cluster-a-pds

[cluster-a-pds]

If your ADHD is causing you to fuck up more, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the ADHD is getting worse.. you could just be doing more things which gives you more opportunity to fuck up.

This is one of the reasons, ADHD can get ‘worse’ as an adult. A child has very few responsibilities. An adult on the other hand, has all kinds of opportunities to fuck up on. 

[cluster-a-pds]

people with mental illnesses and disabilities are not lazy for being affected by their symptoms.

you are not being lazy for not being as productive as others who can realistically afford to put that much energy into their work.

[cluster-a-pds]

a gentle reminder that you just need to make things a tiny bit better for your future self. reading one page, writing one sentence, getting half of a task done, it’s still good.

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Just because you have to start the day later than expected doesn’t mean it’s wasted. Also getting 1 or 2 things done is still getting something done, that you then do not have to worry about another day. 🌸

[cluster-a-pds]

Sometimes you have to drop your expectations for the day, for the week, or maybe even the month. Things happen that are out of our control and it can be scary but I know you have the strength to handle it. The most important thing is that continue to treat yourself kindly. It’s okay if you weren’t able to get something done by the time you thought you would have it done. It’s okay if you haven’t performed as well as you hoped to. I’m proud of you for trying.

[cluster-a-pds]

Okay hi tumblr..,..

What’s up. I have OCD and anxiety, and here on tungl dot com, there is a nice little type of post that makes my blood pressure flip the fuck out every time, and it’s those “if you are reading this [x]” / “reblog and [y] will happen” type reblog memes

You know the ones: money cat, lucky xyz post, that sort of shit. The revival of old school yahoo viral email chains. Even immunity rabbit or whatever – same premise. Anything that says, ‘By reading or reblogging this post, you are activating some specific effect.’

Basically, most people can probably ignore them easily if they don’t like them; but others, especially those with particular psychological conditions (aka, ME) can actually suffer stress responses to posts like this. Obsessive-compulsive, schizophrenic spectrum, anxious, paranoid, magical thinking type disorders especially can see a superstitious post and have it automatically activate an anxious or compulsive reaction, because to the brain, it’s like a new rule/parameter has suddenly been introduced to your environment without warning. Now suddenly, whatever atypical structures frame your brain function have to accommodate for an alien factor. <- I don’t know if any of this really makes sense; it’s hard to articulate in a NT-accessible manner, but hopefully the general gist comes through.

Anyway. So far it’s been basically impossible for me (and therefore, I presume, others as well) to avoid posts like this, because they don’t tend to have any sort of universally recognized term to tag warn for. As a result I’m basically always playing Russian roulette with my dashboard.

A while ago, I asked tweeter followers to vote on the best thing to call these, and most agreed that ‘superstitious posts’ was fitting. So now I’m asking tomblr users to consider making my life and others’ lives easier and less stressful in One Easy Step:

Please

tag for #superstitious posts !

It would... honestly make a big difference if this were standardized and I will be eternally grateful ❤️😪

(Ok & encouraged for ppl to reblog this!!!)

[cluster-a-pds]

Tips to stay grounded during quarantine

from someone with no job or school due to mental illness who's living like this every day

Have a routine: this is definitely one of the most important ones. when you don't leave your house, times starts melting together, so having a routine is important to keep your brain stimulated in the concept of time. this is actually one of the things they teach soldiers to do if they are kidnapped and exposed to torture such as isolation, or constant light/darkness. try to get up and go to bed at roughly the same time every day. brush your teeth, and have your meals at the same time every day. have different tasks assigned to different days of the week, and stick to them.

Change out of your pajamas every day: you don't have to put on your outside clothes if you're not going outside. maybe just have assigned Night Pajamas and Day Pajamas. your body's memory is a lot better than you think. i promise it will make a world of difference.

Don't lie in bed all day, every day: it's super tempting, but if you stay in bed all day, then it will be a lot harder to fall asleep once you hit that time. even if it's just about moving from your bed to the couch, or a desk chair, or sitting on the floor of your bedroom, whatever you have available. make your bed a sacred sleeping space. i have struggled with insomnia my whole life, and this made a huge difference to my sleep pattern.

Do something active every day: i'm not talking running 5k, or cleaning the whole house - unless you want to. but just getting up and doing whatever your body can do for just 10-15 minutes every day is super important for your mental health. do the dishes, sweep the floor, just stand in the middle of the room and shake your arms and legs, so some stretching. anything that is moving your body in a way that your body can, is a good thing.

Get a daily dose of sunlight: if you can go outside that is such a luxury right now, but also make sure to let the sunlight into your home. open the curtains, open the windows, let as much sun into your home throughout the day as you possibly can. but try to set off some time every day to be in the sun without distractions. if you can't go outside just sit in front of a window with the sun on your face. for some people it can be really hard to sit undistracted for too long, so don't beat yourself up if you're struggling. if you don't like silence put on some music or a tv show/movie you know so well you don't have to focus. just put your phone on dnd for a while. maybe start with five minutes, after a few days knock it up to ten. just get that sun and peace.

Get fresh air every day: if you can, go outside for a walk. even if it's just in your garden, or a little down the street. but if you can't, make sure to open your windows and let fresh air in every day. part of my daily routine is open bedroom, kitchen and living room window as the first thing when i get out of bed every day, and it really helps me clear my head for the morning.

Keep your brain activated: there's nothing wrong with watching movies/tv shows all day, but be careful that it's not the only you're doing. it's so great to be able to just watch a movie or a show because it demands literally nothing of you, but your brain needs variation. try to read a book/fanfic sometimes, even just a chapter every other day. make a puzzle either with music, or with a movie/tv playing where you don't have to focus too much on it. if you're a writer give yourself a goal of fx writing a thousand words every other day, or if you're a visual artist give yourself a goal for what you wanna create. coloring books are also really great, crossword puzzles, kids' activity books, bake or cook, knit or crochet, whatever you have available that will keep your mind challenged for even just an hour a day.

Pay attention to your nutrition: i get why people fall into a hole of junk food right now; it's easy, it's comforting, it's well known, and it's so tasty. but try to make sure you don't only eat junk food. if you prefer to order take out, go for the more nutritious options sometimes; stuff with lots of veggies and baked fries rather than deep fried, or whatever your choice and options are. be careful not to overdo it on the sugar, because that can really mess with your hormones, and especially those with depression and anxiety can get really affected by consuming a lot of sugar too often. what you consume has a much bigger effect on our mental health than we often consider, so when we are under a lot of stress - as we all are right now - our bodies/brains needs a lot of good vitamins and minerals and fats to work with. cooking/baking your own food can also be incredibly meditative, and to feel that you are actually producing something can be an extremely fulfilling feeling, especially right now where our options of productivity are so limited. if you live with someone that you then can share it with, that is even better, because you can do something with someone, and/or you can share it with them when you're done.

Don't stress about your body: right now we're getting carpet bombed with people joking about getting fat, and trainers/magazines trying to sell the narrative of "there is no excuse" or "don't let your body go" and a lot of much worse things. but fuck that! we are all going through a trauma right now, and obsessing over our bodies is the last thing we need right now. if you enjoy exercising and have the option, then good for you. have fun! but there is literally no reason that you should force yourself to try some stupid diet (diets are the devil's work, never go on a diet ever!!!) or overwork yourself on some exercise routine. be kind to yourself, listen to your mind and body, and block everyone who pushes the narrative that you are "lazy" or jokes about weight gain in this time.

Control your exposure to the news: it's extremely important to stay informed of what is going on right now, especially in your local area. but it doesn't take a lot before it's too much. try to give yourself about an hour every day to catch up on the news. an hour in the morning over breakfast is my preferred method, because if i do it at night my brain will overthink and it will affect my sleep, but do what feels right for you. also, make sure the news you are getting comes strictly from reliable sources. try to stick to sources that reports the cold hard facts only, and avoid those that have an angle. their money comes from reporting the story in the most dramatic way, and you do not need that. i personally check our prime minister's instagram, and the danish health department's website, and those are the only places i go for information about the current situation. even people who never struggled with their mental health can be negatively affected, and as usual the focus on mental health in the media and from governments is absolute zero, so you need to be your own number one defender of your mental health.

Stay in touch with human beings: if you live with someone, and it's a healthy environment, make it a priority to spend time with them every day. do things together. if you live alone it's so important that you stay connected to the outside world. call your family and friends, have chats with people online, make plans with people irl for stuff to do when the quarantine is lifted. if you have a pet make sure to spend time with them to keep yourself grounded.

Don't be afraid to reach out: if you find yourself really struggling, don't hesitate to reach out to someone. a friend, a family member, if that's not for you then there are hotlines you can call, or chat services you can use. just please don't keep it inside. it's okay to be afraid, this is a really scary time, and being scared is natural and so very human.

Respect boundaries: both your own, and others'. if your head already feel like it's about to pop, and someone reaches out to you, asking to relieve their own struggles on you, don't hesitate to polite explain that you are already under a lot of pressure and you have to take care of yourself first. if someone keeps sharing articles or memes or the likes about the situation, and it's too much for you, explain to them that you would like for them to stop. and if someone else tells you the same thing, respect that they are protecting themselves.

Be liberal with unfollow/block/blacklist: if someone keeps bringing up stuff that is stressing you out, don't be afraid to unfollow. even if it's a friend. sometimes the block is necessary and you shouldn't feel bad about that. also using the tumblr blacklist can be such a relief for your mind, and i highly recommend it.

the most important thing really is to listen to your mind and body, and respect what you need. sometimes what we want and what we need isn't always the same, and taking a moment to really feel if what you want is the best thing for you, can be a real game changer. take care of yourself, and the people in your life. please feel free to reblog, if you think this is useful. i hope it will help you through this time. stay safe 💕 ✨

[cluster-a-pds]

your relationship doesn’t have to be toxic to be a bad one. it can be unfulfilling, exhausting, loveless. and someone doesn’t have to be terrible to you for you to leave them. if you aren’t primarily happy in your relationship, you have a valid reason to not be in it. don’t beat yourself up because your situation “could be worse.” if it isn’t what you want, you don’t have to stay in it.

[cluster-a-pds]

your bare minimum isn’t actually that bare or minimum. my dad once told me that there’s nothing in this world that’s easy and that’s true tbh. everything we do takes energy, time, and effort. even the little things. if you feel like you’re not doing enough please try to think about your circumstances and what’s currently available to you: chances are, there’s something that’s diverting or otherwise draining you. and to pull away from that and get something done regardless? well, i think that’s really admirable! please try to take pride in the things you do accomplish in a day, no matter how small or trifling you perceive them to be. you can’t be proud of your growth if you don’t notice where you already are!

[cluster-a-pds]

I believe my 26 year old nephew has Schitzotypal Personality Disorder. He also has OCD. At this point I don't believe he is aware (although he wouldn't share it if he was). He hasn't worked in a couple of years and has only held a job for two months at the most. My family is very concerned for him and would like to approach him about this subject but we are also afraid of alienating him forever. At this point, I do not know what to do and would love to hear from people who have STPD.

Hi, thank you for the ask! Sorry it took a while to answer, hopefully you still see this response. 

Hmm, coming to people out of concern for them can always be tricky, since how they react will really depend on the personality of the individual. Even two people who have StPD may both respond very differently in that situation due to their own individual personal traits, so it’d be a bit hard for me to give any advice that’d be broadly applicable. I’ll try to just give a few notes that could be helpful..

I guess what could be important, is that we often can struggle with symptoms of paranoia, so we may be suspicious and less trusting of others. You would need to make sure to be very gentle, non-accusatory, non-confrontational, and non-assumptive (like, not assuming how he must feel, telling him he has a bunch of problems, doubting or minimizing his experiences if he did open up about anything, etc.). Especially if he has any odd beliefs/magical thinking, strange behavior/appearance, etc. don’t challenge those things or draw attention to them (like obviously don’t just go ‘You dress weird and look weird and have wrong ideas, this is all bad and you clearly have problems’ etc., that would just make someone feel very alienated and defensive, especially if they’re already suspicious of others).  I would suggest simply finding a way to open a dialogue about if there are things going on with him that are distressing him, if he feels okay, if he feels like he could use any extra help, etc. Frame it less like “here’s what I think is wrong with you” and more just as expressing that you support him and care about him and want to check in to see if he’s alright, etc.

(And, if he doesn’t want to discuss it or brushes it off, don’t keep pushing. I would just leave it and maybe try to discuss it later. You want to establish trust, and open communication, so being over-bearing could just be off-putting and make him even more reluctant to ever discuss anything or confide in you.)

Since I can be really easily suspicious of others, Also try to keep the conversation very normal, and don’t do anything out of the ordinary to preface it, like giving him a gift, or being excessively polite/nice to try and get him in a good mood to have the conversation. When people are really nice to me or suddenly want to do me favors out of nowhere or etc., instead of it seeming like a kind gesture, I usually get suspicious and assume they want something from me. 

AND don’t approach him as a group!!! I don’t know him personally, but I think most anyone who suffers with paranoia or etc. really dislikes communicating in group scenarios, and especially if the whole goal of the conversation is to try to broach a sensitive topic like this, I would feel cornered and afraid if it was an entire group of people, even if they were my family or people I knew lol. 

Also, I think the main thing is to focus less on the diagnosis of specifically saying he has StPD or etc. (especially since from the wording of the ask, it sounds like something you suspect, but that hasn’t actually been diagnosed), and more on the specific symptoms that are causing him distress. If you come to someone just saying “Hey, I think you have StPD”, they could get defensive if it sounds like you’re labeling/diagnosing them, especially if they don’t see themselves the same way. But, if you frame it around something that has been causing them trouble already (like “Hey, I notice it seems like you’ve been having a lot of anxiety around others lately, is everything okay?”, etc.), then it comes across more clearly as genuine concern, without trying to assume anything. 

(as a side note - there are combinations of things that could mimic what seems like ‘StPD’ symptoms to the outside observer (but actually aren’t), and people can also be “schizotypal” without actually having a personality disorder (it’s possible to have some schizotypal traits, but without them genuinely causing a level of distress/functional impairment/etc. that would be clinically significant. Kind of like how everyone experiences social anxiety at some-point or another, but only some people would experience it to a severe enough degree/frequency that it’d be considered a disorder. Or how literally everyone dissociates to a certain degree under certain circumstances, but only in some cases would it cause enough impairment to be a dissociative disorder. All human traits are on a spectrum). I’d be cautious about attributing labels to him from afar, especially since you don’t know what’s going on internally with him/inside his mind. Your guess may be right based on what behavior of his you’ve observed or etc., but don’t be too attached to the idea or let it influence how you go about this too much if he were to open up to you and his experiences don’t seem to match that as much as you thought, or etc.  It can also be overwhelming for some people, especially in an already possibly tense conversation, to have random medical terms thrown at them. Just try to let the conversation occur naturally without bringing up diagnosis or making too many assumptions (unless he brings it up first or something/shows he’s interested in specifically talking about that. Even then, be gentle how you go about it.))

Also, be sure to pay attention to what his concerns are, VS. yours/your family's. For example, I don’t socialize very often, and it’s not distressing at all to me. I don’t have secret underlying needs that I’m repressing or hidden agony at the fact that I go months without speaking to others, I just genuinely have a very low social need. Other people sometimes see this and worry for me, telling me “Oh you must be so lonely! It must be so terrible!!”, and try to invite me places or introduce me to people to “help” me, even after I repeatedly express it’s unnecessary/that the “help” is completely unwanted, so then it just comes across as invasive, and like they don’t trust that I know my own experiences. 

Everyone is different and has different ways of existing that are comfortable for them, and some of them may not make sense to other people, but that doesn’t mean it’s actually distressing for them just because it seems foreign to you. In the conversation, I would make sure to pay attention to HIS concerns first and foremost. Obviously, you can voice your own concerns for him and give your reasoning or etc., but if he says something isn’t a problem for him or doesn’t actually bother him, I wouldn’t push at that too much, since it’s just going to feel like you’re not really listening to him, or are trying to impose.  

If you do end up finding he has concerns of his own, pay attention and learn the symptoms that are distressing him personally, or impairing his functioning, and what exactly he feels like he needs help with. Then I guess the most important thing to work towards would be trying to help and support him through the process of resolving those concerns. Regardless of if he has StPD or has impairments from something else, it could help to maybe get some sort of treatment, a therapist (though make sure it’s a therapist that has worked with people with PDs, OCD as well, etc.), etc. Make this as easy as possible and ask if you could do anything to help, maybe you could help him look for therapists, or offer to drive him to appointments, you could help him look up resources to cope with symptoms in the mean time, etc. etc.  (But again, don’t continuously impose help if he refuses it. Sometimes we like to sort things out on our own, as many people with StPD tend to be solitary. If he turns down offers to help, don’t get mad or something, just let him know you’re there for him and that you’re willing to help in any way he needs, if he ever does, and if not, that’s okay also.) 

If it’s an issue that he doesn’t have a job (since you mentioned it), you could try helping him through that process. A pattern of dropping jobs like that could mean it’s actually difficult for him to work, so maybe look into disability programs, or something that could help him be able to support himself and have an income, even if due to his symptoms he’s unable to keep employment. If you live in the US., you could try going to a Vocational Rehabilitation center (though obviously maybe not right now due to things being closed from the pandemic, etc.). I’ve heard they can help arrange temporary part time jobs/work-trials to help evaluate if someone is capable of working, they can also handle things to get you a free psych evaluation, disability laywer if needed, etc. etc.  and maybe could be useful in terms of job concerns. If outside of the US., there might be similar resources where you are, and looking for those could be a good place to start. 

And of course, again, these have to be things HE wants to do (or is at least open to), based on his own personal concerns. Going to therapy wouldn’t even be helpful if he just resented the entire process, and had no motivation. You can present options and helpful suggestions, but ultimately it has to be something he sees a point in actually doing. Make sure to listen to him about his own concerns, what he feels comfortable with doing, any anxieties he has over anything in the process, etc. Really just respect his needs, listen, and be supportive in any way you can without being forceful or alienating. 

Also, lastly, don’t be disappointed if this isn’t just a Single Conversation sort of thing. Especially for people who are suspicious/untrusting, some may not open up very easily. It could take a while for him to confide in you or express his concerns, or be open to having that type of conversation. Additionally, he may have to figure things out himself as well. I’ve personally always been extremely introspective, even as a child I was constantly trying to question my own thought process, analyze myself, etc., so I’ve also been very keenly attuned to my own mental state and it’s easy for me to identify my own needs and what exactly I’m struggling with. But some people aren’t the same way. If a person isn’t used to thinking about themselves or evaluating how they are, they might not know specifically how they feel, or only have vague ideas, etc. It could take time to actually work through and think about just the main question of if he feels he needs help in any way, how he’s doing, etc. Again, really just listen to him and his needs, try to help respectfully, give him space, don’t assume things, be gentle, try to form trust and be supportive in whatever way possible. 

Hopefully some of that is helpful at least, in some way? I know it’s kind of rambly and maybe not the best organized lol. And of course, I’m not an expert or medical professional, and these situations are so highly individualized and dependent on the exact temperament of the person in question, your family dynamic, personal opinions of the individual (for example some people see mental illness as a weakness or have negative views, so suggesting they could have an issue like that seems offensive to them based on their own personal biases, etc.) etc. etc., many things that I could never know just over an ask. But, maybe at least a little could be useful. Good luck!!    - Luca 

~~ ALSO, if anyone else with StPD has any advice or something, feel free to leave it in replies, or contribute it somehow. This is just my one perspective, and could maybe also be helpful to hear from others. ~~ 

[cluster-a-pds]

“Relationships take work”

Some things “relationships take work” should mean:

It takes work to learn to identify, effectively communicate, and mesh your needs/wants with those of another person

It takes work to actively listen and learn the other person’s communication styles as well as their needs and wants.

It takes work to maintain a relationship by planning activities together and investing in time spent together

Some things “relationships take work” should never mean:

Relationships take an exhausting cycle of constantly fighting and making up

Relationships require you to compromise your core values or change core aspects of who you are

Relationships take conforming to the other person’s expectations even when you don’t want to

Relationships take constantly proving to the other person that you deserve respect and/or love

Relationships require you to try to make yourself feel and want things you don’t actually feel or want - or at least pretend you do

Simple truisms like “relationships take work” can be misused in harmful ways.

Relationships do take work, but that work is supposed to be a team effort to support and care for each other while still honouring your own needs and desires.

If your relationship isn’t a healthy partnership, don’t feel like you have to stick it out just because “relationships take work.”

You are not obligated to stay in any relationship you do not want.

[cluster-a-pds]

Just because your feelings are valid, this doesn't mean that every possible reaction to them is. Yes, it's okay to be angry - but it's not okay to take it out on someone by breaking their stuff. Yes, it's okay to be jealous - but it's not okay to sabotage relationships. Yes, it's okay to want attention - but it's not okay to lie to get it. And so on. Your feelings are always valid, but you still have a responsibility for how you choose to express them.

[cluster-a-pds]

if you feel overwhelmed, remember that the world around you can be stressful. sometimes it’s better to rest, gather your thoughts, pick yourself up slowly and start again. don’t feel like you’re worthless if you’re not doing anything. it’s ok to sleep more or eat more or not be as productive as usual. it’s ok to turn to comforting things for a while. just existing and breathing is enough if you’re exhausted. take care of yourself.

[cluster-a-pds]

Things to forgive yourself for

procrastinating

repeating habits you’ve wanted to change

relapsing

going back to square one

not thinking before acting or speaking

doing negative things when you didn’t know better

waking up later than you planned

not doing everything you scheduled

anything you did in the past

You’re only human. You made mistakes, but you’re a different person now. The endless cycle of feeling guilty can make things worse. It’s unfair to be so hard on yourself. Do your best to be a better person from it, and give yourself a chance to start again. 

[cluster-a-pds]

something I've recently learned: if outright positive thoughts are too difficult for you, you can try something called "bridge thoughts" which are essentially thoughts that aren't really inherently negative or positive. things like "maybe im not as embarrassing as i think I am", "maybe im not as ugly as i think" or "maybe someone could possibly find me likeable". if you try to go from "everything is terrible and i want to die" to "i love life and i want to live!" cold turkey a lot of times its just ineffective. you need to take those small steps towards changing your mindset first, and then eventually you can say "i love life and i want to live!" and actually mean it.

[cluster-a-pds]

Hey, do you have any advice for someone who needs help but don’t know how/ is afraid to? I really some kind of help but I get really anxious and think that I don’t need/ deserve it when I can ask for it.

I hear a lot of people worrying about whether they ‘deserve’ help or thinking they don’t ‘deserve’ help, or that things are worse for other people. I think that’s a really harmful mindset- the idea that some people ‘deserve’ help and others don’t. So one thing I would suggest is to work on dismantling that expectation. 

The whole idea- which I think nearly everyone has, it’s not just you, it’s something we as a society have agreed upon -that you have to earn or deserve help, is deeply flawed. To me that means: 1) you have to be somehow innately good or pure enough to warrant help in times of need; or 2) you have to be suffering enough to warrant help. Either way, we put people in a situation where they’re supposed to prove to us that they’re so moral or pure, or in so much pain (but not of their own making! it’s got to be other people’s fault, or due to random tragedy), that they deserve help. So that other people have to judge the worthiness of others for help. And that’s not right, in my eyes. That’s not why we help others. And not just in therapy- think of times when you reach out a hand to others- when you help out a friend or a family member, or do a random act of kindness. Is it because they earned it, in some noble way, through their purity or through the depth of their suffering? Or was it because you saw that they could use some help and you had the ability to provide it? 

When I provide therapy, I am not doing it because I judged my client worthy of my help. I do it because there is a person in front of me who could use some help and I believe I have the ability to provide it. That’s it. It’s not about who deserves help and who doesn’t- because everyone deserves help. Yes, literally everyone. 

So I totally get that it’s anxiety provoking and scary to ask for help. But you don’t have to earn the right to help. You already have it. 

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[cluster-a-pds]

how many people are depressed because our socio-economic infrastructure makes their lives hell and not because their brains were just pre-wired to be depressed