chaoticevilmurderbird-blog
Chaotic Evil Murder Bird and Friends/Meatshields
Things I've learned playing a chaotic evil Aarakockra and other assorted characters in tabletop rpgs.
7 posts
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
Last Seen Blogs
maxwellscorner
Sleepy Drawings
temple-of-the-sea
Pokemon
k3bin74
binns's ceramic studio
polltergyst
bee fuckin fr rn
thebvbbletea
赖冠霖
Text
Murder Bird Lesson 7
If, while you're on watch, you see two orc scouts walk past the cave your party is sleeping in; kill them. Kill them both. Stealthily as you can, skewer them. Make sure you don't wake up your party members... ... So you can drag back one of the corpses and dump it on the Dragonborn Fighter while he's asleep. Be forewarned; he WILL throw the body at you.
#Totally worth it#Glad he didn't crit the throw roll#It was the corpse that was the most shredded too#Prolly ain't getting that smell out of his bed roll any time soon#Come to think of it I don't think our party has bathed in two weeks...#... Goddamn our party has some lax hygiene standards...
0 notes
Text
Murder Bird Lesson 6
Pain is your friend. Pain and fear. Not yours, somone else's pain and fear. Any time you can use those to end combat, the better. Chopping off extremities works. Or kneecaps. Or grenades that cause violent psychosis and hallucinations. ... Or stabbing someone in the crotch and making thorny vines sprout from the wound...
#Poor goblin#The only goblin that got pity#He passed his Strength save but uh... Unmanned himself.#Bonus to hit if you make the DM wince!#Gonna go for an elbow next week#Seriously considering just crafting a grenade belt at this point
0 notes
Text
Murder Bird Lesson 5
Never EVER suggest your party take a stealthy route through a Troll cave without forcing mandatory baths. Also, no, the meatshield cannot guard against two mutant Trolls on his own... Nor do Trolls take a Con save to resist gagging if they bite in to the meatshield's unwashed armpit.
#Thank the thief for dragging my limp feathery body back down the mountain#The meatshield survived#The meatshield's scaly ass was saved by the adopted puppy#Charred Troll anyone?#Turns out Dragonborn don't sweat
0 notes
Text
Murder Bird Lesson 4
Find successes in your fuckups. Just because you made a growth gas grenade when you were trying to make an incindiary grenade doesn't mean it can't be used to cripple four goblins. ... It also helps if they're doused in oil and the Dragonborn sprays them with fire breath.
#Turns out growing pains suck when you're a full grown adult#Still not sorry#4 downned goblins#Holy shit teamwork!!
0 notes
Text
Murderbird Lesson 3
If you're chaotic evil, but try to do a good deed because you need something, don't try to use a ritual to get the help of a Chaotic Good goddess. Even if it is to help her followers. Certainly don't call her a jackass when she burns the word NO in to the ground with a lightning bolt. She may be a Peace goddess but she will still fire a warning shot at your feet.
#She must have sensed an ulterior motive#I was just trying to help#Gonna end up chaotic neutral at this rate#MurderBird#ChaoticEvil#dnd#rpg#ttrpg
0 notes
Text
Murderbird Lesson 2
If the party Thief offers to talk to some contacts, find out if he left the city on good terms first. ESPECIALLY when trying to find a fence for a solid gold sword. Chances are you'll get jumped by a group of the Fence's very well armed friends.
#So very very well armed#And possibly well armored#Thief got his ass kicked#Thugs weren't armored enough to avoid a sword and whip combo though#MurderBird#Rpg#Ttrpg#dnd#ChaoticEvil
0 notes
Text
Murderbird Lesson 1
If you kidnap a random puppy as an emergency ration, don't tell the Lawful Good Dragonborn that wants a puppy. It leads to sudden puppy adoption.
0 notes