cameron, an allegory for what’s going on in Cameron’s psyche. Cameron wants to be free like Ferris is. The moment he is tempted to follow Ferris does he truly realize what it means to be free. He never stopped Ferris because while he was reluctant to do what Ferris wanted, he knows in his heart and mind that there is no other way out. The whole day he spends out in the real world with his friend, he realizes that the way he was raised was wrong. There is no order in life, nothing is decided, and when you spend all of your time worrying and waiting for the future, your life flies by without giving you a chance to live it for yourself. There are more important things in the world than material things, like the Ferrari. Ferris said it best: “A man with his priorities so far out of wack doesn’t deserve such a fine automobile.”

And so Cameron decides to face his father. We never get to see this scene, as it is up to the audience's imagination to determine what happened between the two of them, but we can infer that with Cameron’s newfound confidence and belief in himself, that he will be just fine. For the first time in his life, Cameron is going to be just fine.

So where does that leave me? What do me, a 16 year old gay, transgender kid, and Cameron Frye have in common? The reason Cameron resonates with me on such a personal level is because he is everything I see in myself compiled into a character. It’s really empowering to see a flawed character rising to the occasion and acknowledging themselves as the issue to their problems. While Cameron’s problems are in no way his fault and are merely a product of the way he was raised and treated his whole life, he reflects on himself and does something to change his outlook on life. Even with his issues, he proves that there is hope to be found in a life that has done nothing but treat you like shit. Like Cameron, I have struggled with a stifling home life, with controlling and manipulative parents that don’t allow me to be my own person. I have spent years of my life worrying, and waiting, and feeling sorry for myself, hoping that one day I’ll just drop dead and get the pain over with. Your life might not improve just because you stood up for yourself once. We never see what happens to Cameron after he totals the car because there is a message to be seen there, that being we have no idea what the future holds, but whether or not we want to find out if it’s something positive or negative is up to us. Self discovery is a process, and totaling the car was a big part of it.

I have spent years running from myself, trying to figure out what it was I did to deserve to be hurt by my own family, only to realize that it was never my fault. Environments have the ability to be changed, and like Cameron, the first step in my process was taking a stand and defending it. Even when I was turning my own knife against me, allowing myself to succumb to my depressive episodes, I still reluctantly followed my personal Ferris Bueller, seeking help from the people around me. While I am far from completing my journey of self discovery, like Cameron, I’ll just have to follow Ferris Bueller’s advice.

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

#ferris bueller's day off #ferris bueller #cameron frye #personal essay #long post #character analysis #essay #movies #transgender #trans #mental health #holy crap i just realized how not okay i am #i need a hug

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