cleo-wl

[cleo-wl]

13 hours in.. we're just getting stared

[cleo-wl]

Starting a 5 day fast tomorrow :)

Hi all, it's been a while. I went through.. a lot of crap. B/p to just binging to going to a psych ward.. it's been crazy. But I just need to get back on track

[cleo-wl]

hi

Sooooo I've been using Twitter for most of the entire time I've been gone, am currently at my lw so life is okay. I'm in outpatient treatment for bulimia, idk how well it's going to go. Both my parents know. I caught covid 2 days ago so I feel awful but on the plus side I lost 3lbs in a day and I've been purge free singe I caught it!

Twitter might shut down tho so... I'm transitioning back to here. I also have accounts that are pretty inactive on Instagram, reddit, myproana (now eating disorder central) and my pancake addiction

I wonder if they're anyone who's following me that's even active lol

Please bear with me as I get a hang of the ropes of Tumblr again

[cleo-wl]

fast broken

Yeah.. I folded at 51h. I ended up binging really badly, I'm guestimating around 3-4k cals? I've yet to calculate it properly but I believe it's around that much... Thankfully I was able to purge it all out, so I'm now only 0.4lbs away from 125lbs! :D

[cleo-wl]

hi guys, it's been a while!

ARGH I TYPED A LOT OF STUFF BUT THEN I ACCIDENTALLY CHANGED THE POST EDITOR FROM NEW TO OLD AND ALL MY TEXT GOT DELETED :"D

I'm surprised that this account is still getting new followers, even though it's been inactive for a few months. I migrated to edtwt (@cleo3wl there for anyone who wants to be moots) and since I prefer twitter's format over tumblr, I kinda just stayed there lol.

Weight-wise, I've been up and down. I hit a lw, 119lbs, which was fantastic. But I entered a binge cycle and ended up at my hw, 145+lbs. I'm currently 126lbs, so basically, I'm around the same weight as when I first made this blog :"D ednos is pain

On the topic of ednos, or just eating disordered behavior in general, I guess: I've taught myself to purge, so that's a thing now. My gag reflex is utter shit though, so I can purge at most 4-5 days in a row until I have to let it rest :/

I'm currently fasting until the end of may, since I desperately need to be 110lbs by may 31 for no other reason than because that's a stupid rule my brain is enforcing.

My ugw has also changed from 95lbs to 86lbs (39kg / BMI 15). Though my end goal now is to get hospitalized/go inpatient. (yes, I'm aware of how shitty ip is. However, I feel like the only way my ed will be validated is if that happens to me.)

Phew, that was a lot of stuff! I might become more active on here because I'll need a distraction for cravings and also because my life has been consumed by my ed and I am obsessed with it and need to talk about it lol.

[cleo-wl]

phew! i ended my fast a few hours ago and had some soup, beef, and veggies! it was 278 cals! today is an OMAD day so that's all i'll be having <33...

if things dont go wrong. i'm going volunterring in a few hours and im worried i might pass out bc im gonna be standing for 3 hours so im bringing some sugar cubes in case i feel dizzy. i hope i dont have to restort to using them but... we'll see..

anyways! my fast was SUPER sucessful since i lost 2.2lbs! i'm so close to my gw of 120lbs (im 122.4 lbs rn! hopefully by next week i'll be there :D)

[cleo-wl]

today's morning weigh in: 125.6lbs! i lost 1.4 pounds :D super happy with my progress rn!

i had another smoothie for breakfast (126cal), some salad + beef for lunch (42 cal), pumpkins for dinner (81 cal), and 2 dried apricots as a snack (45 cal). I did a lot of exercise tho so my net was -184cals

i'm going to be fasting for the first time ever tomorrow so im a lil nervous haha. i wanted to go for a water-only fast but i might make green tea just bc i love tea <33

also!! i cleaned out my pantry today and i feel like i gained some control over the food in my house :) it was cluttered to the point where some foods were hidden but now everything can be seen. i even found basil seeds which is very awesome >:D

oh! i also went shopping and bought some almond milk, rice cakes and this godsend seaweed stick thats 10 cals!

[cleo-wl]

TW FOOD PICTURES

hey! today's net is -71cals, 397 from meals and 468 burnt. i was originally planning to fast but omfg. i had a hypoglycemic episode this morning so i HAD to eat something fast.

i had a smoothie (i was inspired by @ thebluequeer-inviolet's recipie!!) for breakfast with a bit of brown sugar! it was 164cal. i didnt have strawberries so i improvised and used blueberries :3c

lunch was some cauliflower, ham, and 1/2 egg for 85 cal

and dinner was a bunch of stuff lol. it was 148cal

also i think i have a new safe food: bean sprout! its very crisp and very very low cal <33

[cleo-wl]

today's total cals: -220 cals!! i'm pretty proud of myself, i hope i can keep this up!

also, i've created a twitter account, @ cleo3wl which is active to the point of spamminess (it's been 1 day and i already have 100 tweets lmao) but if u wanna be moots there feel free to follow :)

i was planning to try a smoothie recipie tomorrow but LOL i totally forgot i'm going to be fasting tomorrow ! and im not sure how i'll get my mom off my back but i'll manage :"D my plan is to microwave leftovers and "put them in my lunchbox" bc THANKFULLY my mom doesn't check my lunches before i go to school

i'll just have to have the smoothie the day after :3c

[cleo-wl]

woohoo today I ate 219 cals :3 i already burnt 120 cals from walking but I'm still gonna run 2 miles bc im preparing for a competition

[cleo-wl]

today's total cals: -165

im so proud of myself: after a week of binging, im finally on the right track again!

[cleo-wl]

damn after ranting on tumblr i somehow got rlly motivated to do better, today's total was 280 cals (i usually eat 900 when restricting)

୧( ˵ ° ~ ° ˵ )୨ im feeling pretty confident!!

[cleo-wl]

god life's been so shit for me recently... Sorry for being ia

//RANT:::

im so fucking done, in the mornings i eat nothing and in the afternoons I binge. Even my mom is telling me that I'm eating a lot like SHUT UP I KNOW

i can't even purge because my gag reflex is like nonexistent. I dry heave and a crap ton is spit comes out but that's it :///

I'm back to 130lbs and I hate it! I hate it sm. I'm gonna work out and then try to purge one last time before sleeping.

today I had like 1.2k cals and 700 of them were from a muffin. One. Singular. Muffin. And like... If I were stronger, I would be at 500 cals but noooooo I just had to eat it UGH

I hate myself so much :)

[cleo-wl]

okay guys ive found a solution to my binging it is simply to not eat until like 11pm

because ive found that no matter how much i eat in the day, i still end up binging at night because ed

so i simply wont eat and then BAM 1k cal binge do my net total is like 800cal since exercise

im rlly only eating junk food rn but like... it's ok... ill eat healthy once i get my impulses under control

[cleo-wl]

Uh hey lol

It's been a long time since I last logged in :"D A bunch of shit hit the fan and I couldn't bring myself to open Tumblr. After a break though, I feel better!

Also just a heads up this might get rant-y ++ a lil TMI

... "Better" meaning I can now manage to do stuff in my life other than basic tasks. When I was gone my mom basically force fed me HUGE amounts of food and I actually ended up vomiting a few days because it was so much.

I kind of just went with the flow and binged everyday, I couldn't even bring myself to count cals because the guilt was killing me.

But one day my mom said, "Hey, you look skinnier. See, eating normally can make you lose weight!"

Well. I weighed myself that day and I was almost at my SW....

Needless to say that really served as a wake up call. If my eating habits are either starving or binging with no in-between, shouldn't I pick the better of the two?.. is what I thought.

BUT WOW that was kinda long

Um. Yeah, so I guess this is me saying I'm back!! Sorry for being gone and TYSM for 160 followers 😭 I'm really surprised that many people thought my postings were interesting enough to warrant a follow.

[cleo-wl]

my biggest worry isn't getting deactivated but loosing my drafted posts with low cal recipe links and stuff on them lol

[cleo-wl]

morning weigh in: 127.8lbs! even tho im not exercising much at all, im (thankfully) still loosing weight aaa

today's breakfast and lunch are both 245cal, for a total of 490. pasta is so yummy TT;;

unrelated to my ed but i got my science test back and i got a 78% LMAO,,, i was super confident about it too :"""")