confusedrainbowbird

[confusedrainbowbird]

When Doctor Who said: Winning? Is that what you think its about? Im not trying to win. Im not doing this, becaise I want to beat someone. Or because I hate someone. Or because I want to blame someone. Its not because its fun, and God knows its not easy. Its not even because it works, because it hardly ever dows. I do what I do, because its right. Because it decent. And above all, its kind. Its just that.

When Everything Everywhere All at Once said “The only thing I do know is that we have to be kind. Please, be kind, especially when we don’t know what’s going on" 

When the Good Place said "Why choose to be good every day when there is no guaranteed reward now or in the afterlife… I argue that we choose to be good because of our bonds with other people and our innate desire to treat them with dignity. Simply put, we are not in this alone.” 

When Jean-Paul Sartre said ”‘Hell is other people’ is only one side of the coin. The other side, which no one seems to mention, is also 'Heaven is each other’. Hell is separateness, uncommunicability, self-centeredness, lust for power, for riches, for fame. Heaven on the other hand is very simple, and very hard: caring about your fellow beings.“

[confusedrainbowbird]

lord the peasants are so loud today

[confusedrainbowbird]

Yeah, the ADHD struggle to not burn out from taking on too much, then blaming yourself for failing, even so you dont even know why... In the last 2 years I was a couple times at the point of an burnout, and without my partner reminding me, that there is no shame in abandoning some things. Taking on less. That the world will still keep spinning, even if im not doing anything... probably kept me from crashing comepletely.

i feel like i was raised with the “you can do anything if you work hard enough” mindset but maybe to a bit of an unhealthy level, especially with my undiagnosed til college ADHD making a lot of baseline function a pretty bad struggle.

and so i’d kind of internalized it as that if i cant achieve something that i’m Bad and Lazy and that i Didnt Care About It Enough.

which obviously didnt go well in my crashing and burning and failing all my classes and dropping out era of college

and then i learned to accept the mentality of that there are many things that i’m bad at and that’s okay! i’m just one person with ADHD and failing at things sometimes is totally normal and my struggles don’t make me lazy and a bad person

and this was a huge boost to my mental health to free myself from that type of impossible expectation hanging over me. and adults in my life have definitely reacted negatively to this and thought that me saying that i’m bad at things is a sad mindset. but it’s not! it’s brought me a lot of happiness to be able to rebalance the scales of what success means to me.

i’m bad at things and it’s freeing to not feel like any struggle is a personal failing but just another part of life.

and this all came from the fallout of spending my whole life pushed along the path of “go to school, get into a good college, go to college, graduate, get a career in your field” and then crashing and burning and having a mental breakdown and dropping out and having to pick up the pieces of my identity from the rubble.

and the signs of my downfall are so obvious retroactively, like ever since elementary school struggling to keep any sort of organizational system to track my assignments and constantly forgetting homework. from middle school onwards always having many missing assignments that i’d frantically try to finish in the last couple days of the semester. i got diagnosed with ADHD after high school but didn’t attempt treatment til year like 2 or 3 of college, and then the medications i was put on werent any sort of miracle cure so i gave up after a month and continued to struggle to do college.

i was pushed to take a heavy course load so i could finish in a shorter amount of time. i wanted to dive deep into my major so i took a bunch of computer science classes and put off taking gen eds when i could. i started failing computer science classes. i was constantly missing assignments in everything as usual. i stopped being able to focus enough while at the computer to do any computer-based assignment, which would be a struggle in any major but an insurmountable obstacle for a programmer. in my last semester i was employed 10 hours a week at the start and quickly got past the point of where even without the job i would have struggled to pass all of my classes. so i quit the job and spent the next few months trying and failing to recover or even stay afloat on assignments. i couldn’t do my homework no matter how much i stared at the screen. one time i got drunk and did a homework assignment and figured that maybe that was repeatable so the next couple nights i tried drinking and doing homework and it didnt work and i was crying and trying to drink beer and trying to do an assignment and stared down what was clearly a dark depressed alcoholic path and finally knew i had to drop out like i had been wanting to do for years. i dropped out. my family spent years telling me that i need to go back but thankfully i havent, and now they only tell me that sometimes.

so yeah i’m often bad at things and that’s not a doomer mindset it’s actually a happy beautiful reclamation of my ability to try things and not feel bad if i fail. Because ive gone down a path of feeling like success is the only option, and it was a horrible one. and it didn’t even lead me to success but even if it worked it would be horrible.

[confusedrainbowbird]

part 6 of this comic

[confusedrainbowbird]

"Die Abfahrt findet heute außerplanmäßig von Gleis 1 statt".

Liebe Bahn, ich weiß nicht, wie ihr eure Zeitmaschine eingestellt habt, aber das letzte Mal, dass wir hier ein anderes Gleis als Gleis 1 hatten, war vor 30 Jahren.

[confusedrainbowbird]

i love when i see one account in my notifs a lot. like. hiiiiii! helloooooo! teehee

[confusedrainbowbird]

Alle jobs suchen immer nach "organisatorisches talent" und "eine strukturierte arbeitsweise" und "einer offene und kommunikative persönlichkeit" und "ein überzeugendes auftreten" und "teamfähigkeit" und "spaß an der arbeit" junge lass mich doch einfach. ich mach den scheiß fertig sei doch zufrieden damit.

[confusedrainbowbird]

[confusedrainbowbird]

Using EMF in eclipse is exactly like that. Well yes, we created a System, where you can define your Java Objects like you would in a UML Diagram. But the default representation is a fucking List, and showing it as UML seems to be horribly complicated - i assume. Cause it involves multiple steps, some other addons, and even then doesnt work. Or maybe im too dumb.

WARNING! CURSED KNOWLEDGE!

At least on PC, if you click on "activity" and then click on the icon of one of your posts having been reblogged, and then go down to the part where you can make a comment... you can press the paw print... and see the "reblog graph". You are going to spend, significant part of your limited time on this earth looking at that stupid thing. I am sorry. I must share the pain. And it makes me cry! Because imagine if I had graphs like that to represent calling hierarchies in programs But no! I have tools that draws a crude diagram in freaking ASCII. Look, its adorable. But please show me the info in a nice way! WHY DOES THIS EXIST FOR TUMBLR REBLOGS BUT NOT FOR PROFESSIONAL TOOLS! WHAT IS HAPPENING????

[confusedrainbowbird]

this is your gentle reminder to stop fighting against your adhd and instead structure your life around it

buy a pack of chapsticks and put one in the pocket of all of your coats and jackets because you always forget to bring one and chapped lips is sensory hell

leave important things where you can see them. if they go in a box or a drawer you will forget they exist

put any appointments or deadlines in your phone calendar As Soon As you get them. set a reminder for a week before, a day before, an hour before, as many as you need as often as you need them.

when that little voice in your head says "i dont need to write that down, ill remember it" that is the devil talking!!! write it down anyway!!

plan for down time. have a few hours at the end of every day to just do fun stuff like engage in your hyperfixations. even if you didnt get all of your work done that day, have the rest anyway. you probably spent the whole day beating yourself up for not doing what you Should be doing, so you still need the break.

if you never eat vegetables because its too much effort to chop and cook them, get the frozen or canned shit. it doesnt go off for ages and you just have to microwave it. theres no point buying fresh vegetables if they just keep going off and being left to rot in the bottom of your fridge

if you struggle to decide what to have for dinner every day, take the decision out of it. choose a set of meals and eat those on rotation until you get sick of them, then choose some new ones and do it again.

its not stupid if it works! our brains literally have a chemical deficiency. you are allowed to accommodate yourself. go forth and stop making your life more difficult than it has to be because "this shouldn't be this hard". it is hard, so make it easier.

[confusedrainbowbird]

hi C♯ how are you

*reacts sharply* "oh hi rust"

[confusedrainbowbird]

English: we call it sinusitis because it's Latin :)

German: we call it Nasennebenhöhlenentzündung because the Höhlen neben your Nase are entzündet.

[confusedrainbowbird]

People who talk about what population density is necessary to "justify" a rail system are wrong but they're wrong in the opposite way from how they think. Even in Japan which has more than twice the population density of China the rail system is not profitable. JR makes most of its profit by operating malls and collecting rent from vendors. If you blindly follow profit instead of considering the broader social benefits the result will always be putting your rail system into a death spiral of rationalization. Stop expecting public transport to turn a profit that's not what it exists for.

[confusedrainbowbird]

Gonna go slam my head against the cement do you guys want anything

[confusedrainbowbird]

Most ironic photos

[confusedrainbowbird]

Actually the portrait of Charles is red to represent enthusiasm, energy, determination, passion, strength, leadership, and love. It doesn't matter that it looks like he's walking through fountains of blood spilled by the British empire! Some of you people need to learn color theory

[confusedrainbowbird]

date idea: we watch broadchurch together and you let me tell you about every actor who was also on doctor who and you say things like "wow" "that's interesting" "you know so much you're very smart and handsome"