clownd-a - Tumblr blog

[clownd-a]

after much consideration i have decided to move gogol to my multi for the sake of my own sanity LMAO 

he’s been moved to @abilityforged until further notice

[clownd-a]

me, reading the lyrics to that song and im just.

Been given 24 hours To tie up loose ends

In 24 hours they'll be Laying flowers On my life, it's over tonight I'm not messing no I Need your blessing And your promise to live free Please do it for me

Is there a heaven a hell And will I come back Who can tell

I'm not alone, I sense it, I sense it

my heart MY HEART MY HEART IM JUST ???? This has so much gogol in it and i am CRYING!! and the promise to be free??? shutup  SHDFURFHH SHUTUP

[clownd-a]

        Backstory HC thoughts

i need to like. flesh this out some more, so here’s just some of me thinking about him.

well. i was thinking. not much is known about him outside of like... joining DoA because he wants to be free and fyodor definitely had influenced this. 

 so i was like.  how long has he really been killing?  i dont believe it ever says. HOW LONG?? 

what if before his introduction with fyodor and the DoA, he really didn't kill that often or much at all. (or maybe he did)  and that fyodor convinced him that maybe, in killing people it will help him let go of his emotions and he can truly be free, and he can achieve the freedom he wants. Empathy will no longer restrict him.  And if that was already something he’d come up with, Fyodor promised him it would happen.

 Maybe he was a murderer. or some kind of criminal. maybe he was just this crazy guy that fyodor took advantage of and so now. Gogol is being torn apart by the guilt he has for killing his victims.  And maybe he always was.  But Fyodor definitely had enabled his actions and further tipped him over the edge. 

 His crazy madman monster persona is just something he had to create to cope with the guilt and so it's just become a part of him as he loses his mind, and teeters on the edge of insanity. 

 He has trouble discerning fyodor's words from his own reality, and just reality in general. because he's tormented. He feels so much guilt because his actions are so terribly wrong and he understands that but he's torn between freedom that Fyodor promised him and feeling guilt from doing these heinous awful things, but finds himself enjoying it in the end. and he doesnt want to feel it anymore.

empathy is a curse. it always has been,

[clownd-a]

hi kyu showed me this song b/c it has gogol vibes and now im super emotional. 

i just wanna talk about gogol, i love him so very very much. he means so much to me. im crying.

[clownd-a]

beep beep how’s my portrayal ?

[clownd-a]

beep beep how’s my portrayal ?

[clownd-a]

               Hey there, it’s Tea again!  This time with a BUNGO STRAY DOGS centric Multi-Muse!  Featuring Both AU muses and canon muses; Kenji Miyazawa, Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald and au muse Tomura Shigaraki!   

                Can you please give this a like or reblog to help spread the word or if you’re interested in interacting!  I’ll check you out and anyone who follows me.  

Thanks! ❀

rules   muses 

[clownd-a]

   MY DETECTIVE SON IS AWAKE SO !!! ILL BE ON HIS BLOG

[clownd-a]

do you ever jsts tart crying because you love your muse so much and im just so emotional rn im jst crying im fkdskjbd ??? im hh ffucmc 

[clownd-a]

          --- And to say such bold words to a man who could easily kill him, rolling off his tongue as if he were discussing such simple things like the weather.  Maybe it was a slip, subconscious thoughts bubbling to the surface during a brief mental break, or maybe...  He knew full well what he was saying and to whom.  Like playing a dangerous game of cat and mouse, and in this instance Nikolai was very much the mouse; regardless if he knew or realized.

            There was a moment of anxiety as his words were met with silence from his friend --- his dear and most admired friend.  The one person who truly understood him.  Had promised him freedom.  The clown’s mind began to race until finally he spoke.  Calm voice breaking the silence that was louder than any words could ever be.  He didn’t know what to expect --- 

             To be freed from his brainwashing, from these emotions, from the shackles that kept him tied tightly to the ground when all he wanted was to fly like a bird.  Free from gravity’s pull.  To be a bird, how w o n d e r f u l it must be... 

                         Fyodor truly was, in a sense, his savior.  As twisted as it was, Gogol had no one else.  And if he were to kill him, wouldn’t he be alone---  What was a better fate: To be free, or to be alone?  Which one would he achieve if he took the life of his friend?

             And just like always.  Fyodor continued to be understanding of him.  Did he deserve him, truly?  Was he even worthy of his time?  He was perfect.  His perfect friend.

                 And for a moment, he was put on edge when Fyodor stood from his seat and reached for his hat.  Amber eye watching him with both a semblance of fear and curiosity.  Until the gentle weight of the object was added to his head, and all the fear and all the anxiety he had been holding onto seemed to vanish and roll away like a gentle wave.  He would save him.

            Small smile creases at his lips, his expression soft and sweet like honey. 

               “...The birds.” he echoes.  Yes, that’s what he wanted to do.  And if he could feed the birds with Fyodor, wasn’t that happiness alone long enough to quell his worries?

                 So standing up, he follows after the rat.  

                       “Yes, of course!~☆ Dos, what kind of birds do you think we’ll see today?”

clownd said:“ one day i will kill you. and you can be safe in the knowledge that you will have deserved it. ” hero / villain sentence starters: ACCEPTING

 Silence.

  Unrelenting silence as the rat simply gazes upon the man that is often found around him. But there’s no surprise. No hurt. Nothing. If anything, Fyodor seemed…amused.

 '  And man turns upon their loving god until they have need of them again.  ‘  He remarks in return, head tilting to one side.  ‘  You who so crave freedom have forged your own inescapable chains. How poetic. The magician damned by his own creation, a creation even he cannot escape.  ‘.

  No, only by his own hand shall Nikolai ever be free. If Nikolai thinks such an act like killing him will free him, he is wrong. Fyodor would always be there in Nikolai’s mind, having woven himself in so long ago. Even if it is a memory, a hallucination, he will remain as his one and only friend.  His dear angel, corrupt in sin like everyone else, and tangled in his own chains. Pitiful. 

   He raises from his seat, picking up the jester’s hat as he moves closer, careful to drop the hat so it lands perfect upon his dear angel’s head without daring to touch him. He doesn’t need to. Purple eyes gaze deep into the one amber eye, intense in his conviction and letting his presence alone speak volumes. ‘ Fear not, dear Nikolai. Even saying such things, I will save your soul from this dismal world so you may be granted salvation. ‘

  Then Fyodor moves past towards the door, glancing over his shoulder.  ‘  Are you coming? You wanted to feed the birds, right? If we wait much longer, they’ll be gone.  ‘

[clownd-a]

irene absolutely came for my throat with that reply and i love everything about this rn LMAO its so S A D !!!

[clownd-a]

controversial but normalise dropping threads and not being online every day. the RPC while a creative outlet is still a form of social media and it’s healthy to take a step back once in a while. roleplaying should be a hobby and if anyone gets mad at you for not being online / for not replying fast enough / for dropping threads then thats on them.

[clownd-a]

rp is a hobby , not a job .  people don’t have to do anything they don’t feel like doing ;  people are allowed to keep rp within their friends group ,   no one is obligated to write starters , replies or answer asks . 

[clownd-a]

         i have officially reached peak feral dumbass! time for bed!

[clownd-a]

seiirenes​:         

                        nikolai you dumb bitch.

       “And how are you feeling, Nikolai~? Tired are we~? Or are you still so full of energy?” If it was the latter- he’d have a problem, but he was positive this would work, if not his lender would be down a couple vital organs and hands.

But he had to admit, watching his excitement over this made Zach soften only a little… until he was reminded once again why he did this and he let his smile form again.

        “Patience, dear, good things come to those who wait~” He swirled his own glass before setting it down and going to guide him somewhere to sit before he fell or his beautiful face made contact with the floor.

      “if you’re exhausted, then maybe you should pay more attention to what goes into your beverages, my jester~”

          A deep inhale was readied for his response.  The response that would be cut short.  

                         “I’m feeling--” 

           Huh? -- Tired... he was... he was-                          It was such a strange sensation, like his body was giving out on him -- shutting down.  Did he-- Zach, he spiked the drink, didn’t he?  That’s what he’d been planning.  This was no celebration, this was a plot for revenge.

                            It all made sense now.  Enthusiasm was quick to die down, and as he looked at Zach with an unfocused eye he tried to listen to what he was saying; sadly, he couldn’t make out much.  Tired.  The feeling of the siren’s hands guiding his weakened form to sit down was something he barely noticed before he’d been settled onto the sofa.  When did he move?  What was it--

                 Sick.  He... felt sick.  Tired.  The room was spinning,

                               No, no stay awake.  

                 “---S-Solovey...?” the pet name he’d dubbed his siren was uttered in a state of confusion.  He’d been bamboozled.  And so easily --- he should have seen this coming.  So why didn’t he? He couldn’t think, processing thoughts was difficult.  Impossible. 

                                    “...W.. what did...?”  was he going to die?

                   Was this it?  -- Had Zach intended to kill him for revenge of being so close to ending his life?  What a fitting death for a clown.  

                  “... I’m... W... what?”

[clownd-a]

seiirenes​:

       It was so nice to be dating someone so unsuspecting of ulterior motives, Zach was rather quiet with his plans- letting them play out after he had laid the trap. So it was quite nice to watch gogol go about this as he usually acted.

              Foolish, unsuspecting jester indeed…

    “It was, indeed it was…~” And satisfaction will indeed bring it back, I simply have to be patient while my little friend works it’s magic. Turning to lift his own glass, Zach hummed and took a sip.

         “Charmer and so much more, dear.” He hummed to himself and continued to down his drink with no problems- “Keep drinking my dear, you’ll find out soon enough~” Good things came to those who waited, and all Zach had to do was simply stand by and watch Gogol fall into his little trap.         Their murder game had finally begun again, and Gogol didn’t suspect a thing! You should never trust a siren, after all- they’ll only lead to your death.

           Uwaaa~? Did he have a secret to share after he’d finished his drink?  Was that the plan!?  How exciting! -- Well, why dilly dally then?  Speeding things up a little wouldn’t hurt if it was for the celebration! So he thought.  But little did he know...

              So he presses glass to his lips again, and instead of a sip, downs the whole thing in a matter of seconds.  Not a drop to be left, in fact.  Vanished, just like magic!  Holding the empty glass up with a single pinky extended, Nikolai offers his siren a playful little smirk.

                 “There! Aaaaall gone! So you were saying? PLEASE TELL ME!” This was how the game worked, didn’t it?  Of course!  There was no other answer to this riddle of his--

              “Zachariiaaaahhh~  The suspense is just KILLING me!  Was that your plan? That’s such a boring way to die!” a small sigh is exhaled, expressing his disappointment.              

[clownd-a]

seiirenes​:

          One simply doesn’t let another get away with narrowly murdering him time after time. Zach was patient after all, he was one to lie in wait and take opportunity when it came to him.

         So when opportunity came to him a week later in the form of one of his patrons repaying him in Devil’s breath in it’s powdered form, perfect for drugging the other- or perhaps simply poisoning him. (And from what his client told him- he’d be out for quite a while)

          “Curiosity killed the cat you know, my jester, haven’t you heard of that~?” Zach hummed to himself and looked over to him, pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek and holding up a glass of wine to him, his own sitting behind him on the counter. “It’s been a while since you’ve tried to murder me, why don’t we celebrate~? Here dear~”

            Celebration?~ Well, it had been a while!  And neither of them have ended up half dead.  Maybe they needed a break after the last incident.  Murdering Zach was never his intention, it was just the act of trying he found the thrill in!  Testing the limits of how close he could come to ending a life was e x c i t i n g!  So when the kiss is planted against his pale cheek, he nearly melts against the touch.  He doesn’t suspect a thing.

                  Foolish clown.

             “Of course I have!  But wasn’t it satisfaction that brought it back!?~” he takes the glass in hand excitedly, gloved fingers cupping it against his palm delicately and swirling the wine around in a playful manner.

               “Ooooh~ That does sound F U N! ♡ Solovey, you really are a charmer aren’t you?” he waits a moment, feeling the spot on his cheek that was previously kissed before he presses the glass to his lips and takes a sip.

                             “And what other plans do you have for this celebration of ours!? Tell meeeeee~ Don’t leave me in the dark, love! ♡”