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cookbook-of-boba-fett · 4 years ago

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Mull It Over Wine

[Recipe at bottom]

Editor’s Note: We haven’t heard from Mr. Fett in a while. Apparently he’s been busy at work writing a book, or something. You’ll understand in the blog post why we’re a bit confused. We’ve transcribed the audio as best as possible, but most of this post qualifies under “butt dialing”. We apologize for any confusion, believe us, we’re in the same boat. We wonder if it will make more sense when we test this recipe for ourselves.

So, the publishers were saying they don’t like it. They don’t liiiiiike it. Well if there’s one thing I know about people, it’s that they don’t like me. No, Shand, this isn’t a diary, it’s a blog. I’m allowed to write what I want. Look, and people will listen to me. They don’t have to like me.

Anyway so instead of whining about it, I’m following the grand tradition of wining about it.

It’s fucking cold on Tatooine. Ironic, right? I’ve been so caught up in the heat of everything here, the coarseness, that I forgot what cold felt like. In the…

(E/N: Mr. Fett moved away from the recorder while speaking, but we’re pretty sure he was upset about something. He mentioned a “thrice-damned Han Solo” several times, and threw a mug at the wall. He then laughed for ten minutes straight.)

Don’t let your wine boil. Do not. You will lose the point of the wine. Shand bought me this stupid pot. Yes, it’s stupid. You press a button and it. It does pot things. Cooks! It cooks. So I tested it on a forgiving subject. Well, it’s forgiving when you cook with it, but not forgiving for the person you’ll be tomorrow. But I don’t care about that. It’s karking cold, and I want to drink out of something with a handle.

This WILL stain your white porcelain. Use a mug that’s already been abused and stained.

Like my face.

Or his face.

I’m the only one in the galaxy who can make that joke, and the only one who can laugh at it, and live to see the next morning.

Oh you want to add the brandy too, but make sure someone has ancestors to tell you when to stop. As a clone, I think my ancestral rights were stripped away like paint off beskar. No, Shand, I’m not being morose, I’m talking about brandy. So you want to listen to your ancestors, and then add some more, just to buck authority.

Spices? Right. I’ve been told none of you have the spices I have. Use the same mentality as the golden beskar cakes, whatever floats your grav-repulsors. If there are local flavors to use, use those. I’ve seen some marts sell whole bundles of spices for mulling in little bags, which is good. Wine should not be textured.

(E/N: Mr. Fett proceeded to sit in silence for 13 minutes, occasionally sipping, stirring, and sighing. We’re unsure if this is part of the process or not.)

I wish he was here.

-BF

Mull It Over Wine - best shared with company, and supervision.

Ingredients:

Two regular bottles (750mL each, or 1.5L total) of a sweeter red wine (E/N: When the editors tried this at our holiday party, we used two bottles of merlot)

Brandy or orange spotchka (E/N: Cointreau or orange liqueur)

Spices* to taste

Sugar, honey, or other sweetener to taste (stir before tasting, don’t be like Shand)

Garnishes* (fruit, zest, etc I don’t care)

*For traditional mulled wine, we recommend using whole cloves, star anise, and cinnamon sticks, with a 8:2:2:1 for cloves:anise:cinnamon:bottle of wine. YMMV on the taste you’re going for. Additionally, it’s traditional to add in slices of orange or blood orange as garnishes. If you don’t have whole spices, you can put them in an empty tea bag and let them steep in the wine as to not bring the beloathed texture. Barring all of that, we’ve also found the poor-man’s mulled wine can be red wine, a few bags of chai tea, and applied heat.

Instructions:

Combine.

Heat on medium-low. DO NOT BOIL FOR FUCK’S SAKE DO NOT BOIL.

Strain if you’re paranoid.

Serve in caf mugs.

Optional:

5. Enjoy.

#boba's recipes #drinks #mull it over wine #(OOC: the wine says Simp Sauce)

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cookbook-of-boba-fett · 4 years ago

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Hello readers! Slight update. We know it’s been awhile, but according to Mr. Fett, he’s been “stubbornly awaiting the arrival of these damned tubers” for several weeks, and has refused to share any recipes until his shipment of potatoes (????) comes in. Luckily, we got a notification that his “damned tubers” have arrived safely! From our eyes alone, they look to be similar to Japanese Sweet Potatoes, Ube, and Hawaiian Purple Yams, but we’ll have to wait for Mr. Fett to cut into them. Hopefully within the next several days, we will receive his next post. We greatly appreciate your patience and continued subscription to the Cookbook of Boba Fett. - The Editors

#from the editors #untitled potato recipe

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cookbook-of-boba-fett · 4 years ago

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Thank you for sharing your creation!!! Mr. Fett’s reply came in several parts, we think he was very excited about what he saw and kept hitting ‘send’. It��s possible he was “flipping shit” (his words) about the color of your plate, but it’s entirely possible that it could be something else. Your addition of the topping sugar is just the right kind of flair we love to see. - The Editors

I made Golden Beskar Cakes from @cookbook-of-boba-fett!

They are phenomenal. So delicious and so easy to make! I made them with plums from my tree and sprinkled turbinado sugar over the tops because plums are pretty sour. I’m going to make another batch the minute this one is gone 💕

#golden beskar cakes #reader creations #(ooc: still literally crying whenever someone uses the tag to share)

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cookbook-of-boba-fett · 4 years ago

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We have some photos of the process! They were sent out of order so we have no idea what’s happening in each. Enjoy!

Sneaky Spinach Skiffs

[Recipe at bottom]

I’m throwing a party.

I’ve been informed by my business partner that two invitees does not a party make, but I think she’s just being intentionally antagonistic. Funny, that’s usually my job. I think smaller parties are easier to cook for. You have less flavor negotiating to do. However, my guest is a somewhat picky eater, though he’s agreed to at least try whatever I make for him. I’ve seen how he eats. He doesn’t eat vegetables.

(Editor’s Note: We aren’t sure who Mr. Fett is talking about. He goes on this tirade against this man’s eating habits for three more paragraphs, but we’ve pared it down to the barest sentiment. If any of our readers know who this person is, the Editor team would appreciate your input.)

Keep reading

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cookbook-of-boba-fett · 4 years ago

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Sneaky Spinach Skiffs

[Recipe at bottom]

I’m throwing a party.

So I’ve decided to trick him into eating vegetables. Tatooine doesn’t have the best natural fauna or environment for growing vegetables, but the hydroponic gardens the old worm used to keep (E/N: Jabba the Hutt, the erstwhile king of the palace Mr. Fett is now in possession of.) seem to still be in working order. Luckily, if you add enough cheeses, you can hide a vegetable better than a wolf in the woods.

I’m being sneaky, if you couldn’t tell. I’m using this party as a way to trick this guest into eating vegetables. I’m sure if anyone reading has children or ornery spouses who refuse to eat their vegetables, this could help. I had these the first time while watching a limmie game on Fwillsving, and they know how to do finger-foods probably better than anywhere else in the galaxy. The paramounts of a good finger-food are good shape, so it doesn’t fit awkwardly in your hand, it’s got good crunch all over, and whatever toppings are piled in a huge dome that looks like... well, how the Svitalos stadium used to look.

I think these toasts are the best of both worlds: getting your greens in, and party food.

So let’s talk about bread. I make all my bread myself, once you start making your own bread, you won’t want to buy someone else’s. The learning curve is so low you might only notice if you trip on it purposefully. Proportionally, you want this to be about the same dimensions of your forearm. I’m assuming you’re a human, I apologize. If you’re the kind of person to have spectacularly wide forearms, look at someone normal’s forearms. If you can’t find forearm-sized bread, I have some tips at the end for bread management.

“Bread management.” How pretentious.

(E/N: We don’t think so.)

It’s important that you try to get everything around the same size. If you don’t, it’s not like someone’s going to show up and take away your oven, but you’ll have some uneven browning on your toasts, and you’ll end up calling more attention to the food, and your vegetable-averse guest might notice your plot. So keep it even, bake it evenly, flip the tray halfway through if you want. If you want four or five very toasted toasts, that’s your prerogative.

Brushing the melted butter on the toasts will, in addition to making them delicious, prevent the topping from waterlogging the toasts while they bake. Vegetables have a lot of water in them, so the steam while baking might make your toast soggy, and no one likes soggy toast. Additionally, too much moisture will fuck up your cheese (E/N: Prevent thorough mixing) so ensure your vegetables are well-drained before adding them to the mix.

For fuck’s sake, take your damn cream cheese out of the conservator (E/N: Refrigerator) at least an hour before. You need this to be room temperature or you’ll be fighting the cream cheese for thirty straight minutes because it won’t mix into the rest of the ingredients. (E/N: During our team’s testing for this recipe, we didn’t heed this warning, and had to tag-team the cream cheese in order to incorporate it thoroughly. Listen to Mr. Fett.) You really cannot overmix this, but you can absolutely undermix it, and we’re looking for a uniform mixture, here.

If you’re feeling daring, you can try to sneak in a few other vegetables like mushrooms or sweet peppers, but with this guest, I’m not pushing my luck.

Yet.

There aren’t really many things to say about this recipe besides toast, mix, top, and bake. These things are pretty filling, so I’d recommend sticking to three, if you have a dinner planned for later. If I cared enough to make food for a crowd, these would be gone in seconds. I think a crowd of three is just fine. It’s about quality, not quantity. That’s why I worked alone for so long.

(E/N: Mr. Fett loves to talk up his bounty hunting prowess, and like his rant about his mystery guest, he left many identifying details about his exploits intentionally vague, despite providing a bulleted list of his accomplishments he could name off the top of his head. Like the above, we’ve removed it for ease of reading. We’re glad he’s comfortable talking with us, though.)

Don’t try eating this without company. You can just turn the topping into a dip if you’re by yourself, and eat it with a spoon, but that’s a little sad. You can have a party with just two friends.

-BF

Editor’s Note: We received an audio file in conjunction with the post Mr. Fett included above, from an unknown sender who apparently knew how to contact us. We’ve transcribed it here for you, as we think it relates enough.

[TRANSCRIPTION BEGINS]

UNKNOWN PERSON: So Fennec just bailed?

BOBA FETT: I’m not sure why. She loves these.

UNK: She seemed to be in a hurry, though.

BF: She’s up to something, that’s for sure.

UNK: These are really good though, what’s in them?

BF: Is that a new flak vest?

UNK: Oh, I didn’t think you’d notice! I--

[TRANSCRIPTION ENDS]

Sneaky Spinach Skiffs - Makes about 18, but YMMV depending on bread.

Ingredients:

1 loaf crusty bread, sliced*

8oz cream cheese, ROOM TEMPERATURE

1/4c unsalted butter, melted

1/2c grated firm yellow cheese (E/N: Gruyere seems readily-available)

1/2c grated semi-hard peppered cheese (E/N: Pepper jack cheese is the closest we could get)

1c grated aged cheese (and more for topping) (E/N: It’s sad Mr. Fett hasn’t tried Parmesan cheese, but we added it here in his honor)

3 cloves garlic, finely minced

1/3c thinly-sliced green onion, just the whites and light greens

2c chopped, marinated, and drained chokeroot hearts** (E/N: Our team used artichoke hearts to great success)

10oz frozen chopped spinach, thawed and well-drained

A man’s pinch (E/N: Sigh.) each of salt, ground black pepper, grated nutmeg, and hot pepper of your choice (E/N: We chose cayenne)

Instructions:

Set cream cheese out at least a half-hour before starting.

Line a baking sheet with parchment paper or silicone mat, and preheat oven to 375 (E/N: Fahrenheit. 190C.)

Cut bread into even slices, no thinner than ½”. Brush with melted butter until all melted butter is gone. Bake in preheated oven for 30 minutes or until lightly golden brown, and let cool.

Mix everything else in a bowl thoroughly. Seriously, thoroughly.

Top each toast with mixture and spread evenly with spoon into uniform dome shapes. Before baking, top with more aged cheese.

Bake toasts until both sides are nicely browned, about 25 minutes. You’re not flipping them. You’re just checking to see if both sides are brown.

Serve warm, in good company.

*If your bread is too long and thin like a certain Marshall in Mos Pelgo, (E/N: Mr. Fett seems to be quite adept at what’s known as ‘vagueing’ in certain circles) cut at an angle for more surface area. If your bread is too wide, maintain suggested thickness, but cut slices in half.

**If your hearts were marinating in an acidic liquid, sweet. If they were jarred in salt water like most things, feel free to squeeze the juice of half a lemon into this recipe around step 3.

Editor’s note: While we don’t have the exact ingredients that Mr. Fett uses, we think that this recipe is most similar to what he’s making.

If you try making these, share your creations using the tag #CBOBFCreations so we can show Boba!

#sneaky spinach skiffs #snacks #boba's recipes

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cookbook-of-boba-fett · 4 years ago

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Thank you for sharing your creation!!! Mr. Fett was quite flattered you took the time to make his recipe. He swore a lot in his response, but it was all positive swearing. - The Editors

Guys. Make these. You can make gluten free option and these are low carb/Keto.

#golden beskar cakes #reader creations #(ooc: im literally crying in joy)

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cookbook-of-boba-fett · 4 years ago

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Golden Beskar Cakes

[Recipe at bottom]

They told me I have to “write a little something” about the food. That’s probably easier than writing about myself. I don’t know why food needs further explanation, it’s just food. We all gotta eat it. Some of it’s shit. Some of it’s poisoned. Learned that one the hard way. Have you ever starved? Flavor doesn’t matter then. You start to eat the same shit over and over, though, and without flavor, you’re back to that same hollow, starving feeling again. Animals, they don’t know where their next meal is. They couldn’t care less about spices or technique or flavor. Some sentients don’t give a fuck about that shit either. I once met a monk who ate nothing but thin, tasteless protein soup for three years, funniest guy I ever met. He said his flavor came from the soul, and that the universe kept him full.

Is this the kind of shit you want?

(Editor’s note: Yes.)

Anyway, I spent a few years like that. Starving but not really. Had to talk to myself just to make any sense of things. My business associate here on Tatooine (E/N: Presumably, the revenant mercenary, Fennec Shand) said I was entertaining while I cooked. My father always talked while he cooked, said it helped him relax and take time to slow down, see if he forgot anything in the recipe. I’m not gonna lie and tell you my earliest memory of him is sitting on his hip while he worked on a pot of food, because I wasn’t allowed in the kitchen until I could kill a man thirty different ways.

(E/N: We think he’s joking. We hope he’s joking.)

So I let her talk me into this nonsense. She claims to like my cooking, which isn’t a very high bar to pass. Then again, her guts are made of durasteel, and I think the experimental spotchka we found in the cellar burned out her tastebuds. My instincts about her haven’t failed yet.

Enough about her. Her ego’s big enough for us both.

The editors have told me that I shouldn’t start too big or too small for my first recipe, which makes no fucking sense. (E/N: It makes sense, Mr. Fett just keeps deleting the helpful suggestions we send him.) Someone else I know suggested I make whatever I’d make if I had company coming over for the first time. Normally, if someone was coming over unannounced and forced me into a position where I had to cook, I’d serve them a generous helping of plasma bolts (E/N: Murder. He means murder.) but I tried to picture this person coming over for the first time. They’re someone I kind of want to make a good impression on. Real honorable kind of person.

So I’m making golden beskar cakes.

Beskar is obviously not gold. But the cakes look like little ingots, and are probably one of the easier things to make if you want to impress someone for the first time. You have to get their expectations up high enough that you can coast on their good graces for awhile without doing anything actually impressive. I’ve been told this isn’t a good mentality for housewarming, but it’s my house, I’ll burn it down the way I want to.

Browning butter seems intimidating. I recommend, if you’re the anxious type, just trying to brown butter a few times before actually incorporating it into any recipes. But it’s your kitchen, your kitchen fire. It’s up to you what it smells like. Keeping the butter moving in the pan makes it easier to see the progress on the browning. This is one thing you can probably do while shooting the shit with this hypothetical person you want to impress, as it’ll make the kitchen smell like you’re doing something right, even if it’s just watching butter melt.

When you’re combining the egg whites and the sugar, don’t (E/N: Mr. Fett doesn’t want you to worry. The phrasing he used in his initial draft isn’t quite appropriate for public blog posts.) because we’re not making anything technically fancy. Just whisk until the sugar’s dissolved.

Remember: when you add the flours, make sure you tell your hypothetical guest how the nuts are local and sustainably farmed, because that’s what the editors want you to tell them. But this guest knows the galaxy, alright. He knows you shipped in the koja nuts, because next to nothing delicious grows on Tatooine. If you can get away with fooling them, by all means, dig your grave as you see fit.

Actually putting the batter into the molds can be fucking tricky, to put it lightly. This batter is drippy as (E/N: Really, really drippy.) If you’re using the fancy molds, you want to hide this process from your guest to prevent any embarrassment. Send them out of the room if you can. If it’s going in a regular flat dish, whatever. But your fruit is going to look weird. And I’m already strange-looking enough for the both of us.

At this point, this is the best time for the conversation to get awkward. Because you’re going to be doing a lot of knifework, and you want your guest to know you have a knife, and not to make the situation any more awkward than it was before you had the knife. Keep an eye on your knife while fruiting the cakes. You only really need a little bit of fruit, so feel free to offer the rest to your guest on the knife’s edge after.

It’s sexy.

(E/N: Please don’t serve fruit on knives. Use a fork.)

On the note of fruit: literally any fruit you have on hand works for this. I prefer peaches and berries. If there’s a fruit your guest likes a lot, use that. If you don’t know what kind of fruit they like, and start to panic, shoot them. It solves one problem while creating another, which is a specialty I’ve perfected over the years.

-BF

Golden Beskar Cakes

For 12 small cakes:

3 medium egg whites

½ cup white sugar

Man’s pinch of salt (E/N: We think 1) he means ⅛ teaspoon and 2) he just made that up)

Half-second pour of vanilla extract (E/N: ¼ tsp)

½ cup koja nut meal (E/N: Almond flour seems to be fine for this)

3 tablespoons flour

¾ stick unsalted butter*

12 small slices of fruit

*DO NOT USE BANTHA BUTTER. WE WANT GOLDEN CAKES NOT GREEN CAKES.

Brown butter in a pan, until it’s a golden-brown. Leave to cool for about ten minutes.

While butter cools, whisk egg whites and sugar until sugar is dissolved. Then, add salt, vanilla, and both flours, mix well.

Add cooled brown butter to mix.

Butter the dish you intend to bake in (rectangular molds are popular) and add batter evenly, to about 90% full.

Bake for 5 minutes at 400 degrees (E/N: It seems Tatooine uses Fahrenheit scale, so 204 Celsius) then top with fruit. Feel free to jam the fruit in a little bit, but not too far. The fruit is a garnish.

Continue baking until browned, about 10-12 minutes.

Serve with cold milk and good conversation.

Editor’s note: While we don’t have the exact ingredients that Mr. Fett uses (or a picture of any part of this process, sigh), we think that this recipe is most similar to what he’s making.

#golden beskar cakes #baking #boba's recipes

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