conflictedintrovert

[conflictedintrovert]

In honor of the two conflicting holidays

[conflictedintrovert]

It's 1 am and nothing matters, the kids Kindle that keeps alerting for some reason every hour or so marks the passage of time as I waste my sleep on inanity. Late night I love yous and a tender partner that looks at me with such contentment as I dance pain and darkness across her skin.

Words of power, I love you. The push and the pull. I said them once not that long ago, and find that on reflection what I thought of as ludis was mania when I said it. Perhaps the wildness is what drew me in.

Her blend of a storge, philia, pragma, ludus and eros, the warmness I feel in her love makes me question if I've ever uttered the words to anyone else correctly. I'm but a nerd with a soft heart and a regularly hard dick and a tendency towards sadism, and I've found someone that loves the things I bring to the relationship. Who coaxes me ever deeper as I try to draw her out of the woods, to the edges where I feel safe.

Hearing her chant of yes over and over as my approaching orgasm emboldens me, fucking her until robbed of speech she curls spent and gasping our mutual lust leaking out of her. Perhaps only a few minutes of rest and a drink of water and then she pulls me to her eager to have me in her mouth again to taste us and start the climb again.

My darling cock sucking pet. I see your love like a bouy, a marker for navigation of the shoals and dangers of the scars of lovers past. To see the spots to turn and keep safe the craft we're sailing together. A firm hand on the rudder, knowing well that the heart I'm holding is fragile like a baby bird. Firm but gentle.

[conflictedintrovert]

Well then, looks like we're going to a gang bang.

It's a strange thing, this new lark I've been on with my partner(not my wife). It's really finally about letting the part of myself I've always held tightly under control just .. Be free.

I've known for a long time that promiscuity is arousing to me. Being around it was exhilarating, like made the rest of life feel dull by comparison. Working shifts at the swingers club and hearing people just uninhibited fucking was about as peak as I thought it could be.l, but I've taken my partner to an adult video store and had her be used in the booths twice now, and fucking her cum slick pussy while we waited for another guy to come to the booth.. fuck it's just unreal.

Well someone is putting on a gang bang at this place and wonder of wonders I'm in town and was already planning to spend that night with my partner. She's always wanted to be the center of attention like that but was sure she'd have to arrange it all herself. Well there's 172 RSVPs and I'm pretty damn sure we're going to find plenty of cock for my slut to please.

[conflictedintrovert]

Sometimes the totality of what it means to fully live out a choice taken comes to rest upon you. As you see it unfold before you a vision of what it means.

It came as silly as a realization of the unbending nature, the rigid specificity of the person that I have married. I've known her for 25 years this January, never once in that time has she been open to sleeping on the other side of the bed.

My other partner that I started dating just as the pandemic shut everything down around us and I have swapped sides of the bed no less than four times in these few years. Something about it just washed over me as I picked up my youngest son from school, after I had finished walking the dog on the same path that we almost often take. I came home to fold laundry and put dishes away and wait for my spouse to return from work so that I could call us all to the table to eat the meal that I have prepared.

Trent Reznor's l lyrics rang in my head.

I believe I can see the future as I repeat the same routine.

[conflictedintrovert]

tiktok is such an awful app, it's almost designed to feed you misinformation and expose you to insane discourse. unlike beloved tumblr, the app that feeds me misinformation and exposes me to insane discourse

[conflictedintrovert]

Checkmate

[conflictedintrovert]

Hello darkness, did you miss me?

I live a life that tickles many naughty cords inside me. One that affords me the pleasure of having such decadent experiences, but that is so bound in ways that wrench the happiness away.

My wife decided that she didn't want to swing or play with other people anymore. Which is beyond fair. She was undoubtedly groomed to be monogamous and it is a testament to her love for me that she tried, truly tried to explore it with me. I mulled that decision for a long time, and told her I didn't think I could be monogamous again. For months I read and read every book I could, listening to nonmonogamous podcasts reading blogs and so much more to find a way to tend to her heart and find a way to make room for mine.

Through it all, patience and trust, we talked with honesty and we found a way to make it work for us. It wasn't easy but it was exciting and I met a partner that met me stride for stride, another Aries and a heart that wanted to play. She's a delight, and fills some of that part of me that was missing. A slut in the very best of ways and a strong woman that likes to choose to yield to me. Over the last 3 years I've worked to find balance in a power exchange relationship, a marriage, and being a parent. These parts are good and they all take work, but it's been good.

It's the rest of the world that's a struggle.

About 1 year ago I had my confidence broken and I was outed as nonmonogamous to my mother. Someone who still thinks they can tell me what to do and how to live my life.

My best friend and man that shared the nonmonogamous adventure with my wife and I finally after 8 years is out of prison, but as a felon is struggling to find and keep jobs. As parts of his parole isn't allowed to meet my children, and can't come to my house. He's unsure when he'll be allowed to pursue relationships and as such when we do see each other it's at arms length. I hate that my friend and love that spent 8 years writing me smutty letters and now lives just 8 minutes away... Still feels so far away.

My other life long friend V in a marriage that went cold and cruel entered into an emotional affair, it turned into more. When her husband discovered it he invaded her private communications reading emails and chats and texts without her knowing. The conversations she and I had as a confidant while I was trying to figure out my nonmonogamous life were taken as evidence by him that she and I had an inappropriate relationship. I think that's the thing that finally broke me today to write. To appease him she agreed to go no contract with me, and now I didn't feel safe to even wish her happy birthday.

I didn't feel safe writing that sorrow on any other platform.

My life that feels so beautiful in so many ways is also contorted, my voice stilled for the safety or peace of one love or another. I'm not ashamed of my choices and I'm open to the people in my life that are safe, that matter. It's the rest of the world that I have to calculate each word with.

[conflictedintrovert]

CONTACT YOUR ELECTED OFFICIALS

CONTACT YOUR ELECTED OFFICIALS 

CONTACT YOUR ELECTED OFFICIALS 

CONTACT YOUR ELECTED OFFICIALS

[conflictedintrovert]

Optimist Test.

I’m still managing to be optimistic somehow.

[conflictedintrovert]

This may be what the cool kids call a cryptid post but I saw an advertisement that simply said

Hate budgeting

No punctuation and I thought it was the funniest idea. Budgeting your hatred, ya know so you don't run out at inopportune times.

[conflictedintrovert]

[conflictedintrovert]

Falling Apart by Emile Haynie what a condescending sexist pile of garbage.

[conflictedintrovert]

Lessons in Love

Plans and toys you bring me

Offerings of love without words

A care and thoughtfulness that touches my heart

As your beautiful hands caress my skin

Tasting of my skin, my bloom

As you prepare the canvas.

Teasing with the silken shaft,

Forcing my compliance

No touch, no taste my pet,

Until I say so.

Spread across the cross,

You give me love taps of leather

And wood,

Causing squirms and squeals

As sensation slides along my skin

And my nipples sing.

Your warm body slides against me

Trapped as you slide your hands along me

Your cock between my slit,

Reminding me of the love lessons to come.

And then the snap of leather,

The tap of torment,

As you drive my desire,

My devotion every deeper.

Falling to my knees,

I suckle and slide my lips

Around the staunch staff

As eyes meet and you slide

In and out, slapping gently.

I forget myself,

Until at last, I taste the

Sweet elixir of surrender

To you, my star.

Such a night of tender touches

And torment

Your body pressing into me,

Capturing me like a bird

In your teeth

Pinned by your force

Your eyes, your voice

Demanding, extracting

My enthusiastic engagement.

My mind free from the world

My body your canvas for play

And exploration.

In this night, in this moment,

You played my body

Acquiescent, yielding

To your control

And I drifted,

Awash in your scent and sense,

In your languorous and lavish deliberation.

Original writing © Kaeli Singer

@conflictedintrovert

[conflictedintrovert]

First 10 in Music

ot@profoundlyv​ challenged me to share my music. I don’t have any music, I just use spotify.  I’m shuffling my “liked” playlist, but it’s an odd reflection of my taste

RULES: We’re snooping on your playlist. Put your entire music library on shuffle and list the first ten songs; then choose ten victims.

1. Black Mambo - Glass Animals 2. Treasure - Company of Thieves 3. Counting Cards - Rainbow Kitten Surprise 4. Monoliths - Maserati 5. Bad Things - Raylan Baxter 6. Gun in My Hand - Dorothy 7. Somebody to Love - Jefferson Airplane 8. Flathead - The Fratellis 9. Familia (with Aneul Aa, Feat. Bantu) -Nicki Minaj (from the Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse soundrack) 10. I Guess I know you Fairly Well - Band Of Skulls

I’d like @tashabobasha, @kaelisinger, @justcallmefae, @mscurveball, @ablsk, @ataraxia-unbounded, @snickerdoodlesandsausages, @lmsiiyb, @slutmau5 and @notnumbersix,

[conflictedintrovert]

A visual representation of the US's new unemployment claims over the years, for better context of the past month.