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when your OCs start getting on your nerves

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I curse Zeus with erectile dysfunction.

You are a human wizard who will only cast very specific (yet imaginative) curses. In your time you’ve had to curse a wolf-kin with dog allergies, a beholder with pinkeye, and, after a bad break up, an Amazonian with gynophobia. Now circumstances have you face an angry ancient deity.

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I’ll be taking this for personal reasons

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New Experiences

I woke up, once again somehow upside down. My purple tail just kind of dangling in the air. Or technically I was just floating around, but my head was closer to the floor than it should be. I managed to get myself up properly and looked out the window. Lights were illuminating the city. Usually, people were swimming around at this hour, but it was a special celebration going on in the castle, so I think everyone was slightly hungover. I swam out in the hallway, almost bumping into one of the guards. He just gave me a quick nod.

 “Can I PLEASE go explore the rivers?” I asked Nimue. She sat on the throne, drinking some sort of mixture. 

 “I´m old enough to go out on my own,” I proclaimed. 

 “Are you sure you´re gonna be ok?” Nimue asked. She seemed tired, and I knew I could use that to my advantage. 

 “Yes, mom. I´ll bring enough food, and stay away from danger,” I said. Nimue let out a sigh.

 “Ok, go ahead,” she said. I smiled and immediately swam to my room, grabbing a basket. There were several rivers, each leading to different areas of the land. I decided to swim towards the Delornan forest. The river was quite big and went straight forward for the most part. There was a crossing, and I went to the left. Fish, crabs, and some seaweed passed me on my journey, and I stopped to say hello.

  As the river got smaller, and shallower, I managed to get my legs out. I peeked out from the water and noticed a cave. There was a leaf on one of the rocks, and I picked it up. It was extremely green, and slightly crispy. 

 I stepped out of the water, and as I looked up, my eyes met a pair of brown eyes. 

 “Hello,” the person said. I jumped back, falling into the water. The stranger jumped after me, fishing me out of the water. He held me close, and I felt something between my legs. It was long, and kind of hard. 

 “Eh… Thank you.” I pulled back. His eyes were scanning my body. I looked down, wondering if something was wrong. My top was still on, so it couldn´t be that. Seaweed had wrapped itself around my waist, covering up my lady parts. I looked at the stranger. He had brown, messy hair, defined abs, long legs, muscles, and… something between his legs. It looked like a water sausage. 

 “You like what you see?” he asked. I was fixated on the “sausage” between his legs, not quite sure why it was there. As he stretched, the sausage moved. I put down the basket and cocked my head to the side.

 Without thinking much, I reached forward and grabbed the sausage, trying to yank it off him. Apparently he liked this, or not, results were inconclusive. He made a weird sound, which I had never heard before.

 “Sorry!” I exclaimed, slightly panicking. “I didn´t mean to hurt you, I swear!” I looked at him with absolute horror. He just let out a chuckle. 

 “You didn´t hurt me,” he said. I raised an eyebrow. “Feel free to do it again,” he said. I raised an eyebrow. He chuckled again, grabbing something to cover up with. It went to his knees and were made from leaves and branches. I blushed hard, embarrassed. 

 “My name is Zavian. Apologies for the nudity, I was planning on taking a swim.” He reached out his hand. I touched it, giving it a shake.

 “I´m Amadrya. And uhm… What was that thing between your legs?” I asked, genuinely wanting to know. 

 “It´s called a..” he looked at me for a while. “It´s called a penis,” he said. I nodded slowly. 

 “Anyway, where are you from?” I asked. 

 “I´m from the Delorian Forest, where are you from?” he asked in return.

 “Clarian Sea, I´m a mermaid,” I said. He nodded slowly. 

 “You hungry?” he asked. I raised an eyebrow. That was an odd question. 

 “Eh.. yeah, sure. What do you eat?” I asked. He smiled and grabbed my hand, dragging me out of the cave. 

 We sat down in a field of flowers, which were all purple. I picked up one and smelled it. Zavian popped out a pair of wings and flew up in the air. I looked at him in confusion. 

 “Incoming!” Zavian said, dropping something on the ground. I picked it up, examining the thing. It was red and looked really appetizing. More things fell, similar in color, but different in size and amount. I looked at it all, confused as to what it was. Zavian landed on the ground and sat down next to me. He took the thing out of my hand and sliced it with a knife he had attached to something on his side.

 “This is called an apple,” he said, handing me the slice. I smelled it, before taking a bite. The apple slice was sweet and juicy. I smiled a bit, looking at Zavian. He was taking big bites of the apple, juice running down his chin. 

 “What´s that?” I asked, pointing at the branch with a bunch of small balls on them. It looked like bladder tang, but less gathered. Zavian looked at me, popped one off and handed it to me. I gracefully took it, and bit it in half. This one was juicy as well. I ate the rest, wondering where all these interesting orbs came from. 

 “It´s called a grape,” he explained. I nodded and turned towards him. He smiled and gave me a small branch of it. I popped them off, putting one at a time in my mouth. They were delicious. 

 “You´re really nice,” I said and turned to Zavian, placing the empty grape branch next to me. He smiled and wiped his chin. 

 “You´re really nice, too. It´s nice to see a new face,” he winked. I blushed and looked away. He got up and sat down closer to me. I turned towards him. 

 “I should probably get back home.” I tried not sounding too disappointed. He nodded and jumped up before helping me up on my feet. I stumbled a bit, not used to walking. 

 “Let me walk you back to the cave,” he suggested. I nodded slowly and picked up my basket. It had gotten heavier. Zavian looked at me and smiled before starting to walk. I had to keep looking at the ground so that I wouldn´t stumble on twigs or roots. This was the third time I was using my legs for more than three minutes. How did people manage this? I was already motion-sick, and tired. Zavian must have noticed, because in one easy movement, he lifted me up from the ground and carried me the rest of the way. 

 “By the way, before I leave. Not ALL mermaids drown people,” I said as Zavian put me down. “And those who do, don´t live around here as far as I know,” I added. He nodded and smiled.

 “I didn´t think you were the drowning type,” he said. I blushed and looked at the water. 

 “I´ll see you again,” I said and slowly stepped into the water. The skirt disappeared as I submerged myself in the water. I put the basket on my back and swam towards the stream. Since I didn´t have to swim upstream, it was much easier and faster to travel. I was back rather fast, and just in time for dinner. 

  It took some time before I was able to return to the forest. One day Sereia came to my room. I stared at her for a while. Her hair was red, almost like the apple I had. She had a golden tail, and a pearly crown on her head. 

 “Nimue and I had a meeting with the king and queen of Delornan,” she started. I looked at her. She sat down on the bed and looked at me. “It´s about time you learn about your true identity. You are half mermaid, half forest nymph,” she said. I looked at her, a bit confused. “That´s why you have been invited to Delornan, to learn what it means to be a nymph,” she said. I nodded slowly.

 “Am I allowed to return?” I asked. She chuckled. 

 “Of course you are! We aren´t throwing you out, we are just making sure you get to figure out all about your other half,” she said, pushing my hair back a bit. I gave her a hug before getting ready to leave. 

 One of the guards helped me pack down some personal belongings, and I was followed towards an official meeting point. There was a guard, covered in leaves and holding something on a long stick. I waved goodbye to the mermaid guard and followed the nymph guard.

 The entrance to the palace was gorgeous. Above me were trees braided to form a tunnel. I touched some of the leaves and smiled. Sunlight broke through the leaves and illuminated the passageway. Towards the door was stone stairs. They felt hard against my feet, but not in a painful way.

  A guard took my suitcase and carried it to what was apparently my bedroom. I walked inside and stood in a big hall. Vines climbed up the walls, and beautiful flowers sprung out. Most of the palace was made from the forest, either with trees braided into a passageway, or gigantic trunks having been carved out. How this was possible was beyond me.

 “Welcome to our home,” someone said. I turned towards the voice and saw a tall man with almost white hair, light blue eyes, and a crown made from branches. “My name is Nyx, I am the king of this area,” he added, giving me a bow. I bowed back, mimicking his movement. 

 “I´m Amadrya,” I said and smiled shyly. “It is a pleasure to meet you, your majesty,” I said. Usually when greeting a royal we had our tails behind us, instead of straight down. Not knowing how to convert that to human legs, I decided to get down on my knees. Nyx walked over and got me up.

 “No need for that here,” he said. I got up on my feet, and then it hit me. He was extremely tall. Behind him, coming down the stairs, was a woman. She had full almost-white hair, green-blue eyes, a green leafy dress, with a matching head piece, and no shoes on. The dress looked more like a bathing suit (which I had witnessed a human wear) and had a cape.

 “Ah, my lovely wife. Amadrya, this is queen Nightshade. My love, this is our guest Amadrya,” he said, kissing her hand. I looked at her and bowed again. 

 “Welcome to our home. You are more than welcome to make it feel like your home too,” she said and walked over to me. I nodded and smiled. “How about we get you some more appropriate clothes? I´m sure our daughter Evette has something she doesn´t use.” Nightshade smiled and gently touched my hair. “Oddly dry considering you live in the ocean,” she commented.

 A guard took me to the guest room, and I looked through the closet trying to find something. There was a short dress with different shades of blue, made from a fabric I had never seen before. I put it on and investigated the mirror. My brown hair was curly and fell perfectly. I put on this thing called underwear and skipped down the stairs. 

  Outside in the Royal Garden sat a boy with curly hair and a crown made from leaves. He was wearing something to cover his bottom. I slowly walked down. The boy was playing on some pipes, and the sound was beautiful. I stopped, and just listened. 

 “Zaviaaaan!” A girl called out. I turned around, and Evette came running down. She ran past me, and towards the boy. I turned around and looked at him. Zavian, from the cave. Evette jumped into his arms immediately.

 “How about we take another round?” Evette asked. Zavian looked at me. I had no idea what was going on, and decided to leave.

 In the evening I sat outside, looking at the fireflies lighting up the sky. 

 “Mind if I join?” Zavian asked. I turned around and looked at him. 

 “I mean… there’s plenty of room,” I said, a bit sour. Zavian sat down next to me and turned towards me.

 “So.. You and Evette?” I asked. He looked at me.

 “We´re just having a bit of fun,” he said. I raised an eyebrow. 

 “Having a bit of fun?” I asked, generally having no idea what he meant by that.

 “Yeah. Let me show you,” he said and jumped up on his feet. I got up on my feet. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer. I looked at him. He leaned forward and placed his lips on mine. I knew that it was a kiss, but I had never experienced one before. I stood still, having no clue as to what to do. I would like it here, I think.

 The End

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May Love Find You

It all happened on a full moon in May; that evening, my entire life was about to change, I remember every little detail. It was pleasantly breezy, the waves were playing a peaceful song, every moment of my life for the past 3 years led up to this very moment. We were sitting at a fancy round table, in the middle of the beach, on this spontaneous date as I had to sweetly lie, I wanted to be so utterly convincing it was almost myself I was trying to convince as I suggested it the day before. Natalia, my wonderful girlfriend, we were enjoying a fancy meal, one I had cooked myself, one candle kindled light to our surroundings, to this little getaway, our little fancy meal. It could never kindle as much as the burning love I had for this woman. The candle lighting up half her face, the other lit up by moonlight, showcasing her delicate rosy cheeks, the smile she had as we reminisced, the contrast of lights was enchanting, I couldn't stop glaring at the serene being I was blessed with having next to me. The kindest, purest person I would ever meet in my life, the sky was filled with stars that night, yet in my vision, the only stars I'd see were her green-blue eyes, a shine so bright it would blind me, blind me with happiness, I didn't need a way out, for I was lost yet her words were the guiding chants of an angel. I do  my best to contain within me all the emotions, all the fear, my heart beat as it never had before, yet there she was in her entire glory. As we finish eating, I suggest we get up and go watch the waves as they perform, perform in this  play of movements together with the shore, so seemingly random and erratic yet always calculated, neverending as it keeps on going with the passing of time. We watch this wonder in complete silence, a few minutes pass. It must have felt like an eternity, for I could not escape the mesmerizing feeling I had. Finally I come to my senses, I turn to Natalia, get her attention, as I slowly reach for my pocket, I somewhat awkwardly dig my hand into my pocket, as I reach for a small box, it's so simplistic it was impeccable, a little glitter on the top. I start getting down on my knees... time stops, I look at the still moonlit side of Natalia's face, I can see her eyes shining brighter than even the darkness of the evening. I utter the words I've been wanting to say with every inch of my body for the last few months : "We've had such a magical journey so far, every day with you feels like an eternal fairy tale, will you continue this journey with me, our destiny bound together as one in spirit, always together in body... Natalia, will you marry me?"  The breeze was moving her wavy shining blonde hair ever so slightly, I could see the smile in her eyes, for I was lost in them, with a resounding yet gentle voice, I hear her say: 'Of course I will Mark, I will always be yours, we're together in this, now and forever'. I had opened the box, it was a silver ring with a large sparking diamond in the middle, I lay it on her finger, as I rise, I embrace her tightly, for what I wanted to be an eternity, we share a passionate kiss and the night became a haze, nothing else mattered, our hearts had started a duet that day, one that keeps on going to this very day, ever so strongly, ever so dearly as that fateful evening of May on the beach. And that is kids, how I proposed to your Nan Natalia.

Story was written by a friend of mine.

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Mmm amazing

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I do

Fuzzy socks in bed or naked feet in bed, which is preferred?

What maniac wears socks to bead

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On my BIRTHDAY

Hi Seán, any news about the charity yet and the pin design and stuff? Sorry to disturb LA with something that will probably be answered later!

When: July 27th

What: Environmental Defense Fund

Who: Me

Why: Not

Where: else are ya gonna go?

Here’s the pin design by @turquoisemagpie

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When her dick is bigger than yours

caption this

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Me like

“I’m just gonna shake shake shake shake shake.”

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*screams in author*

Looks like I can make hats and beanies now! So I am calling upon everything that is unholy for blessings. Tumblr, what words do you want on a hat or beanie?

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«You just pick up the phone, and answer.» A suited demon handed me a phone. I nodded and sat down. It rang, and i nervously picked it up. «H-Hello?» I said. «Hey. I was told to call this number. I live in Blackville, and i desperately need a makeover.» It was a girl. Maybe 16. «Oh hun.. i’ll be right over.»

As i arrived, i saw a girl with messy hair, freckles, braces, glasses. She was besutiful. Something within me felt.. i felt something. «So, how do i give you m..» i stopped her. «First we need to give you that makeover.» i said.

Hours later, she had straightened hair, i had plucked her eyebrows, and made her look beautiful. «I don’t want to take your soul, i’m a nice demon. Instead, give me the souls of assholes, once a month.» I said. The girl smiled.

«And that kids, is how i met your mother.»

Satan runs a service where the average mortal can call in and get connected to a local demon, who’ll be happy to give them whatever they desire— in exchange for their soul. Being a broke demon looking to make some cash, you’re looking to get hired. Describe your job interview/your first day on the job.

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Y e s

“I put the hot in psychotic.”

- Tate langdon, James Patrick March, Kai Anderson

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Bisexuality

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Positivity train

Hi. You are beautiful! You are loved! I hope you have a good day.

Let’s share this and add messges to it!!! Spread some love!

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Man wakes up in a slum with no memory of how he got there.

Keep reading

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I wish i could donate, good luck!!

Please help out a fellow LGBTQ+ folk

Hi all,

It’s Ann Elizabeth Resno. I hate doing things like this, but I’ve fallen on some hard times. I am homeless and I have spent a great amount of time debating whether to post this.

Since early December, I have been hopping from shelter to shelter. It has been hard not having a stable place to live. I’m currently waiting for a safe bed to open up so I can go there.

My bills are piling up, they cut my disability check down to $500 and I use that for food, medical supplies I need, and the little I have left goes to bills. It’s not nearly enough to keep my phone service going. Furthermore, I am unable to make the minimum payment on my credit card.

So, I need your help. If there is any way you could donate even just $1 each, I can get myself into a stable situation again. My email for my paypal is annresno@outlook.com or paypal.me/annresno

If you cannot donate, reblogs are great