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CurtRod <3
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"you talk a lot about boy kissing for someone whos never been kissed" oh and for all those yearned of Atlantis theyd never see, shall you bestow your judgement on them too? Will you judge theyre fantasy of beautiful away from the on their on? Does yearning for something better, something beautiful suddenly make me and many before me criminal! Oh woe, woe is me! Woe is me!
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sorry and like not to keep complaining and continue being negative or anything but quite literally abt to wrap another pride month having done damn near nothing gay
#ive complained abt this time and time again but i just feel somewhat more hopeless while in such a big city#where i cant attract anyone im attracted to and the ones attracted to me are only like. lesbians and straight men like yeah thanks for that.#like maybe i do just need to let myself try it out w The Lesbians maybe i would feel more at home#idk what exactly im basing that off of tho genuinely?#i have ALWAYS felt more male-aligned#have talked frequently about how i feel more masculine in my attraction to men and generally gay/queer w women.#but in a weird way i feel that changing and i cant tell if thats some last ditch desperation making me cling to womanhood or femininity#since i know leaning into that is what can get me more attention. no one at my grown ass age wants a “tomboy” which is so childish#like i feel like a little girl refusing to wear skirts and pink half the time instead of just Me does that make sense#or at least thats how it feels like other people see me half the time#idk . im gonna go pee
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I have another afab enby friend that will nottttt stop referring to me as a femme (i.e. whenever talking about us two and other cis women) and while I understand the functional purpose of that (trying to address the unique expectations/gender based violence we experience due to being read as women) its so irritating bc I'm NOT femme? I don't regard my gender as such and like I hardly even dress fem honestly? at most maybe when I paint my nails + all my piercings (but it's not like I even wear v fem jewelry tbh) like both I and likely all my friends would seem to understand that I'm p masc presenting I just....don't pass.......but calling me femme??? just doesnt???? sit right w me???
#like what exactly makes me a femme besides the fact that u can clock that i have a pussy quickly#like idk it has never sat right w me and it seems like they have a hard time understanding that my gender is not the same as theirs??#a while back they like somewhat invalidated my gender when we were talking abt me being on tinder and how like.#a gay man wouldnt wanna be w me essentially#like???? yeak ok i appreciate the woman lite(tm) treatment from a fellow nonbinary person that feels great
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I’m a simple guy. I like prettyboys, men with tits, entities, and deep-voiced women. But more than that? I like Critters
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I used to post abt my identity soooo much when I was younger and whatnot but I don't anymore. the interesting part abt that to me is that my identity hasn't changed since I was....18? like at all?
I think what's changed really is that I'm just more comfortable in my identity now. I no longer seek out validation or make affirmations because like........my nonbinary, aro, bi identity is so intrinsic and undeniable to me now that my daily experiences are automatically painted by them.
#okayyy is my bi identity completely secure not rlly but a large part of that has to do w my absence of sexual experience#i THINK im attracted to everybody but thats up to debate until theory is put into practice#TO ME. im the type that likes to try things before i make the decision that i dont like them and my lack of prospects rn isnt helping so#if anything me being bi is the most irrelevant part of my life LMFAOOO
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maybe the real benefit was the friendship itself
what about all the sex we had along the way
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graduating college next week without a single hoe in my phone or sloppy makeout story
#the sickening feeling of admitting to a friend that I'm completely inexperienced#no i can't answer your fun cute sleepover-esque questions “what is your worst hookup story” “are you into this”#you know about as much as i do bud#can barely accept compliments anymore “noooo you're so hot” yeah ok 🙄 anyway#like yeah im not basing my intrinsic value on being desirable anymore but it also feels shitty when i have feelings#that I know wont be reciprocated#idk. anyway CONGRATS TO ME! USED TO DREAM OF TIMES LIKE THESE! EVERY DAY IM THANKFUL FOR WHERE I AM REGARDLESS#ONTO NEW CHAPTERS AND FEELINGS AND SIGHTS TO SEE
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that james baldwin quote where he says, “it took many years of vomiting up all the filth i’d been taught about myself, and half-believed, before i was able to walk on the earth as though i had a right to be here.”
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if I like a character with an unconfirmed sexuality they are getting hit with the bi beam
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having a pretty friend that's twice as attractive as you as a bisexual is notttt for the weak holy shit.
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pet peeve of mine whenever I talk about being bisexual online and people want to make it about them
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Girlies love their long range cutting implements
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google search how to stop feeling undesirable
#graaaaaaaaah#like have moved on from seeking validation from ppl i dont even want it from but its like#ok so how do i stop pessimism from blocking my blessings
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