canelareal - Tumblr blog

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Cuando quieres ser tu mas autentica yo, pero ya no sabes realmente quien eres.

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I don't remember much of my childhood years, it's mostly glimpses, small things, like being snuggled up in a sofa reading, or watching my favorite shows laying upside down in bed, the taste of my mother's marquesa chocolate cake...

But there's something I can recall very clearly, and it's having this same horrible pain in the chest, this same feeling of helplessness, inadequacy, loneliness. I remember myself many times, sobbing in the bathroom, feeling out of place, feeling like an outsider, feeling alone, worthless, helpless. Wishing, praying, begging for a way, for an answer, for a miracle.

It never came.

Lately, I've been hiding in the bathroom again to cry more and more, sobbing on the floor, feeling that same awful pain in my chest, and I was reminded of being that little kid. Begging to the universe for help.

Oh baby, I'm so sorry, things just don't seem to get better for us. I think we will really always be out of place, unfullfilled, broken, in pain. I'm sorry I could not become the person you wanted to be, I'm sorry I couldn't fix us.

I'm so sorry for existing.

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I think I overstayed my welcome. Without purpose whats the point?

I either never had one or I have already fulfilled it, maybe even it's all part of it.

Either way, I think I'll choose to end.

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The Bar is Too High

No matter how hard I try I can't reach it.

A bar that is the sum of all the expectations that have been had of me. A bar that you lovingly set for me, hoping I would be good enough, smart enough, successful enough to reach it.

But I can't. And it's killing me.

Or at least it's making me want to kill myself.

I can feel the disappointment in your stare, or maybe I just see the reflection of my own disappointment.

It pains me to not be able to be the person you'd like me to be. It pains me even harder not to know anymore the person I'd have really liked to be.

And your expectations, everybody's expectations, of what I should be has leaked and dripped all over my psyche, crushing me with this image of myselg I'll never be able to mirror.

And I'm so focused on this bar that is so fucking high, a bar that no matter how many things I pile up, I still can't reach, that I haven't even stopped to think maybe I don't even really want to reach it.

Yours or any bar for that matter. Not even the ones I've forcefully put upon myself.

Maybe, I just want to walk my path and enjoy the journey.

Maybe I just want to be content with who I am, what I am, instead of suffering for who I will never be.

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no like actually

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It's easy to get frustrated with our own (or others') anxious thoughts. There have been plenty of times I've thought to myself, "Ugh, what's wrong with you? Why can't you just be fine? No one else worries about this like you do." Surprise, surprise, that never helped. What did start to help was saying to myself, "Something about this feels bad to you. I believe you," from Dr. Becky Kennedy's podcast "Good Inside." My anxious thoughts didn't want to be shoved away like they didn't exist. Once I brought more compassion and validation into the equation, it stopped being so frustrating, easier to hold. I hope something about this resonates with you too!

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my toxic trait is that I think my life will turn out to be like my favourite sitcoms

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Blog Directory - Misc. Writing Advice

5 Ways to Fix Writing Block

5 Writing Rules I like to Break

Controlling your Pacing

Don't Wait for Your Muse (using Sources)

Don't Write What You Know, Write Genuinely

Fake it Til you Make it

Forget Clarity of Description

Giving a Receiving Great Feedback

Grave Tending

How to Fix an 'Off' Scene

Throw Out your Daily Word Count Goal

I Write with Pastels (Embracing Imperfection)

Keeping Secrets is Risky Business

Movement Kills Pacing

Nailing your Pacing and Rhythm

Passage of Time

Reaching your Wordcount Goal

Suspension of Disbelief

Trust your Readers

Uncommon Microsoft Word Shortcuts

Writing about Sensitive Subjects

Writing about the Holidays

Head back to the blog directory ->

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Body language cheat sheet for writers

As a writer, understanding and incorporating body language into your storytelling can greatly enhance your characters and their interactions. Here's a cheat sheet to help you describe body language effectively:

Facial Expressions:

* Raised eyebrows: Surprise, disbelief, or curiosity.

* Furrowed brow: Concentration, confusion, or frustration.

* Smiling: Happiness, amusement, or friendliness.

* Frowning: Disapproval, sadness, or concern.

* Lip biting: Nervousness, anticipation, or tension.

Eye Movements:

* Eye contact: Confidence, interest, or honesty.

* Avoiding eye contact: Shyness, guilt, or deception.

* Narrowed eyes: Suspicion, skepticism, or concentration.

* Wide eyes: Shock, fear, or surprise.

* Rolling eyes: Exasperation, annoyance, or disbelief.

Gestures:

* Crossing arms: Defensiveness, disagreement, or discomfort.

* Nervous fidgeting: Anxiety, restlessness, or impatience.

* Pointing: Assertiveness, emphasis, or accusation.

* Open palms: Honesty, openness, or sincerity.

* Hand on chin: Deep thought, contemplation, or evaluation.

Posture and Movement:

* Slumped shoulders: Defeat, sadness, or fatigue.

* Upright posture: Confidence, attentiveness, or authority.

* Pacing: Restlessness, agitation, or contemplation.

* Tapping foot: Impatience, annoyance, or frustration.

* Leaning in: Interest, engagement, or curiosity.

Touch:

* Hugging: Affection, comfort, or warmth.

* Handshake: Greeting, introduction, or agreement.

* Patting on the back: Encouragement, praise, or camaraderie.

* Clenched fists: Anger, determination, or frustration.

* Brushing hair behind the ear: Nervousness, coyness, or flirtation.

Mirroring:

* When two characters unconsciously mimic each other's body language, it indicates rapport, connection, or empathy.

Nodding:

* A subtle nod can convey agreement, understanding, or encouragement.

Crossed legs:

* Crossed legs can indicate relaxation or a casual, nonchalant attitude.

Tapping fingers:

* Impatience, anticipation, or nervousness can be expressed through rhythmic finger tapping.

Hand on the chest:

* Placing a hand on the chest can convey sincerity, empathy, or a heartfelt emotion.

- Tilting the head:

* Tilting the head to the side can suggest curiosity, attentiveness, or interest.

Rubbing the temples:

* Rubbing the temples can indicate stress, fatigue, or a headache.

Chin stroking:

* Stroking the chin while in thought can portray contemplation, decision-making, or intellectual curiosity.

Arms crossed behind the back:

* This posture can indicate authority, confidence, or a composed demeanor.

Tilted body posture:

* Leaning slightly towards someone can suggest interest, attraction, or engagement in a conversation.

Biting nails:

* Nail-biting can reveal anxiety, nervousness, or tension.

Foot tapping:

* Rapid or impatient foot tapping can show agitation, restlessness, or eagerness.

Squinting:

* Squinting the eyes can signal suspicion, doubt, or an attempt to focus on something.

Shifting weight from foot to foot:

* Shifting weight can imply discomfort, unease, or anticipation.

Covering the mouth while speaking:

* This gesture can indicate hesitation, embarrassment, or the desire to hide something.

Remember that body language can vary across different cultures and individuals, so consider your character's background and personality while describing their movements. Additionally, body language is best used in combination with dialogue and internal thoughts to create a more nuanced portrayal of your characters.

Happy writing!

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You're so right, birth is a curse and existence is a prison :)

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you know who should meet? troy barnes and jason mendoza

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Better me than bird poop

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Jenkins: "Don't worry, ma'am, I'm not going to screw this up."

Me on 58th Mass Effect playthrough: