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[chaoticconnoisseurfestival]

Karen-Wednesday 5/18/22

My coworker went off on my the other day... I said “ew” to her wanting to eat tongue tacos on Cico de Mayo. She went off and said I have no filter and somewhat yelled at me. I was shocked to say the least. I just sat there and went back to work. But don’t worry, I told my boss about it. He responded that I should just wear headphone to keep from interacting with her. So, I guess I’m doing that for the rest of my working career. Yesterday though, she told me I was being inappropriate.. um, ok Karen. You’re the one who goes on racist rants about your Korean doctor who won’t give you anymore pills. But sure, I’m being inappropriate. I should have told her to buzz off, and I’m not a child so don’t treat me like one. Again, I just went back to work.  The more days go by, the more I realize she is the laziest person ever. She had to walk across the street yesterday, and when she came back- her exact words were “I’m so exhausted from walking over there. I wanted to drive but I was worried about losing my parking spot”. OMG! I can’t with her. She needs to grow up and start acting like an adult. Her boss just recently quit, and when I talked with her she said the day to day tasks weren’t the hardest part of the job, it was dealing with Karen. Pretty sure her job description list her tasks and Other Tasks as Assigned.. Uggggggggggh. Anyway, happy Wednesday!

[chaoticconnoisseurfestival]

Well well well...

Last week was a good week! I think I binged but I don’t remember.. or maybe I just don’t want to remember? 

My co-worker somewhat yelled at me last week.  We ordered Taco’s on the 5th because it was Cinco De Mayo... she wanted tongue tacos.  I replied “Ew” in a sarcastic way, and she told me that I was rude and have no filter. Like, Sorry you’re so easily offended.  BTW- She is addicted to pain pills. Why do I know this? She is constantly taking Vicodin and says, she “needs” it for pain. She recently got a new PCP because her former one no longer was giving her prescriptions for vicodin. She told me that her last PCP (the one she just got rid of) is Korean and doesn’t understand english and that is why she can’t get her pills.  Ummmmmmm what?! I swear this girl is crazy, like she literally has a diagnosable mental health condition. Munchausen.  Munchausen Syndrome: (also known as factitious disorder) is a rare type of mental disorder in which a person fakes illness. The person may lie about symptoms, make themselves appear sick, or make themselves purposely unwell. This describes her to a T.  She went to the Dr’s one time because she hurt her finger... it was fine one day, and the next it was red and swollen.. I’m pretty sure she did something to it to make it looks like she broke it. She gets a bump, all the sudden she has some debilitating issue and she can’t do her job- which consists of her making copies and sitting at her desk ordering supplies for the office. To top this off, she got kicked out of her old office because she annoyed everyone in there.. So, lucky me.. she was moved to my work area. Now I have to deal with her every day. Yipee! Anyway, rant over.. i’m sure there will be more. 

[chaoticconnoisseurfestival]

Another day, another binge.

Last night I binged. I felt out of control. I don’t know why I did it. What was it? Wheat thins. I ate the whole box. While this may not be a lot for some folks, it was for me. I had gastric sleeve 4 years ago to loose weight, to make me feel better about myself, and to become more healthy and to avoid getting diabetes (this runs in my family).   While I lost an amazing 130lbs, i’ve regained 70+ of it back. This isn’t due to the surgery, but do my mental health. I have depression and anxiety, and feel i use food as a way to self sooth. 

Growing up I was raised in a toxic environment. My Dad was abusive to me and my sister, my Mom was always at work and when she came home she pretended as though nothing was wrong- even though she came home many times to us crying or perhaps with bruises. I remember her saying “I should have just stayed at work” after coming home to us crying. I feel like she was a lazy Mom sometimes, and now treats her dog better than she ever treated my Sister and I. The slightest discomfort Doggo feels, she’s all over him with sympathy and thoughts of what she can do to make him feel better. When i was pulled off my bike by a neighborhood bully, bloody elbows and knees- All she said was that I shouldn’t have been down there (down the street). She blamed me for being hurt. This might have lead me to self harm, but more about that later. 

I am currently in a weight loss program trying to loose the weight i regained and was encouraged to write down my emotions and in a way to be more mindful of what im feeling, in an attempt to avoid binging. This does help by the way. I don’t want to go to therapy, I can never think of anything to talk about and it just seems awkward sometimes. I have an appt later today with a group who has eating disorder therapist, so maybe that will be ok? 

I want to continue doing this for myself, and maybe it will help someone else?