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After a whole year of no contact, I talk to my sister one day about her working with him.

This leads to me finding out that he asks about me, and says that he still wants to be friends with me. I believed that the next step of trigger work was being around him (previous to this, it was: casual mentions of his name, casually hearing things about him, hearing that he talks about me, and now, hear him).

We met at a park on New Years Eve after he got off work. I was drunk and alone, but this was all preplanned. He was invited while I was sober, which was mentioned to him. It was just a run-by. He, ultimately, asked if we were cool, to which I assured him.

I asked him if he wanted to ve friends, or if he just wanted forgiveness, as I had my doubts. He said he didn't know what he wanted. He said we could hang out "if [I] want to." I took this as unfortunate, but I was drunk and wanted to show that I was changed, so I said Okay as I watched the fireworks.

I ultimately take this as, no, he does not want to be friends. If he wanted to be friends, he would know after a year of nothing, as he's already had a relationship.

He would know. And I need to take this as: You are too full of love to be someone's maybe.

So, business as usual. Thank you 🙏

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Got high, and thought this was a song at first

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Hey guys,, is my friend coming onto me?

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Guys, why do things legitimately get better when I'm high? My mood is stable, it feels like I finally have clarity in my thoughts and decisions in my life, it literally makes me remember I have a sense of self. I've seen things about people self medicating with weed, and omg this is what they mean

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They should make numbers that have a bar rotation, have a number at the end of them

Example = 1.ō7 (it's 1.0-bar-notation7)

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I want to create something beautiful

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It kinda concerns me how I don't miss my family. I'm not homesick. I don't have any incentive to return home

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The gun is back

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*intro to Need You Now - Lady Antebellum comes on*

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I need to be mentally stable enough to have the relationship I want

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Does anyone talk about how confusing it is to be treated friendly by a guy who is literally JUST FRIENDLY, but in your last relationship, you were only treated friendly because he wanted something more with you

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I hate when my mental illnesses make themselves apparent

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I wonder if my dad knows I mean it when I say I love him

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Entry #12 of Cloudy Journey

Hey gangs, you're going to still have unexpected dreams of them. And you'll just be forced to wake up and get on with your day. Because at the end of the day, a dream changes nothing (and I am of the opinion that dreams mean nothing)

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i know it feels like you’ll never get over it my love but when you do (and i promise you will) it feels so good you just start laughing in relief and you’ll wonder how something like that ever had power over you in the first place

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Okay, yeah, he's as pretty as the sunshine, but what about he's interesting like a series of books. I want to read him cover to cover and learn everything about him

Let me learn every plot device and character