canned-wizard - Tumblr blog

[canned-wizard]

*I stare deeply and longingly at a firefly and quietly rummage through my bag, pulling out the splintered remains of a bug-catching net. I snap the net back into a somewhat usable shape.*

“Oooh, you’re coming home with me…”

*I procure a small jar and unscrew it before beginning to run around and clumsily flail my broken net about in the hopes of catching an insect.*

*I stumble in the doorway, ducking my head as I pass through. I smell of mildew and I look queasy.*

Hello? Is anyone home? Sorry for puking by the front of your building, it turns out I don’t mix well with imbibement of seawater… and birds of prey. Do you have bandages?

(OOC: to be clear, I am not an actual can, despite the name and the image. I’m a half-elf with mold for skin. Thanks for keeping this in mind.)

Wizard ghost: "Yes, you can get them for free at the bar. Just be careful to avoid the portal."

*There is a portal on the floor between you and wizard ghost, the other end of which appears to be on the ground in a forest.*

(OOC: Sorry it took so long to respond, I was asleep when you sent this.)

[canned-wizard]

*I start absent-mindedly ambling in a straight line to the bar*

“Oh, portal, yeah, cool… yeah, you’d think such innocent looking creatures wouldn’t try to-“

*I trip mid-sentence and awkwardly tumble into the portal, landing on my satchel and crushing the more fragile of the contents within.*

“-Huuuaaaoouch! You’ve got a… portal in your floor. Not sure what i expected.*

*I rummage through my satchel in an attempt to procure something, but I only find a flattened puck of dried guano and shards of glass, which I dump onto the ground. I begin to examine my surroundings.*

*I stumble in the doorway, ducking my head as I pass through. I smell of mildew and I look queasy.*

Hello? Is anyone home? Sorry for puking by the front of your building, it turns out I don’t mix well with imbibement of seawater… and birds of prey. Do you have bandages?

(OOC: to be clear, I am not an actual can, despite the name and the image. I’m a half-elf with mold for skin. Thanks for keeping this in mind.)

Wizard ghost: "Yes, you can get them for free at the bar. Just be careful to avoid the portal."

*There is a portal on the floor between you and wizard ghost, the other end of which appears to be on the ground in a forest.*

(OOC: Sorry it took so long to respond, I was asleep when you sent this.)

[canned-wizard]

I cast counterspell when I see people do this.

Whispering "wizard spell of turn green" and waggling my fingers whenever I pull up to a stoplight

[canned-wizard]

I promise I still do art so here's a sneak peek

some spells, scrolls, books, and potions!

[canned-wizard]

GOD DAMN IT. I meant to say I’d only give one person a TREAT. I’m quitting Halloween

Most of you will get tricks. I will give exactly one trick-or-treater a treat, and I can’t guarantee that treat won’t be a fun-sized sleeve of Oreos with the cream replaced with toothpaste.

[canned-wizard]

Cathedral City, what do I have to tell you to get your strongest cheddar? Why won’t you trust me with your strongest cheddar, Cathedral City?! I need it if I’m to be successful in snacking!

You cannot handle:

[canned-wizard]

Omw to buy Potions from the Potions seller

[canned-wizard]

How much is one can of Wizard? How much is a dozen??

Not for sale. The can is a metaphor for my character growth. Also it’s my mascot, a can of peaches wearing a wizard hat

[canned-wizard]

It’s even cheaper to make your own pondering device! You can smooth your own rough gemstones or just dig one of the skulls out of a haunted bonehole

is it okay to buy an orb second-hand? i'm lacking anything to ponder but i dont have a lot of money having just come out of my apprenticeship :(

[canned-wizard]

first 5 faceless emojis are how your summers gonna go

[canned-wizard]

I’m not dead I promise. Last month I found out the tower I live in has a basement, and I’ve been exploring it ever since. It’s huge down here!

[canned-wizard]

You people scare me.

Hey wizards, can I kiss you? I need practice cause the holidays are coming up and I need to look good when I end up under the kissing plant and am compelled to kiss someone

[canned-wizard]

Hat

[canned-wizard]

Haha you fell for it. I collected your saliva and am making a homunculus of you. I’m not gonna do anything weird with them I just think you’re cute and I wanna keep a little version of you as a pet

Hey wizards, can I kiss you? I need practice cause the holidays are coming up and I need to look good when I end up under the kissing plant and am compelled to kiss someone

[canned-wizard]

Hey wizards, can I kiss you? I need practice cause the holidays are coming up and I need to look good when I end up under the kissing plant and am compelled to kiss someone

[canned-wizard]

Most of you will get tricks. I will give exactly one trick-or-treater a treat, and I can’t guarantee that treat won’t be a fun-sized sleeve of Oreos with the cream replaced with toothpaste.

[canned-wizard]

Trick or treat!

- @wizardly-shrubbery

Trick. I’ve replaced the doorbell rune on my door that makes a little “ding” sound with a slightly different rune that plays a “bfrrt” sound, which makes it sound like you farted to anyone who’s out trick-or-treating with you.