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corruptoverlord-blog · 8 years ago

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I see the Moon in your eyes

Summary: “It was one thing to be in a fire, but being the cause of one was an entirely different ordeal. At least, that’s how Dan saw it.”

Warnings: graphic depictions of being in a fire, mentions of death, cursing

Word Count: 2,781

Being in a fire accident was one of the worst things anyone can experience, especially being on an elevated floor, where your only hopes of escape are either endless stairs, 15-feet high windows, or even death, which would considerably be the best choice. But that's all besides the unbearable smoke clouding your eyes and throat while the only thought going through your head is 'I'm going to die, I'm going to die, right here, right now, in a pile of ash.'

From all this, it's very difficult to grasp that a certain individual who has absolutely no sense of survival or a sense of anything, really, survived a very dangerous fire on the fourth floor of a building, and it'd be even harder to comprehend that that individual had to be the one and only, Dan Howell. It was perhaps his destiny to die a very foolish death, such as accidentally falling down a high amount of stairs or even just collapsing from how downhill his life was heading.

And indeed it was, for he had just been in a massive fight with his boyfriend, who was now probably his ex, a few days ago, and he was constantly being threatened to get fired at work for not meeting certain deadlines. And to top it all off, here was Dan, sitting in the back of a firetruck with a heavy blanket around his shoulders and an abandoned oxygen mask thrown next to him while the not-so-on-fire building stood in the distance.

It was one thing to be in a fire, but being the cause of one was an entirely different ordeal. At least, that's how Dan saw it.

The day had been all like others, unpleasant and absolutely tedious, for doing the same thing, stacking disorganized books and placing them back in their correct order alphabetically while listening to absolute silence beside the other workers shushing people who spoke a bit too loudly, was something that became very annoying and dull after a while.

There were times when Dan had to interrupt people for doing something they weren't supposed to be doing, such as eating a full-course meal while staining books with grease, something Dan found very, very aggravating, or talking on the phone obnoxiously while other people were trying to cram knowledge into their heads before finals, otherwise he'd get in trouble and even closer to getting fired.

But thankfully, it was barely a week after finals, and most of the rows were empty except for a few nerds who came to pick up some summer reading, so Dan didn't expect anything to come out of today, even if he was dreading going home and maybe meeting eyes with his (ex?) boyfriend he was in a fight with for almost a week now. And he didn't want to admit that he missed being with him, for he normally was always there to cheer Dan up with stupid jokes or random facts after a horrible day at work combined with the fact that Dan had to sleep in his old room that they now refer to as the 'guest room.' Not only did Dan miss the cuddles after dark and the giggly nights they'd spoon each other, but he also had a slight fear of the dark, leaving him embarrassed to leave the lights on in the bedroom.

He was doing the same thing he does every day, stand on the stool he used because of how he couldn't reach the top shelf even though every adult in the vicinity could do so and rearrange books in their correct order. Sometimes he read a few, mentally laughing as he read a bit of straight erotica then getting yelled at, making him drop the book and ruin everything. Then that was when Dan saw it out of the corner of his eye while stepping down from the stool.

There was a man calmly smoking a cigarette, and Dan sighed in annoyance and realized he was the one who had to tell the man to stop fucking smoking in the library beside the many signs that read, 'NO SMOKING.' Dan felt himself lose even more hope for humanity.

Dan didn't even prepare himself before strolling over to the rebellious man, who was now glaring at him angrily from eyeliner-covered eyes, holding the cigarette sassily.

"Hi," Dan smiled sarcastically, "I was wondering if you could stop smoking," he said simply, gesturing to the sign behind the man, who turned around and grumbled something under his breath before throwing it on the floor, stomping it out half-heartedly and walking away.

Dan glared at him as he walked down the stairs to the third floor, and Dan muttered something about people being rude under his breath as he looked down at the cigarette with a frown before moving to pick it up, but he heard a whispered voice calling him over. He noticed it was his friend who worked here, Louise, and she was sat at the main desk, pointing to the computer screen in front of her as she had a large grin and wide eyes.

"Dan! Dan, look!" she whispered quite loudly, gesturing Dan to come over, and so Dan did, marching away from the dropped cigarette and ending up at the desk, where Louise just had a video of a celebrity she and Dan talked about quite often. And, being Dan, he sat atop the desk and talked with Louise before heading back to where he was, completely forgetting about the cigarette on the floor.

It was a little over five minutes after the encounter when people began evacuating the building, and it was a little over five minutes after the encounter when Dan was completely oblivious to this considering he was shielded by everything by a large bookcase he was working at. He hummed along to a song, shoving a few books over and stacking them into the shelf before he saw it.

There was a lot of flames. That's all he could remember. The orange and yellow colors scattered across a curtain and were quickly spreading around the carpet, and suddenly Dan felt very hot from the flames and the immediate rush of panic that flooded his body. He stared, frozen, like he always did in a drastic situation, sadly, until he saw something that made him react.

The steel entrance door that stood all across the other end of the library, being at least thirty feet away from Dan, was being held open by one of the main workers that worked at the library, and he was escorting frantic people down the stairs before he quickly looked around to see if there were any other people, and, failing to spot Dan, followed the rest of the group and shut the door behind him. Dan felt a scream rising up to his throat as he saw flames begin to close in on the door.

His main thought was to give up and embrace that this was the way he'd die, in a building and being stupid enough to not notice there was a fire in the room he was in and being so insignificant that no one bothered to go back and save him. His vision got blurred by the sudden black smoke that immediately clouded his throat, and Dan inhaled it in a frantic manner, sending him into a coughing fit as he stumbled over desks to make his way towards the door, his only means of escaping.

Flames were spreading so quickly that Dan had to step on desks to maneuver his way across the room safely all while coughing through sweltering heat that made his skin slippery and shiny with sweat along with the black ash from the smoke surrounding him.

When he finally reached the door, he cried out as he pulled at the handle and realized it was locked, cursing everything in sight as he desperately began banging on the door, choking on sobs and choking on smoke. But with every distressed 'help!' that escaped his rotten throat, he knew no one would come and save him unless he gave a sign from outside the building,

He frantically looked around for another escape, spotting a window showing the large moon outside, and it gave Dan a form of encouragement before making his way back, quicker than before. Dan's breathing was very heavy by the time he was halfway there, and he felt his head begin to spin due to how much smoke he had inhaled. No matter how hard Dan tried to control his breathing to not inhale as much, he couldn't from how badly he was panicking. With blurry vision and overheated skin, Dan finally touched the ground as he stumbled his way over to the window, which was a few over five feet ahead.

It was Dan's such great luck that he had knocked over a large bookcase hard by complete accident, the one he was working at minutes before. He looked up at the window a final time with tears streaming down his face, the moon showing him a new emotion he'd never felt before in his life. It was indescribable to him; it felt like a massive weight of serenity even though he was absolutely sure that he would die in a matter of seconds.

And as the bookcase inevitably fell towards Dan, who embraced the sudden feeling, his eyes still being held open as he tumbled over, his body being crushed by the bookcase. The moon was shielded from his view, making Dan subconsciously reach out weakly towards the window with a shaking hand, displaying how badly he wanted that emotion once again, but he had been dragged away from it in a flash.

Dan longed for that feeling.

Fortunately, for no one in particular, Dan was eventually dragged out of that dreadful bookcase, barely breathing from the unhealthy amount of toxic smoke he'd inhaled a few minutes earlier. Ironically enough, the bookcase that had prevented Dan from escaping had actually helped him, for it emitted a loud crash and provoked Dan's wretched, final sob-scream, letting the people downstairs know there was still someone, hopefully alive, on the top floor.

So then here was Dan Howell, his being mentally and physically exhausted and letting himself cry from everything that had just happened. Thankfully enough, there weren't any reported deaths, only injuries, and Dan choked when he heard that from a local news reporter. It was his fault, after all.

He couldn't get the last few conscious seconds he had while on the fourth floor out of his mind when he looked at the glowing moon outside the window that gave him an unknown, indescribable feeling, and he didn't know why, but he wanted to feel it once again. It was like everything he had done didn't matter, for he finally found peace. Peace with himself and the world.

It still terrified him; the way he had given up right at that moment and fucking accepted his death like it was nothing. But it was amazing, and Dan wanted nothing more than to relive that moment and stay there for as long as he could. He knew he'd never, ever feel just that, though.

There was a sudden catch to this peculiar emotion, and it was one he knew very well. It was dissatisfaction. He knew that as he had quickly come to terms with his death throughout that short time, his life was incomplete like he hadn't lived it to the fullest or done something he should've.

"Excuse me," a polite and gentle voice spoke, startling Dan, who blinked up at the woman, knocking him out of his thoughts, "would you like to contact someone?" She waved a phone in one hand, and Dan nodded and took it in his shaking hands.

Dan then stopped and stared down at it for a while, wondering who to call. His first thought was obviously his (ex?) boyfriend, but he knew that he most likely wouldn't pick up. Then he thought about his family, who he spent days trying to avoid them, and he knew that if he called them, they'd never let this incident go. He'd be better off without them knowing.

He sighed deeply as he read the number he'd typed in before hesitantly pressing the call button and shakily raising it up to his face, having to use his other hand, which was shaking just as bad, to help him get a firmer grip on the device. Dan closed his eyes as the dull, repetitive noise emitted from the phone before feeling his lips twitch at the voice coming from the receiver.

"What did you do?" A slightly loud voice said, and Dan smiled weakly as he imagined him sassily putting his hands on his hips like he did when he was angry.

"Hi, Phil," Dan whispered, his head falling and staring down at his lap.

"Are those sirens?" he said suddenly, panicked, "what did you do, Daniel?" He said in a worried tone, and Dan smiled even wider at how he knew his (ex?) boyfriend would always use his full name when he was upset or mad at him, and frankly, that had been the case for almost a week now.

"Can you-" Dan began, forgetting he was weak from his voice, sending himself into a coughing fit before continuing in a small, raspy voice, "can you come? I'm-I'm at the library."

Phil quickly ended the call, and Dan didn't know whether Phil was coming to help and drive him home or if Phil was completely done with Dan and made him walk home by himself or get a ride from his friend, which was most commonly going to be the case. Their argument had been about Dan constantly getting himself into trouble, and of course, this had to be the circumstance Dan was currently in.

But Dan decided not to dwell on that too much and focus on recovery, coughing a few times and slowly grabbing the oxygen mask to take a few refreshing puffs of air before setting it beside him and shifting a bit before leaning against the side of the truck and closing his eyes. He'd worry about everything else when he woke up, unless he doesn't, which Dan kind of hoped for considering how bad of a situation he was in right now.

Dan was dreaming about the moon and how much of a calming factor it suddenly felt towards him in the few minutes he got an uncomfortable sleep before being woken up by gentle hands on his arms, the person in front of him softly but firmly repeating his name. He opened his eyes slowly, meeting the familiar ones he saw every day and smiled half-heartedly, his head being picked up by the softest pair of hands he'd ever felt.

"Holy shit, Dan," Phil whispered, eyeing the way Dan's skin was shiny and littered with flakes of black along with the few bruises he'd acquired while on the desperate search for escape, his thumbs running over his cheeks lightly, calming Dan down quickly.

"It's nice to see you, too," Dan mumbled weakly, his lips pulling upwards in a small smile as he gazed lovingly at Phil through squinted eyes, the thought that Phil was still pissed at him in his mind, but he couldn't bring himself to feel any hatred for Phil at the moment from how dazed and exhausted he was.

"God," Phil cried out suddenly after Dan spoke, his arms suddenly around Dan, who tensed at the touch but soon slumped into it, the smile staying on his worn down face as he realized this was the first physical contact Phil had given him in a long time, closing his eyes.

"I missed you," Dan whispered, barely audible, into Phil's neck, and he felt Phil let out a small laugh against his shoulder. Dan forgot how much love he actually felt for him, due to the lack of attention they'd given each other, but he felt so relieved that he was finally back in his loving boyfriend's arms, and knowing that they were both okay made that a million times better.

"I missed you, too," he heard a mumble across his shoulder, the arms around him tightening.

Dan gazed up at the glowing moon a final time, feeling a final tug in his heart for the emotion he wanted but ending up succumbing into the familiar feeling he had longed for, realizing it was all he needed. It was a different type of peace, anyone could tell, but he loved it either way.

And Dan felt satisfied.

#phan #phanficiton #amazingphil #danisnotonfire #phanfic #dan howell #phil lester #i see the moon in your eyes #mywriting #fanfiction

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