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being a writer is constantly google the definitions of words you already know the meanings of because your brain's always paranoid and telling you maybe you've been using them wrong your entire life

I can excuse misusing words in my daily life but my mlm slow-burn enemies to lovers smut has to be perfect

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The Woman *Thomas Shelby x reader

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x reader

Summary: The woman is all he can think about, and he's sure she'll make him go mad one day.

Warnings: Smoking, Mild suggestive themes

Word count: ~1k

A/N: I really love the dynamics in this one, hope you enjoy it as well.

Comments and reblogs are appreciated as always.

----

It’s one of those beautiful autumn mornings; a cool breeze blows through the balcony door, causing the curtain to dance. It will start raining in a few minutes, considering the clouds that are making the sky blue disappear like there is a blanket pulled over it. 

She can feel his breath in the crook of her neck and the heat radiating off his body, making the cool breeze desirable. She slowly smiles and starts caressing his head, careful enough not to wake him up. She wants to hold onto this moment for dear life, but it feels like it’s slipping away through her fingers like sand.

He slowly shifts in her arms, breathing in her scent. She looks at him as he opens his eyes. He tiredly blinks and starts looking at the sky. After a moment, he looks up at her, but no word is exchanged between them. He sees the smile that creeps on her face. She looks like a dream, but he doesn’t dare say that out loud; he’s afraid she will disappear, and let the nightmares haunt him again. 

He closes his eyes for a second, he’s sure that when he opens them, she won’t be here anymore, but then again, he feels her touch on his own body. He opens his eyes and sees her looking at the sky. He knows it’s her favourite time of the year, and he knows that she loves overcast days like today. 

“I think it’ll start raining in a few minutes.” She says lowly, and he just hums in answer. Her voice sounds angelic, and he doesn’t want to forget the sound of it. Even after being married for three months and knowing her well and long enough, her whole presence remains a mystery to him. ‘What did I do to deserve her?’ It was a question he asked himself too often.

He nuzzles his head further into her neck and kisses her softly. He wants to fade in this moment. She holds his head right where it is and caresses his hair. He continues the trail of kisses up until her left cheek, her temples, and her right cheek. At this moment, he has managed to get on top of her. 

She puts her hands on the sides of his head, holding his face. She’s too impatient to wait, she needs him right now, so she does what has to be done and pulls him in for a fierce kiss. He loses his mind when she shows him how much she wants him. She smiles as he kisses her as hard as he can; she feels like the happiest person in the world, blessed to have Tommy all to herself. ‘What did I do to deserve him?’ It was a question she asked herself too often.

“You have no idea of the effect you have, do you?” He whispers against her ear, like a secret only she has to hear. 

“It’s making Thomas Shelby smile, so I must be doing well.” She looks directly into his eyes, her playful smile still on her face. This woman would make him go mad one day. 

He kisses her neck again, and she starts giggling. “You’ll be late, Polly’s expecting you today.” She adds in between her giggles, still holding his head in her hands. He doesn’t pay any attention, and he has started to leave marks on her neck now, making sure everyone notices them. He likes showing off way too much.

She pulls his head up, making him look at her. “Tommy. You’ll be late.” She says more seriously, but her smile betrays her. He nods as he kisses her cheek one last time and gets out of their bed. She looks at him as he washes his face and smiles. She gets out of bed and throws her silk robe around herself, going towards the balcony. The rain has started as she thought it would. She takes her hand out, feeling the cold raindrops on her skin. She closes her eyes and breathes in, smiling pleasantly. He is getting dressed, almost ready to leave. She watches him as he does so, and when he’s done, he steps onto the balcony, right in front of her.

“Aren’t you coming to the betting shop today?” He asks, confused.

She reaches into his coat, taking out his pack of cigarettes and lighter, takes a cigarette out, and places it between her lips.

“I’ll be there in a few. You’ll manage an hour without me.” She says, winking, with the cigarette between her smirking lips as she lights it up. She doesn’t smoke often, but it is a sight for his sore eyes when she does. After taking a puff of the cigarette, she takes the pack and the lighter and puts them back in his coat’s inner pocket, and her hands find their way to his shoulder right after.

“So only an hour? Don’t be late then.” He looks at her, but his eyebrows raise in surprise, and he smiles as she starts giggling.

“Or what? You’re going to fire me?” She answers back, still giggling.

“You’re impossible.” He says with his arms around her waist, a smile still on his face. He adores this woman like she’s a goddess, only for him to worship.

She pulls him in for another kiss, her cigarette in her other hand. He savours the moment like it’s their last kiss.

“I won’t be late.” She reassures him, and he nods while caressing her face. He finally steps back into their bedroom, taking a last glance at her before he leaves.

“I love you.” He says, his hand on the doorknob.

“I love you, too.” She watches as he leaves the room and closes the door behind him. 

She continues smoking the cigarette absentmindedly, smiling as she thinks about her husband, now that the only trace left of him in the room is the lingering scent of his cologne. 

[covertjas]

Patrick Melrose (2018).

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“The claim that every man kills the thing he loves seemed to him a wild guess compared with the near certainty of a man turning into the thing he hates.”

-Edward St. Aubyn  

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happy pride

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He's not angry, just... a little annoyed.

Fluff

-Do you have any idea how much that bottle cost?-Tommy’s voice was low, flat — the kind that carried more weight than a shout. He exhaled slowly, pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose, not in frustration, but calculation. It was the only gesture that betrayed how close he was to losing his patience.

She sat in his chair — his chair — half-draped in silk, legs carelessly crossed, one heel dangling, the other missing entirely. A glass of his best whiskey in one hand. Laughter on her lips. And not a trace of shame in her eyes.

He watched her for a moment longer, silent. Cold.

Not because he didn’t feel — but because that’s how he survived.

It wasn’t cute.

(It was. But he’d rather bite through his tongue than say it.)

She was drunk.

She was comfortable.

And worst of all — she knew exactly what she was doing.

-Come off it, Tommy.- She waved him off, her words slurred, mocking. -It’s just a drink. You’re acting like I pissed on your grave.Then, with a smirk-Want me to spit it back into the bottle?

She reached for her bag with clumsy fingers.

He was beside her in two steps. Caught her wrist before she could move any further — not rough, but not gentle either. His grip spoke for him.

-Enough.

The word hung in the air like a warning shot.

She laughed — softly, shamelessly — and leaned into him, forehead pressing into his chest like she belonged there.

The scent of whiskey, perfume, and her skin — warm, familiar — caught him off guard for a breath. Just a breath.

-You’re impossible- he said quietly. Not amused. Not angry.

Just... tired.

-You don’t listen. You don’t think. And you don’t stop.

He bent down, slipped an arm under her knees, the other around her back, and lifted her. Not with affection — with decision.

Because if he left her there, she’d drink until she passed out. And if he walked away, he’d come back angrier.

He carried her through the hall in silence. Her head rested against him, fingers curling lazily into his shirt.

-You drive me mad, Tommy- she muttered, the sharpness in her voice dulled by alcohol. -You’re like an old man pretending to be God.

He didn’t answer. Didn’t look at her.

Just adjusted his hold slightly, keeping her close.

-Drop me on the floor and I’ll haunt you,- she warned weakly.

-It’s tempting,-he muttered, almost to himself.

But he didn’t.

He laid her down on the bed, pulled the blanket over her without a word, brushed the hair from her face like he’d done it a hundred times before.

And then — just for a second — he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Quiet. Unnecessary. Sincere.

-…Are you really not angry I drank it all?- she asked, softer now. Her voice was no longer playful. Just small.

He paused. His expression unreadable. Then, finally, a breath of a smile — the kind no one ever saw. The kind that belonged only to her.

-No-he said, barely above a whisper.-I’ll buy another one.

[covertjas]

When Dostoevsky said, "Pain changes you, but it teaches. That is its mercy." but Kafka said, "Pain changes nothing. It just repeats itself until you forget who you were before it started."

[covertjas]

@runnning-outof-time I'm happy you enjoyed this, K! I've been reading your fics for quite a long time and have always enjoyed following them, so I'm happy I've been able to return the favour!

Here with you* Thomas Shelby x reader

Summary: A single word makes her snap and realise she's not where she should be, but would she be able to get to her destination before he leaves?

Warnings: Language?

Word count: 1.4k

A/N: Okay, so this is my first fic, and honestly I don't know what's going on either, but hope y'all enjoy it! I'm open to any requests, and I'll be incredibly happy to read your comments on this one. x.

____

“Who do you think you are? You’ve taken yourself too seriously. You’re just a plaything to me.” 

His words echoed in my head. Six months of a serious relationship, and I’m still a plaything to him. I feel my hand stinging, and I’m pretty sure it’s gone completely red after how hard I slapped him in the face. That was when I realised this isn’t where I should be standing right now. I’ve wasted 6 months, and valued a man who absolutely didn’t deserve it.

Tommy’s train would leave in 15 minutes. 

“He’s going to London in a few days. For business. You know how dangerous it can get sometimes; it might be the last time you can visit him.” Those were Polly’s words when I drinking tea with her last week. I was so shocked that I choked on my tea when I heard her say that. Polly saw right through everyone; therefore, she definitely knew that I was avoiding her nephew intentionally, pretending we were friends and nothing more. She knew that Tommy wouldn’t come and visit me himself. He knew that I was seeing someone, and considered that a loss. Thomas Shelby doesn’t lose anything, so he prefers to ignore what he has lost instead.

Above all that, even if I dealt with my stubbornness, I knew that I couldn’t act normal for too long if I saw him either.

After gaining my composure, I just looked at the surface of the tea in my hands, not knowing what to say. I couldn’t just go and visit him. What would I tell my bloody boyfriend? What would he think? 

Polly stood up, looking like she believed talking to the wall would be more effective than talking to me. “You and your arrogance,” she said, turning around to fill the teapot.

‘Plaything’. The word made me laugh. In fact, it made me so incredibly mad that I had to laugh so I wouldn’t explode. After hearing him say that, I realised I’m just wasting my time with him, so I ran upstairs, grabbed my coat, and made sure to slam the door on my way out to leave a last impact on him. Now I just have to get to Tommy before he leaves for London. Nothing else matters.

I’ve waited for too long. I’ve been an idiot thinking this would ruin our lifelong friendship. It’s worth trying, if only I can catch him on time.

It’s pouring, leaving the city deserted. I desperately run through the empty streets, not caring if I get so wet that I’ll catch a cold. It’ll be worth it. A car passes by, splashing water all over me. Amazing, I think to myself, but I continue to run as fast as I can.

Polly was right. Like always, my arrogance got the better of me, and I didn’t do what she told me to do. Amazing how she’s always right about these matters. I was too blind to realise I should listen to her, but it might not be too late yet.

Suddenly, a car pulls over. It’s my neighbour, Kathy.

“Hey! Do you want a lift? You’ll catch a cold if you keep running in this weather!”

“Oh god, Kathy! You’re an angel.” I quickly get in the car, and a new sense of hope blossoms in me. Maybe I can get to him before he leaves. 

“Where are you headed to in such a hurry?” 

“To the station. I have to talk to someone before they leave the town.” I say, trying to catch my breath. I think about just how ridiculous I should be looking right now.

“And is that ‘someone’ Thomas Shelby by any chance?” She replies with a smirk, riding faster after hearing what I said.

“Might be.” Suddenly, my hands are the most interesting thing to look at. I’m sure my pinks are flushed red by now, and I can’t stop the subtle smile that slowly appears on my face. 

“You’re joking, right? I wasn’t serious with that.” She stops the car for a second, looking at me dead serious. I have never seen her this amazed before.

“Come on, Kathy! I don’t have time for this. Just please get me there, will you?” I plead desperately.

“Bloody hell, Y/N.” She laughs, her eyes still wide as she starts driving again.

Time stretches out like never before. I have five minutes, but every second feels like an hour. Polly’s words repeat in my head. I’ve been too stubborn to confess, but I miss Tommy. It might be something about the rain pouring down that makes me say this, the pure rain falling down and washing away all the obscenity, also making me face the truth and let go of all the lies I tell myself. 

“There you go,” Kathy says, and the car stops. I realise we have arrived at the station, I’ve been too lost in my thoughts to realise it sooner. I get out of the car as quickly as I can.

“I owe you one,” I shout, my head turned towards Kathy as I run towards the people waiting at the station. She just smiles reassuringly.

I line up a set of apologies as I get through people looking for Tommy. I can hear the train whistle as it nears the station, but I’ve still got time. He has to be somewhere around here. 

“Oh shit- I’m so sorry.” I apologise as I bump into a man and he drops his bag on the ground. I give his bag to him, and he gives me a nasty look in return, unfortunately, I don’t have the time to answer him back with a nastier look. 

The train arrives and stops at the station, and I feel it stealing the little hope that remains within me. 

Just as I want to accept my defeat, I turn around and see Tommy standing right in front of one of the carriages. I’ve finally found the needle in a haystack.

“Tommy!” I cry out from the bottom of my heart, and he turns around. I immediately run towards him, as fast as I can. I bump into his chest as I reach him, and he catches me, surprised.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” He says with his arms around me. He takes a quick look at the train, not wanting to miss it.

“I know I should’ve come sooner and told you all of this, just as Polly told me to, but something happened today that made me realise that I was seeing the wrong guy-” I try to explain while catching my breath, but stop when I see that stupid smirk on his face.

“What the hell are you laughing at? You know how much I ran to arrive-”

“Take a breath.” He says, smiling at me, suddenly leaning closer and closing the gap between us. I freeze for a second, surprised by the sudden action. But after a second, my hands involuntarily move to the sides of his face, deepening the kiss I’ve waited too long for. His lips taste like a mixture of cigarettes and pure longing. He kisses me like I’m a myth that would disappear if he pulled away, genuinely desperate to stretch the moment as long as he can.

I pull back, my lungs burning. I can’t get myself to form proper sentences, and just look at him, smiling with a flushed face. I hear someone clapping, and I turn around to see someone inside one of the carriages starting to applaud, looking deliriously happy. There’s a mother whose hand is over her child’s eyes, looking surprised, with a hint of shame on her face. The door to the carriage closes, and the train leaves.

“You lost your train,” I say, my hands now on his shoulders.

“Instead, I’m here with you,” He tilts his head, concluding .“Did that idiot do something?”

“He said some things he shouldn’t have, but I don’t want to think about him right now.”

He nods, not saying anything further about him.

“Let’s go home, you’re soaked. You’ll catch a cold.” He says, taking his coat off and putting it around my shoulders.

“Mhm. Let’s go.” I say, resting my head on his shoulder as we start walking out of the station.

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Here with you *Thomas Shelby x reader

Summary: A single word makes her snap and realise she's not where she should be, but would she be able to get to her destination before he leaves?

Warnings: Language?

Word count: 1.4k

A/N: Okay, so this is my first fic, and honestly I don't know what's going on either, but hope y'all enjoy it! I'm open to any requests, and I'll be incredibly happy to read your comments on this one. x.

____

“Who do you think you are? You’ve taken yourself too seriously. You’re just a plaything to me.” 

His words echoed in my head. Six months of a serious relationship, and I’m still a plaything to him. I feel my hand stinging, and I’m pretty sure it’s gone completely red after how hard I slapped him in the face. That was when I realised this isn’t where I should be standing right now. I’ve wasted 6 months, and valued a man who absolutely didn’t deserve it.

Tommy’s train would leave in 15 minutes. 

“He’s going to London in a few days. For business. You know how dangerous it can get sometimes; it might be the last time you can visit him.” Those were Polly’s words when I drinking tea with her last week. I was so shocked that I choked on my tea when I heard her say that. Polly saw right through everyone; therefore, she definitely knew that I was avoiding her nephew intentionally, pretending we were friends and nothing more. She knew that Tommy wouldn’t come and visit me himself. He knew that I was seeing someone, and considered that a loss. Thomas Shelby doesn’t lose anything, so he prefers to ignore what he has lost instead.

Above all that, even if I dealt with my stubbornness, I knew that I couldn’t act normal for too long if I saw him either.

After gaining my composure, I just looked at the surface of the tea in my hands, not knowing what to say. I couldn’t just go and visit him. What would I tell my bloody boyfriend? What would he think? 

Polly stood up, looking like she believed talking to the wall would be more effective than talking to me. “You and your arrogance,” she said, turning around to fill the teapot.

‘Plaything’. The word made me laugh. In fact, it made me so incredibly mad that I had to laugh so I wouldn’t explode. After hearing him say that, I realised I’m just wasting my time with him, so I ran upstairs, grabbed my coat, and made sure to slam the door on my way out to leave a last impact on him. Now I just have to get to Tommy before he leaves for London. Nothing else matters.

I’ve waited for too long. I’ve been an idiot thinking this would ruin our lifelong friendship. It’s worth trying, if only I can catch him on time.

It’s pouring, leaving the city deserted. I desperately run through the empty streets, not caring if I get so wet that I’ll catch a cold. It’ll be worth it. A car passes by, splashing water all over me. Amazing, I think to myself, but I continue to run as fast as I can.

Polly was right. Like always, my arrogance got the better of me, and I didn’t do what she told me to do. Amazing how she’s always right about these matters. I was too blind to realise I should listen to her, but it might not be too late yet.

Suddenly, a car pulls over. It’s my neighbour, Kathy.

“Hey! Do you want a lift? You’ll catch a cold if you keep running in this weather!”

“Oh god, Kathy! You’re an angel.” I quickly get in the car, and a new sense of hope blossoms in me. Maybe I can get to him before he leaves. 

“Where are you headed to in such a hurry?” 

“To the station. I have to talk to someone before they leave the town.” I say, trying to catch my breath. I think about just how ridiculous I should be looking right now.

“And is that ‘someone’ Thomas Shelby by any chance?” She replies with a smirk, riding faster after hearing what I said.

“Might be.” Suddenly, my hands are the most interesting thing to look at. I’m sure my pinks are flushed red by now, and I can’t stop the subtle smile that slowly appears on my face. 

“You’re joking, right? I wasn’t serious with that.” She stops the car for a second, looking at me dead serious. I have never seen her this amazed before.

“Come on, Kathy! I don’t have time for this. Just please get me there, will you?” I plead desperately.

“Bloody hell, Y/N.” She laughs, her eyes still wide as she starts driving again.

Time stretches out like never before. I have five minutes, but every second feels like an hour. Polly’s words repeat in my head. I’ve been too stubborn to confess, but I miss Tommy. It might be something about the rain pouring down that makes me say this, the pure rain falling down and washing away all the obscenity, also making me face the truth and let go of all the lies I tell myself. 

“There you go,” Kathy says, and the car stops. I realise we have arrived at the station, I’ve been too lost in my thoughts to realise it sooner. I get out of the car as quickly as I can.

“I owe you one,” I shout, my head turned towards Kathy as I run towards the people waiting at the station. She just smiles reassuringly.

I line up a set of apologies as I get through people looking for Tommy. I can hear the train whistle as it nears the station, but I’ve still got time. He has to be somewhere around here. 

“Oh shit- I’m so sorry.” I apologise as I bump into a man and he drops his bag on the ground. I give his bag to him, and he gives me a nasty look in return, unfortunately, I don’t have the time to answer him back with a nastier look. 

The train arrives and stops at the station, and I feel it stealing the little hope that remains within me. 

Just as I want to accept my defeat, I turn around and see Tommy standing right in front of one of the carriages. I’ve finally found the needle in a haystack.

“Tommy!” I cry out from the bottom of my heart, and he turns around. I immediately run towards him, as fast as I can. I bump into his chest as I reach him, and he catches me, surprised.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” He says with his arms around me. He takes a quick look at the train, not wanting to miss it.

“I know I should’ve come sooner and told you all of this, just as Polly told me to, but something happened today that made me realise that I was seeing the wrong guy-” I try to explain while catching my breath, but stop when I see that stupid smirk on his face.

“What the hell are you laughing at? You know how much I ran to arrive-”

“Take a breath.” He says, smiling at me, suddenly leaning closer and closing the gap between us. I freeze for a second, surprised by the sudden action. But after a second, my hands involuntarily move to the sides of his face, deepening the kiss I’ve waited too long for. His lips taste like a mixture of cigarettes and pure longing. He kisses me like I’m a myth that would disappear if he pulled away, genuinely desperate to stretch the moment as long as he can.

I pull back, my lungs burning. I can’t get myself to form proper sentences, and just look at him, smiling with a flushed face. I hear someone clapping, and I turn around to see someone inside one of the carriages starting to applaud, looking deliriously happy. There’s a mother whose hand is over her child’s eyes, looking surprised, with a hint of shame on her face. The door to the carriage closes, and the train leaves.

“You lost your train,” I say, my hands now on his shoulders.

“Instead, I’m here with you,” He tilts his head, concluding .“Did that idiot do something?”

“He said some things he shouldn’t have, but I don’t want to think about him right now.”

He nods, not saying anything further about him.

“Let’s go home, you’re soaked. You’ll catch a cold.” He says, taking his coat off and putting it around my shoulders.

“Mhm. Let’s go.” I say, resting my head on his shoulder as we start walking out of the station.

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It’s crazy how low self-worth fucks with peoples lives

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Feels like too many people have forgotten that everyone on earth also has feelings and interior lives and experiences and are themselves entire universes that exist beyond the current and fleeting moment…

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a dilf saying “sweetheart.” 73 dead. 246 injured.

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