clemmysdiary

[clemmysdiary]

Jan 22nd, 2025

Today has been a relatively good day when compared to the last two days. I feel as if today has been the day for the Elon salute, and there hasn’t been much discussion on the lovely little executive actions taken on the 20th. I think that the queer community has had a lot of today to start understanding more of what they need to do and actions they can take. Today I have seen more “here’s what to do” instead of “here are the details of this article” posts and stories. I appreciate the amount of care that people are seeming to treat this situation with. People are angry, people are scared, and people are frustrated, but no one has done anything violent and I haven’t really seen any support for the new president (though this could be the echo chamber effect). I’m happy that the people of the LGBTQ+ community and the people of color here didn’t scatter and freak out. Every person I’ve seen that is being targeted by the new administration has been with clenched jaw and with steely eyes, ready to stand up for themselves. On campus here, we have a preacher that comes to our free speech area and has a bluetooth speaker and a microphone. He doesn’t preach, though. He tells people that they’re going to hell as they walk by, he tells people that they aren’t “real catholics” for supporting womens’ reproductive rights. Sometimes he would call people “Joe Biden catholics” and “biased against God”. One time, I was sitting with a table for a queer friendly association, also in the free speech area, and there was an altercation, lots of yelling and people got really close together, but no one threw a punch. I hope this situation can be resolved in a similar way, but I’m not sure how to overthrow a government using peace. I don’t know, I’m very unsure how to or even if we can fix what the conservatives and the people of america have done.

In other news, diary, I called my girlfriend today, which was nice. Long distance is not really the most viable option for me, as both a hugger and a smoocher, but we’re making it work for now. She plans to move to my town soon, before the end of the semester hopefully. I can’t wait to see her, and I’m ever hopeful that the move goes well. I hope that she’s able to get here so I can wrap her up and be close to someone. I’ve never had a partner before, and I’m so glad she’s my first experience, since she’s been amazing. I’m glad that we can support each other through this trying, scary time. 

Keep going, friends, and stay alive.

[clemmysdiary]

Jan 21st, 2025

(TW: I do talk about Christianity a bit; I am not a Christian, so if I make a mistake forgive me.)

Today I read that Trump administered an executive order that rolls back some Biden Era laws, including one that deals with gender identity and allowing discrimination based on gender identity. However, if this goes through, at least from my understanding, since everyone has a gender identity regardless of whether you’re “woke” or not, that would just kind of allow discrimination based on gender for everyone. People have gender identity, that’s just kind of how society works, and if we’re able to discriminate based on gender identity, then you can just tell someone no or hate on someone and cite the reason as gender identity and you’re legally in the clear. Once again, though, I could just be completely wrong, the White House website (whitehouse.gov) doesn’t have the most information. 

In addition, I saw a wonderful speech by a bishop at Trump’s inaugural service, a very brave speech, calling in the name of the Lord to keep people like me and people like you safe, to “have mercy”. It was a very powerful speech and I highly recommend you go watch it. It’s lovely. I was also very very disappointed in Trump’s reaction, being angry and saying that “they can do better”. It’s like this man does not know what empathy is. All he wants is to have power and to make himself and his group of obscenely rich friends happy and set for life, even more than they already are. He is not a man of faith. He is a man of greed, of ignorance, and of sheer and total self absorption. He is no longer a man but a thing, lost and devoid of the things that make us people. Art, music, faith, philosophy, nature are precious and what makes life worth living; none of the actual human elements are present in this human. He has no love inside him. A person who ends the lives of those he does not understand is one that has no love.

I guess today was worse than yesterday. I’m working on writing a letter to my folks about what I need from them in this time of hardship. They did not take my coming out well, and do not use my preferred pronouns or my name (she/her and Clementine), but I think that as a decent kid (I wasn’t one to dabble in bad things as a kid) and a well regarded college student, I believe that I have earned at least their respect, even if they don’t understand or like that they have to give it to me. Other than that, my trans life today has been one of introspection; I had a moment of mental spiraling, feeling more and more like I’m trying to be someone that I’m not, that I am a fraud in my own body and someone’s going to tell me that I don’t deserve to be this woman that I am, that I don’t have the parts and that I don’t have the biological aspects to be a woman. (Yes I understand this is imposter syndrome shut it) I eventually got over my little moment, so now I’m okay. Tomorrow will be better, I've got my yoga class and I have some stuff to look forward to. I know it's hard, but I hope you get to tomorrow.

Keep going, friends, and stay alive.

[clemmysdiary]

Day 1: Jan 20th, 2025

My name is Clementine, and I am a trans woman. Today, people like me have something to fear. Today, people like me have entered into the inferno, a blaze of hatred and misinformation that threatens our very existence. Today is Inauguration Day, and officially President Trump has the power and the backing by the American people and government to do what he and his posse of 1%ers want to do. Today, I begin my daily quest of waking up, getting out of bed, and staying alive in a country that has decided that a liar and a sexual assaulter, that a manipulative felon is worthy of the office of POTUS. While I do not agree with this elected official, I have no doubt that he was, indeed, elected. There is nothing we can do about the results of the election nor anything we can do about who we have in office. 

So what can we do? Well, the absolute first thing we can do is hold on to what we have. It’s imperative that we talk to our loved ones, whether that be blood or chosen family, and tell them that you’re kind of going to come under attack soon, and that you need their support. It’s very important to have some sort of support system in place. There are plenty of ways to establish this. One, if you’re lucky, like me, you can use your school. My university has a counselor on hand, and I see her every week. I have clubs that I go to, and friends that I see. I am lucky and I have a good support system, but it’s important to have your people. Maybe you haven’t found your people yet, and that’s okay. If necessary (though physical support is preferred at least for me) you can use online platforms to find friends. It’s just important to have someone to talk to, and it’s even more important that they listen. 

The next thing we can do is to speak out. Our lives are not worthless no matter how hard anyone tries, but if we don’t use them, our voices can be. It’s important to show the world that YOU are here and YOU aren’t going to go anywhere. You’re a person, and a person takes up space. You have to take control of the space you take up, and use it to make that gorgeous voice of yours heard. You cannot be silenced. You cannot be told to shut up. You cannot be a voice that makes no sound. If you speak, if you show the world that there is something you have to say, someone will listen. That’s what I’m doing right now. It might not be now, it might not be tomorrow, it might not be years from now, but someone somewhere is going to see this. Someone is going to read it and they are going to have taken in my words, taken in my message, and have taken in my soul. Whether they choose to accept those gifts is up to them, but that is their choice, not mine. My choice is whether or not to speak my mind, to scream into the void and make myself known, and I make that choice regardless of if the void screams back.

The final thing we can do (not really, there are plenty of things we can do, it’s just late and I have class at 9:30 tomorrow) is to hold our heads high. It doesn’t matter how much we go through, and it never will. The LGBTQIA+ community has always been around through history, whether that be anywhere from two-spirit people in some tribes or trans people in Greece or the Lawrence vs Texas court case, queer people will always find their way into the history books, and we’ve got to keep ourselves going. We’ve got to live to tomorrow, to next Monday, to next month, next year, next president, next relationship, next moment in our lives that means something significant. We have to stay alive because we are the future of the LGBTQIA+ community, and we are the future of our lives, not the next bigwig.

Keep going, friends, and stay alive.