claredelaneyandthebigbadcit-blog

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A {World} Series of Unfortunate Events

I will be first to admit that my dating life has been less than impressive. (Or maybe really impressive - depending on who’s reading this) And today’s story is further confirmation of this truth. This event takes place about six months ago; and trust me when I say you’ll want to read this. The circumstances of this hangout/maybe date were a little strange from the beginning... A friend of mine from Arizona had a guy friend/coworker of his going to visit Chicago. He kindly thought of me as someone in Chicago that said friend, we’ll call him Enrique, should hang out with. Enrique shot me a text inviting me to join him and his sister, brother-in-law and niece at a Cubs game. Family affair, I’m skeptical but FREE Cubs tickets!? I’m in!!! So I met Enrique & Co. in front of Wrigley Field. It was a touch overwhelming to meet majority of his family all at once in the middle of the crowd but I thought the intro went well then we were on our way in to watch the game. Enrique’s brother-in-law turned out to be a great time and he never let my beer go more than half empty before ordering another round. How nice, I thought. WRONG. It turns out trying to go beer for beer with the guys is a dangerous move. By the seventh inning stretch, Enrique’s sister and her two-year old baby, decided they needed to head home. I, of course, stayed back with the guys to watch the rest of the game. The sun quickly vanished and we were left in a frigid wind tunnel so we decided to finish the game at Country Club on Clark. Brother-in-law of the year didn’t disappoint - all the drinks and all the shots, and they were all free. As you may have already caught on, it’s very difficult for me to turn down anything that’s free. So I continued to go beer for beer and shot for shot with the guys until I thought I was sufficiently over served. At this point I had a snapchat story that showed the progression of my drunkenness and not a care in the world. Then bang! the Cubs win the game and the whole bar is celebrating. Another round of shots and we’re all jazzed for the win! Shortly after the celebrations we realize that we’re hungry and we should all go back to their house and make dinner. As we walk out of Country Club I take approximately one step, kick the world’s smallest divot in the cement and fall face first (apparently smiling all the way down). I’ve always been clumsy so nothing’s new there. Realizing I’m on the ground I pop up shouting, “I’m okay, I’m okay”. I wonder why my tooth is so sharp? I think to myself casually. I WONDER WHY MY TOOTH IS SO SHARP!!! I think again as the reality of the situation sets in and panic overcomes me. I immediately enter meltdown mode - not a pretty sight as most can imagine - and my toothless grin melts into a full on ugly cry face. Enrique and his brother-in-law surely have no clue how to handle the situation but they try to console me, god bless them, only making matters worse. I insist on going home but they insist I go home with them so they can help me. So I waddle back home with them like a lost toddler tears streaming down my face the entire time. We get home and tell Enrique’s sister the whole story. You could see the conflict in her face deciding whether or not to laugh at the, admittedly humorous, situation. The boys quickly elected to run to the grocery store to get food while I stayed back with the girls. Enrique’s sister and I sipped on wine and laughed (well she laughed and I cried) at the whole ordeal. The wine must have hit me hard because I proceeded to fall asleep on the family room couch - where I was later told that everyone ate dinner around me as the house had no dining room. I couldn’t be woken until approximately 3:30 AM when I woke to Enrique’s sister breast feeding her daughter in the chair next to me. Certainly a first for me to wake up to. She encourages me to sleep in Enrique’s room and as I was half-asleep I did so. And this is where you would think the story ends but, in fact, it gets much more interesting. I woke Enrique to let him know I was told to sleep in his room which he graciously accepted and as I curl up and try to fall asleep I feel Enrique cozying up to me. What? There’s absolutely no way he could try anything right now....right? RIGHT!? I mean I look like a complete and total hillbilly with my second tooth knocked out. Nothing about this is attractive. But Enrique doesn’t seem to feel the same way because he is quickly awake and ready for action. I’m not one to kiss and tell, but I’ll say Rizzo wasn’t the only one with a homer that day. To this day, I can’t determine how the series of events that unfolded that day lead to the ending that they did, but I certainly felt better about the tooth. 

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Chase Adventure

I spent my hour long morning commute reflecting on my move to Chicago. I’m coming up on my one year anniversary of living here. Thinking about all the incredible adventures I’ve gone on and all the personal growth I’ve seen in myself reminded me of a message I received from one of my best friends [We’ll call him C] when I first moved here. He timed the message so perfectly that I was still on my flight when he left it and it was the first message I heard when I landed.  I treasure it so much that I’ve saved that voicemail for a year now.  It’s one of the nicest things I’ve ever had given to me and I will cherish it for the rest of my life.

The Message:

Hey Clare it’s C, I know you’re still up in the air right now so I hope you listen to this message when you get settled in.

Clare, I am so happy for you and the adventure you’re about to embark on. I think you and I have the same idea of living the great adventure, you know? Anything that’ll keep you out of your comfort zone is truly living. And it’s so great seeing you take the next step in life. I know you’re scared, I know you’re nervous, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t truly living. You are experiencing the world through those beautiful blue eyes and its going to be amazing. Chicago is going to be amazing. I envy you, Clare, for everything you stand for and for what’s to come in the future. Just remember if you ever find yourself stuck in a rut, just be happy it’s not in Arizona... be happy you had the courage to conquer new territory that most of us definitely do not... and to not be afraid to find your true meaning in life, Clare. Chicago better watch out, because that big beautiful head of hair is now taking over. I know you’re going to do big things, Clare. Just enjoy it. Love you!

Today I wrote C a quick text to remind him of that message and to tell him that after an entire year I still had that message saved. We don’t talk as much as we used to (a side effect of moving half way across the country), but regardless I can still feel his love from afar.

This brings me to my gratitude list for today: I’m thankful for the love I have in my life, for the support of friends like C, for having the courage to buy a one way ticket out of my home town and for being strong enough to turn down money to find true happiness. More than anything, I’m grateful for my passion to chase adventure.

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Serendipity At Its Finest

So I’ve been getting really into my Passion Planner lately. If you don’t have one or don’t know what it is, I highly recommend you click the link above and make the investment. It’s one of the most well rounded planners out there. I’m not even sure I can call it a planner - it’s more like a pocket life coach. So I love my Passion Planner. You get it. I digress. Anywho, as I was flipping through the pages, I came across a quote that inspired me:

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.”

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

God, he’s good, that Ralph.

Underneath the quote was a call to action: “Hand-write a letter of gratitude to someone who showed you love when you needed it the most and surprise him or her with it this week”.

It’s funny that I read this when I did because I had been contemplating sending an old friend/past love-interest a note to thank him for his love, support and friendship during our college career. I’ve been pondering whether or not to do so for the past few weeks and after a recent break up (different “love-interest” that I’ll be writing about soon) I decided I didn’t want to say thank you any more “...because f*** guys. They’re all the worst and why should I thank him anyways. He doesn’t even care that much” excuses, excuses, etcetera,etcetera. But I knew this was the break up talking. After finally getting over the death of my most recent relationship, I - of course - read the above quote and call to action in my planner. Isn’t that just serendipity at its finest?

So here begins my letter of gratitude to someone I love dearly {whom we shall call X - for my protection more so than his tbh}. I’m still mustering up the courage to send the letter to him but this is a start...

X - Thank you for being such a bright light in my life. You weren’t the friend I deserved, but you were the friend I needed. Throughout my college career, I was battling demons I didn’t even realize were haunting me. Somehow, you saw these before I ever did and still loved me for me. There were so many times I would fall (both literally and figuratively - damn my clumsiness) and you always ended up being there for those moments. I was utterly humiliated each and every time. I used to wish that you hadn’t witnessed those embarrassing moments. However, upon further reflection, I have come to realize you were meant to be there. I’m still embarrassed but I’ll get over it some day...maybe.

You got me. At times it felt as if you knew me more than I knew myself. You helped me identify the struggles I had with losing my mom at a young age, with feeling alone, with having consistent family problems on top of all the other regular struggles a young college student goes through. Little triggers would set me off and while I was sure that the surface level issue was all that was upsetting me, you saw the bigger picture. You knew there were underlying issues that were upheaving my emotions and you weren’t afraid to call me out.

That’s probably what I’m most thankful for from you- you taught me how to accept and address my past and, more importantly, you taught me that my past doesn’t have to define me.

Our relationship could only be described as awkward by those around us, but I loved that. It was unique, something no one else could understand. We weren’t predictable, we didn’t force things, we just took the moments for what they were. We don’t talk much any more, but I think of you often - this letter is a testament to that. 

I know you have your own trials and tribulations in life that you have been through and may still be working on. I hope you know I’m always here for you. Forever. Even when we don’t talk for months on end - I’m here for you and I always will be.

Fortunately/unfortunately I’ve learned that life is short, too short, and I want you to know my true sentiments before it’s too late. I’m not the most eloquent, so to put it in someone else’s words, “Because I knew you, I have been changed for good”. I’m not sure you ever realized what a profound impact you had on my life, but I hope you do now.

Thank you, good friend, for simply being you.

xoxo

C

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23 | The Jordan Year

Today marks the day of my 23rd birthday, or as I like to call it, My Jordan Year!!!This is the first birthday I’ve ever had away from my immediate family. The day is somewhat surreal to me due to this fact. I keep thinking, “It can’t be my birthday, none of my best friends and family are here to make it so”. At first I was disheartened by this fact. But then, one of my friends said the most wonderful things: ‘On the flip side, because you are far away, people will say the things they may not feel the need to say if they were with you. It’s an opportunity to feel even more special and to see how many friends you have around the world that love you”. Those words took me by surprise and comforted me. I typically consider myself a glass-half-full kind of girl - but no one is perfect and there are certainly days I catch myself throwing a needless pity party. Thankfully, I have some of the most wonderful friends and family in the world; they remind me that I am loved, I am not alone and that most importantly, I am lucky - I have so much in this world that many do not. For this, I am thankful.

Most people of my generation have been quoting Blink 182′s “What’s My Age Again” for their 23rd birthday saying, “Nobody likes you when you’re 23″. But I say to hell with that [although I do love me some Blink 182]; it’s time for my MVP year; Jordan game 6.

Moving into my 23rd year of life, I have many aspirations I’ll be working towards to stay true to my MVP nomination. First and foremost, maintaining physical and mental health. I need to maintain my physical activity and also honor my yoga practice, which has always assisted me in maintaining my physical and, more importantly, my mental well being. Along with this, I aspire to succeed in my career. My industry is a male-dominated industry. There are times this has intimidated me, however I now view it as my number one motivator. It is my goal to make a name for myself and to continue opening doors for other business women in the industry so, together, we may all succeed. Next on my list is to read more. When I was forced to read in my elementary years, I hated books. Now that it is a choice, I have grown rather fond of reading. If I can average reading just one book a month I would be happy. Additionally, I aspire to continue loving me, Clare, for the wondrous, loving human being I am. In the past year, I’ve learned more about myself than I ever before - moving to a new city often fosters this kind of self-education. Through a recently terminated relationship, I learned one of the most important life lessons - not to make someone a priority if they view you solely as their option. As cliche as the quote may be, there is truth and wisdom to this saying. This year, I will be better about loving myself and allowing the type of love and relationships I deserve into my life. I also aspire to find and grow the bright spots in my life [If you haven’t read Chip & Dan Heath’s book, Switch: How To Make Change Things When Change Is Hard, do so immediately - it will change the entirety of your life]. The theme of bright spots is a concept I’ve held on to since reading Switch for one of my college courses. I will find all that is good - in the world, in the people that surround me, in life itself - and I will put my focus on that goodness and grow it. Finally, I aspire to live - fully - and experience life in every wonderful way I can this year and ever year thereafter. I will be the best me yet this year. I will be the MVP.

I’m blowing out the candles and hitting the ground running this year. Wish me luck!

xoxo,

Clare Lydon, MVP

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It’s Not Me, It’s You

One of the most wonderful things I’ve found since moving to Chicago is unmatchable confidence. I’ve grown into myself more here than anywhere prior. This is not to say I’m arrogant by any means because I most certainly am not. In college I had my heart broken by a boy I was seeing and my best girlfriend (you can guess what happened there). The pain caused by that heart break took a serious toll on my confidence, ego and sex drive. It wasn’t until moving here that I felt fully recovered. And not just recovered, but better than ever. I have learned to love myself and to take care of myself - two things I had never truly done in the past. This poem is a juxtaposition of how I felt initially when my heart was broken vs my mentality today on the same situation...

It’s Not Me, It’s You

Was it me?

I should have known you had no soul

But how could I have known you’d take mine down with you.

Was I just a notch on your belt, some play-thing to entertain yourself with?

What did she have that I didn’t?

Wasn’t I adventurous enough?

What was it?

Was I not pretty enough?

Was I not fun enough? Was I not cool enough?

NO.

I was pretty enough

I was fun – damn fun I’ll have you know

I was cool and thin and who cares if I wasn’t

I wasn’t too young. I had adventure in me

I was good enough. It was you that wasn’t good enough. So I’m not sorry,

It’s not me, it’s you.

You took a piece of my heart I may never find

But what you gave me was confidence.

In me, in myself as a woman.

I was enough. I am enough.

It’s not me, it’s you.

Clare D Lydon 

3-13-15

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Goodbye

Head’s up - this is a heavy one. This poem is dedicated to my mom, who I lost long ago...

That night was the last and with a glance in my past, it is a memory clear as glass. that night I didn’t know, how could I have though?

That was the last night If I’d known I would fight to bring out that beautiful smile just for one more while. Yet instead all I see, is disappointment in me. Tears and anger If I only sensed the danger

Goodbye I said I love you I said Nothing, no response I love you you know that right? Nothing.

Tears. Guilt. Fear. You let out a tear I said goodbye. You continued to cry. It was the last that was the end The day I said goodbye to my most beloved friend.

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Clare Delaney & The No Good, Very Bad Date

If you read my last entry (likelihood of that: zero) - you could guess that I met a fare share of fellow Chicagoans with my “Two Words” challenge. One of those people ended up being Dan (name changed for protection). I met Dan out one night at a bar in the suburbs known as Durty Nelly’s for a 90′s cover band concert (I’m cool - I know). Obviously I’m bound to meet my soul mate at a 90′s cover band concert, right? ....right? .....RIGHT!? I think we all know the answer here. It’s yes. Obviously.

Scene of the crime: I was at the bar speaking with a man who had kindly offered to buy me a drink - one which I very much did not need I’ll mention. Half way through my drink with my current sugar daddy another man tapped me on the shoulder to interrupt (Dan). He explained he stopped to talk to me because he liked my hair. Quick interjection here - that comment probably sounds rather bizarre and/or creepy. In my case, however, it is not a strange comment, in fact it’s more common than not - I have big, blonde curly hair that has about a one foot radius and draws a significant amount of attention to me (for better or worse). So back Dan - he told me he, too, had curly hair and that when he was younger he grew it out. As he is telling me all about his hair I realized he was wearing a Manchester United jersey. I grew up with two brothers that played soccer and Manchester was their favorite team. Coincidence? I think not. I told him about the jersey coincidence and before you know it we were dancing to Wagon Wheel. That song is my Kryptonite. The night continued on and the drinks kept flowing and before you know it I agreed to go to the after party he was attending at his sister’s apartment. When we got there it was much more low key than I had anticipated. The after party was a movie marathon more so than a party and movies make me fall asleep (don’t ask) so I immediately fell asleep on Dan’s sister’s couch. Nice move on my part, I know. I woke up at 9 o’clock on the couch laying next to Dan realizing I was late for a family gathering so I collected the few items I had and was about to run for it when Dan woke up. I explained my predicament, gave him my number and Ubered my way home immediately. Two items to note: 1. I had no idea where tf this apartment was until I was in the Uber and realized I had slumbered in BFE, IL 2. At the time I lived with my aunt and uncle (bless them for housing me) and they were very aware that I stayed out with a guy because my cousin drunkenly let the cat out of the bag on that one. Shit. Off I went and it wasn’t until the following Monday that Dan texted me. He asked me to dinner and a movie. I had lived in Illinois for six months and had been on ZERO dates. I owed it to myself as a young, twenty-something girl to be wined and dined so I agreed. 

Dan picked me up (from my aunt and uncle’s house lol @ me) and off we went. He looked significantly older than I remembered. Turns out beer goggles are real. Anywho, I digress. I had mentioned to him that I had a gluten allergy previously so he decided to share with me that he had a life-threatening allergy to shellfish. Sucks to suck, I thought to myself. We ordered drinks and conversed for a while before ordering our meals. When it came time to order I realized that I hadn’t even looked over the menu. With the waitress and Dan staring at me, I knew I had to make a quick decision. Shit. They have way less gluten-free options than I thought. I could get a salad but that’s so risky. What if the leaves aren’t cut small and I end up with lettuce hanging out of my mouth? Or worse, what if I get lettuce in my teeth? I could get a hamburger without the bun and eat it with a fork and knife, but that’s just fucking weird. Then BOOM, I saw the perfect option - a California roll. It’s light, gluten free and so easy to eat. And best of all, you pop sushi right into your mouth so you never have to worry about getting it in your teeth. I’m aware that I was over-thinking the whole thing but that’s just my nature so deal with it. So I order my Cali roll and internally pat myself on the back for such a brilliant choice. The conversation goes on and all is well until we receive our food and I realize my entire plate consists of crab...Dan’s allergic to shellfish...he made that extremely clear. Fuck. I’m an idiot. I profusely apologize over and over again and offer to return it repeatedly but Dan refuses to let me do such and says for me to just enjoy it. He warns me, though, that because I ate the sushi he will have to refuse any kiss by me this evening. Oops. We continue chatting and all is well. We finish our meals and head to the movie. We ended up seeing Focus - not a bad flick. A quarter of the way through the movie Dan says he needs to use the restroom. As he stands up he kisses me...on the mouth...and walks away. Being fluent in over thinking I immediately freak out. Is he okay? Does he realize he just kissed me? Does he realize he just kissed me and I ate sushi? I immediately start chugging my slushie and swishing it around in hopes it will remove any and all evidence of my meal. Dan comes back and seems fine until I notice he keeps having these little dry coughs. The rational part of me thinks, he probably just has a tickle in his throat from the slushie but the overthinker in me panics that his throat is closing. I don’t say anything but keep aware of the situation. Shortly after this, Dan gets up without saying anything and leaves the theater. Moments later he’s back - it was too quick of a trip for him to get to the bathroom. What could he have been doing? Oh he was just casually STABBING HIMSELF WITH HIS EPI PEN. This guy just had to use his life support device mid-date. K cool. Really killin it, Clare. Literally.

Thankfully he lived to see the entire movie and then drop me off at home. We talked a bit more after that but I quickly came to the realization that this would never work. Everything was working against us: he was significantly older than me, he was allergic to one of my favorite foods, he liked making weirdly inappropriate jokes and he failed to mention perhaps one of the most important things about himself - HE HAD NIPPLE RINGS. Like if you know me, you know that I am just not ready for that in my life. This is a no judgement zone - so if you have nipple rings, you rock ‘em but I myself am just too basic to be able to handle such additions to a human being that I could potentially hook up with. Realizing all these items I decided it was best to cut ties. The good news - Dan still hit me up after the semi-homicidal outing we had had...meaning it wasn’t a total fail. But at the same time, I realized there was too much going on to further pursue the matter so I let it go. He still reaches out to me here and there but I highly doubt I’ll ever see him again. And I’m okay with that.

Life Checklist: Have a date in Chicago - check.

Almost kill date - check.

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The Chicago Architectural Tour - one of my biggest inspirations to make the move to my new home

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And on the 1st day, she made a blog...

There is a very specific instance that inspired the creation of this blog. It’s not an inspirational story, but a story none the less. Upon moving to Chicago, I knew very few people. I wanted to find a way to converse with strangers - but walking up to a group of people that already know each other proved to be rather intimidating. Realizing this, I wanted to find something that could make this introduction a little easier. First thought - alcohol. Duh. But a little liquid courage just isn’t enough. This being said, I came up with a fun game to break the ice and make my introductions (slightly) less awkward. I began interviewing people outside the bar asking them two words to describe their night. I had no idea what would come of this social experiment, but it proved to make meeting people easier and if nothing else, it always gave me a good laugh. 

It was all fun and games until I interviewed one woman in particular [for her protection, let’s call her Lisa]...I asked Lisa the same question I always do, “Two words to describe your night? Go!” She immediately answered the question with, “Too turnt”. It honestly seemed as though she rehearsed that. I told her great job and thought she’d be on her way. Turns out, I was wrong. I went to press send on my SnapChat video recording of her when she yelled out, “Oh hell no! I didn’t just do an interview for some girl to snap chat me. I thought I was going to be on a blog”. Fearing for my life, I knew I had to think something up real quick - she looked ready to fight. I instantly reassured her that I was, in fact, going to blog her but that I always send a preview of the video out via SnapChat to my closest friends and followers. Lisa must have been wearing her detective cap that night because my answer just wasn’t enough. “What’s the blog called?” she asked. “Basic Bitch” came out of my mouth before I could even think. Smooth, Clare, really smooth. Lisa was NOT happy about the title. “Oh I ain’t no basic bitch” was her response, looking ready to punch me square in the face. Shit. Think, Clare, think. “Oh no, no, no. You’re misunderstanding me. You’re not basic, at all. I’m the basic one. See I’m recording other people because I myself am too basic to come up with anything clever. That’s why I’m talking to you. You’re not basic at all, I promise”. Wow - I don’ t know where this BS is coming from but it looks like it’s working. And work it did. Lisa finally chilled out and for the first time in a solid five minutes (which felt closer to an eternity), I actually thought I’d live to see another day. All my friends around me stared at me wondering how I just pulled that off and after the tension subsided we couldn’t stop laughing. I myself, feeling the liquid courage in a strong way, was feeling pretty impressed with pulling that off as well. The Sunday after, I felt a little less bad ass and a tad bit bad for lying to Lisa. So I did what any normal person who doesn’t over think anything (ever) would do and made a blog to keep my drunken promise to a drunken stranger and made a blog. And now, here we are - at my blog, created out of guilt for tricking a drunk girl. Enjoy