confusedandsleepy

[confusedandsleepy]

I don't know what I want with him.

I want to slowly brace my hands up his chest, feeling the warmth of his heart beating against his skin, embracing my own hand.

I want to feel his skin shiver under my touch, the energetic pulse that awakens when I hold him.

I want him towering over me, his arched form entrapping my frame against a corner.

To see his teeth. To feel his breath against my own.

I want to empower him, to see him looking up with curiosity and playfulness. To ponder what either of our next moves shall be in this dance.

But most importantly.

I want to have a future with him.

And how I would give up my entire past, just to have a future with him.

[confusedandsleepy]

Learned about the term *pining*, yes yes pining. I pine all the time. Pining. To pine.

Pining hurts

[confusedandsleepy]

I love him so much and yet I know he could never love me the same.

[confusedandsleepy]

Making an alt account so no one knows how confused I am.

But I have a question. For those that "switch" or have someone else fronting or controlling or whatever word you want to use. Do you as the host remember it?

Because I do.

I may not be *there* but I can still see.

I don't relate to when people keep talking about amnesia or amnesia barriers because I just don't get it.

Or maybe I don't? How much are you supposed to remember.

I can remember going to a gas station, but it took me a moment to remember if I went in or out.

I remember going to the store and picking up like 4 things, but I don't remember really any conversations in the store or what I was feeling.

But you're not supposed to remember those details..right?