communicationskillstrainin-blog1

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how to set boundaries + power phrases + scripting techniques Pt 1: Don't...

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Dealing with insulting comments from coworkers? Check this out.

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Our Deepest Fear--inspiration/communication from Dan O'Connor Training

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Our Deepest Fear--inspiration/communication from Dan O'Connor Training

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How to Respond to Backhanded Compliments and Other Passive-Aggressive Comments at Work

Backhanded compliments--your holiday treasure!

The holidays are here, and that means eating and drinking and generally over-doing it, whether at work or at home.  This is a time for communication skills and tactics for handling all the well-meaning and not-so-well meaning people with whom you'll be socializing.  This video is designed to prepare you for all encounters, including the troublesome co-worker just waiting for the opportunity to throw a few backhanded compliments your way.  Here are a few samples, taken directly from Dan's YouTube viewers Here's a back-handed compliment I witnessed recently said to a skilled and experienced multi-disciplinary artist: "I just love how you dabble in so many things!" Lol One large man leaned over a small woman at an office party and said, 'what does a little woman like you do with her time?' And this little lady put her finger in her mouth and stared up wide - eyed and said, 'Silly me's a judge.' Hi there, haven't seen you for a while, my, you look good FOR YOUR AGE. (Especially, considering the person giving you the backhanded compliment, is the same bloody age as you and has a face like a leather handbag). Just saying. 😁 Girl friend of my 20 something yr old son said they had been looking at some of my photos taken 20 some yrs ago then said " You used to be so pretty" I just looked at her and thought What? In the next few weeks I realised all conversations with this girl included a backhanded compliment without fail. So, this was said to me minutes before a concert by another singer: “Oh I just love your dress... that length is coming back in fashion again”... A woman said to my mother years ago, referring to my dad, I don't know how someone like you got him. And unfortunately, there are so many many more, as you'll see if you stop by Dan's YouTube channel and watch this same video there. In his video, Dan outlines exactly how to effectively and mindfully put and end to this behavior by spotlighting it and then rising above it.  He gives you the outline and the WORDS you need to empower yourself when faced with hurtful comments cloaked as a compliment. Backhanded compliments are nothing more than insults in sheep's clothing,  and it helps to be armed when people come at you with a sledgehammer.  After watching this video, you'll be armed and ready for holiday parties or any events where two or more are gathered--including around the office water cooler. ___________________________________________ To check out Dan's classes, books, and audio/video training, or to book Dan for an event, go to danoconnortraining.com.  You'll be glad you did! Read the full article

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How to Move On, let go of the past, Get Un-Stuck, And Heal an emotional scar, or Sacred Wound: Dan O'Connor Mindful Communication

Heal Emotional Scars, move on and find peace

How many times do you get caught up, bound up and wound up thinking about a past hurt or slight.  It might be a particular incident.  It might be how you were treated for years.  It might be something seemingly insignificant to others, but important to you.  It might be something profoundly imprinted on everyone in your life.  Whatever it is--if you think about it, dwell on it, are negatively impacted by it and seem to be "stuck" with it--it's an emotional scar that requires healing.  It's a wound that has been covered up through scarring, but not healed.  You need help beyond "Just get over it" or "leave it alone" or "try not to think about it" or the very worst--"JUST GROW UP."  None of these suggestions are helpful.  They are similar to telling a drowning man "Just swim!!"  No, if you are suffering from something that hurt you long ago and you can't get past it--you need more than empty suggestions.  You need positive suggestions for acting.

Dan gives you more than the words in this video; he gives you the actions

Do you have six minutes to spend on yourself?  What if these six minutes resulted in life-changing information--information that will tell you what to do to heal so that you can truly move on from a hurtful event, or a series of painful encounters?  Are you still immersed in thoughts of how you were hurt growing up?  Are you bothered by that one person who diminished and demeaned you and has taken control of your thoughts?  Would you like to move on and heal emotional scars, but you just can't find a way?  Take six minutes and watch this video.  Then you'll know what to do--guaranteed. ___________________________________________________________ For resources on mindful communication, go to danoconnortraining.com and shop the store. To hire Dan, go to his website danoconnortraining.com and submit an information form.  We'll get right back to you!   Read the full article

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The Silent Treatment: How to handle it--what to do--Effective Communication Skills Training

The Silent Treatment: Is it a Communication Technique or a form of abuse?

The first thing to be made clear is that the Silent Treatment is NOT a communication technique.  It is a form of abuse.  And if we succumb to this treatment and say nothing and do nothing about it, we will eventually see ourselves as "victims," as surely as if we were physically abused.

What to do when someone (especially a partner) gives us the Silent Treatment

As usual, when determining a communication strategy, we turn to effective communication skills training.  This training should tell us one very important thing at this juncture.  Always begin with YOURSELF.  Are you hammering, being relentless, trying to "win" when you speak to people?  If so, sometimes the silence of the other person results from his/her feeling overwhelmed and exhausted when "discussing" things with you.  If so, that's on you.  But still--if the result is consistently "the silent treatment" there are steps you can take to stop this behavior--steps that may require an apology and clarification from YOU.  However, it might also be the case that the person who is shutting down is not overwhelmed by your aggressive communication style.  That person might simply be using the Silent Treatment to upset you mentally and emotionally--to be abusive.  This is one reason giving children silence as a response, on a regular basis, can be devastating to them as adults.  IT IS A FORM OF ABUSE, SO NEVER EVER EVER use it with children.  Rather, talk to your children and communicate mindfully and with love, if you want them to be healthy adults.  The Silent Treatment is never appropriate, but is especially damaging to young people in our care. Dan walks through several steps in this video, that he suggests you take to combat The Silent Treatment.  The result will be a healthier, more open, more stress-free relationship.  And if this loving openness does NOT work, what you might have to give the relationship at issue is distance. _______________________________ To bring Dan into your organization or to see his premium and free resources, go to danoconnortraining.com Read the full article

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Rude Comments AT WORK? How to respond and shut them down mindfully and professionally

Rude comments, inappropriate comments IN THE WORKPLACE--What to do . . . .

Whenever I publish a Youtube communication skills or interpersonal skills video such as this one on rude comments, I will invariably receive a handful of posts such as:  "I just tell 'em to f' off" or "I just look 'em in the eye and tell 'em to drop dead.  That works for me!" or "A quick sucker-punch shuts them up."  These comments, I would guess, come from people who have never said or done such things in their lives.  They come from people who aren't equipped with the word skills and attitude to handle inappropriate questions or comments or observations IN THE WORKPLACE, so they throw out simplistic ideas arising from their inability to deal with passive-aggressive (and sometimes aggressive) people and comments..  Why do I keep putting IN THE WORKPLACE in capital letters?  I'm emphasizing the fact that the workplace is a unique environment with unique rules.  There are things you can say in the bar or in the bedroom that you cannot say to anyone in your place of work.  There is an etiquette established by custom and in some cases by law that dictates what comments are and are not appropriate (and in some instances legal) in the workplace.  So if you are not going to punch someone out or swear at them, or act in some other negative ineffective way--what should you do when someone makes a personal comment to you at work?  What if it's your boss?  What if it's a co-worker you really like?  What if it's a customer you like?  What if it is someone you don't like?  What if it is someone you don't want to offend, but you DO want to call them out on their behavior and you DO want the behavior to stop?  What if it's your supervisor?  (Yes this will work for bosses and supervisors too.) One great line will help you stand your ground, be inoffensive, make the point and be within both civil and legal guidelines as you shut down rude comments in the workplace.  You need this one line in your communication arsenal, the next time someone says:  "You did that pretty well--for a woman," or perhaps "The way you dress must help you make sales with men.  Keep it up!"  How about "You NEVER would have been able to close him if you were a man.  You must have really worked it."  And of course men receive some of those comments too.  "You think just because you are a man you can intimidate me?  Shut down the testosterone the next time you want to talk to me"  or  "You have quite a reputation for being a ladies man; don't think that will work with me."  Or how about "You're pretty smooth.  Are you that smooth in the bedroom?"  And of course there are hundreds of other examples of comments people make to one another--words and ideas--that have no place at work, and there is a big question in many instances as to whether they have any place ANYWHERE among civilized people.  And they don't all have flirtatious sexual components and undertones.  They might refer to height, size, weight, personal preferences.  They might include pejorative terms for your ethnicity.  There is a broad range of personal rude comments that people make in the workplace that are inappropriate, vulgar, unseemly, sexist, racist--you get the picture.  So the next time someone wants to unsettle you by making one of these comments, square your shoulders, look straight at them and say: . . . . (You know how Yahoo makes you click 10 times before you get to the heart of the matter?  Well this time you have to click just once.  So go ahead; click on the video! ___________________________________ If you want Dan to come into your organization to train or deliver a keynote address on effective communication tactics or an entire host of interpersonal relationship issues, go to danoconnortraining and shoot us an email. If you want to check out Dan's free resources or premium content, go to danoconnortraining and look around; you'll like what you see. Read the full article

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How to Quit Your Job | What to Say When You Quit Your Job | Communication Skills Training Videos

So it's time to quit your job

You're wondering--just how do you go about doing that?  What are the steps?  Is there a proper way to quit your job?  Or do you simply walk in and say "I QUIT!" Of course there is a proper way to leave your company, and it doesn't start with "I quit."  Dan will walk you through the process, and even provide links to a professional resignation letter, among other things.  He leaves no stones unturned.  Just to give you a few hints:  After telling your supervisor you're giving 2 weeks notice (which may or may not be accepted--sometimes you are just shown to the door) ask what you can do to help train your replacement.  Ask what things you should address that will make your transition out the door a smooth one FOR YOUR COMPANY.  In other words, ask how you can help, despite the fact that your departure is imminent. Whatever your reason for leaving--make certain that in your resignation meeting and letter you state only positive things.  There is always a way to state things to make it clear that you appreciate the opportunity you've been given, but greener pastures await you.  This meeting is NOT the place for complaining or pointing out how others could have done things better.  If you had complaints, they should have been voiced long ago.  This is not the time or place for anything negative. Make certain that everything you say in this meeting is designed to be repeated--just in case it is repeated--to anyone, including your next prospective employer.  We all know the limitations of what former employers are supposed to say if they get a call from a prospective employer.  However, JUST IN CASE--don't give anyone ammunition to use against you at your next interview.  Plant a label for yourself, e.g. "I want to bring the same energy to my next job that I've brought to this one."  Describe yourself as you want to be seen in your next position. Effective communication skills are necessary in all situations, whether we are dealing with coworkers, talking to the boss, doing our job or leaving our job.  They're necessary to success in interpersonal relationships and success in life.  Don't leave home without them!  If it's time to quit your job, do it with class, with finesse, and with professionalism.  When you sit in your interview for your next job, or when you walk in the door your first day at work on the new job, you'll be glad you exited the old one as the person you want to be, and as the person you want to be SEEN to be. _________________________________________ To check out Dan's free and premium resources, go to his website danoconnortraining.com   If you want to hire Dan as a keynote speaker or trainer for your organization, go to danoconnortraining.com __________________________________________             Read the full article

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Communication Secret Revealed: How to PIVOT away from unwanted questions

TODAY'S COMMUNICATION SECRET REVEALED:  THE 2-STEP DIVERSION TACTIC,

AKA THE SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS SHUFFLE

Communication Secret about to be revealed:  You're being asked unwanted or inappropriate questions--so what do you do? Communication Secret about to be revealed:  You want to appear to address the question, yet communicate your own agenda--so what do you do? Look no further than the daily press conferences held at The White House in the United States, and you will see the master of the 2-step diversion tactic.  This woman is SO MASTERFUL that I've renamed my own tactic (the 2-step diversion) The Sarah Huckabee Sanders Shuffle.  It's a great dance, and Sarah does it without skipping a beat. I am not political, and neither is this video, as you'll see if you watch it from stem to stern.  Sarah was not chosen because she belongs to one party or another.  Sarah was not chosen because she does or does not support Donald Trump.  Sarah was chosen because beyond all humans on planet earth, she illustrates how to appear to be answering a question while NOT answering it, but rather putting forth her own agenda for the day.  Kellyanne Conway was runner-up for this award, but ultimately, I gave the win to Sarah. And as for agendas, Dan reminds us in this video how important it is to have one of our own, because if we don't--someone will dictate our agenda to us. If you want to learn how to Step Out of the Shadows and Speak, this video is for you!  If you want to sharpen your effective communication skills, this video is for you!  If you want a good laugh while you learn, this video is for you! WARNING:This video is deadly serious, so please try not to laugh as you watch it.  IT DEALS WITH SERIOUS BUSINESS.  If you feel the need to laugh, please leave the room so as not to disturb others. ____________ If you would like Dan to come in to your organization as a keynote speaker or trainer, go to danoconnortraining.com and fill out the "I need a speaker/trainer" form.  August 2018 still has some openings as of this writing, but Dan's calendar fills quickly. Looking for more free or premium resources such as this video?  Check out the store at danoconnortraining.com and you'll be pleasantly surprised at the breadth of materials offered.  Dan's been busy since you last checked :) Read the full article

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BETRAYED By Those You Love--With Others You Love Most--What to Do? Here's What.

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How to Deal with Gossip About You | When Someone Tells You What Someone Else Says About You

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How to respond to insults from a position of strength: Mindful communication

 A Blog by Jean M. Schmith It's not about whether you like Oprah. It's not about whether you like Donald Trump. It's not about whom you would vote for. This blog is about words and responses. It's about mindful communication. It's about how to respond when someone insults you. The following is a direct cut/paste, minus pictures and links, from the HuffPost and I'm repeating it because Oprah states two principles to which Dan O'Connor subscribes, and which he teaches. 1.  Don't respond to ignorance if no one is listening.  Why bother? 2.  You can't cast out darkness with more darkness.  When people are disrespectful, that is about THEM.  How you respond is about YOU.   So, have a read and see what you think.

 Oprah Just Taught Everyone How To Respond To Trump’s Insult

Ed Mazza HuffPost, March 11, 2018 Oprah Just Taught Everyone How To Respond To Trump’s Insults Oprah Winfrey isn’t playing President Donald Trump’s insult game. In recent weeks, Trump has repeatedly attacked the actress and talk show maven. He called Winfrey “very insecure” in a tweet last month and over the weekend he promised to make a possible presidential run “painful” for her. “I would love to beat Oprah,” Trump said during a rally in Pennsylvania on Saturday night. “I know her weakness.” Not surprisingly, Winfrey took the high road on Sunday when CNN’s Van Jones asked what she would say in response to Trump’s comments. “I wouldn’t,” Winfrey replied. “I would only speak if I felt that I could be heard.” "I would only speak if I felt that I could be heard," @Oprah tells @VanJones68 after he asks her what she would say if she had 10 minutes with President Trump #VanJonesShow. Winfrey’s powerful speech at the Golden Globe Awards earlier this year drew both acclaim and calls for her to run for president against Trump in 2020.  However, she has since said she hasn’t heard from God on the issue. “(I)f God actually wanted me to run, wouldn’t God kind of tell me?” Winfrey said on “60 Minutes Overtime.” “And I haven’t heard that.” While not a candidate herself, Winfrey did offer some advice for whoever does run: “I will say to whoever is going to run for office, do not give your energy to the other side. Do not spend all your time talking about your opponents. Do not give your energy to that which you really don’t believe in. Do not spend an ounce of your time on that.” ___________________________________________________ Read the full article

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You can't place everything in God's hands--How about YOUR hands??

God's hands?  How about YOUR hands?

Do you ever think or say something like, "I'll just put it in God's hands"? Well, you can't always do that. Generally God, or the universe, or whatever you consider your higher power has put whatever it is you're talking about in your hands, and has told you to deal with it. Remember that every person you're dealing with is a perfect teacher who showed up to teach you the perfect lesson at the perfect time. There is no giving the lesson back to God--the lesson is yours, and was designed just for you. If you're struggling communicating or dealing with difficult people, instead of asking God to take it into his hands, what you should be asking is that God help you see the situation differently. It's in YOUR hands, and your hands are enough.  Check out Dan's podcast on this topic, as well as his communication podcasts, at danoconnortraining.com or email us at dan@danoconnortraining.com and we'll get you connected. ___________________ For help developing effective communication skills, strong interpersonal skills, self-confidence and coping skills, check out Dan's website.  There you'll find both free and premium resources to help you achieve your goals.  danoconnortraining.com Read the full article

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Broo-ham. Good times btw... Jen, I can't find you!? (at El BarCo Ajijic)

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INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY! One Woman's Journey Can Make a HUGE difference

A blog by Jean M. Schmith

On International Women's Day, we honor the women in our lives--

Those who work in the home, those who work outside the home, those who are activists, caregivers, teachers, soldiers, entrepreneurs, government works, business people, nurses, doctors--and the list is endless--grandmothers, mothers, sisters, partners, and friends.  All women everywhere around the world--those from our culture, those from different cultures--all the women who make the world a better, safer place in which to live.  Let's honor the strength, courage, steadfastness, and nurturing nature of the women we know and know of. Here is a brief look at just one woman who is working to change our world for the better.  I hope that every person on earth looks today, to the women in his or her life, and thanks and honors them in a special way.  Where would we be without them?  (Think about that one for awhile.)  

  Thursday, March 8th, 2018 is International Women’s Day. At The Enough Project, we focus on countries in East and Central Africa where women and girls are too often the victims of brutal and devastating violence. However, these women and girls are also at the forefront crucial initiatives pushing for peace, inclusion, and transparency in their respective countries. Last month, we had the honor of featuring Darfuri activist and poet Emi Mahmoud at the Lemkin Summit to End Genocide and Mass Atrocities. To mark this year’s International Women’s Day, we are continuing to highlight and amplify her work. Emtithal “Emi” Mahmoud is a Sudanese-American poet and author. Earlier this year, she embarked on a harrowing journey to walk across Sudan with the goal of inspiring peace, harmony, and connection in her increasingly fragmented country. Through this “One Girl Walk for Peace” Emi aimed to use poetry as a way to “approach collaboration in a way that evokes compassion and not discord; a way that inspires hope.” Read more about Emi’s journey and take action to support her work. Emi began her walk in January in El Fashir, Sudan and ended over 1,000 kilometers away in the capital of Khartoum in early February. Along the way, she collected “Dreams for Peace” from people around the world, including over 50 participants of the 2018 Lemkin Summit. While Emi’s walk has ended, her goal of generating dreams for peace continues. “In two weeks, we've completely challenged every conversation in Sudan. It is inspiring, terrifying, and absolutely necessary, and it all started through poetry. One voice can carry many, and I am counting on all of yours. So, please send us your #DreamsForPeace” #OneGirlWalk - Emi Mahmoud (@EmiThePoet) This International Women’s Day, demonstrate your support by sharing your own dream for peace on social media using the hashtag #DreamsforPeace. Click here to learn more. Sincerely, Marissa Sandgren Advocacy Manager Enough Project   Read the full article

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Forgiveness sets you free: Interpersonal Relationship Skills--Empowerment

Are you struggling with forgiveness?  Have you been SO HURT you cannot forgive?

Have you noticed the world is becoming more about winning and putting down and being first and being number one--and less about compassion, inclusion, love and FORGIVENESS?  The world seems to value "getting even" more than getting love.  We need to revisit forgiving and embracing time and time again to heal a broken world, to heal our own broken relationships, and to heal ourselves. Truths about forgiveness: Some people can forgive the most egregious atrocities committed against them. Some people cannot forgive even the most minor slight. It is meaningless to forgive the sinner but not the sin.  WHAT'S UP WITH THAT THINKING? You forgive the person, not the action. If you want to be one of those powerful, mighty souls who can forgive ANYTHING--please watch this video.  It will help you. You can transform the world around you.  You can perform and receive the miracle of healing.  And when you forgive, it is YOU who is miraculously healed. Oh, and by the way--do you want your children to forgive you for mistakes you've made?  Do you want your partner to forgive you for real or imagined slights and hurts?  Do you want your parents and friends to forgive you for things you've said and done?  Do you want your coworkers to forgive you for something you've done or failed to do--for mistakes and for hurts?  Then you might consider that the first step towards receiving the gift of forgiveness is giving the gift of forgiveness. ________________________ If you would like Dan to come in to your organization, to teach effective communication skills or to help you with your interpersonal challenges, please go to danoconnortraining.com and check out his courses.  And if you'd like help personally, you'll find many free and premium resources on that same site.  BTW, that's where you'll also find unadvertised specials on Dan's various training products--so go and have a look! Read the full article