chayteaz

[chayteaz]

Time to reveal this chunky papercraft, produced for the February 2022 Fairyloot subscription box! It features Xingyin, Liwei and Wenzhi, inspired from Daughter Of the Moon Goddess by Sue Lynn Tan!

I had the extreme privilege of reading this early last year in order to prepare for this piece and was swept away in Xingyin’s journey through the Celestial Kingdom! I had only recently discovered my interest in the Chang'e lore (Over The Moon, anyone?) and was super excited to see a retelling arriving so soon after!

*** Minor Spoilers for DOTMG below! ***

I got the chance to capture two of my favorite scenes from the book for artwork in this box! Firstly, with this craft, I wanted to convey the grand scale of this world, large enough to fit one of the four dragons. I was inspired by the bold shapes of the misty mountains of traditional Chinese landscape paintings and bright colors of Chinese architecture to create this super vibrant piece! And as I said, this papercraft was CHUNKY in the amount of paper I used. The green/yellow pieces you see here I think are over 70 individual layers alone. 😱 And it was absolutely a puzzle to assemble, but such a fun papercraft! I was working on it the exact same week as the Mid Autumn Festival of 2021 and it felt very festive! (bought some mooncakes from my local Chinese bakery!)

The second piece I did for the box was an illustration of one of the most visually intense and heart wrenching scenes I read last year. It still gives me chills. I’ll reveal it soon!

[chayteaz]

this!!! this this this. i relate to all of this on a very personal level that i cannot put into words. i love this. yes.

Asexual Desi in the United States (POC Profiles)

Hey there! Thanks so much for making space for this! I’m a second-generation immigrant, born to two South Indian (Hindu, Tamil, Brahmin) immigrants. I grew up in a part of the United States that had a large Asian American population, but not a huge South Asian population – at least, not until later.

Beauty Standards

Skin color and colorism have been discussed a lot already, so let’s talk about hair! My hair has always been very thick and curly. When I was little, my mom would cut it super short – but then at some point, I put my foot down and insisted on growing it out. From then on, until I learned to do/experiment with my hair myself, my dad would spend half an hour each morning just braiding my hair. For most of elementary school, I was the only non-White kid who had hair like this, and as a result, it became incredibly important to me to straighten my hair at every possible opportunity.

To add to this: in the 90s and early 2000s, one popular perception I was raised on was that curly hair = unclean and unprofessional, at least in the U.S. Unfortunately, I internalized that a little too hard, to the point that, even when naturally curly hair has become more widely accepted, I still struggle to feel comfortable and confident in my appearance when I don’t take that extra time to straighten my hair. I’m working on it, but progress is slow!

Food

I was raised vegetarian (not very strictly) in a region and at a time when vegetarian/vegan options were not super commonplace. I didn’t have a “lunchbox story” because my mother had cousins that also grew up in the U.S. who advised her to send me to school with sandwiches and pasta salads for lunch – though I do remember another Indian classmate who brought roti sabji to school once and the other kids gave him shit for it.

In hindsight, the “Indian” food I used to eat at home was actually a mishmash of cuisines from both North and South India. Dals, roti, and yogurt rice were super common (yogurt rice is currently one of my top comfort foods!), and my mom got into a habit of making a vegetable side dish with every meal (cauliflower, potatoes, and cabbage were especially common). Every so often, we’d also eat dosa with chutneys and sambar – though the amount of time and assembly required meant that we reserved this for special occasions. I also grew up eating eggs, though my parents never did (they’ll eat desserts with eggs baked into them, though). On the day of each new moon since my grandfather died, my parents have also insisted on eating only sattvic foods (though loosely interpreted to mean: just no garlic or onions), though they never insisted that I follow this as well.

I can’t stand most Indian sweets, except for gulab jamun and jalebi. Almost everything else makes me gag. When I was a kid, I figured I would one day acquire a taste for them, but somehow that never happened…? For the most part, my family’s accepted this as a weird quirk of mine, but over the years, there have been some aunties and uncles who said this made me whitewashed and “too American.”

My family also celebrates primarily with food! Birthdays, holidays both American and Indian, even Mother’s Day and Father’s Day meant either going out to eat or cooking a special (frequently non-Indian) meal.

Language

So fun fact: I forgot how to speak my native language! Yes, it haunts me to this day.

Initially, I grew up speaking both Tamil and English. I was also a terribly shy and quiet kid – so when I was in kindergarten, and I was spacing out a lot and not following directions properly, my teacher saw me speaking in Tamil to my grandparents when they came to pick me up at the end of the day, and assumed that I couldn’t speak English. I’m my parents’ first child, and they hadn’t been in the U.S. for very long before they had me – so when my kindergarten teacher brought this up with them, they panicked and insisted on speaking only English at home, just to stamp out any doubt that I wasn’t fluent in the language. (Another fun fact: I had a half-White friend then who also didn’t say a word her first day of kindergarten! Her parents were advised to take her for counseling and speech therapy.)

I don’t blame my parents for this at all – they were first-time parents with a young kid in a new-ish country; how were they supposed to know how to handle pushy, racist teachers? They just wanted me to do well in school, and they did the best they could with what little they knew of how to navigate the system.

Eventually, I reached a point where I could no longer speak Tamil, though I could still understand it. Right now, I can comfortably watch Tamil movies without subtitles and understand all the family gossip, but that’s about the extent of my knowledge of the language. It’s a point of insecurity for me – when so much of culture and identity is supposed to be tied up in language, I can’t help but feel like I screwed up somewhere. I’ve met a small handful of other Desi peers in similar situations, but it still feels incredibly isolating.

Identity issues

My name’s not difficult to say, exactly – but it’s not super intuitive for people unfamiliar with Indian names to get right away. Naturally, when I was younger and living in an area less densely populated by other South Asians, this meant that people were less likely to make an effort to say my name right.

For pretty much my entire life, I’ve had a “preferred mispronunciation” of my name – not the way my name is actually supposed to be pronounced, but if you’re going to mess it up, then I’d prefer that you mess it up in this particular way. Almost every Desi kid I went to elementary, middle, and high school with had a preferred mispronunciation; the only people who didn’t have one were people with really easy to pronounce names like “Neesha.” Heck, we referred to each other by preferred mispronunciations, even though we all knew perfectly well how to properly say each other’s names properly!

Come college, I decided to try introducing myself to people with my name as it’s actually pronounced. It was a strange experience, because I didn’t anticipate how exhausting it would be to have to break down that pronunciation over and over again because it was still difficult for people unfamiliar with Indian names to get it right away. To complicate things even further, I still went by my preferred mispronunciation academically and professionally.

This is by no means a universal opinion, and I don’t intend to speak for anyone but myself here, but: I don’t hate my preferred mispronunciation of my name? At this point, it’s just as much a part of me as the actual pronunciation of my name.

Dating and Relationships

Most of my relatives were connected with their spouses through arranged marriages. They would be introduced through their parents, and then they would spend several months texting, emailing, and talking to each other before announcing to the family that they’d agreed to marry each other. There are some exceptions to this, however: my parents and a few other aunts and uncles met for the first time just days before their wedding; on the flip side, I also have some aunts and uncles who had love marriages. The impression I got was that my parents would generally be okay with me dating and marrying a non-Indian person, but I’d have a fight on my hands with my extended family – though they, too, would eventually come around.

I didn’t know I was asexual until I was in my twenties. Until then, I’d assumed that I was just doing what was expected of me, as a “good Indian girl” – I didn’t date anyone when I was in high school, though I had a few crushes here and there; I dated a White boy when I was in college, and then another Southeast Asian boy after I graduated, but neither relationship lasted for very long. It wasn’t until I was in my early twenties that I got to a point where I was comfortable and confident in my sexuality, where I could say things like: “I could die a virgin and have zero regrets,” and: “I could never get married, never have kids, and I would be totally fine” without feeling like I was doing something wrong.

… and then came my mid-20s. By the time I was done with grad school, my family – both parents and extended – started clamping down hard on the fact that I was still single, that I hadn’t expressed that much interest in dating. They felt personally responsible, assuming that they’d somehow given me the impression that because they wouldn’t have approved of me dating when I was younger, that somehow convinced me to never try in the first place. It has been intensely uncomfortable to dance around this topic, and pretend I’m just delaying this part of my life until I pass xyz milestones. 

Realistically speaking: I don’t think I could ever use the word “asexual” to describe myself to anyone in my family, even my parents. My parents at least are pretty open-minded, and they’re making a strong effort to wrap their heads around LGBTQ+ issues, but they’re not there yet. This is not a conversation I’m ready to have with them. A part of me has resigned myself to having to lie about this part of myself when the day comes where my family deems me “too old” to still be single, and… I’m sorry, this is not terribly optimistic. I don’t have an answer for this part yet.

Things I’d like to see more/less of

Just more Desi characters in stories that aren’t inherently about them being Desi! Y'all have no idea how excited I was to see a character named Jeevan Choudhary at the core of a post-apocalyptic story like Station Eleven, playing a pivotal role that isn’t necessarily contingent on him being Desi.

I’d also love to see more loving, supportive Desi parents! It’s so common to see strict parents who want their children to follow a certain path, who then serve as obstacles for those children to overcome as they pursue their dreams – both in Western and Indian media! It would be nice to see the opposite, for once.

I’d also love to see more sci-fi/fantasy stories centered on Desi protagonists – and not as “the smart one” in the group.

Read more POC Profiles here

[chayteaz]

YEAH/ YEAH. YEAH.

Medusa but instead of snakes her hair is made of these guys

[chayteaz]

my random caninekind urges (and tips!)

i feel like i should document the urges i feel as a canine therian, and many of them are rather comical. but all the same, they hurt, because they remind me that i'm not in a dog body right now.

it's wrong, all wrong, but sometimes giving into my urges helps a bit. a tiny bit that matters anyway.

#1: PEANUT BUTTER!

I can't resist the peanut butter. I eat an apple almost every day and I always feel the urge to stick a spoon in the jar of peanut butter and slather my apple with it. Yesterday I was feeling pretty down because I saw a dog running in the rain when I couldn't, so I chomped a peanut butter apple.

lord, it worked so well. The amount of happiness I felt over a small thing like this shouldn't be allowed. so /so/ worth it, 10/10 would do again

#2: SMELL THE FEBREEZE!

Normally I dislike how strong some febreeze fresheners smell. But, I can never resist febreeze's fresh-cut pine scent. i smelled it in the bathroom at a store and it was amazing! The urge to bark while I was in that bathroom was strong... so strong...

But my mom was there, too. oh well, one day i'll bark

one day

(bark)

Okay this is sliiightly offtopic but you know those spray bottles filled with iodine? THEY SMELL SO GOOD. The urge to spray it everywhere (i wont do it i wont do it i wont-)

I didn't do it, dw

#3: ORANGE JUICE

Orange juice, apples, and peanut butter are otherworldly when paired right. They triggered a memory of me smelling someone (owner? not sure, they were a friendly face, though!) pour orange juice.

And when i tell you i was grinning for days after recalling that

Man, i love orange juice

Okay! That's enough for now, i hope you enjoyed my brain soup. thannnk you for reading, see you next time !!

...once again dedicated to @caprine-hyacinth, hey goat it's been a while! thought you would like this (this sounds weird, please disregard me :sob:)

[chayteaz]

bark bark woof woof?

raargh!! hello <3

[chayteaz]

would eat 100%

Space Jam™ but literally

[chayteaz]

Wow okay i was not expecting this to blow up. thank you guys!!

I think I'll be reviving my tumblr. There are so many things relating to therianthropy I've been meaning to share, but haven't had the time to. My exams are over so expect more content!!

caninekind tips !! and rambles

i can't contain my thoughts. fuck it.

here are my tendencies ( + things i find helpful) when i feel more like my kintype.

FT. thoughts on what i believe i looked like, etc etc

DISCLAIMER: IDK IF THERE ARE SPELLING ERRORS. I DIDNT PROOFREAD. SORRY IN ADVANCE

1) TREATS.

food, food, food! the smell of it, the way it stimulates the teeth. now this can go two ways for me. when gnawing on things, like a good bit of tough bread, makes me angry. in the sense that my teeth are so damn dull. it makes me yearn for sharper teeth, made solely for tearing things.

so!! when that fails, i turn to my all time favorite thing... crunchy treats. ++ peanut butter crackers & cereal is my go to. if you just want to gnaw/suck on things, you can try various candies. (jawbreakers, jolly ranchers, sour patch kids... etc)

you can always make your own!! for example, i adore yogurt covered pretzels. what's better? yogurt covered, bone-shaped pretzels (or cookies, even) with sprinkles. it gets me going, man.

2) THE BLANKET FORT.

please just let me curl up in a mountain of blankets, surrounded by my favorite plush toys. in all seriousness it helps me a lot. i feel comforted and safe, even though the dark makes me anxious.

cuddle up. thats all thats the comment

i love cuddling with things.

3) SCENTS.

Go outside and see what kinds of scents you can pick up! The fresh smell of soil after rain. The sickly scent of humidity, the way it's awful paired with the stickiness. The scent of pine trees -- not the way Febreeze portrays it -- you're looking for the real, beautiful aroma.

If you can't do that!! Why not try more subtle air fresheners? Or essential oils? Scent sprays (personal fave is forest types), scented candles, that sorta thing helps me. They can be expensive, though, so make do with what you have.

4) OTHER THINGS.

If you loved exercise and still do, take advantage of your active side! Run! Walk! Bike, even! It'll get you going and you'll be able to let loose and be free. No one can judge you for /exercising/. That's wack. Do what you love!!

Craft! If you don't want to buy things, like a collar for example, be crafty. If you enjoy it, go for it!! Sew plush toys!!

Even then, you can draw things that remind you of what you once were. What you want to be. Draw what you looked like, back then. Draw what you want to do if you'll be granted the body you ache for. You can do it!!

Ya!!! That's it for that.

Now for more rambly type things, no need to read this lol. If you got this far, thanks! I hope it helped.

Mm, I don't know exactly what I looked like. I don't expect myself to remember fully. A medium-sized, darkly colored dog who enjoyed wandering around after the rain. Picking up the scents, seeing if it could bring something back home. I had an owner. A semi-urban area. Nothing special, yet it was comfortable. Cozy.

: ] honestly scared to post this. whatever, what's done is done! may delete later!

[chayteaz]

!!!!

hi i might start posting my art here lol

[chayteaz]

worming my way into your feed @mutateneptune

when one of your friends' posts gets reblogged a bunch and makes its way back around to your feed

[chayteaz]

pondering the orbs

every time a new pokemon game comes out i must ponder the orbs

[chayteaz]

me @ sock

Wrecker’s Friendly Arm Punches

[chayteaz]

i will be pirat king<3

ART

A comic inspired by chapter 10 of One Piece Party. I hope I represent the artistic talent of Law well, eheheheh

[chayteaz]

harry potter and the ghost of Grimmauld place

Sirius: *wailing dramatically in a long victorian dress with a lit candelabra, down one of the dimly lit corridors of Grimmauld place at midnight*

Remus: *turning on the hall light* We fucking talked about this.

[chayteaz]

SO TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, WHAT YOU REALLY REALLY WANT

I found these in my notes, and honestly, they are pure gold…

—

Teddy, into a hairbrush: YOOOOOOO I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want

Harry, into a different hairbrush: So tell me what you want what you really really want

Remus, walking into the room: Harry

Remus: What the fuck have you done to my child

—

*3am*

Percy: What is all that racket

*ball hits the window*

Percy: *looks out the window to see his dumbass husband hosting Quidditch practice for their children*

Percy: OLIVER IT IS THREE IN THE FUCKING MORNING

—

*procession music starts playing*

Hermione: *comes out in a tux*

Molly: …

Ron: *struts down the aisle in a wedding dress*

Molly: RONALD

-

Lee: *puts his child in a crib while Fred films*

Crib: *turns into a rubber chicken*

Lee: lmao

—

Angelina: George, don’t you dare cause a piece of furniture to turn into a rubber chicken

George, frantically disabling all the transfiguration charms he had put on the table and chairs: Why would I ever do that? 

—

*procession music starts playing*

Lee: *comes out in nice pajamas*

Fred: *comes out in nice pajamas as well*

Molly: FREDERICK

—

Charlie, writing a letter: Dear mum,

Charlie: I don’t know why you’re asking me, since you have seven kids

Charlie: But since you want grandbabies

Charlie: Here you go

Charlie: *sends a picture of a dragon in a diaper*

Charlie: Love, Charlie

[chayteaz]

thinking about them again oh god...

[chayteaz]

good bone structure <3

"You'd be a better leader than Starkey, Bam."

There's a silence between them. Bam finds she can't respond to that.

"You can't tell me you haven't thought of it," Hayden says.

He's right; she has thought about it. And she also dismissed the idea before it could take root. "Starkey has a Misson," she tells him. "He has a goal. What do I have?"

Hayden shrugs. "Common sense? A survival instinct? Good bone structure?"

Unsouled by Neal shusterman

[chayteaz]

Bam: You're an odd bird, Hayden.

Hayden: This coming from a stork named Bambi.

Bam: Call me that again and I'll deck you.