cassiusmulcibermock-blog

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accio! dear cassius, i dont have any real friends because i get too jealous of them and end up... disposing of them... envy is ruining my life! what do i do? :(

I don’t know why you think i’m interested in your petty problems but fortunately for you I’m feeling particularly benevolent today.  

The first thing to remember is that the main purpose of a friend is that they exist (at least in the context of your friendship) to please you and make you happy. 

As such a friend that doesn’t have a positive impact on your life isn’t really a friend worth having and I would in fact encourage you to cut them or their limbs off.

On the other hand, if you wish to maintain this friendship (worthless as it may be) and to avoid violence, I would encourage you - if you are at all like me -  to remind yourself that you are infinitely superior to the vast majority of mortals and are indeed the subject of envy yourself. Once you understand this then you will have no reason to be jealous and will hopefully be inclined to be magnanimous towards your underlings - I mean friends.

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                                           CASSIUS MULCIBER

he wore his hatred like a cruel second skin;

                                                        look how his hands drip with innocent blood.

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Corbyn: Where are you going Cassius?

Cassius: That depends Uncle...

Cassius: When I die probably hell, but right now I’m going to the bathroom.

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Alecto: Ugh. Cas, you're an adult. You can't live your life afraid of what Corban will think.

Cassius: It’s not going to be like this forever Alecto. One day he’ll be dead.

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the Knights of Walpurgis + name definitions

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I probably still adore you with your hands around my neck, Or I did last time I checked

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The moral of the story is, I will gut you if I need to. I will carve my way out with only my teeth.

Brenna Twohy, from “Little Red Riding Hood Addresses the Next Wolf,” Forgive Me My Salt (via lifeinpoetry)

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Amycus: I take that as a compliment.

Cassius: I must have said it wrong then.

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Emma: This is why you have a reputation as a pain in the ass.

Cassius: I’ve cultivated that reputation.

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Cassius: Who the fuck-

Corban: Language

Cassius: …

Cassius: Whom the fuck

Corban: No.

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Cassius: Snape, did I ever tell you that I appreciate having you on the team?

Severus: No.

Cassius: Good. Just making sure.

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Jeremy Dufour Ph. Andreas Sjödin 

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Prior Incantato (FT. anyone)

THREE LETTERS NEVER SENT.

To Walburga Black (unsent and unfinished)

Please accept my most sincere condolences on the death of your son, Regulus, who I was fortunate enough to call a friend. I miss him everyday. I am so sorry for your loss. I know how much he meant to you…and indeed to all of us. He was the best of us. even the best get cold feet. This letter will likely be of little comfort to you during your time of grief but Regulus was a dear friend of mine I am proud to call him that and as such I wished to offer you any comfort or aid that you might require during this time, just as I know he would have done for my own mother. I’m sorry I couldn’t help him.

To Thorfinn Rowle (unsent and unfinished)

I think I’ve decided being in love is redundant social construct, the expectation of which is profoundly unhelpful when considering a long term relationship. 

Case 1.  My Parents. Married for love. mother ended up with a list of lovers longer than my champagne bill and my father ended up in an early grave. FAILURE

Case 2. Your Parents - I’m joking, I’m joking. Calm down.

Case 3. Rodolphus and Bella. Incredibly poorly suited but married nonetheless because of personal inclination (admiration, lust, stupidity etc.) - FAILURE

Case 4. Potter and his mudblood. ever so in love, hopelessly devoted to each other (you know the spiel - snape whinged about it often enough) but still ultimately fell apart - FAILURE

Case 5. Me and … 

TO CORBAN YAXLEY (unsent and unfinished)

I’m bored of all this waiting, I swear every other word out of Rodolphus’s mouth is patience, patience, patience…

TO ALECTO CARROW (sent)

Is it arson if I want to set my own house on fire?

Also will you help?

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Bombarda! alecto, narcissa, emma D:

WED-BED-BEHEAD

I’m not stupid and unfortunately as gorgeous and wonderful as both Alecto and Narcissa are, I quite like my dick attached to my body so I’m going to have to decline to comment on either of them as long as my Uncle and Lucius are in the picture.

(Of course if both Lucius and Corban were to suddenly and inexplicably disappear then I would be very happy to fill in for my uncle at the altar and to comfort Narcissa in the wake of her husband’s desertion.)

As for Emma….despite her pretty face and her large mounds of gold….she’s a halfblood and will never, even with all her daddy’s money, be good enough. 

I mean, perhaps I could fuck her if Narcissa insisted on staying true to Lucius’ memory. Otherwise it’s off to the chopping block for Miss Vanity.

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CONUNDRUM ASK MEME

(Reblog them, send them, tag your answers with #conundrumtalk until acceptance day rolls around)

╳ Aguamenti: Truth or dare ╳ Levicorpus: An awkward question ╳ Rictusempra: A random headcanon ╳ Bombarda: Wed, Bed, Behead ╳ Piertotum Locomotor: This or that ╳ Prior Incantato: 3 letters that never were sent and one that did ╳ Accio: Ask for the character’s advice on something ╳ Legilimens: Ask any question, the character is unable to lie ╳ Tarantallegra: Describe the character’s family life ╳ Imperio: An assumption, the character must confirm it or deny it ╳ Engorgio: Smash or pass ╳ Muffliato: A song that means something to the character. What? ╳ Revelio: Have you ever? ╳ Expecto Patronum: Describe the character with a meme or a gif ╳ Obliviate: A relevant NPC in the character’s life ╳ Alohomora: Ask the player a question (ooc)