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#13: k-pop songs that need to chart again

MMTG– a show currently popular in South Korea for trying (and succeeding) to bring back old k-pop songs into music charts– has brought me back to 2009 and 2010 and 2011 and 2012, and maybe 2013 too. This chunk of years is what old k-pop fans fondly call the 'Golden Era of K-pop' and being an old k-pop fan myself, I can't disagree. There is just something about the sound, the beat, the composition, that hit differently from the groups that are active in the industry now. But perhaps, I am just being biased. Still though, I compiled three old k-pop songs that I think deserve to chart on music charts again!

I know that some of these songs may never be performed or re-released the same way. Maybe due to group members not being in good terms, or companies keeping a tight leash on copyright, or the members of a group are just not able to perform together again. This is a hypothetical list, anyhow, but if they were to perform for one song again, these would be my picks:

B.A.P.'s Warrior

I wasn't a huge BABY (B.A.P.'s fandom name) but I think this song is the one of the prime example of what old k-pop was like: an experience. From intense vocals and mind-numbing quick rap from ZELO, which, I believe, can never be replicated the same. One other thing that cannot be replicated is B.A.P.'s intensity–in their songs, their choreography, expressions, and energy. This group is literally one of a kind, and it saddens me that no k-pop group is able to do songs like these anymore.

INFINTE's The Chaser

Arguably, this is the most nuanced song in this list because I was a huge, huge fan. One thing that I was pioneer to, that is almost a requirement to k-pop now, is the group's synchronized choreography. This song in particular, boomed so hard in the industry because of the song's clean and synchronized choreo. Another reason is due to the fact that this song is dripping with nostalgia and I am feeling very wistful about it. If this song came out this year, there would be no doubt that it would chart high.

f(x)'s Rum Pum Pum Pum

This song is my favorite f(x) song, but listening and watching the music video for Rum Pum Pum Pum literally jolted me with the question 'why the hell aren't they making songs like this anymore?'. The subtle cheerfulness but elegance of the song that groups these days cannot balance is perfected by f(x)! Not to mention, the whole album is a banger!

Notable mentions: SHINee's Lucifer, Girls' Generation's Oh!, HELLOVENUS' Would you stay for tea?, and U-KISS' DORADORA.

All these songs give me a serious case of nostalgia, but I do get stupidly excited whenever I don't listen to older songs, and rediscover them later on! One criticism that I have for newer k-pop songs and groups is that they stick to a single formula that's already exhausted by everyone in the industry. Perhaps it's because it made some groups popular outside of the Korean general population, but I personally think that everything being "westernized", or for a western audience, has dimmed the creativity and variety that k-pop used to offer. Try being experimental in your songs, music videos, and group formations again, and I think it can help k-pop fans be interested in k-pop in general, instead of on a particular group only.

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#12: cat litter fever

There's something so innately satisfying about cleaning out your cat's litter box. The sound of sand hitting the litter box as you sift through the clumped pee and poo, the citrus-y smell of this particular cat litter brand, and the fulfillment I feel when looking at a clean litter box, ready for use.

We've had cats before, but this is the first time we really took care of one. Our last cat, Oreo and Tiny, had a litter box outside with only sand filling it, as our father had made the litter box himself with a few pieces of wood. Now, our pandemic cats, Vinky and Chobi, are rather lucky they have their own blue litter box, as well as fancy cat litter.

I wouldn't expect myself to like cleaning the litter box so much–I mean, I am essentially cleaning off the pee and poo our cats excrete on a daily basis, who would think to enjoy cleaning that? But I believe it's all up to the motions of it, so inane and monotonous that makes it so enjoyable. Like adding a small routine to my night: Wash my hands, then my face, brush my teeth, apply moisturizer. Then get a those little paper pockets we made to clean out the litter, sift through the clumps, and throw out the bag. Voilà! Clean cat bathroom and happy cat servant (me)!

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#11: indecision

I'm probably moving campuses next school year. Preferably in UP Diliman, but UP Los Baños wouldn't be so bad. In fact, I think I'd like it better there. But I am moving for the purpose that I am closer to home in my university, and it's not in Los Baños–moreso in Cebu.

Both campuses don't have the same communication course that they have in Cebu, which meant that I'm going to have to transfer to another course. I already have an eye on one course in UPLB, which is Development Communication. In Diliman, it's a much more divergent path. Communication Research was my primary choice, for the reasons that it's a communication course and it can help me with my future career choices. But the problem lies in writing academically, when I am much more interested in creative writing. However, I don't see myself in the Creative Writing course so much. I asked my mother what she thought and she only said that this was my only chance to change courses, so I should do the one that makes me happy. Rather than feeling invigorated, I felt crushed by the pressure to get it right. To find somewhere I excel in, but find enjoyable at the same time seems like an unreachable fantasy. So now I spend my nights lying awake, convincing myself in vain that CommRes is the right choice.

There are other choices. I want to go into Clothing Technology, but I think I'd rather learn that when I'm in a more stable point in my life. Sociology is also an option, and one I am more interested in rather than research, but something holds me back. I've only got until late this June to figure this out, and I'm quickly feeling time slip from my grasp. I'm not sure what I should do.

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#10: redemption arcs are always a treat

There are plenty of shows that I like and dislike, shows that I keep track of and have dropped, shows whose newer seasons I look forward to newer seasons and shows I lament every few months when I remember they will never get renewed (I am looking at you, NBC’s Hannibal). One pandemic manic summer, I stumbled upon a Netflix original series that falls into neither of these categories: Castlevania.

Castlevania is a show inspired by the games of the same name, of which are apparently game classics. It was recommended to me by the Netflix homepage – while I typically don’t trust Netflix to show me anything I’d be interested in (and especially one of their own), I was baited rather effectively by the show’s thumbnail: a pretty woman with long white hair, pale white skin, icy blue eyes, and cherry red lips. Unfortunately, she wasn’t even a protagonist, nor was she the main antagonist, but she was significant of a character enough to appear for all four seasons. No matter, as I could hyperfixate on other attributes other than that, like the show’s sprawling lore, or their often blasé humor, or the gorgeous animation, or perhaps James Callis’ guttural voice as one of the protagonists, Alucard. The plot is straightforward enough and I suspect that it is the world of Castlevaniathat kept it interesting enough for me to finish. Nevertheless, seasons 1 and 2 were solid, tightly packed with enough world-building, character introductions, action, and back-stories to inch the plot forward at a concentrated pace that kept the audience wanting more by the end of each episode. Yet, as the show climaxed at the end of season 2, with their journey coming to an end, I didn’t know what was in store for season 3.

Of course, while I was watching it, I didn’t stop to think how the end of their adventure could possibly affect the subsequent seasons. It became apparent when season 3 adapted a rather… interesting twist to their story. There were too many factors and actions to consider, and many I often find had little to no importance to the plot or character whatsoever. If there were any (and I tell this as I watch the fourth season, there was some) importance to it, it was told in a roundabout, nearly pandering sort of manner. It seemed like, suddenly, they were appealing to an audience younger than was intended, because at some point, it did seem like a scene out of a young adult erotica novel (though, nearly not so explicit). While I understand it was to lay the groundwork for the next season, or to emphasize that this character is lonely without anyone by his side, it was too much to have them act so uncharacteristic for the sake of walking the plot forward, when the two previous seasons showed otherwise.

Bottomline: I did like Castlevania, but I did also dislike it at some point, I kept track of it, yet when the season aired, I dropped it. Now, I am watching season 4 and somehow, it had redeemed itself. I still think that most of the third season was unnecessary or could have been handled better, but it’s all so forgettable in the face of this season’s driven, grounded characters and gorgeous animation. Mm, like this, I can pretend the third season was just a bad dream.

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#9: second half syndrome

In high school, my school year was divided into quarters, and I had the same subjects the whole year round. In senior high school, it was divided into two semesters, and subjects changed after each semester. College is more like senior high in this regard, but they all have one thing in common: motivation flees me during the second half of the academic year.

It rings true this year as well. When the second semester began, I felt as if I was performing sub-standardly, not that I felt that my performance during the first semester was my best, but there was a certain weariness that followed me throughout. Perhaps it was due to the new remote learning system, or the burden of the new subjects taken, or maybe it was because I had three math-related subjects this semester. Maybe I had just misstepped and lost my groove from the previous semester (because I do think that I did well enough back then) but no matter how long I waited for myself to adjust into the schedule and settle into a routine, I never did. Arguably, it is harder for one to retain information in an environment that is not conducive for learning, and even harder to be motivated to learn when all the distractions are at home. Yet, there is something so incredibly taxing in doing school work when there are only a few weeks left in the school year.

Now the reading break has come and go, and my worst fears have been proven true yet again. I am as unmotivated to work now as I have been before the break, if not more. In the past years that I have went to school, I haven’t found the remedy to this problem, and while I still have three more years of school left (if all goes well), I doubt that I’ll find the solution to this anytime soon (or maybe I am just that unmotivated to find it now).

So, I apologize if there is a downgrade in any of my works (especially to those of the math subjects, I am truly sorry), I’m still trying!

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#8: questionable morals

I noticed recently that ABS-CBN doesn't have any MTRCB ratings shown during their shows. Previously, they always showed the ratings before the show or had a little icon in the corner to show what the rating was. Now, I can only hope that parents are being responsible on what their kids are watching because a lot of their shows border on perverse and hypermasculine content. Case being: The Long-lasting Ang Probinsyano.

My grandmother is an avid fan of Coco Martin, and I agree that he seems like a genuine guy in real-life, but his character as Cardo Dalisay in Ang Probinsyano wasn't always the sexist, overconfident, violent, control-freak that he is currently. Questionable actions such as restricting what his wife, Alyanna, does and wears will surely have an effect on watchers who idolize the protagonist without knowing any better. The writers, who are mostly to blame, will always depict women as inferior, no matter how dangerous their job is. Alyanna was a productive journalist back when she was first introduced, then she got involved with Cardo and suddenly she's a housewife? He literally forbade her from working. But the worst only comes after, when Alyanna died and Cardo became a blood-lusting, one track mind criminal because of it, he took a woman task force member, and then the show rendered her useless! She is literally trained for combat, but she's tied to a chair now and she suddenly can't do anything? A chair?! Add in the fact that she dreamt that Cardo sexually assaulted her while she was being held captive, it makes me wonder how exactly this show is still on air. ABS-CBN was supposed to be the (more) progressive broadcast station, but some of the shows ongoing really makes me question the station show writer's morals, and the fans' support for a man who is literally the scum of the Earth. If there is a redemption arc here in the script somewhere, then it's long due, considering how problematic he's been.

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#7: neighbor rant alert!

In an ideal world, the apartment complex one lives in would have the following: a quiet environment, (preferably) a spacious home, a car parking (if you have a car), and at the very, very least, considerate neighbors. Listing these down now without prior thought, I am made aware of the fact that we don't have any of these. However, the first three I could live without, as evidenced the earphones that never leaves my ear(s), my love for clutter, and the car park a block away from our apartment. The last one, I thought I could live without. Recently, I’ve been proving myself wrong a ton.

This feud has gone so long, with layers and layers of issues within it, I wouldn’t know where to start. But it mostly involves my grandmother, the neighbor’s kid, and her parents. The kid is, what we believe to be, developmentally challenged. She only started talking sensibly recently, and she’s already quite big. She’s often seen violent, yelling, or misbehaving. It left a lasting impression on my grandmother, who the kid hit and annoyed frequently. My grandmother, questionably, was absolutely seething towards the kid for doing what I assume are kid things to do. I know her parents hit her (thus her violent attitude) for asking for their attention (thus her yelling and misbehavior), but I still can’t wrap my head around my lola’s misguided anger towards a child.

If anything, her complaints should be about the child’s parents. Her guardians literally don’t watch her when she plays outside, running around the front of our house, destroying our plants, soiling the laundry, taunting our pets, and nearly destroying the net of our window. The times that they do watch her, and she does something that is out of line, they simply watch and move on. A few days ago, my sister was headbutted in the stomach by the kid. In front of their house. With everyone in their household watching. No one acknowledges it, and no one utters a word.

For years, we’ve had to deal with this attitude, and at first we decided to just let it be. As I said, we thought the child was developmentally challenged. For the parents to apologize for every single wrong thing their child does would be exhausting, and we understood that. But it is increasingly becoming clear that their child isn’t developmentally challenged at all. She’s capable of thinking, and talking full sentences, is aware of what and what not to say in front of her parents, and knows what to do in order to get their attention. I don’t want to say it’s simply a case of bad parenting, but that is exactly what it is. And it started becoming apparent when they refuse to take responsibility of what their child does to others.

We’re not even asking for much here. We’ve just never heard a single apology from their lips. Their child has hurt us, and destroyed things we’ve worked hard on. We can’t expect a child who only learned to speak this year to apologize for it herself, can we? My sisters and I have confronted them about it once (along with another issue of theirs), and we told them about the anger my grandmother has for them, which we know will be solved with a ‘sorry’. And do you know what they told us? They said: ‘Di niyo ba naririnig na lagi naming pinapagalitan yan? Pinapalo pa nga namin yan eh, kaya di masasabing di naming dinidisiplina yan.’ As if that solves the whole issue? We don’t even think corporal punishment is the way to teach children their mistakes. Simply talking it out with them is our way to go. Yet, the reason they never apologized is because they thought that simply us hearing her getting punished was enough of an apology in itself.

We couldn’t tell them how to take care of their kid, however, but we still insisted that perhaps saying sorry could lessen tensions. The child’s father agreed and said he’d do it. He still hasn’t done it. I don’t get it. They say one thing and do another. After years of this, it’s just tiring to keep adjusting to what our neighbors need and want to happen because of their kid, yet the moment our grandmother verbally lashes out (yes, nagpapatama siya minsan, we didn’t think she’d do it, but she did, and still does actually) they’re the ones who take the high ground. I’m tired, we’re tired, not only of our neighbor’s entitlement, but also of the stress that comes with my grandmother’s anger.

This has gone too long, both the issue and this post. We’ll probably talk it out with them again soon, hopefully we don’t get intimidated then. Yikes.

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#6: a little jiggle won't hurt, right? (it will)

Some days ago, my sisters and I decided to take some time away from studying to watch anime. Particularly, we watched Hunter X Hunter, which my sister Abby started watching by herself, then our oldest sister started watching from the sidelines, and I ended up watching it because Abby watched it on the TV one day and I got pulled in. This anime’s genre is shōnen; aimed for teenage boys as its viewers and is usually a story of adventure. Coincidentally (but not really), it’s Abby’s favorite genre. Many popular anime are of this genre: Naruto, My Hero Academia, One Piece, Haikyuu, you name it–it’s probably a shōnen anime. Out of the three of us, it’s probably Abby that watches anime the most, not only because she’s pulled us into watching whatever current series she’s watching, but also because Ate and I are picky.

And I don’t mean that as a compliment for us, nor is it an insinuation that Abby doesn’t have standards to reach before starting a show. I told them once: “Sa ating lahat, si Abby siguro pinaka-adventurous, no?”, no one objected. Although, if I do think about it now, it’s because the genre we like is seinen (aimed towards older men audiences), which is animated significantly less than shōnen. However, that’s probably not the reason why we are picky, and why Abby seems to venture into anime the most, out of the three of us.

There was a scene in Hunter X Hunter: a woman was arguing with Killua, the show’s deuteragonist. They volley back and forth with quips, then suddenly, she huffs and crosses her arms across her chest, her breasts proceeding to bounce everytime she finishes her sentences. Physics, am I right? Yet, instead of being horrified, Ate exasperatedly points out what everybody was thinking, “Oh, come on!”

Our reaction is a far cry from the appropriate response. Who wouldn’t be horrified when a woman’s body is exaggerated to do… what exactly? For what? And for whom? But our reaction isn’t uncommon among avid anime watchers, because scenes such as these are common already. In another anime– Food Wars! Shokugeki no Sama– women are shown in suggestive, nearly nude poses whenever they eat good food. While it’s genre of Ecchi (a genre of playful sexual imagery) is problematic on its own and anime is usually presented exaggeratedly, it’s these types of elements that makes it uncomfortable for women to watch anime in the first place.

(Ikumi Mito of Food Wars, um, are you for real?!)

My eldest sister watched a video essay on this topic, and a detail stuck a chord within her. In the video, the YouTuber said that whenever a new anime pops up, even if it looks interesting and promising, or perhaps it is highly-acclaimed and well-loved by fans, she often waits for other women that she trusts to watch it before her. That way, if she does not recommend it, it means she will not have wasted time watching an anime that panders to the male gaze, and alienates the women who watch the show.

That is exactly what we do. Our sister, Abby, is likely to take the fall, is likely to see situations of over-sexualized, weakened, plot device women. She gets to choose whether she recommends it to us or not. Thinking back on it, it’s nearly impossible to see a show that represents women decently at least, but Abby recommends some pretty bomb shows. So many shows have been dropped for the sole reason that the depiction of women in anime strikes too close to the large power imbalance in the patriarchal system we have today, and because these portrayals of women in the masculine point of view is one that we do not believe in.

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#5: you won't read this, but i'm sorry

There are certain things I pride myself to be: patient, self-assured, fair, independent and pacifistic, to name a few. Sometimes I think I paint myself in good light a bit too much, I might be a narcissist. But I haven’t hurt anyone thus far, I haven’t thought of myself to be perfect, or superior, yet not inferior to others. Sometimes I think of what that makes me.

Some weeks ago, I hurt my pride. I… talked about one of my friends to another friend, because we felt like the relation we had was one of toleration, instead of being free to talk about what issues we had with each other. It’s been going on for a while–four years at most– and I genuinely think it’s because our personalities aren’t compatible. Yet, for years I had been letting this difference slide, I had been willing to be a friend despite that. Then, I feel as though I had been considerate enough that I would not something as petty as different personalities get in the way. Now, I feel as though I had given up on this friendship, wanted it over with. I didn’t even notice, until one of my friends started correcting me, told me ‘that was too harsh’. I was. I was ashamed of that, and I hurt my own pride by doing so. We learned this in another subject, SAS 1, that we become uncomfortable when we act a certain way that we don’t usually do. Cognitive dissonance (thanks, sir Cosido!), it’s called. I sat on it for a few days, testing my weight on it, but the discomfort of it won’t go away. Sleep would always be late, because I get busy thinking, and I’ve thought about this for a while. What if this is just the way I am? Am I so afraid of hurting my ego, than I am of hurting someone’s feelings?

First and foremost: this blog isn’t my church, and this post is not a confessional. This is a reflection, as well as an observation, because some things are better understood when said (or in this case, written) than just thought. These days, I get annoyed easy: I snap a whole lot more, I click my tongue, deep sighs are an everyday routine, and reeling in a temper I never thought I had is a common occurrence. Thankfully, I haven’t rolled my eyes yet, but we’ll see after a year more of this pandemic. I know I wasn’t like this before. I am constantly surrounded by my family, and they get the brunt of my irritation; I feel bad for it so but we all have accepted the fact that spending so much time together will eventually lead to some altercations. Then, I’ll check my friends’ GC and I’ll feel–disconnected. Perhaps it’s because we haven’t seen each other in a long, long while. Perhaps it’s because I can never get used to talking through a bunch of pixels. Or perhaps I have just changed that much.

One thing is for sure though, this isn’t all the isolation’s fault. I can’t blame my behavior on a situation alone. If I hadn’t been told off, I think I could have really hurt someone’s feelings. I’m not a faultless human, but surely, this isn’t the best of me. I don’t want to change because I want to appease my ego. Slowly, I’m learning this again. I’ll be more careful, not because I don’t want to hurt my pride, but because I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don't mean to make excuses, but this is not one. Changes happen during the time we spend apart from others, that is undeniable. For sure, it’ll hurt, you’ll be confused when you see that you’ve changed into something worse off than you were before, but, well, things happen. The me that I am right now, and perhaps, the you that you are right now, is true. It’s real. However, that doesn’t mean that you’ll stay that way forever. We humans are fickle beings, we’ll change. We’ll adapt. Maybe for worse, but hopefully, for better.

You won't read this, but I'm sorry. I'll become better!

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#4: [robotic voice] mu-sic

So, you’ve heard of music that people sing over instrumentals in recording booths, you know: Queen, Taylor Swift, Hozier, the like. But have you ever heard of composers using softwares to sing for them? Imagine this: a composer sits at their desk, arranging the instruments they’re using for a song, writing lyrics at the side, and after hours and hours of editing, it’s time to have the vocals sing. After a cup of coffee, they sit back down on their desk, and instead of calling someone to sing for them or perhaps sing their own, they open a singing synthesizer that allows their lyrics to be sang with pre-recorded syllables: VOCALOID.

That’s it. No actual vocalist needed. Just your preferred Vocaloid voice bank, some fine tuning, and a beat. Vocaloid was created using voice samples from actual human voices, recording every syllable there is in the Japanese and English language for users to use to their satisfaction. Now, this all might sound foreign to anyone but perhaps you’ve heard some Vocaloid songs in your own time. Ever heard of Hatsune Miku, Vocaloid’s most famous voice bank? How about her rendition of the Polish song Ievan Polkka? Of course, one can’t forget her iconic ‘sekai de’ from Ryo’s hit song World Is Mine.

(image: Vocaloid Diva Hatsune Miku looks you in the eye.)

As a wandering, curious child scrounging the deep depth of the early internet, finding Vocaloid had been nothing short of a dream come true for me. Not only was I a child who regularly listened to Korean lyrics, I was also an avid watcher of Japanese animated shows. Mix it all together and you get, well, an anime girl who sings foreign lyrics! I was just about used to that. Cute lyrics, misleading videos, dark meanings, and hair to die for – Vocaloid had it all for little seven year old me. Now though, as a teenager-slash-adult, the one thing that draws me back in to Vocaloid every single year, without fail, is that all the content in Vocaloid is fan-made.

Let’s look at mainstream pop: a song is produced by either the artist themselves or through another producer, but it will ultimately be sung by the artist. Some add choreographies, some make their own, some hire choreographers. Eventually, the songs will be released through an album or a single, promoted by their recording agencies who release their songs on music platforms such as YouTube or Apple Music, or Spotify. Vocaloid challenges this whole process of of song production and distribution, simply because there is no one entity that produces Vocaloid songs. Everything released is made by fans: the instrumentals of the song, their videos or PVs, the promotion, the animation–all that is provided is a voice bank which producers will have to tune themselves through synthesizers for Vocaloids to sing their lyrics. 

Vocaloid is sustained by the Vocaloid community. If all Vocaloid users ceased to use Vocaloid, then Vocaloid would most likely cease to exist as well. Yet Vocaloid consumption is not stopping. Why? Well, that is because this is a profession for some. Some producers do shoot to fame. Some stay within the fandom. Some do not. Vocaloid can serve as a sort-of gateway for producers to be known in the Vocaloid community first, then branch out into other forms of music when they become famous enough. A prime example of this is Kenshi Yonezu, otherwise known as HACHI in Vocaloid circles, who created and sang the opening song for 2017′s hit anime My Hero Academia. Now, his songs are known and heard all over the world through the show, but before all that, he was first heard through Hatsune Miku in NicoNicoDouga (the Japanese YouTube).

Kenshi Yonezu was part of what the Vocaloid community liked to call their golden age, circa 2007-2011. This was around the time VOCALOID2 was released, following the success of the first Vocaloid engine. New voice banks were released: Hatsune Miku, Megurine Luka, Kagamine Rin and Len, GUMI, Gackpoid, just to name a few. This was also the time when many iconic songs came to bloom, songs like Meltdown, Just Be Friends, and World’s End Dancehall were released. However, some people (my one sister included) were reluctant to listen to these kinds of songs as many of them sounded... robotic. As VOCALOID2 is one of their earlier releases, its quality was reduced to its time. Many songs sounded clunky due to their syllabic nature, some were dripping with autotune, some played like a storyteller with an instrumental in the background. Yet, it cannot be denied that there were some strokes of genius within. Songs like The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku were sang at a speed which humans cannot recreate, to convey how Miku felt as self awareness dawned on her: this is her final song before she was deleted forever. The Night ∞ Series was sung in a musicalesque manner, with 8 voice banks singing in a four-part series to tell a recurring mystery. Due to its popularity, it was granted a three-part novel with fleshed out scenes and far more content than that of the videos. It was also granted a manga. 

Vocaloid’s most recent releases is its VOCALOID5, with its numerous improvements, such as functions of breathing, whispering and growling. Song production in the Vocaloid community have become more realistic: you can hear them breath in, take a gasp of air before singing a line, vocals thin out towards the end to mimic real vocals running out of breath, growls are used for maximum human effect. A particular favorite song of mine is a cover of the song Fairytale by cillia, which sounded so human to me that I had a hard time believing it was actually a Vocaloid singing it. In the end, it all boils down to preference. Some people are inclined to the iconic robotic Vocaloid songs, some producers still use that clunky style in tuning, but every song will still have that Vocaloid magic in every syllable uttered.

Now, remember Kenshi Yonezu? HACHI within the Vocaloid circles? Recently (or three years age, more like), he released a song: Sand Dune. Surprisingly, it was sang by Hatsune Miku, for a community he abruptly left high and dry on his songs. It tells a message of the Vocaloid community dying, of Miku wandering a sand planet with nothing but memories of fame and her loyal fans following her. He hinted that producers will always leave the community eventually, stolen up by talent searches to create music elsewhere. The song is a bop, but he couldn’t be more wrong. 

While Vocaloid isn’t at its greatest peak, with songs topping charts at NicoNicoDouga and booming every week or so, it is nowhere near the dwindling state he sings about. You’d be surprised at how many commercials Miku is in, at how animated, hologram figures tour around the world, selling out concert venues to play the songs their fans made. The Tokyo Philharmonic Orchestra conducts an event called the Miku Symphony to perform Vocaloid songs annually. Prior to the pandemic, Hatsune Miku was supposed to perform at Coachella. Can you imagine that? Thousands of people possibly raving to the songs of a girl with sea-green hair, too wide eyes, and her lithe body when she eventually stage-dives into the crowd below and vanishes–oh wait, right, she’s not real. But she has been a growing phenomenon for the past decade, golden age past or not, this community will continue to thrive for as long as fans will allow it. Many see Hatsune Miku as an upcoming and sensational future pop icon but for the pop stars made by Vocaloid, produced by Vocaloid fans, the future has already come. 

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#3: welcome to cebu?

I’ve only been to Cebu a few times, seldom for vacations, mostly to attend family celebrations that are far and few in between, plus my father is allergic to traveling (somehow he always gets sick, I don’t get it either) hence I’m only familiar with the trip to and from the Mactan airport. So, I am truly wondering how I found myself feeling confident enough to choose UP Cebu as one of my university choices during UPCAT. 

No doubt it’s thanks to my parents, who both speak the dialect, who are intimately familiar with the streets and the roads and the landmarks. Perhaps it was my wishful thinking as well, I never did have a good grasp of the future, barely seeing more than three steps ahead of me, yet here I was, making binding decisions for future me. Perhaps it’s because I didn’t expect to pass the UPCAT; the math portion of it took me to the edge of River Styx, and when I got tired of fighting my fate (that is, guessing my way through math), I decided to do myself a favor and crossed it myself (that is, I slept for the remainder of it). 

On the day the results were out, my friends and I frantically tried to see our results, to no avail. The site kept crashing with how many people were trying to access it, so I had to sit away from the computer table to keep from refreshing the site, still to no avail. Although I had already accepted that I most probably won’t be able to pass, nothing beats seeing that salty ‘oh, you did not pass. better luck next time!’ to really rub it in. 

Past midnight, I logged on the site, amazingly got in, then green capitalized letters ‘CONGRATULATIONS!’ greet me. You can imagine my surprise, and of course, glee because really, the first thing you feel after hearing congratulations is a serotonin boost, just how the brain programmed you to! Then: panic. We didn’t talk about it. We joked about it, yes, about if I passed in UP Cebu, then I’d eat Dimsum Break everyday. But that was the extent of it. When it dawned on me, it felt like my heart leapt out of my chest. I’d never been away from my family for long, the most being a week in Caloocan City for a leadership congress, but I was literally one ride away from home! I wasn’t so sure about UP anymore, especially when my mother said I’ll learn the dialect anyway If I live there... alone. In a dorm, probably. Aside from my mother single-handedly making me realize I might have separation anxiety, the feeling of being a burden to the people around me when I eventually go to Cebu as a new-born Bisaya speaking baby riddled me until I slept.

The feeling of uncertainty quickly trumped over any new experience and sights I might have seen (and I do love the sea), but when it was announced that classes would be done remotely, relief did not wash over me as I thought it would, so maybe I did want to see Cebu for myself. Classmates assured me it was fine that I only understood an inkling of what is said, though I still feel bad. My parents promised to buy me a Filipino-Bisaya dictionary, so I hope to cover that ground soon enough. All my professors have been nothing but accommodating, and it’s helped me feel less daunted in classes. I have never stepped foot into UP Cebu all my life, yet I am now a student of it. I may not be in Cebu right now, walking through the unknown streets and roads and landmarks and eating Dimsum Break everyday, but a part of me is already there. Welcome to Cebu, I guess!

[co-mm102]

#2: the risin’

Two events coincided one day last week: 1) Nine activists were murdered in a single morning and 2) I rediscovered Hozier’s subway-rendition of ‘Take Me To Church’ while on a YouTube dive and subsequently fell down a rabbit hole of glorious, honeyed voice and soul-stirring lyrical genius. For the days after, news barraged me every 6:30pm, the first headlines relating to the unjust killings of our countrymen and the excuses partaken by those guilty. However, beyond the hour-long news coverage everyday, Hozier’s entire discography makes itself known in the time I spent awake.  When the news first broke out—just mere days after Duterte’s ‘kill’ order—the first reaction I had was disgust. Disgust for the administration, disgust for the police, disgust for those in power fighting against the powerless and calling it justice. Then, an ounce of sympathy for those involved before the feeling washes away from me. I continue like I would any other day, perhaps to keep myself sane in this situation. But as much as I hate to admit it, issues arising like this start to feel monotonous simply because week in week out, events similar to this happen. It starts as a safety match of heat, small yet flammable, but even before the fervency spreads, reality douses all over it. The reality is: our government is using the pandemic to get away with various atrocities on human rights, whilst establishing his position on top. And we, powerless as we are right now, are stuck sitting inside our homes, fearful of the virus outside, fearful of the next cruelty committed. 

Then I heard it: Hozier’s Nina Cried Power. A nod to all the protesters out there, no doubt brave and outspoken still, even at a time like this. As social beings, we are not made to be stuck inside home like this, and many have sought refuge in social media where (and here, I was surprised as well) people were actually becoming aware of how rotten this administration has become. I think it’s partly because we are interested in their next courses of action that people became critical of what the government does (and is doing), and partly because now, everyone is involved if misdoings are done. I felt hopeful, seeing mass tweets and trends in Twitter calling them out, petitions being signed, and just generally, people finally talking about the elephant in the room. Weeks pass, yet I wondered: more people know now, but why is it that we still get reports of journalists and lawyers murdered? Why are protesters and activists and critics still being silenced?

It's not forgoin' of the lie, It's not the openin' of eyes It's not the wakin', it's the risin'

The third and fourth line of Hozier’s Nina Cried Power. It’s hard enough that we are prohibited from gathering (although understandably so), but it is difficult to sit idle and watch as the highest form of authority in the country kills off people as he deems fit, alongside this pandemic. Anger fuels us when injustices happen without consequence, like policemen and congressmen ignoring social distancing measures and attending parties, but the moment students gather to voice their dissent towards the Anti-Terror Bill, they’re promptly sent to jail. Frontliners are risking their lives out there, but the Presidential Security Group are the first to get vaccinated? And now, activists are being killed in their own homes, with search warrants for items that will just be planted by the same policemen who raid them.

It’s not enough that we are just aware now. It’s not enough that we know of the lies they utter, the promises they break. We need to take action, and fast. Cases of critics found dead and murdered are rising, the police have asked their court for lawyers who are representing alleged communists–but in reality are just red-tagged activists. They are instilling fear from the top-down. Warning off legal help from lawyers, to keep the critics hush-hush about his tyrannical rule and what that means for those who oppose him. But we must not bow down–it is what they would want. And as Mavis Staples eloquently sang: 

And I could cry power Power has been cried by those stronger than me Straight into the face that tells you to rattle your chains If you love bein' free 

[co-mm102]

#1: horrors of the bedroom

for starters, let me reveal one thing about me: i start my day when my class starts. my alarm rings (on the dot), i rise in my bed, grab my laptop from the tv cabinet beside our bed, and report for the meeting, flanked by my two sisters (both still on the bed), laptops also glued onto their laps as they attend online class. 

i share my bedroom with my two sisters and my parents, and it’s a tight fit. my mother works on all the weekdays, and my father on mondays and wednesdays. and i hate to think of it as a blessing, but sometimes it just is. because no one has to scold me out of bed and because i get to have some much needed space to think and study. 

the thing is: i do have the option to go to class and do my work downstairs, but even that comes with much consequence. our study table only fits two people in it, so sometimes one of us have to sit at the dining table. we’ve got four pets, and one of them is a half-blind senior dog, who regularly goes out to pee and barks at the smallest noise. downstairs also means the steadfast tinny voice from my grandmother’s radio, who’s hard of hearing, so the radio should be cranked way loud. then, if the radio isn’t on, the television is, and because my grandmother is deathly afraid of pressing buttons on the remote, i have to guide her through it. there are chores. then there’s the neighbor drama. goosebumps.

i do do all these eventually, because upstairs in the afternoon is like sitting in a volcano crater (but i digress). on the days i can stay upstairs though, something otherworldly happens. there is silence (except for when our dog barks, that is loud) and there is peace. finally, i can concentrate and do some work.

until the sheets on the bed suck out all of my productivity like a vampiric parasite out for knowledge.

i don’t know why that is, but upstairs is where nothing is done. upstairs is where i blankly look at the empty document file i have to finish by the end of the week. it’s where i shuffle through readings and grasp their meaning, but it escapes me like an icicle melting through my hand. there for the moment but gone in the next. the bed is a leech, sucking me in and taking my will for education with it. upstairs is a curse, but it’s the only place where i can hear myself think. inspiration seeps towards the small gap under the door, leaving me until i am but a husk of the student i once was. and maybe there’ll be the occasional burst of productivity here and there, but that’s usually interspersed between hours of 45-second videos on youtube. 

anyhow, the bedroom is a nightmare. for my education and for my back, but, as i do everyday, i’ll wake up from it soon and go downstairs to do some actual work. i’ll pick up remnants of the inspiration that seeped through the door as i walk along the stairs. i’ve even developed the skill of listening to lectures in one ear and picking out family trouble in the other. adept have i become of drowning out the noises of right-wing radio broadcasters (because dzmm is no longer on public radio) and clangor of violence from my lola’s tv shows. i don’t know if i should pat myself on the back for that, but for now, it’ll have to do.